Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Should She?

Lily May asked at Yahoo Answers

Incest with my brother, is it wrong?
Recently i'd been feeling quite attracted to my brother, and it was scaring me. Anyway, I told him about my feelings and he'd been feeling the same thing!! Should we get together or not?

Anyone who asks a question like this is going to get nasty, ignorant, prejudiced responses from bigots who hide behind their screens.

But there are people who have questions, and they deserve answers.

The answer to this question depends on information that isn’t revealed. I would argue, of course, that having sex or experimenting, exploring, or playing with a sibling is not wrong in and of itself; the same as any other consensual sex. If anything, all other things being equal, it can be better because of the love, caring, and trust that already exists between siblings.

If you are both of the age of consent, then what you do in private with each other should be up to the two of you. There should be full consent, which ideally means no force or coercion of any kind (including blackmail), disclosure of any communicable diseases, and mutual understanding regarding what will be done to prevent or handle pregnancy. There should be no violation of existing vows to others. You should also be aware of and in agreement about how to deal with any laws or other institutionalized bigotry against acting on your feelings. For example, do you have to keep your relationship a secret from most other people people it would be illegal where you are, and you don't want to challenge the law?

Again, as with any other possible sexual experience, consider the possible fallout as far as negative emotions should the sexual dimension of your relationship end, or should other people come to know about it.

If one or both of you are dependents who are under the age of consent, there are some important additional considerations. The age difference should be very small. For example, if you live where the age of consent is 18, and one of you is 17, then the other person shouldn’t be more than a few years older. If one of you is 15 or 16, then the other should be only a year or two older. There is also the consideration of respecting your parents or guardian about having sex in their home. In a perfect world, your parents would support you, but the world isn’t perfect and there’s a good chance your parents would be upset and respond irrationally. Parents often have a hard time with the sexuality of their children, even when those children are adults. But if a parent has bigotry towards same-sex attraction or consanguineous attraction (or any other prejudice that is related to their child’s choice in partners), it is that much more of a difficulty.

Should Lily May get physical with her brother? Since they are attracted to each other, I’d say…yes - don't let prejudice hold them back, if they are honest with each other, responsible, and prepared to have sex based on what I wrote above. Many siblings report having abiding, loving, romantic relationships with sex as one aspect, others say it was merely fun and games or casual sex or something they did with each other as a release while they were between relationships with others.

Overall, remember that the right to do something doesn’t mean it is always right to do that thing in every given moment or circumstance. People should not have sex when they aren't ready or willing to have sex; they should not be prevented when they are ready and want to, regardless of the bigotry of others. It should also go without saying that this example was about people with a mutual attraction, and presumably of the age of consent or very close in age. Nobody, adult or minor, should force themselves on anyone else, sibling or otherwise, or attempt to entice someone under tne age of consent who is significantly younger. Such people should be imprisoned.
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