Thursday, April 23, 2015

Another Couple Denied the Freedom to Marry

If my recollection is correct, this is the 44th ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The man interviewed below is college-educated and clearly able to make decisions for himself. He should be free to decide for himself if he should marry another consenting adult. Yet he and his lover face discrimination and prejudice for their love, and must hide the truth from many people. They aren't hurting anyone; why should they have to hide their love and be denied their rights?

Read the interview below and see for yourself what "Steve" has to say. You may think his relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it incredibly sexy, but whatever your reaction, should these lover be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Steve: I am currently a senior in college about to graduate. I attend school and reside in a nice apartment in a major city in the northeastern U.S. My ethnic background is white, being half Italian and half Jewish. I have a medium frame and, overall I’d say I’m pretty average looking. I enjoy sports, having participated in a lot of them throughout high school and college. I come from a middle-class family consisting of my dad, mom and a younger brother.

FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation?

Steve: I am heterosexual and a monogamist.

FME: Who do you live with?

Steve: I currently reside with my aunt. I had to move in with her when I was 18, since she lives really close to the college I attend and this allowed me to avoid expensive dorm fees. It is currently just us two, since she is divorced and has no children.

FME: What was your  family life like growing up? What was your childhood like?

Steve: My family life was pretty standard. My parents worked a lot and were always away on business trips. They provided a good life for me and my brother. I had a pretty average childhood. I attended school and hung out with my friends, participated in sports, received good grades. My aunt lived three hours away and visited very sporadically, mainly only seeing her on birthdays and holidays.

FME: You are in a sexual relationship with your genetic aunt? What are your ages?

Steve: Yes I am in a sexual relationship with my aunt, who is my mom’s sister. My aunt is 41 years old and I am 22 years old.

FME: What kind of relationship did you have while you were/he was growing up?

Steve: I had a pretty good relationship with my aunt growing up. She was my mom’s only sister and every time she visited she would bring gifts. She wouldn’t visit often since she lived three hours away, but every time she did, it was a positive experience. We didn’t have much contact with other people from our mom’s side of the family except for our grandparents so it was always nice to see her.

FME: Did you have any attraction to your mother while growing up? Did you have any attraction to your aunt while growing up?

Steve: I did have a slight sexual attraction to my mother while going through puberty, I always thought she was very attractive and started seeing her in a sexual way. I also had a sexual attraction to my aunt, she was also very attractive and resembled my mom a lot, and I definitely saw her in a sexual way. I believe that my younger brother might also have had some sort of sexual attraction to my aunt, as I’d catch him staring intensely at her in the same way that I did. However, we never really discussed any of it.

FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship with your aunt?

Steve: I would say it was more of a gradual process rather than a sudden event. I didn’t know for sure that it was going to happen but I guess she had dropped some hints. She kept telling me about her divorce and how hard it was for her to date, and listing great qualities about me and how that would make any girl very lucky to have me. The more we talked, the more she would reveal and the closer the bond we would form, which also happened physically as she was always getting closer to me. For example, she’d put her legs on my lap or head on my shoulders or chest.

This eventually led to her confiding in me that she found me sexually attractive. I was very surprised and instantly shot back that I was also sexually attracted to her, and has been since I was a teenager. After a very long talk we ended embraced in each other’s arms.

FME: Can you describe your feelings during that?

Steve: I was very excited. but also felt a bit strange since I had never experienced anything like it before. I had been with other girls before, but nothing could compare to the way me and my aunt made love that night. I was feeling a range of emotions, from happy to excited to aroused, but I mostly remember feeling like I was on top of the world.

FME: Before this had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together?

Steve: I didn’t think it was possible for me since I never thought my aunt would ever feel that way about me. I always imagined that it would be very enjoyable and I was right. I never had a problem with people from their own family having sexual relations. I think as long as both parties are consenting it’s all good.

FME: Describe your relationship now. Is it family-with-benefits, an affair, girlfriend-boyfriend, a marriage, what?

Steve: Our relationship right now is that of a girlfriend-boyfriend. We don’t see other people. We go out on dates, we sleep in the same bed, we text each other throughout the day. We have been together for almost four years now and live together. We see each other as both family and lovers.

FME: How do you describe the lovemaking now?

Steve: It is the best sex I ever had hands down, but I believe that is due to how close we are to each other and how much we love each other. It feels very natural.

FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true of your relationship? Are you able to act like a couple in public?

Steve: Nobody in our family knows the full nature of our relationship.We are sometimes able to act as couple in public since we do live in a very dense and populated city so many people don’t think twice to seeing an older woman with a younger guy, but we never say we are aunt/nephew; we usually introduce each other as significant others.

FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguinamous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?

Steve: I guess the biggest disadvantage is not being able to be fully transparent and be considered a normal couple. Not being able to marry is also a huge disadvantage. The advantages are that you get to share something beautiful with someone you have known for most of your life and have a huge bond with who you might never find outside of your family.

FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other (and that you can’t truly consent)?

Steve: You are free to believe what you want but don’t discriminate against others or tell them what they are doing is wrong. I am perfectly happy in my relationship and would not want to be with anyone else.

FME: Aside from the law, which I think is ridiculous, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?

Steve: Nothing at all.

FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?

Steve: Definitely would, probably the day after it becomes legal, if it ever happens.

FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member?

Steve: Follow your heart and weigh out the situation, if it seems like the other person is not into it don’t push it and respect their feelings since that can turn dark quick.

FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

Steve: The best thing you can do is support them and never judge them.

FME: Any plans for the future?

Steve: I am graduating soon and hope to get a good job out of college so that I can afford to move us to a nicer apartment and continue our lives together.


There you have it. Steve and his aunt are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone and yet face discrimination and denial of their rights simply for loving each other. They are happy and in love, yet they are denied their fundamental right to marry.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

If search data is any indication, there are many aunts and nephews who are involved with each other, and many others who want to be.

You can read other interviews I have done here.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.
If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you to "Steve" for doing this interview! We wish you well in your intergenerational relationship.
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  1. In norway these two can legally get married

    1. yeah, but then they'd have to live in Norway.

    2. you say this like it is a bad thing


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