A Mother With a Secret

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. 

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. Most can’t even be out of the closet or they’ll face prosecution under absurd incest laws, which, instead of focusing on abuse, also target consensual relationships.

The woman interviewed below should be free to legally marry anyone she loves, or simply to be together without having to hide, yet she can’t. Prejudice can be deadly. If lovers are consenting adults, why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for loving each other this way, and might be persecuted severely in addition.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what she has to say about the affection she enjoys. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they enjoy each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label? Please note that this blog supports ethical, disclosed, of consensual nonmonogamy, and does not endorse cheating.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS INTERVIEW UNAVOIDABLY CONTAINS SOME DESCRIPTIONS OF SEXUALITY.

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FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Maria: I am 48, mother of two, my son who is 18 and a daughter. My husband and I have been married for 21 years now. He is caucasian, comes from a good background. He's a good man and a great provider for us. We are upper middle-class and we are doing well for ourselves and our children. I met him in college. He is four years older than me. I was 25 when we met, we had a great connection and we got married two years later. He finished college but I haven't yet. 

I am of Latin descent. I grew up with four sisters, five total including myself. My parents were from Mexico and immigrated to the U.S. Two of my older sisters were born in Mexico but the rest of us were born in the states. We grew up in a very religious household, mainly because of my mother. She was the quintessential Mexican Catholic mother. Every bad thing we did was a sin. Which, over the years, became white noise to me. 

As I grew older, I was around 12 years old, I started to notice that my father was a very handsome man. And I also noticed that my mother only had sex to procreate. I came to that realization because of my mother's strong religious beliefs. 

My daddy was my strong man. He was my protector. He was a hard worker and since he worked in the concrete and bricklaying business, he was in great shape. So, I as I said before, I started to notice just how handsome and good-looking my daddy really was.

Then, right before I turned 13, puberty hit me like a sledgehammer. I was wondering why I was tingly and getting hair in places that I didn't know could grow hair. Mind you, I didn't have any help from my mother because of her strong religion, so I had to ask my older sisters for help and guidance. They did help a bit, but I also had to learn on my own from school and books. So, I turned 13. And I was very aware of my body. I had always wondered why I was such a sexual being and me hitting puberty just catapulted me to even more sensations. 

One day, I was next door at my friend's house playing and then decided to home. I walked home and noticed that my mom and all of my sisters were gone. When mom went to the store, we all went because she needed help with groceries. I saw my daddy's truck was in the driveway and didn't think anything of it.

I walked in, got a drink and heard noises coming from my parents’ room. I took off my flip-flops and was curious what the sound was so I went to investigate. As I got to my parents door, it was open just a bit and thats when I saw my daddy, naked on his bed, stroking himself. My eyes grew wide as saucers. I had never seen a d—- in real life, just in pictures, as I had girlfriends and their daddies had porn magazines.

I stood there hidden behind my parent's door, watching my sweet daddy stroking his very big, very long d—-. That's when I started to feel something hit me like a ton of bricks. I started to sweat, my "girl parts" were very tingly and my legs felt like noodles. I could not stop watching him. That's when my daddy went from my sweet daddy to my very handsome, beautiful daddy of a man!

My breathing became sharp as I watched him. He was slow as he stroked himself and to me, being so young, his d—- seemed absolutely huge. Later on, I confirmed that it was big. It looked silky and his head was big. I blushed from embarrassment but my tingling became more intense and I felt aroused. I thought that I had peed myself but knew that I didn't.

I heard him moan softly and I quickly looked back at him. He stroked himself faster and this time, he threw his head back and I that was the very first time I saw an adult man ejaculate. My eyes grew much wider and I was sweating even more. As I saw this, my body reacted to this forbidden sight, my arousal intensified and my legs gave way. I was brought to my knees as i too was panting heavily. I remember very vividly. I couldn't get it out of my head days, weeks, years later.

After that, I became a "daddy's girl" and tried every moment I could to sit on my daddy's lap just to feel him against me. I would sit on his lap and I would deliberately but lightly squirm on his lap until I felt him get hard, then he would pick me up and scooted me off. This went on for many years, even when I was in high school. 

