We Get Letters

I welcome comments on this blog, including from people who do not support equality, and you can comment anonymously. Since I need to approve the comments before they publish (this saves you having to jump through anti-spam hoops) you can even send me a comment as a private message as long as you specifically ask me not to publish the comment. Otherwise, it is fair game. I do publish comments from those who oppose equality, but they are almost always short bursts of hate without anything of substance.

You can also send me email at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com or on Facebook.

Below are some recent comments left here. I also get emails from people who are, understandabl, very cautious and don’t want to leave comments. It is sad that anyone would have to fear speaking up about the love they have. That’s what we’re working to change.

On with the comments.

This was left in response to my previous We Get Letters update, in reference to consanguinamorous people who feel forced to "settle" by marrying others.

I agree that it is unfair to their spouses. I see all of the time about how there are other girls out there, or as somebody once said "plenty of girls to F***", but it all becomes a sham if I'm only settling. Even I get lonely, and wish I had somebody else to focus on. But then I am reminded that at the end of the day, she wouldn't be my number one. I think "what if I was just somebody's replacement? What if she was just settling for me because the person she couldn't have the person she really loved?" And I know that it would hurt in most cases, maybe if we were both in the same situation, would it not really be unfair, but in most cases, I could never forgive myself if I strung a girl along as a replacement.

I see many people do this, and while I don't judge them, I think they risk it all falling down, like a castle made of cards.

People should not have to “settle” when the person(s) they love the most are available and are mutually interested. It isn’t fair to anyone, including the people who are often unwittingly marrying someone who really wanted to marry someone else instead.

This was a comment left after Discovering Consanguinamory in the Family Tree...

People always let society fog their judgment. You had a good answer, what matters is if their relationship was a good one, which from the sound of things, really was. I would also add that looking at the result of their bond, they would see that knowing it was consanguineous changed nothing, only their perception was changed. So they need to take a step back and look at things objectively, I feel they would see things more positively as they realize that the world didn't end, that they weren't' mutants or anything of the sort. They would then see the shackles of their brainwashing disappear and a burden would be removed.

Here’s what someone wrong in response to You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out, which discussed negativity...

I've heard that line used a couple times. I once saw somebody asked the question about what they would do in a situation where they had slept with somebody with no resulting children, and later found out she was a long lost sister or cousin. They're answer was that they would leap into a speeding car. I've seen similar answers as well. What I gleam from it is some sick feeling of duty or a need to redeem themselves. Looking at what most people believe when it comes to incest, there are mainly two most believable reasons they use beside the eww factor. 1. It breeds mutant babies (which is obviously a gross exaggeration, and disproven) which is not true especially for this situation where no child resulted and 2. It's abusive which is also not inherently true and especially in the situation described where no abuse occurred. If incest is wrong because those things occur (which, as said before, is disproven), then a situation where those thing definitely don't occur, at least isn't wrong. Sort of like the old saying no harm no foul. And yet these people take this very seriously and claim they would take their lives if they found out they were involved in incest even if no child resulted and there was no abuse, meaning that for that situation, incest is wrong because...incest. It's circular logic, and their reactions prove it. But more than that, I find that because they feel there isn't an excuse that they have to die to redeem themselves very disturbing. That people don't pipe in and tell them that even if incest was wrong (it's not), everybody makes mistakes and yet people just agree as if such a mistake made you less than human, and your duty truly was to die.

Another great comment came after Looking For Solidarity...

"There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as moral indignation, which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue."
— Erich Fromm

This is true of a lot of people. It saddens me to see people throw their fellows under the bus. I've been disheartened before, and tempted to retaliate. Until I learned I had to separate the cause from the people spreading it.Supporting people's right to marry others of whatever gender they choose is good. Unfortunately, for many of them I've met, I do not support their character. Then again, every group has it's bad apples, it's just a shame when the bad apples are the ones on display as they can poison people's impression of the group as a whole. This has hurt them, I've seen it. When others, especially those on the fence see people throwing their fellows under the bus, it hurts their cause. I mean "why support their rights in marriage, when they don't want to support others rights in marriage?"

Someone who has experienced GSA left a comment after the page Genetic Sexual Attraction...

There is nothing more beautiful than completely revealing yourself to your birth mother, both in inner feelings and the body. In a world where most people hide everything, I bare it ALL for my mom and she in turn does the same. I was adopted and then met her at the age of 22. I was never happy with anyone after I met her and it just so happened we were really meant to be with one another. Nobody knows though, and quite honestly it's none of their business anyway. We're spiritual partners, creative partners and love partners. And something else, we laugh together twenty-four hours a day and if that isn't true happiness or bliss, than what is ????

I would add that I've known and have seen quite a number of widowed mothers and or divorced women " shack up " with their sons and they are apparently happy as punch with their new habitats and conditions. I've analyzed this from every angle, even to the point of wondering if I'm Norman Bates and have " mother " living with me ! ( laughter ). But to be honest I've studied spirituality for years and one of the precepts is, " love the Divine Mother behind the earthly mother ". I may be biased in the sense that I have a daughter myself and wouldn't condone fathers and daughters in sexual relationships, but again, that may be a bias I have. I know adoptee females fall into this category sometimes. My mother's answer is simple, " I was in a relationship before with someone deceitful, but this one is going to be 100% honestly in everything, even down to standing in front of one another bare ". It actually doesn't surprise me, because we both are writers and come up with all kinds of scenarios all day long about all sorts of things, including our relationship. We do all kinds of things - role reversal where I'm female and she's male/female...it's nuts but I've never been in a relationship where I was this honest. We've had knock down arguments where we've ( metaphorically ) given one another black eyes, but we always work it out in the end.

In conclusion, I'm in my forties and she is in her sixties, so having children is not an issue here. In a nutshell, and it's been proven scientifically, there is only ONE consciousness that prevades and upholds the known universe, so who you think is your mother or father may just be a personal or subjective viewpoint.

There are people who are consanguinamorous who aren’t comfortable with the relationships of others they see as different. For example, siblings who aren’t comfortable with adults being with their genetic parents, or same-gender consanguinamorists who aren’t comfortable with seeing heterosexual lovers, etc. Everyone has their own biases and prejudices. The important thing is that they don’t try to impose them on others.

On the Discredited Arguments pages, this encouragement was left…

This is probably the best blog I've seen on consenting adults with GSA, it really makes me happy to read.

On that note, I'm in a consenting relationship with my father and its making us both very happy....its unfortunate that we have to hide it due to certain laws, but I really can't say that any other man has ever made me more happy or comfortable. Its easy for people to become confused or disgusted by this, as we see it incest is the ultimate taboo; I can only hope that people can get around the 'ew' factor and see it for what it really is.

People in love.
Keep on with the good work. :)

I will, especially with the encouragement and support of others. We are changing minds and making progress. We are helping people. I don’t accept financial contributions. What I do accept are content contributions and encouragement, and reports from those who have been helped. If you want to help, you can.

There was a long comment that I will be posting separately later, because it needs to be highlighted.