Another Marriage Denied Equality Under the Law

“Justher” is an attractive, 30ish homemaker whose four grandparents came to the US from Ireland. She’s from a comfortable middle-class background, raised in North Carolina but now living in Pennsylvania. She’s also a mother, via legal guardianship, to one child, and lives with her brother, who is a manufacturing management professional. Justher enjoys playing tennis, and it helps to keep her in great shape.

She was generous enough with her time and privacy to be interviewed.


*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Is your brother your full blood brother? Is he younger than you, and if so, by how much? Do you have any other siblings?

Justher: Yes, my brother is my full blood brother. He’s a year and four months younger than me, and we have no other siblings.


FME: Describe your relationship with your brother. Do you live as though you are spouses? Does that include lovemaking?

Yes, my brother and I live as husband and wife, and it does include lovemaking, I see him as both my brother and lover. Those two roles are inseparable; at times he needs his sister, at other times he needs his lover and/or wife, so I fulfill both those roles in his life, just as he does the same in my life. It’s a bit hard to explain, but yes he’s my soul mate.

FME: What was your relationship with your brother like prior to the inclusion of sex? Did you get along? Were you raised together? Were you raised by your two biological parents?

Yes we were raised by our biological parents, and my brother and I always got along extremely well together.

FME: When/how did you first realize sex with your brother was a possibility and that you wanted it?

I guess I was around 14 when I first started having sexual feelings toward my brother; I started to see him as the boy in my life as opposed to just my brother.

FME: Did you make the first move? How did it happen?

I made the first move, and it was planned on my part. I took small steps at first holding his hand, hugging and trying to kiss him. I was feeling I wanted him as more my boyfriend than my brother.

FME: Did getting together with him progress in stages over time, or what it a sudden event?

It did progress in stages; it wasn’t a sudden event. I guess you could say I slowly seduced him. I was falling in love with him.

FME: Are you exclusive with each other?

Yes, we are exclusive with each other. He’s been the only romantic interest in my life, but I am bi-sexual and have experiences with other girls in my life. My brother knows this about me and has no problems with it. I’ve never had any sexual feelings for anyone else in my family.

FME: Some say a consanguinamorous brother and sister are kinky by definition, but I disagree and notice that most consanguinamorous relationships look like any other relationship, although usually with much more intensity. Are you into any kinks you'd like to mention? Do you feel like your relationship is taboo, and if so, do you like that or get a thrill from that? Or does it feel normal?

Haha, I guess I'm a bit kinky. Sexually there isn’t really anything I wouldn’t do for him, but aside from anal/oral sex (some woman aren’t into that at all) our sex lives are pretty normal. I do have fantasies, but that’s all they are. I don’t see anything taboo in our relationship. The sneaking around we did when we were teenagers was a bit thrilling; also the fact that we were doing something most people would never dream of doing is a bit thrilling too, but all in all I see us as just normal.

FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature/history of your relationship and how did they find out? How have they reacted? Are you able to act like a couple in public? What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?

Our lawyer knows the truth. The paperwork I had to fill out to get custody of our child required me to turn over certain documents. He supports us. My brother’s workplace also knows we live together and I’m dependent on him, but they don’t know we’re a romantic couple; it’s for insurance coverage only. Yes, we can act as a couple/family in public as the people around us know us as an unwed couple only, not brother and sister. I don’t use my real name for anything.

FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that if a brother and sister have this kind of relationship, it is only because the sister is being victimized by the brother?

I’d like to ask them to please try and understand us and get to know us before they pass any judgment on us. We hurt no one and keep to ourselves. Brothers and sisters can and do fall deeply in love with each other. We’re only human and we lead normal decent lives; we’re productive members of society and just like anyone else, just trying to get by. And I’m hardly a victim. I do what I do out of love.

FME: What advice do you have for parents who find out their children (perhaps still living at home) are involved with each other?

I’d ask them to talk it over with their children and make sure their involvement is for all the right reasons, and to make sure no one is being hurt. If it’s out if love for each other, then I’d give them my full support.

FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?

Yes, I’d marry my brother in a heartbeat. We have exchanged our own vows with each other and in our eyes we are married to one another.

FME: Any plans for the future?

My plans are to live with my brother for the rest of my life and grow old together.

FME: Do you know in-person others who have had relationships like yours?

Sadly, I don’t know of any others in person like myself, only those on the Internet. Those I get to know and find sincere I believe, others are fakers. I don’t understand why anyone would fake being involved in incest, but it does happen a lot. To them I’d say “Get a life.”

****

Dear readers, don’t you agree with me that it is extremely unfair to deny consenting adults like Justher and her brother the right to marry? Isn’t it ridiculous that in many places, they still can’t be honest about their relationship? Thanks again to Justher for sharing.

If you are in a relationship like the one Justher has, know someone who is, support those who are, or just want to know more about such relationships, I’m not aware of any better place to discuss them than the Kindred Spirits forum. Also, please join the group I Support Full Marriage Equality on Facebook.

You can read other interviews like this here.

If you are in, or have been in, a “forbidden” consensual relationship, and want to be interviewed, please contact me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com.