Having to Hide An Intensified Love

By my count, this is the twenty-fifth ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and would be denied their freedom to marry, if they wanted to marry.

Anonymous Son has a consanguinamorous relationship with his mother. They have no plans to marry, but they should be free to do so if they want, and should not have to hide their love. They look like a great couple. Both of them are attractive. You could know them as mother and son and have no idea what they are doing behind closed doors, or you could see them walking hand and hand and think they are both attractive and look good together.

Read the interview below and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights to love each other the way they want should be denied.


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FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself and your background.

Anonymous Son: I am a 22 year old Senior at a semi-ivy league school in the northeast US. I have had various part time jobs, mainly at the restaurant/bar that we own and internships at various companies during my college years. I am white, 5'10 with blonde hair and green eyes, I consider myself to be attractive. I have always been active and involved in various sports throughout highschool and college, I also enjoy film and literature. We live in a nice and quiet town, I would describe us as middleclass to upper-middleclass. As of right now I only have one younger sister who lives with us. For the first year of college, I lived in a dorm but moved back home and commuted for the rest. I have not been married. My mother was married to my father for 11 years, they divorced once I turned 10. My mom still hasn't remarried.




FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship  orientation... are you heterosexual, bisexual, what? Are you a monogamist, polyamorist, or…?

As far as my sexual orientation goes I am heterosexual, I have never really had thoughts or been attracted to the same sex. As far as being a monogamist that's a tricky question. Most of my relationships have been monogamous, but I also had my the sexual relationship with my mother at home. I am actually not quiet sure how to answer that one.


FME: You are in a sexual relationship with your biological mother?

Yes.


FME: What kind of relationship did you have while you were growing up?

Growing up I had a very close relationship with my mother. I was always honest with her and talked to her about anything. She was always very supportive of me in anything that I did, be it school, sports, etc. After the divorce we became even closer as she kept custody of me and my sister. I also had a good relationship with my father, even after the divorce we still saw each other and kept contact.



FME: When and how did sexual affection become a part of your relationship?


Well it was very clear that it was my mother who made the first move. She didn't exactly 'seduce' me but brought it up to me in conversation before. We had a series of conversations. There was very light touching and affectionate gestures that could be thought of as how a mother usually interacts with her son physically, so I paid no attention to it then. I had no idea it would escalate to sex, however. She first began by complimenting my looks and asking me about girls/sex. Since we have always been open to each other these questions didn't really throw me off; I didn't suspect anything then. She then went on to tell me a story of the lady she met. The details were very vague but she just wanted to let me know that the point of it was that the woman was having sex with her son and their relationship was great. It was at this point were it became awkward and I began to get weirded out. She kept talking about it until one day she outright suggested that "it wouldn't be so bad if we were in that situation as well". She explained that her relationships weren't going so great and that all she wanted at this point was a steady casual relationship. By this point, I was sure she meant me. She mentioned that it would be casual and that she didn't want to push it or anything, it was completely up to me if I wanted to try it out or not.

At first I didn't respond as I was very confused. I wasn't disgusted, but definitely weirded out at the idea of casual sex with my mom. However, I was also very turned on, during this time I was a teenager and my hormones were raging. It was very hard to pass up the chance to have sex with an attractive older woman. It was also the beginning of the summer going into my senior year of high school. (By the way, I was over the age of consent in our state.)

I eventually worked up the courage and told her I would take her up on her offer. My mother simply smiled and said "great."

I wasn't sure what she had planned out. It didn't start as full out sex at first. I guess her idea was to ease me into it. She just began by touching me more sensually. For example, while we were watching a movie in our living room, she would rub the inside of my thigh. Eventually, one night, she asked me if I was ready to get intimate. I said I was and waited for her in my room.

I was very nervous waiting for her as I didn't know exactly what she was going to do. That night she just performed oral sex on me. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it but I also felt very awkward afterwards. It's hard to explain since I never feel that way anymore. This went on for about a month until we had actual intercourse. From then on, I began to get used to it and it became a regular thing for us. I never have feelings of awkwardness after sexual relations anymore.



FME: Can you elaborate about your feelings during that process?

