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Friday, January 10, 2014

Hope

Bumping this up...

Earlier, I posted a roundup of comments recently left here on the blog. This one needed an entry all its own. It was a comment left after a recent entry I wrote on Successful GSA Relationships, responding to negativity from people at some GSA websites.
Sounds a lot like what I was told when I went looking for advice though I don't know if that was the particular place I got it or not. Essentially I was told to not to make any moves, just wait and eventually my feelings would go away as if it was just a phase. I was also pretty much told to be silent with regards to my condition. I actually complied, because it wasn't like I really had much of a choice. I mean, adults face 25 years [in prison] where I live, and while I am sure a minor would face less, I don't know how much. There was also the social stigma, to which I was already acquainted with from when I was even younger.

But let me tell you one thing, that advice was useless, and basically amounts to bottling up your feelings and throwing them under the bus. Their support was even worse, because after hearing them I felt even more alone than I had before. Everybody was out for themselves, all of their advice was basically to maintain the status quo of doing nothing, I was even told that it would be detrimental to tell anybody, which it could very well have been but many who might not want to go through with it would probably do a lot better if their family understood and was willing to help them. Such advice may have in fact isolated me and many others from help we need, either in regards to avoiding going through with it, or to actually go through with in as a minimally damaging way possible. Even worse, if somebody is looking for a way out then telling them there is no way out and you're basically f**ked regardless, and the only thing you can do is wait and pray your heart gives up on them, can you really call that advice? Can you really call that support? How is anybody suppose to get help when the helpers are just as condemning and demonizing as everybody else.

Either they hated themselves and it showed through their writing, or they were inexperienced in the area masquerading their trolling as advice. I felt that had they just told me that I was better off dead that it wouldn't have changed their antagonism much towards me (yes it felt as if they had something against me as a person rather than toward my question).

Around ten years later, and my feelings haven't "gone away" they weren't just a phaze, instead they have grown. My silence and and being alone in my struggle had a dramatic negative effect on my life. For several years I struggled with my depression. The past couple of years and especially the past few months I decided to discard my silence. Even if I stay anonymous, speaking out has helped me tremendously. I've found people that have supported me (though not personally due to anonymity), and I don't feel anywhere near as alone as before. By the same token, there have been people that have judged me (same as before, not personally due to anonymity), but I can see that their inexperience with the subject has clouded their judgment, their bigotry has lost most of it's power. Those that support tend to have had experience with consanguinamory, or knows somebody who has, and they learned that the arguments are inconsistent hogwash, while the bigots only have hearsay of cases where not all facts are known and bias is presented. Everything else is filled out with ignorance.

If anybody is reading this, know that whether you pursue a relationship with a relative, or you choose to avoid it: There are people that respect and support your choice. It's all about environment. I've been to both good and bad sites, and the good sites, I've stayed at, the bad ones I don't visit anymore or avoid as much as possible. This has taught me that there is more than one choice for environment, if you seek help and they tell you rubbish, there are other places that are far more helpful. You'll know a good environment is one you don't fear speaking in.
This is exactly why this blog is here: to let people know they are not alone, and to help them. There is a desperate need for counselors who have a supportive understanding of Genetic Sexual Attraction, and there will be even more need as the reality of today’s world mature into an increase in reunions and introductions. I am not a counselor by profession nor training. But I like to help others in whatever way I can, and I can do it by blogging and networking.

There is no good reason why the consanguinamous, whether brought together by GSA or not, should face discrimination for loving each other.
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