A Closer Look at GSA on Dr. Drew

Now is as good of a time as any other to take a look at the transcript from the Dr. Drew show that supposedly discussed Genetic Sexual Attraction.

J. DENEEN: Well, I reunited with my father in February of 2011. 

That means that, even if this is GSA, she had well under two years of experience before she put together a book. There are people who've dealt with GSA, including the good, bad, ugly, beautiful, bitter, and joyous, for many, many years.

And then when we were on vacation about two months after our reunion, he said to me that he had an e-mail that he wanted me to read. And on that e-mail, it said that he wanted to kiss me. And I was shocked and nervous and embarrassed and scared.

But at the same time I had been struggling with my own feelings of wanting to be connected with my father again. It wasn`t sexual, but it was very emotionally intense. And I said no, but he continued to ask. And eventually I said, OK. And we kissed and this began a very inappropriate and unhealthy father/daughter relationship.

What made it inappropriate is that she was in a supposedly closed marriage.

What happens is that bonding process that you should have gone through as a child has not happened. When you reunite as adults, it kicks into gear. The problem is, that if you have any sort of brokenness or emotional issues, addictions, anything like that and you start feeling these abnormal feelings, it can get out of hand really fast.

 GSA is a normal reaction to the circumstances, and healthy people can and do experience it.

And the minute I started to feel uncomfortable or like I wasn`t sure what was going on with me, I got into therapy and tried to talk this through with her. My father, however, didn`t do that as much. And so he started to press this as a plausible type of relationship that we could have. And even though I resisted it for awhile, eventually I gave in.

Eventually.

PINSKY: So, Julie, if somebody were to look at this story and say hey, he abused you. What would you say?

J. DENEEN: I would say that there`s no question that there was a lot of manipulation and psychological abuse.

But then immediately after that she said...

I was a consenting adult. In fact, by the end of the relationship, I was initiating some of the sexual encounters.

However, what people don`t realize is that there was such an imbalance of power. And I wanted him to be a permanent figure in my life. 

Imbalance of power? As if he didn't also want her to be a permanent figure in his life? Just about every relationship involves some imbalance of power.

J. DENEEN: Yes, I did eventually -- you know, he was so delighted in me whenever I showed that side of him, that that became a way for me to make sure that he stayed. We did not have sex. I just want to be really clear about that.

And also I don`t want -- you know, I don`t want to bash my father. I`m trying to protect his identity, but the truth of the matter is that that is what happened. It was very sexually inappropriate, but we did not have sexual intercourse.

She has not experienced what so many other people who've experienced GSA have.

There was a call...

MARY, CALLER FROM KENTUCKY: Yes. My ex-husband fell in love with his biological daughter, our daughter, and sexually abused her at age 10. She told me about that finally. She kept saying she hated her dad. She didn`t want him to come home from school. She went (INAUDIBLE).

And then one night, I just kind of told her to quit saying that. And I kind of like had her shoulders and I was looking into her eyes and I saw such pain and fear that I thought there was no way a 10-year-old girl should have this much pain in her eyes and I knew, because there had been signs that went right over my head.

That has absolutely nothing to do with GSA. That is a a pedophile preying on a minor. However, nobody pointed that out, at least not until later. Instead, the discussion continued in a way that could be construed to say Deneen was comparing herself to that 10-yearl-old girl. An adoption therapist joined the discussion...

SUSAN BRANCO ALVARADO, ADOPTION THERAPIST: Well, it`s important to start by saying that many adopted persons have reunions with lots of complicated feelings, but GSA is not necessarily the most common of those feelings.

So I would say in my career I`ve worked with about four people who`ve experienced GSA. So it does happen. I think part of the reason we don`t hear about it as much is because of the stigma surrounding it, but it`s very traumatic.

PINSKY: And when you say you`ve worked with patients that have had this genetic sexual attraction, are you meaning people who actually followed through on the feeling or this is how many patients have the feeling in total?

ALVARADO: I would say about 1/4 have followed through. But many people often have these feelings and don`t necessarily follow through. But they`re very confusing and disturbing, and it`s definitely not something that we talk about enough to prepare people for this.

GSA isn't disturbing for everyone, and people who are free to be together and enjoy being together are unlikely to seek a counselor.

PINSKY: Was this a form of sexual or love addiction, do you think? Were you compulsively driven back to this person in a way you couldn`t control?

J. DENEEN: Yes. It was absolutely an addiction. It was -- it was terrible. And I remember saying to my husband, my therapist, I said I thought like the only way out was death, because I didn`t know how I was going to be able to get myself free from this.

PINSKY: You said you didn`t have -- you didn`t have actual sexual relations. What happened between you and he?

J. DENEEN: I mean, it was just a lot of inappropriate contact. I mean, we don`t live close together so we only saw each other maybe four or five times, but the relationship was completely inappropriate -- emotionally, physically. It was just not normal for a father and daughter.

I have to wonder what would have happened if she wasn't in a closed relationship/

TERRY, CALLER FROM MARYLAND: Hi, Dr. Drew.

I have -- I know of a family where this sort of thing happened, but it`s a little bit different from Julie`s story. There was a very prominent family in Florida where the father was a very well known doctor. They had two daughters, and he was molesting his daughters.

PINSKY: Well, now -- but, Terry. Having sexual abuse of children is different than what we`re talking about here.

Finally! Thank you for that.

There needs to be help for people who have commitments or prejudices that make GSA especially difficult to deal with AND there needs to he help for people brought together through GSA who just want to be together, and have to deal with hostility and bigotry from others, sometimes bigotry that is embedded in the law. I recommend http://www.gsaforums.com/ as the place to go to discuss Genetic Sexual Attraction.