Sunday, December 29, 2013

A Loving Couple Denied Their Freedom to Marry

By my count, this is the twenty-sixth ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are denied their fundamental right to marry.

"Joe" and "Jamie" (assumed names) grew up in a little town in middle America in a large, religious family, which included five girls, with Joe being the sole boy. As they say, "We both are very passionate about music and giving to those who are without." They live together with their dog. Joe is a little over nine months older than Jamie.

Read the interview below and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights to love each other the way they want and to marry should be denied. And if you want to follow them on an ongoing basis, their NOT SAFE FOR WORK Tumblr can be found here:


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Are you married or have you ever been married?

J & J: We have both been married but neither marriage lasted too long. While being married, we talked daily and honestly tried to help each other work out whatever problems were had with the spouse.

FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation?

Jamie: I would say I am bi-curious. I've never been with a woman and would love the chance to do so, at least once. Our relationship orientation would be monogamist.

Joe: I would say I'm pansexual; I can find attraction, both sexually and just from a beauty aspect in just about anything.

FME: You are biological siblings in a relationship that includes sex?

Jamie: Yes we are. Given how close we are in age, we know where our high sex drive comes from [laughs].

FME: Do you have any children together?

Joe: No, we do wish we could have children together but Jamie lost a baby (late term miscarriage) in her marriage and it did a lot of damage both physically and emotionally. Jamie is currently unable to have any children.

FME: What kind of relationship did you have while you were growing up together?

Jamie: We had pretty normal relationship growing up. We were quite close and really had a great friendship with each other. We were inseparable. Normal except for our explorations of each other [laughs].

FME: When/how did sexual affection become a part of your relationship?

Jamie: It was very gradual from an early age. We shared a bedroom and bathed together every night. Joe definitely made the first move while we were bathing.

FME: Can you describe your feelings during that?

Jamie: It felt safe. There were feelings that I can only describe now as it was comfortable, natural and very safe feeling. Like I was complete.

Joe: In regards to the first move while bathing, I felt a large amount of curiosity. It was fun, exciting, and so many other things, but at no time did every cross my mind that it was "wrong."

FME: How do you describe the lovemaking now?

Jamie: I would describe our lovemaking as very erotic. We know our relationship is frowned upon by the outside world and that's a big turn on [laughs]. We have an amazing sex life and can honestly say that Joe is the only person that knows my body well enough to make me orgasm...several times during sex. As far as our relationship goes, we live our lives as a "normal" couple.

Joe: I would definitely say it's a natural thing. It wasn't until early teen years we really became aware it's taboo, but for me it just always felt right. You hear everyone talking about finding the "one", I can't help it that I did and she just happens to be one my sisters. I still find it strange that so many have the incest fantasy/fetish. We fantasize about being a "normal" couple. I am aware that the nature of our relationship does make it kinky to most, though I don't see it that way. We do have a kinky side and do other things that would also put our lovemaking in a kinky context, but though those nights aren't an everyday thing. We cuddle, we are very affectionate, and I think we make our friends sick with the amount of love we have - these friends only know us as a couple.

FME: Describe your relationship now.

Joe: Our relationship now is a very healthy one. We argue, we kiss and make up, we have a pretty great life.

We are in a closed relationship but were inspired by a Tumblr blog to let others into our lives. It's been great to see all the support some people have for us.

We have been living together for just over 6 years now following our divorces. We share a bedroom but have a spare room set up for Jamie as a "cover" for when company comes to visit. We would absolutely say the two roles of being siblings and lovers are inseparable! Here, we live one life but when we go back home, we have to assume the sibling roles.

FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature/history of your relationship and how did they find out?

Jamie: Nobody knows the true nature or the full story of our relationship. We would be disowned by our family. Our friends where we live only know us as a married couple.

The easiest steps we took for our privacy was to move far away from family, where they can't just drop in at a moments notice. We are both at an age where we prefer to stay home, watch a movie, and hang out than go out to the bar or other social settings.

FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?

Jamie: The hardest part is how we talk to each other. Little pet names are the hardest but everything else has been pretty easy. The advantage to it is how well we know each other.

FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other (and that you can’t truly consent)?

Joe: We don't get to pick the ones we fall in love with, it just happens. No sense in forcing something away just because it's seen as wrong to others.

Jamie: If love is such a beautiful thing then why do so many hate on where that love comes from or who that love is?

