Saturday, September 18, 2010

Bigotry Against Sibling Affection

Here’s a really good example of the kind of irrational bigotry that exists against people who report positive (mutually enjoyable/beneficial) or nondestructive sexual experiences with or between siblings. Dr. Dorree Lynn asked in a forum on a website for women over age 50 if such experiences can ever be positive, specifying…

Sure we have taboos and usually shame if we've ever been involved in an incest relationship as kids. But, can it ever have positive aspects? I've dealt with individuals who once past their shame, guilt, anger, hurt and all the rest, have decided that what happened saved their lives. These were children in families where the parents were gone, sometimes because they were workaholics, and the siblings needed warmth, affection and each other just to survive. I know these are stories of forbidden fruit. But, they are far more common than most people admit. Anyone else have a tale they wish to tell?

Some of the others users of the forum went to pieces, attacking the question, attacking the person asking it, and calling on the moderators to take action.

Dr. Dorree implored…

But, I do ask you to at least read my reasoning and try to understand the validity of my and many of my colleagues’ experiences working with those who have experienced incest. I am not promoting the experience. Rather, I am saying that with, time, self-exploration and some good therapeutic help, some individuals have come out the other side with the ability to hold forgiveness and love deeply in relationships. This takes effort and once again, I’ve never seen it happen overnight.

A couple of people did come to her defense, but the haters just regurgitated their attacks.

Once again, I'll say it: I don't like the question (as it was worded) and feel there is nothing positive to come out of incest.

This just doesn’t stand up to the experience of many people. There are many negative experiences, there but are positive ones, too. The same could be said for sex in general and relationships in general.

Perhaps Dr. Dorree should have used "consanguineous" or "sibling sexual bonding" and avoided the "i" word?

Not one of the responses I read gave any reason why it couldn’t be possible that any siblings have ever had a sexual experience with each other that was anything but disastrous. (Probably because such a statement would be easily disprovable.) The conclusion of the haters is the very assumption they start out with: It is wrong. It isn’t even developed enough to be a circular argument. It is a stand-alone expression of prejudice that goes nowhere and comes from nowhere.

This is the kind of prejudice that has been preventing not only full marriage equality, but it has also perpetuated unjust persecution and prosecution. Even if siblings who have loved or played in this way were never publicly attacked themselves, how do you think they feel when they read such vitriol? They are getting a message that something is wrong with them, and that they should never speak of that part of their life, as much as they have enjoyed it. Their relationship is called wrong, or a lie. What about teenagers who are in such a situation? What do you think that kind of hatred does to their feelings? Can you imagine a teen who has had the anguish of feeling isolated, or even thoughts of suicide, but finds comfort, love, understanding, and affection from a sibling, only to be told by bigots that one of the few things about their life that they like they shouldn’t have?

We need to let people know that this kind of bigotry is wrong; positive relationships are not wrong.
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