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Saturday, April 25, 2015

A Longtime Marriage Denied Equal Treatment Under the Law

If my recollection is correct, this is the 45th ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The woman interviewed below is a mature professional who should be free to decide for herself  whether or not to legally marry another consenting adult, and who that person or persons will be. Yet she and her lover face discrimination and prejudice for their love, and must hide the truth from many people. They aren't hurting anyone; why should they have to hide their love and be denied their rights?
Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it incredibly sexy, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?

BE WARNED that the discussion briefly gets slightly explicit.



*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Anonymous Woman: I am 65 years old live in the New England area. I am 100% Italian and have some college education. I have one sister and only one son who is 43 now. I live a normal life. Still working in a small doctors office where my life is private. I live with my son.



FME: Are you married or have you ever been married?


AW: Not legally. My son and I said our vows to each other years ago, privately.


FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation?

AW: That's a tough one. I would say monogamist bisexual at this point in my life. I have a long-time girlfriend that knows all about my relationship with my son.



FME: What was your family life like growing up? What was your childhood like?
AW: It was a normal childhood. I grew up in the city in an Italian community. We weren't rich by any means but not poor either.


FME: You are in a sexual relationship with your genetic son?

AW: Yes, I am sexually active with my genetic son. We have been for 25 years.


FME: What kind of relationship did you have while he was growing up? Did you raise him?

AW: I got divorced when he was three and raised him alone. We were never separated.


FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship?

AW: It was gradual. We went out one night, and it felt like a date more then anything else. At the end, he said "I feel like I should kiss you."

And I said it was OK as long as it was between us. So we kissed. A second night, we went out again. We pulled in our garage and made out in the car.



FME: Can you describe your feelings during that?

AW: I was confused I guess at first. I was wondering "Where is this going to go?" Then I got incredibly turned-on and felt guilty. I felt like this going to keep him from living his life. But my mind was filled with thoughts of making love to him. I know I couldn't stop them.

So we had a long talk. I wanted to make sure this is what we both really wanted. He kept saying over and over he did. My mind was still spinning. He reached out and felt my breasts and I just gave in to it. I asked him into my bedroom and he never left
. [laughs]


FME: Before this had you ever thought this would be possible? Any prior experience with family?

AW: No none. Never even a thought.


FME: Describe your relationship now. Is it family-with-benefits, an affair, girlfriend-boyfriend, a marriage, what? Do you see each other as family or lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?

AW: We live as a married couple but worked on keeping on the mother/son part too. The two roles are inseparable. I am his mother and his wife. He is my best friend, my husband in every way but legally, my lover and he happens to be my son too. I know he feels the same about me.


FME: Are you in a closed relationship with each other?

AW: Just with my long-time girlfriend mostly now. When I was younger we did go to a few swingers clubs. The ones we told were all fine with it. We also had sex in front of another mom and son couple we know.


FME: How do you describe the sex now? Taboo? Natural? Especially erotic?

AW: It is by far the best sex ever. Even after 25 years! We still make love as a mother and son. It feels as natural as anything in the world.


FME: So who knows the full, true nature/history of your relationship and how did they find out? How have they reacted?

AW: I had to tell my sister. We had many many talks, and it took a long time, but she has come to accept it. A small group of friends know, but mostly we appear as a married couple.


FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguinamorous or GSA relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?

AW: Well, I'm proud he is my son and would like to brag like all mothers, but most see him as my husband, so I did lose a little in that regard. Our bodies always seem to react differently when we are with each other. Maybe it was psychological but it felt like my body knew who was back inside me. He feels the same. When he [ejaculates] in me I feel lightheaded, almost like it's a drug. I had another mother explain it's because your body is absorbing its own DNA. Not sure if it's true but I sure feel it.


FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship?

AW: It's none of their business. They don't understand what it means to be an adult and make your own decisions.


FME: Do you have any children together?

AW: I was older, so that played into it. I was pregnant a few times but never could carry the pregnancy.


FME: Aside from the law, which I think is ridiculous, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?

AW: Nothing. I have helped and encouraged others over the years. People are starting to realize how wonderful it can be. How can anyone tell me or try to make me think this is wrong? It's not. What two consenting adults do is their business. We are lucky. We live in a state where its not illegal. We just can't get married and I hope that gets changed someday, too.


FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?

AW: Yes, in a second.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member?

AW: Try to talk to them and see if there is any interest. Lots of times, they have the same feelings.


FME: So you've met in-person others involved in consanguinamory?

AW: Yes. I think as this gets more and more out in the open and commonplace, people ideas will change and it will be accepted. Maybe not be in my lifetime but, I believe it will one day.


FME: Any plans for the future?

AW: Just living our lives.


FME: Anything else you want people to know?

AW:  People ask me how we lasted so long. It's like any other relationship. You have to work at it. Communication is especially important. I see so many think it's just about sex. There is so much more to it.




*****


There you have it. This woman and her son are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone and yet face discrimination and denial of their rights simply for loving each other. They are happy and in love, yet they are denied their fundamental right to marry. Their relationship isn't even illegal in the state in which they reside, but they still can't get legally married.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.
If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you to Anonymous Woman for doing this interview! We wish you well in your intergenerational relationship.
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