I never had sex with my daddy but I did get to see his d—- again when I was 17 and it was magnificent and big. I had an huge infatuation and crush on my daddy. He passed away later, but he knew that I loved him dearly.

FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation?

I am heterosexual.

FME: You currently live with...?

I live with my husband and our two children.

FME: You are in a sexual relationship with your son? He is your biological son?

Currently, I am in a sexual relationship with my biological son.

FME: How did sexual affection become a part of the relationship between you and your son?

I first started to notice my son as an attractive young man as soon as he turned 12-13. Just like me, when he hit puberty. He is my first born. I baby him, which his father doesn't like. He was always a beautiful baby and a very cute boy, then when puberty hit, he just became this very attractive young man.

He has always been into sports, soccer, track, swimming. He started working out and running. He pretty much stayed in shape. After he started shedding his baby fat, from working out, I started to notice him more and more.

One day, he smiled at me and it hit me. He looked just like his grandfather, my daddy, at his age! I looked at an old picture of my daddy and compared it to my son's picture. My son favored my daddy a lot! And because of my mother's raising, I felt a lot of guilt for thinking of my daddy in such a sexual way that I started to feel very guilty for even looking at my son the same way. 

My son and I have always been close. As I mentioned earlier, I baby him. His father doesn't like that but I tell him that he will always be my baby. 

My husband works a lot and his job keeps him from home at times so those times that he's away, our son has stepped in to be a surrogate husband. Even when he was younger, my son and I went to movies, went to parks with his sister, shopping, and since he has gotten older, we've gone to mother/son dinner dates. We also have our scary movie nights where he and I watch scary movies together on Saturday nights and cuddle up with each other. Nothing sexual, just bonding with each other.

Since he was gotten older, I have noticed him and how handsome and good-looking he has gotten.

I was also noticing when he wore loose shorts. I was beginning to wonder "What if he is just like my daddy?" 

But, the guilt set in and I pushed those thoughts down. 

Well, as fate would have it, I was at work and decided to come home early this particular day. I didn't think anything of it. So, I got home parked my car and went in. Well, I heard a shower running. I thought this was odd because I thought that my kids were at school. I put purse down, took off my heels and went to see who left the damn shower running. I realized that it was coming from my son's bedroom. I thought this was odd because he was supposed to be in school. As soon as I got his doorway, he was walking out of his bathroom, completely naked. That's when I saw it. I froze when I saw my own son's very large, semi-hard d—-.

Immediately, I was back at my old house,13 years old, staring at my daddy. Only this time, I was staring at my son. And again, I became aroused. 

I remember quickly hiding behind his door before he could see me as I watched him. He was absolutely gorgeous. Tall, athletic body, toned from his workouts, dark brown hair, and noticed that he had shaven his public hair. But the main thing I was staring at was his d—-. He grabbed something, stood for a bit then he went back to his shower. 

I stood there for what seemed like ages to me but I'm sure it was only two or three minutes. That moment opened a huge floodgates of deep seated suppressed incestuous feelings, emotions, and memories of my daddy along with all the guilt and shame that I felt for thinking about him that way. I quickly went into the kitchen, poured me a glass of wine and just sat in my thoughts. 

After a while, my son walked in and saw me home. I asked him what he was doing home and he said that his school had some sort of teacher in-service and he didn't have class that day. I had forgotten about it. 

So, after seeing my son naked for the first time since he was a baby, was a complete shock to me and my psyche. After that day, I could not get the image of him or his d—- out of my head. 

For days, I caught myself staring at him, his body, and his crotch, even at his games or when he was swimming with his friends at our pool. And after each time, the guilt set in which made me feel like the worst mother in the world. 

I have anxiety and my guilt took my anxiety level to a higher level. I used to smoke marijuana to help with anxiety before therapy and “happy pills" so, I called my girlfriend and asked her for some for my high anxiety and that helped me a lot. 

My family knew that I smoked, so it wasn't a huge taboo secret. I told them that it was because of work stress but my husband didn't know that it was because of my thoughts about our own young son. 

FME: How did things change from thought to acting on it?

It was a Friday evening. This particular weekend, my husband told me that he was going to bed early because he was going out of town early the next morning and our daughter was going to a sleepover at her best friend's house after school. She was picked up by her friend's parents which gave me some "me" time.

