Monday, December 17, 2012

Affection is Not Bad

The ran an advice column in which someone asked Coleen...
My boyfriend and his 23-year-old daughter are making me feel uncomfortable when they are together.
Now, last I checked, having a boyfriend was completely voluntary in the UK. Someone who is unhappy with how her or his boyfriend interacts with their family is free to not have that person as a boyfriend anymore. Think about it. This man's daughter is not going to disappear. 

If she comes over she rubs against him like I imagine she might do with a boyfriend.

If we watch TV, she sits so close to him and plays with his hair.

And if she walks by him he’ll sometimes slap her bum and she does the same to him.

Is this normal?
It really doesn't matter. Think about it. Let's say that there was some clear, definite authority that decreed this NOT NORMAL. What then? The letter-writer then goes to her boyfriend and says, "That isn't normal." The boyfriend then either says, "Uh, nice knowin' ya! See ya!" (Actually, they probably don't talk that way there, but you know what I mean.) Or, the boyfriend and his daughter keep doing it, just not around the uptight girlfriend.
Here's the response to the letter...

For them, yes it is normal.

They obviously have a close relationship and his daughter has grown up without any inhibitions about showing affection physically.

If you haven’t been brought up in that way, though, I can ­understand why you find it odd.

I have a 23-year-old son, but to me he may as well still be 10 years old!

We still hug and if I’m sitting on the sofa watching telly with my younger son, we’ll snuggle up and sometimes he’ll play with my hair, even at 23!

They’re still my babies and always will be, and I’m sure that’s how your boyfriend feels about his daughter.


He loves her unconditionally and that can be threatening and even provoke a bit of jealousy.

If you’re feeling shut out, talk to your boyfriend about it instead of allowing those feelings to build and cause resentment.
That's a good answer.

No level of affection between consenting adults is inappropriate in their own home as they aren't violating existing agreements with others. Mutual, consensual affection should not be discouraged by others. People, in general, could benefit from more affection.
— — —

No comments:

Post a Comment

To prevent spam, comments will have to be approved, so your comment may not appear for several hours. Feedback is welcome, including disagreement. I only delete/reject/mark as spam: spam, vulgar or hateful attacks, repeated spouting of bigotry from the same person that does not add to the discussion, and the like. I will not reject comments based on disagreement, but if you don't think consenting adults should be free to love each other, then I do not consent to have you repeatedly spout hate on my blog without adding anything to the discourse.

If you want to write to me privately, then either contact me on Facebook, email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com, or tell me in your comment that you do NOT want it published. Otherwise, anything you write here is fair game to be used in a subsequent entry. If you want to be anonymous, that is fine.

IT IS OK TO TALK ABOUT SEX IN YOUR COMMENTS, BUT PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY AS I WANT THIS BLOG TO BE AS "SAFE FOR WORK" AS POSSIBLE. If your comment includes graphic descriptions of activity involving minors, it's not going to get published.