Sometimes, flirtation and other hints or what we call “testing the waters” are missed or misinterpreted. This is also, even especially, true when it comes to close relatives or family members, or others that might be considered “taboo” or “off limits,” such as:
- a sibling’s, parent’s, or son/daughter’s friend or lover (current or former)
- a current or past lover’s sibling, parent, son/daughter, or friend
- a friend’s sibling, parent, or son/daughter
This applies whether you raised or were raised with or by your genetic relative or not; adoptive or step relatives also count.
1) Do you suspect or know you missed one or more opportunities with a relative or other “taboo” potential partner? (Hindsight can often reveal these, if not noticed or understood at the time.)
2) Did you miss an opportunity to make a move or a pass because you hesitated or didn’t work up the nerve?
3) Did you flirt, hint, or make a move but the other person didn’t catch on, or thought you were only joking, or rebuffed it?
Whether anything like the above delayed the connection and it eventually happened or denied it and it never happened, it counts for my query.
Comment below or contact me privately. I can be reached at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com. I’m very responsive so if you don’t hear back from me after a day or so, check your spam or junk folder. I never share what someone tells me privately without their permission.
Maybe one of these things is going on right now or happened recently. If you need help with that, we can talk about that.
Of course, if you eventually did get together I’ve long been encouraging people with experience to contact me. Now is as good of a time as any. But this post was mostly so I could read more about missed opportunities.
Need some examples?
Here are a few, but anything that might fit the above criteria is welcome.
Male. When I was still a teenager, I was interested in another teen, but although we enjoyed talking for hours, she wasn't interested in getting with me. Her mother, however, was very interested. I carried on with that mother for quite a while. Everyone knew about it. That ended, but I remained friendly with both mom and daughter. I ended up taking the daughter out a few times on what might have appeared to others as dates, however the daughter told me she just couldn't go there with me, noting she could hear her mother and me and through the walls back in the day.
One that is more directly consanguinamorous...
Male. I was going through puberty. I lived with my dad, but I had to stay with my mom for a brief time and I had to share her bed with her for a few nights.One night something came over me. I was overwhelmed by a powerful urge to masturbate. So I did, laying on my back trying to be as still and slow as possible, inches from my supposedly sleeping mother.She never said anything but looking back, I'm sure she knew.Years later, I was in the passenger seat of her car once and she took a McDonald's soda from between my legs, took a sip and put it back and said, "Don't tell anyone I took something from between your legs and put it in my mouth," in a joking tone.I was 20-21ish at the time and super shy.If I wasn't as shy as I was at the time I should have said, "There's more there if you want it."
In my late twenties, I realized I was into consanguineous relationships, which could explain why I was so motivated to do what I did when we shared that bed.
Another one...
Male. I was only a year older than my sister.As kids we definitely did the usual "show me yours I'll show you mine," the typical curiosity looking and touching.We got caught and got humiliated in front of a large gathering in front of my parents friends and family because the parent of another kid that participated told on us.That put the stop to that progressionFast forward to adulthood. My sister got her own place after having twins at 18 so I spent a lot of time there with her. Nothing ever happened with us, but I messed around with her friend on the couch while my sister was in the room.Fast forward a few years from that. I was living with a woman who became friends with my sister. Years later, after my sister passed, my now ex confessed that she had cheated on me with my sister and her husband at the time, and she admitted that neither of them wanted me to find out because they didn't want to disappoint me.When I found out, I was disappointed, but not because they did it. I'm disappointed they didn't tag team me.
When I told my ex I would have loved to have a threesome with them, and she admitted it would have been hot to watch me f--- another woman, even if it was my sister.
Now, I'm positive my sister would have done it, if for no other reason than to have something to hold over me, lol.
I wasn't particularly attracted to my sister in the sense of sexual desire, but knowing we experimented as kids and the kink of the threesome with my girlfriend would have been a very erotic evening. Plus she'd had her tubes tied by then so my sister would have been free game to bareback.