He told me that he was going to go out and shoot some hoops with his friends that evening. Which was fine, that meant I could relax and unwind before he came home.

I took a long hot bath, drank some wine, and also took a couple of drags of my special herbal medicine. I remember this evening very vividly. I was sitting down, relaxed and reading a book.

My son came home earlier than usual. It was around 9 o'clock or so. He usually stays out later playing games with his friends. But when he walked in, I noticed that he was wincing and walking very gingerly. Immediately, I went into "mom-mode", jumped up, off of the couch and asked him what happened.

He told me that he must have landed wrong on his ankle and it didn't feel right. I could tell that he was in a bit of pain. I told him to go take a bath and I get something for the pain.

I started to help him but he said that he could handle himself. I was worried and once again, my anxiety level started to rise. I went to my bathroom and quietly looked for some pain medication and remembered that my husband had some left over from a severe sprain that he had two months ago. I grabbed the bottle and it had more than I thought. I grabbed a water and before my son bathed, I told him to take one pill, it would help with the pain.

He asked for two, and I gave him a puzzled look. He told me that the pills were for his dad and he was bigger than dad, weight and height-wise and that teo would help. I agreed with him, gave him two pills and placed the bottle on his night stand. I told him to hurry and bathe, I didn't want him to sleep in the bathtub because I didn't know when the pills would kick in.

I kissed his cheek and left his room. 

I went to grab my herbal medicine and took several drags and then proceeded to pour myself a glass of wine to calm myself, which it did, tremendously. 

So, I went back to my book and I reminded myself that I would check in on my son.

Of course, I lost track of time when I realized that I needed to check in on him. I got up went to check on my baby boy. I get to his door and his TV and his lamp are on. I look over at his bed and he's completely knocked out on his bed. He was covered up to waist by his covers but was shirtless. I went to his nightstand, grabbed his remote and turned off his TV. I stopped to look at him as he was sleeping peacefully. I smiled and remembered when I tucked him in when he was younger. It made my heart flutter. I sat down on his bed next to him as he was in the center of his bed so there was plenty of room for me to sit down.

In my "high and relaxed" state, I sat next to my beautiful son, admiring his angelic face. I caressed his face and moved some strands of hair above his forehead. Then, I lightly touched his soft neck, then my hand was on his defined chest. "Wow, baby! Those workouts are definitely helping you." Is what went through my head as I was admiring his body.

Then, my hand slowly trailed lower. I felt my heartbeat faster as I had a feeling of chills run thru my eyes tire body. I lightly rubbed his stomach, almost a six-pack but not quite yet.

By then, I was tingling and I paused, realizing that I was getting turned on. I almost got up and leave his room but I stayed. Something in me just took over. My brain was yelling at me to stop but my body just took over. My hands were shaking as I grabbed the top of his covers and slowly pulled them back. I gasped and my eyes widened when I noticed that he wasn't wearing anything! He went straight to bed after his bath.

Again, I started to lightly sweat and my heart began to race when I saw it resting on his right thigh, close to me.

That evening, I couldn't sleep. As I laid there with my husband next to me, the guilt began to set in.

The next day, I was a mess. I came home early from work and told my family that I wasn't feeling well. This went on for the next few days. Eventually, I meditated and did some "me" things to help me get centered. I had to because I was "mom" and had to take care of my family. 

My son had always been my favorite child since he was my first born. My husband and I have gotten into several disagreements because I do baby him as he puts it.

My son and I have always had a special relationship. We've cuddled. I'm very affectionate towards him. And we have good talks. Over the years, he and I have had movies nights, where it’s just he and I. We get in our comfies, which is our PJs or comfortable clothing. He usually wears shorts a shirt or tank top. I usually wear loose shorts and a shirt, no bra, or a long shirt and panties or a tank top no bra and shorts. We have done this for years. It has gradually become our thing and lately, we have started to watch horror movies, which my husband doesn't care to watch so he goes to bed. We called it "scary movie night." 

Fast forward a few weeks after that night I had visited him, my son and decided to have our "scary movie night." My daughter went to a sleepover at her friends and my husband went to bed, leaving just my son and I to watch our movies.

