Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Another Advice Columnist Needs to Expand His Mind

Someone signing his letter “Disturbed” wrote in to Tom Holder of the Oxford Review:

About six months ago, my wife and I were having sex and she started whispering, "Oh Shawn." The problem is my name is Rick. The only Shawn I know of in her life is her brother. I'm pretty sure she didn't know I heard. I checked at her work to see if there is a Shawn there and I even casually asked her best friend if she knew of any other Shawns. It hasn't happened since. I'm 99.99% sure she's not having an affair. What do you do with that, advice guy?

If she’s not cheating, then the biggest problem here is that she breathed out another man’s name during sex (and they weren't in mutual role-play). And that was six months ago, and it hasn’t happened again. If this is the biggest problem in this guy’s marriage, then he is very well off. Does he want to rock that boat? Has he never, ever fantasized about another woman while having sex with his wife?

Now why did she whisper out that name? Well, she could have been fantasizing about a “Shawn” he doesn’t know about, male or female; maybe someone she has never met in person, like a celebrity. Perhaps, like many other people, she had childhood or adolescent experimentation with her brother, and she was remembering that. Or, maybe she desires her brother now.

I’m assuming, since he wrote in to an advice column and didn’t say otherwise, that he does not want a polyamorous relationship, especially not one involving her brother. She hasn’t asked for one. So currently, there isn’t an issue.

Tom Holder replied.

It's not my cup of cocoa but it's possible that an incest fantasy is just another example of the fact that, for a lot of people, taboo topics are erotic.

For a lot of people, the desire has nothing to do with it being considered taboo.

I would expect that an incest fantasy wouldn't usually have anything to with real life or real people.

Why not? How sheltered have you been?

However, it is possible that your wife and her brother had an inappropriate relationship at some point in their lives, and she dredged up a memory in a distracted moment.

Inappropriate? Time to open up that narrow mind a little. Consexual sex between a brother and sister is not inappropriate if neither one is violating a commitment to someone else.
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