Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today, especially, we remember transgender people killed by hatred and ignorance. It's the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

For all transgender people reading this:

We value you. You are valid. You deserve to live your life free of prejudice, free of being attacked for who you are.

We are going to help make things better sooner rather than later.

Thanksgiving Time

This US national holiday always falls on the fourth Thursday of November.

Thanksgiving Day is a huge holiday in the US, centered mainly around a special family meal. In case you haven't noticed, Americans like to eat a lot. Since Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday, Friday is a holiday as well (at least as far as the government is concerned). Because Thanksgiving is considered to specifically be about family togetherness, it can be a painful time for those who have been rejected by their family because of their gender identity, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, or choice in partner(s). Some LGBTQ people, polyamorous people, and those in consanguineous, intergenerational, or interracial relationships are reminded every year that even their own family hates them.

Some people make the best of this and plan a Thanksgiving meal with friends. I throw out a special “good for you” to anyone who hosts such a meal this holiday. Keep up the good work. I think such gatherings are much more enjoyable anyway. If you don't have one to go to, consider hosting your own!

But I also have words for anyone who has driven away or banned someone in their family because of that other family member’s identity, orientation or partner(s): Shame on you. You don’t have to like your family member’s sexuality or how they live. But you should reach out to them and support them instead of driving them away. Every person at that table does things you don’t like. Why single out a family member for punishment because of who they love? If your family member has a partner whose family is more accepting, guess who is going to win? Guess who is going to get to play with any grandkids/nieces/nephews? Not you. Think about it. Maybe it isn't too late to make amends and have them over for this year's holiday. This might help.

If you can’t go “home” for Thanksgiving and you are feeling down and you haven’t managed to make plans with friends, consider hosting your own Thanksgiving and invite some friends. Or, volunteer at a homeless shelter or some other charity location that will be helping people that day. Don’t allow sadness or loneliness to take hold. You can find a place where you will be welcomed.

Do you have any special plans for this holiday week? Are you going to be coming out, or trying to start or rekindle something with someone special? You can comment (anonymously, if you'd like) below or write an email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

A Note From a Therapist

This was a comment left on the blog I wanted to highlight.

I am a psychotherapist who specializes in working with clients who struggle with "taboo" sexualized thoughts and behaviors. I'm currently working on research dealing with consensual familial intimate relationships. I offer online therapy as well as in-person and I accept most major insurance. I'm licensed in Georgia and Maryland. 

Keya Johnson, MSW, LCSW, CCTP, CSOTP 

therapist.keya@gmail.com

I communicated privately with this person and they do not discourage adults who are happily enjoying sexual relationships with other adults and everything along those lines stays private with them.

So please consider helping with the research, and if you need a therapist who won't automatically dismiss your relationships or desires, this may be someone for you.

We Will Win

It's very sad when we see reports, either personal and private or in the news media, of lovers facing persecution and prosecution for the "crime" of being closely related adults. The same "crime" can mean having their children taken from them. The ignorant and mean-spirited jokes and harassment are bad enough. Having your own government discriminate against you and treat you like a criminal because of sexual affection and love is outrageous. Still, lovers in the US and similar countries are better off than those in places on the planet where they could be executed.

The good news, though, is that we're making progress, the laws will be changed and we're going to win, and in the meantime, it is heartwarming to know that the overwhelming majority of people enjoying consanguinamorous relationships are never criminally prosecuted. While the mere existence of the discriminatory laws against consensual  adult relationships is a problem, it is a wonderful thing that most consanguineous lovers are never charged under the "incest" laws.

Whether you're an ally or a bigoted hater, like it or not, not far from where you are right now, is the passion and bliss of consanguinamory, with lovers sharing affection, and there's nothing that can be done to stop them. People of all genders, orientations, races, and classes are loving their close relative(s), snuggling up together, holding hands, kissing, having intercourse, expressing their care for each other in countless ways.

And no hater can stop them.

You have neighbors, friends, maybe someone in your family, co-workers, classmates, maybe a performing artist you admire, maybe your doctor, maybe your accountant, maybe the paramedic who helped you, maybe your bus driver, maybe one of your educators or students, who have experience with consanguinamory. They might still be involved.

And it is highly unlikely any hater will stop them.

Some of them may never come out to you. Some of them may never come out to anyone. It's their choice. Just like their sex life and relationships. Some will keep living happily as they have.
But the laws will be replaced by equality, and the prejudices will be rightly discarded to the ash heap of history. We're going to make that happen sooner rather than later, because there's no good reason to deny relationship rights to all consenting adults.

We will win!

Happy Halloween

Is it true what I've heard, that outside the US Halloween is no big deal? Halloween is October 31 and it is celebrated widely and diversely here in the US.

Do you have any special plans for Halloween? Have you done or will you do anything fun or interesting this year at a Halloween party or event?