I felt very awkward at first. I didn't know how to respond to it. I have always found my mom to be attractive, but never really saw her as a potential sexual partner. My mother always took a liberal approach as to how she dressed around the house. She was very comfortable with us so she would often walk around in the morning in her underwear or revealing clothing. As a teenager, seeing this aroused me a lot but I still didn't think of her as a sexual being yet. When it first happened I remember feeling that it was very wrong that I was having sex with my own mother, but my thoughts of pleasure and her attractiveness overpowered that.



FME: How do you describe the sex now?

At first the sex felt very taboo and I felt very awkward talking to her about it or suggesting that I wanted to do it. It was often her who would initiate it. However, it is now very natural, since we live together it happens very often, almost daily. I would describe it best as a family-with-benefits situation. Like any other couple I will just go to her room at the end of the night or her to mine and we spend the night together. It is very uninhibited. I feel that we have  great sexual chemistry; because of this I can say that it is some of the best sex that I have had. She has also been one of my longest-term sexual partners. I do not feel it is that kinky however; it is now like regular sex.


FME: Describe your relationship now.

The relationship I have with my mom nowadays is very much still a regular mother-son relationship. She still yells at me and looks out for me [chuckles]. It is not a closed relationship, like I said earlier its more of a casual no-strings-attached thing. This has been going on for years now. For five months, we took a small break as I felt I was getting into a serious relationship, but we still continued afterwards. We still see each other as family but there are instances were I definitely feel like we’re lovers. There is often flirting through text messages and various flirty touches/physical affection going on through the day. I have had girlfriends, but none of them knew about the relationship I have with my mother. My mother has also had relationships but as far I know she didn't reveal it to them either. I know that eventually when I find the right girl I would have to let her know about my past.


FME: Does anyone in your life know the full nature/ of your relationship and how did they find out?

The only person who knows about us is my younger sister since she still lives with us. She found out about it early on, catching us one day when she arrived early from a night out. At first she was very upset and shocked. She immediately started cry. We gave her some space and explained our situation to her. At first she was very against it, but decided to keep it a secret, for the fear of embarrassment. However, she is now very receptive of the idea and very supportive of us and does a great job of keeping it a secret. She will often joke about it saying we make a 'cute couple'.  We are not able to act as couple in public because of obvious reasons. My mother owns a bar/restaurant which is very busy and well-known in our town. The only time we have been able to act as a couple in public has been during vacations outside the country.


FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?

Well like I said before, it is a casual relationship so having to hide it in public is not really a huge disadvantage for us. Just like any other casual relationship, steps must be taken to ensure that privacy. First off, none of my friends know about it. I have never mentioned it to anyone except my sister. I can see, however, in a romantic relationship, how it would be a big disadvantage, not being able to share your love to others and not being able to do certain things in public. I feel consanguineous relationships do have some advantages over non-related ones, fYou already know the person and are very close to. It also helps if you are living together. There’s already a bond there between family members that can grow into something even bigger.



FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other?

To the people who disapprove, I understand everyone has their views of whats right and wrong. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but should not attack others with different views. If you disagree with it thats fine, but theres no reason why it should be illegal. If both parties are consenting adults it should not be a problem. I made a conscious decision to have sex with my mom, I was not coerced into it.

The only downside to relationships like this is that if there's a problem in the relationship and its over, you are ultimately losing a family member and partner. There can be cases were this doesn't happen though.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing feelings for a mother or son, or some other relative? What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

My advice to others experiencing this is to test the waters first. You don't know if the other family member is attracted to you. You need solid evidence before making any sort of move. Anything that you say could be interpreted the wrong way and cause problems within your family. My advice for friends and family members is to be supportive and discreet. It is not wrong and even if you disagree, respect their decisions and keep it a secret.


FME: Any plans for the future?

I plan to continue my sexual relationship with my mother for the time being. We are both still young so I don't see it ending anytime soon. There will come a time when I have to stop it, but not right now.


FME: Do you know in-person others you know to have had relationships like yours?

I have not met anyone who practiced incest, although I have wanted to. My mother did know another lady who had sexual relationship with her son as well. It is actually what convinced her to try it in the first place. I am not sure about the details of their relationship though.


FME: Anything else you want to add?

I just want to say that there really have been no problems for either of us. It has been a very positive experience and we will continue it for times to come.


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There you have it. Two consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone, but who have to hide their love.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you are a family member or friend of someone who is in or may be in such a relationship, please read this.

Thank you to Anonymous Son and his mother for sharing their relationship with us.