Finding Joy At Home

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. 

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. Most can’t even be out of the closet or they’ll face prosecution under absurd incest laws, which, instead of focusing on abuse, also target consensual relationships.

The man interviewed below should be free to legally marry his lover, or simply to be together as a couple without having to hide, yet they can’t. Prejudice can be deadly. They are consenting adults who aren’t hurting anyone; why should they have been denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love, and might be persecuted severely in addition.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this man has to say about the love he shares with his spouse. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label?

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Trevor: I’m a 26 year old white male who lives in the Pacific Northwest and I work as a tram operator. One of my favorite hobbies is visiting old-fashioned taverns for the food and atmosphere. I currently live with my mother in our apartment. She is 44. 


FME: Have you ever been legally and/or ceremonially married? 

I haven’t been legally married but I did have a private ceremony with my mom after our first night together. It was just the two of us in our little basement apartment, she was wearing a wedding gown we got in some thrift store and we exchanged claddagh rings and recited our vows to one another. Then we had our first dance together as husband and wife. 

FME: How would you describe your gender(s)? How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation... are you heterosexual, bisexual, what? Are you monogamous, polyamorous, or....?

Our genders and orientation would be described as cisgender and heterosexual. Yes we are monogamous.

FME: You are in a sexual relationship with your mother? Is she your biological mother, adoptive mother, or stepmother?

Yes I am in a current sexual relationship with my mother and she is my biological mother. 

FME: What was your childhood like? What was family life like? 

My mom raised me all alone, a single mom at 19 years old. Her family didn’t want anything to do with her given that they are from a very strict Mormon background. She essentially hit the road at 18 and pregnant. She did everything herself and raised me as well. It wasn’t easy for her.

Over the years she got into a few relationships with guys. Some were OK. Most were bad and abusive. There were many times when I was a kid when we slept in battered women’s shelters. 

FME: How did sexual affection become a part of the relationship between you?

Well the Covid restrictions brought us closer, for months on end we were cooped up inside, and that time we spent talking a lot and we simply became more close than we were before. Anyway, last month, I got on Tinder and started looking about. It didn’t go well. Some dates stood me up, others laughed when they learned I was a virgin. So one night I come home all tired and worn out from my brief foray into the online dating world. 

So she sees me on the couch, channel surfing and looking rather depressed. And sits down next to me, asks me what’s wrong. So I told her the whole thing - tinder, being stood up, being a virgin. I don't know why I told her everything, but I was just exhausted with the last 18-24 months. 

She just sat there, didn’t respond much initially. Then she said, "It’s OK if you’re a virgin.”

And I was like, "No it’s not, it sucks!"

She smiled and said, "Yeah OK it sucks. But look at the silver lining."

 And I was like, what silver lining? 

She said you can still lose it with someone who loves you dearly and cares about your mental wellbeing and happiness. I was kind of confused at first because girls like that are rather rare.

So I asked, "What are you talking about?"

 And she said, well if you’re looking to lose your virginity, and want a caring woman to practice sex with, why don’t you try it out with me?

FME: Can you describe your feelings during that event? How about “the day after”? How did that go? How were you feeling?

I really underestimated how much sexual frustration played a key role in me practically jumping at the opportunity to mate with my mom. 

I was thinking about it more deeply lately and realized she saved me from a life of crippling loneliness and depression. She stepped up to comfort me; a kiss-less virgin at 26, in a way that no one can. In a way only a mother can, by offering her literal body and soul to merge with mine, so that we are now one in love, spiritually and physically. 

My first kiss, my first sexual encounter, my first and only love. My mom. My mate for life. 

The day after, when we woke up, there was a moment of awkwardness between us, having realized what we had done. So we had a talk about what each of us wanted out of this new relationship.

She told me that if I found someone my own age at some point, she would understand and would not stand in the way. I told her I didn’t want anyone else. Given her terrible luck with other men out there, I could almost see that the reason she offered herself to me was like a last attempt at finding happiness. 

FME: Before this had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together?,

Before this happened, no I didn’t think it was possible, but starting in puberty I did begin having erotic dreams about her so I did think at one point it could be enjoyable. I had no real opinion one way or the other and never had such feeling about other relatives, with the exception of some attractive cousins in middle school. 

FME: How do you describe the sex/lovemaking now? 

Considering I’ve only started having sex the last three to four weeks I’d describe it as me jumping her like a dog, humping away at her excitedly while she sweetly and very maternally calms me down and shows me there are many other ways to make love. Our love life is actually very vanilla We don’t even do dirty talk. Beyond my desire to excitedly “pound” her, our lovemaking involves a lot of kissing, cuddling and hugging and/spooning. I call her "Cuddle Monster" on account of how much she loves cuddles. 

FME: Describe your relationship now. Is this a marriage, a union, girlfriend and boyfriend, what?  Do you see each other as mother and son, or lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?

Our relationship now is that we’re married. Yeah we see ourselves as mother and son, and husband and wife. They’re interlinked now. 

FME: Do you literally sleep together, or what are the sleeping arrangements?

Yes, we sleep together. I moved into her bedroom. 

FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature of your relationship?

As far as I know, nobody who knows us, knows about us sleeping together. 

FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers, especially between mother and son?

I guess there’s some disadvantages, but we don’t mind. We’re not very much into public displays of affection or interested in telling the world. The advantage is that our love is so deep, because of the mother-son bond, because of our history that there’s absolute trust and security. I never have to worry about whether I’m being judged on my performance in the bedroom, she’s caring and understanding like a mother would be. And she never has to worry about her looks fading. She will always be beautiful to me. It’s a liberating experience. 

FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the others and that you can’t truly consent?

I did do an anonymous post online about our relationship. Yeah there were people who disapproved, but so what? Some were saying she’s only doing it because she feels sorry for you, or that I would become emotionally stunted if I didn’t have another relationship or have sex with different women. All I say is, they’re not here, feeling what I’m feeling. I’m emotionally and physically rejuvenated because of her. I went from being a guy who hadn’t even held a girl's hand or kissed one, to a guy who gets regular sex on a near daily basis. I won big time. 

FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you? Or is this a different kind of relationship than that?

Perhaps, if anything not to be harassed. But we already had our wedding. It was magical. 

FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member, especially their mother or son?

It’s a tricky situation, it all depends on everyone’s own circumstances. My circumstances just happened to coalesce perfectly, there’s no guarantee it could for others. There’s always a chance of having your relationship blow up, too, as that other person might not have the same feelings. If you both sense something then proceed cautiously. 

FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other? 

I’d say either be supportive or just leave them alone. They’re not taking bread out of your mouth. 

FME: Do you consider yourself consanguinamorous in orientation, or could you be fulfilled in a relationship with someone who isn’t a close relative?

You could say that, I don’t think I could find this fulfillment with anyone else. 

FME: Any plans for the future?

Just live this life I’ve been given with my beautiful mom bride.

*****

Clearly, these lovers are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone, and yet they can't even exercise their basic human right to legally marry as things are now. They love each other and are happy, yet they are denied fundamental rights. They can't even be open about their love without risking harassment or much worse.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason. We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life, around the world, who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, or that of someone you know, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or see here.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you, Trevor, for telling us about your intergenerational, consanguinamorous marriage. We wish you well in your relationship!