FME: Aside from the law, which I think is ridiculous, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?

Jamie: Absolutely not, as long as it's consensual by both parties.

Joe: as long as there is no abuse no forced situation, and both parties are able to understand what is going on, then absolutely not.

FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing feelings for a sibling or some other relative? What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

Joe: the only way things will ever come out for discussion is to suck it up and talk to the other person. As family, they should be able to listen. Also, be observant. If you know how to read the opposite sex you might get your answer just from their reactions to things. If you are a family member who suspects other members might have something going on put all ingrained disgust aside, realize you do love those people for who they are regardless of what they do, have that uncomfortable talk with them let them know you love them, and even if you don't understand, you still support them.

Jamie: [Sighs] This can be a touchy subject in most families. The best advice I can give is to be honest, compassionate and understanding. People with open minds have the most open hearts.

FME: Any plans for the future?

Jamie: We take it a day at a time and try to enjoy each day for what it's worth.

FME: Do you know in-person others who have had relationships like yours? Are you in contact online with others online?

Joe: We don't but it would be nice knowing others who live their lives like we do.

Jamie: We do have our Tumblr page and the amount of support we have received has been amazing!

FME: Anything else you want to add?

J &J: Thank you for allowing us to be apart of this. Hopefully it will help to make steps forward for anyone and everyone in a relationship the mass majority will say shouldn't be allowed.


There you have it. Two consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone, but who have to hide their love. Like others, they have found Tumblr to be an outlet and a way to connect with others without revealing their identities.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you are a family member or friend of someone who is in or may be in such a relationship, please read this.

Thank you to Joe and Jamie for doing this interview!
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  1. It's interesting that the both of you have had the experience of being married and now enjoy the real bond, intimacy, and incredible sex which is possible between siblings.But at the cost of secrecy. My sister and I have both been married and started an adult incestuous relationship a decade ago.We had non intercourse sex as kids living together, but went our separate ways after high school, We have the best time when we are together, but keeping our secret and getting together can be challenging. We don't have the luxury of extended alone and private time together so we make the best of what little socially convenient time we get. But being brother and sister can be a perfect cover.For example, How else could any other woman conveniently schedule one of her visits to my home with my wife's full knowledge and consent when my wife was going to be out of town for a business meeting, or better yet, the time when my wife was taking the kids out of town for a long weekend for her friend's wedding. (my sister could barely walk after that weekend. I mean three to five times a day for three and a half days. No brag, just fact. Seriously, I always kid her saying she missed her calling and that she should have been in the adult movie industry She's that advetnurous and good!)..Another example: Once when in our parents home while she was visiting with her husband, I conveniently yelled down to my sister to go out to my car to get my tennis gear. Her husband was down stairs in the kitchen talking to our parents. How else would it be acceptable to disappear while another "guy" was upstairs alone with your wife.We could both hear her husband talking to our parents. I turned to her, to "change " into my tennis shorts very "excited" to see her. She smiles, kind of winks and leans over to do her magic. It took my sister about two minutes to polish me off. She grins, says "looks like I got my daily supply of protein", kisses me briefly on the lips as she goes downstairs to rejoin every one in the kitchen. And just last summer she crawls into my brother's hot tub beside me. My brother and sister- in- law are floating around in the pool about twenty feet away. She reaches under the bubbles and into my shorts. I told her I couldn't take it anymore and I had to go inside to take care of things. She follows me inside and like before, she leans over and relieves me.In my brother's dining room! That's my little sister. She's a riot. And that is how things continue to be every time we are together. And I mean the spontaneous, crazy erotic side of things. Somehow that fire dies out in a marriage .It did in mine and it did in hers. Maybe in marriages two people start taking each other for granted, among other things. I don't know, but that doesn't seem to happen with siblings, at least it doesn't seem to with my little sister. We have been at it for 14 years now. And so much of the sexual firet has to do with the emotion intimacy that grows in immense dimensions once there is that physical intimacy. And please do not think my sister and I only have these wild "snipets" of high risk erotic sex. We have the deep passionate love making where we'll lie in each other's arm, breathless, hearts beating a million miles an hour and completely spent. So I say good for you two. You have found something most people will never know, the true deep trust and love that can exit between siblings. The law and stigmata stink, but the trade off to be with my sister as lovers is definitely worth it.

    1. Thanks for commenting, Anon. Feel free to write me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com as I'd like to hear more about your situations.


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