Thursday, December 13, 2012

Much More Than 31 Flavors

Human identities, sexualities, relationships, gender roles, and expressions are much more diverse than "feminine" heterosexual cis-gendered homemaking women and "masculine" heterosexual cis-gendered breadwinning men of the same racial background (but not "too closely" related) and roughly the same age only ever having heterosexual monogamous sex, alone, as monogamous, married couples attempting to reproduce in the missionary position, with just their own bodies and nothing else.

People are much more diverse than that. Our bodies, our personalities, our relationships, our sexualities are so much more diverse than that. Our laws and public policies must accept this. looks at this more at
Fundamentally, our society seems to have created several spectrums with which to quantify sexual preference. There is a spectrum along the sex line — whether one prefers a penis or vagina. Another spectrum exists along the gender line — this is harder to define, but slides from typically masculine behavioral traits to typically feminine behavioral traits. A third spectrum spans between what is considered “vanilla sex” and “kinky sex” — this covers a vast variety of possible “kinks,” but fundamentally hinges on the sex act itself. A fourth spectrum captures the idea of monoamory (literally ‘one love’) versus polyamory (literally ‘many loves’) — though this spectrum, perhaps, can be represented as a simple binary preference.
While it is convenient to start with "monoamory vs. polyamory," there is much diversity under the label of polymory.
The sex preference is a biological and social imperative about what a person has sex with.
The gender spectrum is a personality-based preference about with whom a person has sex.
The kink preference is about how a person has sex.
The poly/monoamory is about how many people the person allocates emotion to.
Of course there are others, too, such as whether someone is attracted to younger adults or older adults or only someone around their own age, whether someone tends to be racially endogamous in their attraction, as most people are, exogamous, or hyperendogamous (preferring a consanguinamorous relationship above all others.)

Charest has the point that while, say, a monogamist gay man is not in the same "sexual minority" category as a polyamorous heterosexual woman, adults who are sexual minorities should have solidarity in seeking equality for all adults.

A comment from Thomas Leavitt adds:
A lot of this is addressed via the KSOG, Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.
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