We showered and out on our comfies. I wore a camisole, no bra, and shorts. Well, to think of it now, they were pretty much booty shorts, my big ass cheeks were visible at the bottom of my shorts. My son wore a tank top and loose shorts.

I was having my wine, cuddled up to my son, which was the norm.

This part of this movie had a very provocative sex scene. I was very turned on by it and so was my son.

After the scene, there was hilarious part which made us both laugh. We rewound the part to make us laugh even more. The funny scene was a tension breaker. I must have said something funny during the scene which we laughed more. After the laughter died down, we both chuckled and I wiped the tears from my eyes. I said to him.."God, mijo. You are so funny." I hugged him, tightly, putting my head on his chest and after I finished hugging him, like we always did, I gave him a little kiss on his lips.

Only, this time there was a long, silent pause after that innocent kiss. We looked into each other's eyes and there was strong sexual tension between us. We kissed again, a small peck, then another, then another. Next thing I knew, we were making out like teenagers, only he was a teenager and I was his mother. Our tongues tasted each other, my hands were all over his face, his hands were kneading my breasts. We were panting and when I felt his hand go underneath my camisole, I broke our kiss, moaned & then straddled him and continued kissing him again.

Here I was, grinding against my own son on our couch, making out with him, while my husband, his father, was in our bedroom dead asleep.

I moaned and gasped when felt his big strong hands inside of my camisole. I broke our kiss again, grabbed the bottom of it, pulled it over my head and tossed it aside, exposing my breasts to my son. He moaned and immediately latched his mouth on my nipple. I moaned and stopped myself from being too loud as the feeling was just so intense. I cradled his head as he suckled. By then, I was extremely aroused.

Both of us were panting and breathing heavily, while I continued to grind against my son. 

I grabbed his face and kissed him again. 

Then, I slid off of him, kneeling on the floor between his legs. I slid my hands up his legs to the top of his loose shorts and begin to pull them down.

His eyes widened at what I was doing and he helped me as he lifted his hips up as I began to pull his shorts down.

It was just as beautiful as I remembered. I immediately took him in my mouth.

He later reached for my face, pulled me to him and kissed me. We both moaned as we kissed. Then, he motioned for me to get on the couch and I did. This time, I was underneath him and then he went for my breasts once again.

Oh God, I was so turned on and I knew that I shouldn't have been. 

He started fingering me. I covered my mouth to try and muffle my moans.

He grabbed the top of my shorts and pulled them off. Of course, I lifted my hips to help him.

He went down on me.

Almost immediately, I orgasmed. My entire body shook. I dont know what was but it was like I knew that I was committing a huge cardinal sin with my own son! That's where my mother comes in. For some reason, I knew it but as soon as I thought of my mother and what she would think if she knew that her grandson was licking his own birthplace??? I certainly do not speak ill of the deceased but I'm almost positive my poor mother was rolling in her grave! 

I had to grab a pillow to muffle my loud moans. 

My own son just given me the most intense orgasm that I have ever had.

Then he entered me.

I grabbed his face, pulled him to me and kissed him. 

I put my hand over his mouth to muffle his moans and he just exploded inside of me. I knew that I shouldn't have let him do that and didn't know why I said that it was OK but I just wanted to make him feel safe and that I would take care of him. 

I looked at him and his eyes were glazed over and I held him, kissing his face and head. He was in such a haze. 

I sat next to him, laid my head on his shoulder and told him that I loved him. He said that he loved me too.

I grabbed my shirt and shorts, put them on and went into the kitchen to get us some water. I came back and gave him his. I told him that I was going to bed. I leaned in and kissed him, not a way a mother should kiss her son, this was a sensual kiss for a lover. Then, I said..."Not a word of this to anyone. We'll talk about this later. I love you, mijo."

I went into my bedroom, got into bed, hearing my husband snoring next to me. I didn't sleep at all that evening.

FME: How do you describe the sex now?

My sex life with my son is still amazing. Although, it feels so incredible. And yes, it still is very taboo. I mean, I am still his mother and he is still my son and we both know that this is very wrong in society's eyes. I still feel a pang of guilt and hear my mother in the back of my head telling me that I am going to Hell for having sex with my own son. I don't think that will ever go away. 

Not only that, I am cheating on my husband with our son.

