Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Parents and Expectant Parents Discuss Polyamory, Open Relationships

Discussions pop up everywhere about topics like polyamory and open relationships. (As a reminder, "open relationships" and "polyamory" are not synonyms.) Discussions tend to help, as the more people talk, the more we see there is a diversity of needs when it comes to relationships and sexuality, and that polyamorous people or people in open relationships are not bad people or people nobody knows. They are quite often great people, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or heterosexual, who live next door in harmony with monogamists. An example is this poll and discussion at initiated by Abbey & Ethan. Here are some highlights...

That's what I have always wanted but DH doesn't agree. Yeah. I didn't put much thought into that part of things when I decided to marry DH.
I've always been a very monogamous person and I don't think I could actually be in a relationship with another person.

However, lately I've been wondering about other things, like threesomes. I love my husband but I miss sleeping with women. I can live without dating and being in a relationship with a woman, my husband is quite fulfilling in that, but I miss the sex. I'm afraid it would somehow harm our relationship, though.

For the people I know, it's often just sex. But there are a lot of instances where the intimacy level is brought to it's max (a max often beyond that of a monogamous relationship) with certain practices.
Mama to William + 1 added...
DH would be fine with it, it's me that has reservations. I'm not afraid that I'll become emotionally attached to the woman, it's more that I like the way my relationship is with DH and I'm afraid that having sex with someone else would alter it in a negative way.

My sexuality is a little complicated. I'm not bisexual - I don't like men enough for me to feel like the term applies. I love my husband, but beyond that I have no interest in men at all. Besides for him everyone that I've ever dated, smurfed, been attracted to, etc. has been female.
Asked why she married a man, she replied...
I don't know. He was my best friend and I fell in love with him. We started dating and I made it very clear at the beginning that I made no promises because at the time I wasn't sure if I'd be happy to have sex with him. But it worked out wonderfully and we seem happier than most couples I know. I'm by no means unhappy with him now, even though I can't explain why he was/is such a major exception, but sometimes I miss the sex.

It is a weird thing and it's pretty impossible to explain, but it is what it is.
I don't think I could do it. I would feel left out and cheated out of part of him (DH). I want 100% of him. I give him 100% of me so I expect that back. Now could we share a woman in our relationship? Yes and we have before but it was mutual, shared and never on our own. She was a part of "our" relationship not something separate on the side On a side note though DH could never share me with another man (he's told me) so it's kind of a double standard. Although it doesn't bother me because I have no desire to be with another man. Even if he was involved. I can't really say for sure that I would involve another woman again. Even though it worked before and was mostly about sex it just seems like trying again with someone else may be pressing our luck. It might not work out so well with another woman. It ended because she met someone else and is now engaged. I think part of why it worked is because her and I had been best friends since 3rd grade, when she met DH we all became friends. She never hit on him and he never did her. We were just friends. then we got adventurous.
These are not "other" people. These are the people you live next to, work with, and are probably in your family. These people especially are the people you see pushing baby carriages. Isn't it ridiculous to perpetuate stigmas and discrimination against people who aren't monogamous?
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