Here in the states, the stores depend on Halloween to sell a lot of merchandise. There are parties, costume contests, what amounts to theatre in front of (and inside, sometimes) the homes of people as they try to scare or entertain neighbors and strangers with things ranging from silly to sexy, spooky to gory. In some places, kids (and often parents) in costumes go from door to door collecting candy or other treats.

Many amusement parks, ranging from small to the largest, do special entertainment in the weeks leading up to Halloween, and this is a favorite time of the year for movie studios to release horror movies, and for broadcasters to show ones from years past.

For some, there are religious or spiritual aspects to the day, and it might be called by other names.

Some interesting things can happen when people are having fun at costume parties, or cuddled up together watching scary movies.

So, as always, feel free to comment or share your stories.

South Carolina Still Prosecuting Consenting Adults

Jane covered this news but I had to examine it here, too.

From greenvilleonline.com comes this coverage of this terrible story...

LAURENS COUNTY — A father and daughter are charged with incest in Laurens County after a child was born, police say.

So we charge people with crimes now because of births?

Investigators in Laurens County were looking into an alleged sexual abuse incident when they learned that Katlyn Edwards had given birth to a child after being impregnated by her biological father, James Travis Brown, the Laurens County Sheriff’s Office said in a statement.

Consanguinamory shouldn't be a crime.

“During the investigation, we learned (Edwards and Brown) had been in a consensual relationship when she became pregnant,” the sheriff’s office said.

STOP. Consensual. That should have ended things.

According to the sheriff’s office, both Edwards and Brown claimed their relationship was “consensual and mutual” during investigators’ interviews. 

“Investigators also found other evidence to support their claim that the relationship was consensual,” the sheriff’s office said.

Are we clear that it was CONSENSUAL??? The problem is, people confess all of the time because they don't think consensual sex would be a crime, but it still is in some places. So don't talk! Use your right to remain silent.

I wonder what the evidence is? My guess is either texts or video. Be careful, lovers!

Edwards was arrested on Monday without incident and taken to the Laurens County detention center. She is not currently listed as being jailed.

She shouldn't have been arrested in the first place!

The child died at a medical facility in Charleston, South Carolina, according to the statement. 

How sad.

“It is beyond my comprehension how this could take place between a father and daughter,” Laurens County Sheriff Don Reynolds said.

Really? How long have you been in law enforcement? This happens all of the time, especially in reunion GSA situations. We don't know if this was a reunion situation, but their surnames are different. That could be for any number of reasons.

“At this time, I can’t confirm the baby died from complications related to incest, however we wonder if that’s the case."

Most children born to these relationships are healthy. Most children born with serious health problems in the US don't have those problems are a result of consanguinity.

"We are working with medical professionals and the Solicitors Office regarding that aspect of the investigation and will update everyone if there are any additional charges.”

Since they don't mention murder or signs of abuse, my guess is he's talking about prosecuting them for, essentially, having a genetic problem. Well guess what? If people in consanguinamorous relationships could feel confident in being completely honest with medical professionals, it is less likely that children will suffer with health problems. So we need to stop arresting and discriminating against them and, instead, offer services and study them so we can help people.

The Sheriff's press release is here. You can leave a comment on it. I sure did.

People of South Carolina and Laurens County in particular: Stop putting people in jail for sharing love and sex. There is no good reason to continue to persecute consenting adults for loving each other as they mutually agree.

To the persecuted defendants: So sorry what has been done to you, especially after losing a child. If you can, move someone better as soon as you can. There are countries that don't treat adult lovers are criminals, and you will also not be criminalized in New Jersey or Rhode Island.

Urge Japan to Increase the Freedom to Marry

Like so many other places, Japan needs full marriage equality.

That includes the consanguineous freedom to marry. Fortunately, Japan doesn't criminalize consanguinamory. Unfortunately, consanguineous lovers are still denied their right to marry. 

There's a new petition that seeks to change that. Please consider signing this petition and spreading the link to others.

https://www.change.org/p/for-the-japanese-civil-code-to-allow-consanguineous-marriage

Dear Mr Takashi Yamashita 

Today, Japanese law permits consanguineous relationships but not consanguineous marriage. Incest between consenting adults is legal in Japan but Japanese law discriminates against incestuously oriented consenting adult (CIAO) people by prohibiting them from marrying, even if they have children. This is unfair and harmful. 

The Japanese Constitution promises equal rights and is interpreted to prohibit discrimination on all grounds, so why is it that CIAO people cannot marry ? CIAO people may have children and they need to be protected by the law and have the same legal rights as other children are who have legally married parents. CIAO people and their children should not be subject to social stigma or institutional incestophobia. They should not be deprived of rights that others have who are in consensual adult relationships: for example: the right to marry the person they love, and the right to have a mother and a father who are legally married to each other. 

Not all CIAO people may want to marry, but those who wish to marry should not be barred from doing so. To refuse to allow them to marry is a breach of their civil rights, and to treat them as different from other people is to discriminate against them. 

All people who believe in equality and human rights should support the rights of CIAO people to marry. 

Your help in this matter will be most appreciated. 

