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Thursday, December 20, 2012

Yet Another Couple Denied the Freedom to Marry

By my count, this is the sixteenth committed relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to marry.

"Lil Butterfly" is a beautiful woman and a mother. She’s deeply in love with man in her life, but not only are they currently denied their right to marry, but they have to hide their love for each other or risk prosecution and having their children taken away.

Read this interview and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights should be denied.

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

Lil Butterfly: I am a young female with pre-teen children. Other than some close friends, I mostly keep to myself. I've spent a lifetime alone, so I tend to prefer my own company.

I was raised in a normal family, with plenty of guidance in accepting people even if I didn't agree with situations or choices. However, I would say I craved love. I have a lot of love and affection to give and spend a vast amount of my time helping others in need.

I found out about my situation early into my teens - that the man who had raised me was not my biological father, but someone else was - I shall call him Chris. Chris had many commitment issues and I had many half siblings, only two of which welcomed me. They were excommunicated from the family circle, so to speak, and had been neglected by our genetic father. I didn't trace my half siblings until I was into my 20s, not because I didn't want to, but due to the lack of resources and the spitefulness of my mother.

I currently live with my half brother and our children (his) & (mine). We’re together happily, like any other couple.




FME: Describe how you met your half-brother.

I tracked my HB via the Internet and contacted him. He had been looking for me all those years; he had remembered me. He had a different mother and my mother had left my father so we had been only around each other the minimal amount of time, to begin with anyway. HB is older than me by 6 years but we are on an even wavelength with the same interests and hobbies.


FME: What was that “first” meeting with your HB like? What kind of feelings were you experiencing?

Before him, I didn't know what was missing but I knew I didn't quite feel like I belonged with anybody or that I fit in with people. When he came into my life it was like the whole world had stopped and for once everything was perfect. I didn't need to question anything; he was exactly what my life had been missing. I was home, my heart was at ease and I finally knew what love was in its most amazing form.

The first meeting was quite funny, I'd been told stories about this person and created this illusion in my head of this rough and rugged full-of-anger person. But I stood shocked that day. This man was sweet and thoughtful - everything my illusion was not. He was perfect. However, there was no attraction at that moment. Just a perfect connection.


FME: How did the relationship with him progress?

We both, after about 11 months, were feeling something but neither had confirmed this with the other. It was an evening he had been around and I had already had vivid dreams of him and this yearning for him was so powerful. I had carried out research and found Genetic Sexual Attraction information and forums. This made me feel normal but I still didn't know how to tell him for fear of repercussions. I was playing around on You Tube one night whilst he was cleaning up and came across a song, “Love Him Out Loud.” I was just playing this and it was speaking to me. He could never possibly know, but he did at that moment - he knew I felt the same way he did. We talked about our feelings for 4 days before anything happened. But when it did - I'd never felt more alive. We both played our part and embarking on our relationship was a mutual decision.


FME: Can you describe your feelings during that time? Many people brought together through GSA say it is the best relationship and best sex they’ve ever experienced. Have you found, or did you find at the time, that to be true for you?

Oh it truly is the best. Your body, mind, and soul work in tune. This love - the connection is so intense but yet so beautiful. We feel as if we have been made only for each other. In honesty, neither of us have ever felt this kind of love. To describe it it's like the moment I looked down on my newborn son with such an overwhelming intense unconditional love. I've never felt so complete, so in love with another human or even had such restraint, such patience in disagreements. Instead, we have more understanding. Even now, down the line, it still feels like a new love, it hasn't dulled but grown. We are physically closer and emotionally closer and I can't imagine ever having this bond with any other human. He is the yang to my yin, my twin flame, my best friend. I never felt confused or deluded. It felt right and still does. My saying is "I don't have a problem it's every one else." We wouldn't work with anyone else; not the way we do together.

FME: Describe your relationship with your HB now. Do you see him more as a brother, your lover, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?

He is my brother first and my partner second. I can distinguish between the two. We live together and let others assume whatever they want to. We want to marry and be together properly but stupid ancient laws prevent us. Yet we are at our most happiest together.


FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature/history of your relationship and how did they find out? Are you able to act like a couple in public? What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?

No one is aware we are in a relationship. To everyone, we are brother and sister. If we are visiting somewhere new on holiday, perhaps we can be husband and wife then. I limit the information I give people, keeping them at arms length. If they ask questions, I just answer them in just a plain manner and then I guess I don't care what they think. They need proof and unless they are with us they won't have any. He actually gets asked more questions that I do and has to think more than I do to answer them.


FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Are there any other disadvantages?

The only disadvantages I find is other women not knowing he is mine, or not being able to shout it to the world how much he means to me. We should be able to share our happiness.


FME: You're an attractive woman. How do you deal with people who are interested in dating you, or with people who want to fix you up with someone, or ask you why you're not with someone?

I just tell them I don't want to be with anyone. I have my children and my career and don't need the complications of a relationship. If I need a man I'll call on my brother for those best friend moments.


FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that if a genetic half brother and half sister have this kind of relationship, it is only because the sister is being victimized by the brother (and that you can’t really consent)? There are some who have experienced GSA who discourage others from having any sexual involvement. Do you have anything to say about that?

I would love to tell them this: I have been a victim to men all my life in every cruel way. My HB may be a relative of sorts but he is the only man I could trust with my life. He would never do anything I didn't agree to or want. People can think this is disgusting or disturbed, but in reality when you have suffered as I have, you realise this isn't a heinous crime, and should never be punished as such. He didn't know me as a sister nor did I know him as a brother. He is a man that I fell in love with. For centuries, half siblings have been together but in recent centuries we have all had to go underground because of society’s misconception. If we are in a relationship and we, as adults, choose to be, it is not harmful or criminal. We hurt no one. Just because I don't want to be something doesn't mean I will persecute those who do; their actions don't impact on my life, just as my relationship or any of us in a GSA relationship do not have an impact of theirs. It's a man and woman together regardless of who they are to one another. This goes the same for homosexual couples; they share love and happiness. Should this not be all that matters in a dire world we live in?

People need to be more open minded.

If caught in my country my HB could face up to 14 years in prison but yet a man who rapes or molests 1-3 girls under 15 with a 15 year age gap will serve just 3 yearrs! His is a disgusting crime. My brother’s only “crime” is love. There are worse things in this world than being in love with a relative or someone of the same sex.


FME: Aside from the law, can you think of anything that would make a GSA-based sexual relationship inherently wrong?

I couldn't tell you anything that is wrong with any of the GSA relationships, other than society's nosiness and interference. It is society that destroys our chances by being so small-minded. We are committed to making it work, yet society refuses to let us try, because it is the unknown, and that is all.


FME: So if you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., you would?

Yes, we would get married and we would probably outlast the standard marriages, too.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing GSA? What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that someone is experiencing GSA?

If you are experiencing it, join the forums and discussion groups, take advice from those involved, speak with the other party if you think they may feel the same or even just to tell them as hard as this may be. I personally feel it can be more damaging not to talk it out.

If you are a family member or friend and you suspect something’s going on, don't question the couple in a confrontational manner. They will deny it for their own protection. Drop subtle hints that you will accept them as they are. Be there for them and be open-minded. You may disapprove, but that is your opinion; it doesn't make it gospel. Don't report them, you will later regret this for all involved.

When people try to keep others apart it only draws them closer and makes them stronger. If you value your family member or friend then support them, love them and accept them.  Remember they are in love and that is all that matters.


FME: Do you have any plans for the future?

At the moment we are living each day as it comes but we intend to marry one day in one of the countries that allow this.


FME: Anything else you want to add?

Live and let live. If we are happy and not in your face, why can't you just let us be?


*****


There you have it. Two consenting adults, raising their respective children together, denied their right to marry and having to hide their love for each other. Why? There’s no good reason. The only disadvantages to the relationship she cited had to do with prejudice against such relationships. We need to adopt full marriage equality sooner rather than later, so that an adult is free to marry any consenting adults. Real people are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you are a family member or friend of someone who is in or may be in such a relationship, please read this.

Thank you to Lil Butterfly and the man who'd be her legal husband (if the law didn't discriminate against them) for sharing their situation with us.
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1 comment:

  1. Is there anyplace to see your pictures? My email is gsacruzataur@gmail.com.

    ReplyDelete

To prevent spam, comments will have to be approved, so your comment may not appear for several hours. Feedback is welcome, including disagreement. I only delete/reject/mark as spam: spam, vulgar or hateful attacks, repeated spouting of bigotry from the same person that does not add to the discussion, and the like. I will not reject comments based on disagreement, but if you don't think consenting adults should be free to love each other, then I do not consent to have you repeatedly spout hate on my blog without adding anything to the discourse.

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