I don’t know why each time that I feel him inside of me, I can't help but feel that it just feels right, it feels very natural. Like I was meant to do this with my son. However, I do feel guilt whenever I am having sex with my son behind my husband's back. But it also feels exciting too. Not only because I am having sex with my own son but also having sex with my own son, if that makes any sense at all.

FME: Describe your relationship now. Is this an affair, a union, girlfriend and boyfriend, what? Are you more like spouses or family-with-benefits or something else?

My relationship with my son now is more of a family with benefits relationship. I am still his mom and he is my son. But when we are able to be with each other, we're still mother and son but also lovers who are mother and son. The whole forbidden/taboo idea makes it exciting, erotic and dirty in a good way.

FME: Aside from your husband, are you with anyone else? Is your son?

As much as it pains me to admit this, I have had sex with my nephew. He is also a teenager and close cousins with my son. He is my closest sister's son. Neither my son or my sister know that I had sex with him. He has been true to his word not to tell anyone.

FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature of your relationship?

I had a medical situation which I finally told my closest sister about my son and I. At first, she reacted with shock and disbelief, which I was prepared for, but I knew that I could trust her. After I told her what had happened, she began to understand my feelings and she was more caring, understanding, and patient with me. I love her so much. Thats why I knew that I could confide in her with this.

FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers, especially between mother and son?

To be honest, for me and my son, it hasn't been very difficult for us to hide it. Like I said before, I am still his mom and he is still my son. We have that frame of mind around my husband, his sister and around other family members or friends. When we get together is always private and inconspicuous. And we have been a fairly good job of it so far.

And for us, my relationship with my son is advantageous for the both of us. 

My feelings for my son aren't for every mother. They are for me. The feeling of guilt are still there, to this day. But having had sex with my own son, had been a sexual awakening for me. My son is a great lover. My sexual feelings for him have intensified since we started having sex. To me, sex with my son has been more spiritual and sacred to me because I conceived this human being. I carried him for 9 months.I gave birth to him. Nurtured him, held him in my arms as I breastfed him. All of those things a mother does for her baby. Only this time, I am letting him come back to his place of birth. And that, to me, is a bond that can never be broken between mother and son. Albeit wrong in many societies or cultures. To me, it slowly became a beautiful normal.

FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship?

These are deep questions.

First, I want to say that what I am doing is mine and my son's choice. I know that it definitely isn't for everyone. I leave it at that.

FME: If your husband wanted to be with your daughter,when she is of age, would you be OK with that? What if he was with someone else? Under what conditions would you be OK with those things?

 

To be honest about this, If he did or does, then I have no right to say anything. I am not one to judge, one bit. Plus, he can hide it just like I am. 

FME: If you could get legally married to your son, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you? Or is this a different kind of relationship than that?

I don't want to marry my son. We both have discussed that he will find someone who will make him happy and that will make me happy. 

FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member, especially a mother or son?

What would I say to any mother that are having strong sexual feelings or sexual thoughts or sexual attraction that you're having about your own son? It's alright. It's very natural and there's nothing wrong to have these feelings or thoughts about him. Even though he is your offspring, he is still a man and you are a woman who likes to look at your beautiful creation. You made this beautiful young good-looking man. You're allowed to relish, enjoy, and pine over him, after all, he is yours. He came from you. 

FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other? 

To be honest, stay out of it. It is not your path to follow. 

FME: Do you consider yourself consanguinamorous in orientation, or could you be fulfilled in a relationship with someone who isn’t a close relative?

After finally admitting to myself about my feelings for my daddy and now having a sexual relationship with my son, I would consider myself consanguinamorous in orientation.

FME: Any plans for the future?

Just enjoy my life with my family and my secret life with my son as long as I am able to.

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Again, this blog does not encourage cheating. We encourage disclosed nonmonogamy, but we do accept that circumstances can prevent disclosure. We also recognize that this is not the same thing as being with a co-worker, a neighbor, or some hookup from an app.

Why should consenting adults be denied their rights? There’s no good reason. We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life, around the world, who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a relationship that is “forbidden” and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, or that of someone you know, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you, Maria, for telling us about your intergenerational, consanguinamorous relationships. We hope your husband, daughter, and anybody else don’t suffer as a result and things go well in the future.