Thank you very much on behalf of CIAO people everywhere today and in the future. 

As the Minister of Justice, will you please initiate the reform of Japanese laws so that in future CIAO people who wish to marry are able to do so. 

Yours sincerely,Richard Morris

Make it so!

Others May Consent to Something You Wouldn't

I'm bumping up this good entry from a while back...

“Anonymous” left a comment on the post "Bigotry Expressed.” My response is below.

Thank you, Anonymous, for your thoughtful consideration and for comment.

I do not think she makes a good argument, because she expresses blanket certainty about diverse things about which she could not possibly be certain. There are adult children who are emphatic that they freely consent to have sex with a parent, some of whom claim to be the initiator, and others who would like to, but haven’t. It is their experienced word against her inexperienced word. Has she interviewed everyone involved and performed careful psychological analysis of each case?

If she had said that some apparently consensual cases could be the result of selfish grooming on the part of a parent, and explained that dynamic, then she would have a good argument.

“It seems pretty reasonable to presume that if a parent is having sex with their child, even an adult child, that the parent groomed the child into the sexual relationship.”

That may be reasonable to presume in some cases, but is a presumption that may or may not turn out to be true. Let’s assume the parent was a primary custodial parent. Is it impossible that a child could grow up having a healthy relationship with that parent, and after getting out of the home for college, the military, or any other form of establishing themselves, that adult child realizes that they have a sexual attraction to their parent? I do not think that is impossible. In addition, consider when the parent did not have primary custody or any custody, as is the case in so many Genetic Sexual Attraction cases.

We Get Haters on Tumblr

Come see for yourself.

Spirit Day

Thursday, October 18 is Spirit Day. Among varying activities, people wear purple in support of LGBTQ youth, against bullying.

Nobody should be bullied, harassed, or discriminated against because of their gender, sexuality, or relationship diversities or those of their family  members or friends.

Are you observing Spirit Day? Leave a comment telling us about it.

How You Can Help

Coming Out Day

Even with the US Supreme Court decision bringing all states online with the limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry, and some recent laws enacted for the protection and rights of LGBT people in the US and other countries, life can be tough for someone whose identity and orientation doesn’t fit in to a little heterosexual, monogamous, "traditional"-gender-role box or whose relationship doesn’t meet the local sex police’s approved standards. Sometimes, a person or the people in a relationship want to come out of the closet. Sometimes they need to come out. For some of these people, it is a little less difficult if they do so as part of a communal event, such as National Coming Out Day.

National Coming Out Day is today, October 11. Here’s the official website, at least for the US. There is much helpful information there, regardless of where you live.

The more people that come out, the more the others around them will realize they do know and appreciate people who are LGBT, or polyamorous, or consanguinamorous, and that such people and relationships deserve equality. So coming out helps progress.

On the other hand, it is understandable that any given person, couple, triad, or quad decides to stay in the closet for now. There’s still so much hate, so much prejudice and persecution, and even unjust laws that hinder the life and love of people who are good citizens and just want to be themselves. I support the decision of anyone who believes they need to be reserved for now for the sake of their safety and family.

The decision to come out is yours. Do you want to come out, and to whom? Your friends? Your family? Your coworkers? Your classmates? Your neighbors? Your crush? The whole world?

Also, if someone comes out to you, the decision to be an ally is yours. If your classmate, coworker, neighbor, friend, parent, child, or sibling comes to you and says they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, polysexual, pansexual, transgender, polyamorous, or in a consanguinamorous relationship, what will you do? Will you choose love and acceptance?

Even if you are heterosexual, monogamous, and nonconsanguinamorous, you may want to come out as an ally for full marriage equality. That alone can take courage, but it helps.

If you are planning to come out, or you do come out, please feel free to share your experience here by commenting.

The Spice of Life

Monogamy isn't for everyone, and very few people only marry and have sex with one person throughout their entire life. If monogamy or serial monogamy is what works for you, we fully support that and support your rights to be monogamous.

In return, we hope you support the rights of others to be ethically nonmonogamous, especially since it is what is best for some and some are polyamorous as who they are.

Your personal feelings, boundaries, or convictions may preclude any form of ethical nonmonogamy for you, but that doesn't you need to put down others who are different. Thankfully, most of you don't. There really isn't any good reason that people who are nonmonogamous should be discriminated against.

We take a live and let live attitude around here, supporting everyone who just want to be themselves and have their relationships and to avoid trouble.

Whether someone is engaging in casual sex, swinging, swapping, threesomes, moresomes, hotwifing, cuckolding, an open relationship or open marriage, relationship anarchy, polyamory, polyfidelity, group marriage, plural marriage, or some other form of polygamy, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, that should be their business and shouldn't subject them to discrimination or bullying or prosecution. Same goes for some asexuals and aromantics who don't want sex or don't want romantic relationships. Let people do their thing!

Please feel free to comment with your thoughts and experiences regarding any form of ethical nonmonogamy, or write to fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.