Whether you eventually got together or never did, whether you were the person dropping hints or the person who might have missed hints or been too shy to act, whether it was with a relative or someone else considered "off limits" by many, whether it would have been cheating or not, feel free to share your "missed opportunities" below (you can do so anonymously) or contact me privately.
Should You Do It?
Need Permission to Act? Here It Is
For Parents Considering Consanguinamory
Tips For Switching to Polyamory
Does Swapping or Swinging Ruin Marriage?
Signs of Genetic Sexual Attraction
Cautious Consanguinamory
When Someone You Love Wants To Love You More
Why Do I Feel This Way?
Coming Out Consanguinamorous
Is It OK?
![Non-Monogamy Diagram [I:FV]](http://www.obsidianfields.com/lj/nonmonogamy2.5.1.gif){kind=link}
I’ve had a lot of time to think about all my missed opportunities with my mom.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in my teens, she was upset from fighting with my father. Crying, she said, “Take me in your arms. Your big strong arms.” I did, but I was afraid to go further.
When I was around 20, we were talking about girls and sex. I don’t know what possessed me to do this, but I told her that I thought she was someone I could have sex with. She replied, “I’m honored!” If I’d only replied, “The door is open if you want to, Mom.”
My father died suddenly when I was forty. Mom and I needed to get away from the house for a little while, so we decided to take a walk to a wooded park near her house. She said, coyly, “What would the neighbors say if they saw us going down to the woods?” It would be so simple to answer, “Let ‘em talk! There’s no one I’d rather go down to the woods with!” Instead, I froze. Afraid.
I so wanted to sleep with my mom that night. I’ve heard it said that there is only one way to comfort a widow, if you’re brave enough. But my wife was in the house too, so I had no opportunity.
Fast-forward to the beginning of the pandemic. I really didn’t know whether Mom or I would still be alive in another month. I drove to her house with the intention of confessing my feelings to her, even if there was no hope of anything happening. We sat on the sofa and held hands, and I kissed her on the lips. I asked her if she would do anything for me, and she replied, “If it’s within my power.” So simple to go on.
I’m not sure at this point that we’d have been better off if any of those missed opportunities had been taken. I’ll never know now. I think that Mom and I would have enjoyed being lovers, but not so sure we’d have been good in a romantic relationship. But I believe that, on some level, Mom knows how I feel about her.
Thank you for sharing your story. It's a shame that our society discourages such beautiful expressions of love within our families. Reading this, all I saw was the genuine, compassionate love a son has for his mother. I wish someday consanguineous relationships will be embraced by society and that people realize how wonderful such a love can be. I'm sorry that you could not follow-up on your feelings for her like you truly wanted to. Just know that there is nothing wrong with your feelings and that the love you have for your mother is a beautiful thing. Never change that!
DeleteThank you for your kind and thoughtful reply. It is a shame that moms and sons can’t feel safe exploring their romantic and sexual feelings for one another. I hope that changes someday.
DeleteNo problem! I hope too that mothers and sons, and other family members, can fully express their love for each other someday, if they so choose. Love has the potential to grow into something more and shouldn't be restricted just because of family ties.
DeleteI have a situation that is still ongoing. I recently discovered I'm likely consang in orientation. I find most of my family attractive and would date most of them if the opportunity arose. I'm only actively crushing on one though that being one of my younger siblings. We bonded a lot over the couple years as we're both on the nonbinary spectrum. I spend a lot of time with him, we cuddle and snuggle with each other a lot and we are each others first point of call if we need emotional support. There's definitely been times were we could have kissed but neither of us have ever take the opportunity. I would love to date him but I'm not in the right mindset for a relationship at the moment and there is many things I would need to make sure he was okay with before I could seriously consider it an option. He has also never been in a real relationship before and I'm not sure his first should be one he has to hide from everyone. Maybe I will take the opportunity in the future.
ReplyDeleteI think there is nothing wrong with your feelings towards your sibling and the rest of your family. I think it's ok that you would be willing to date any of them if they were ok with it. I understand your concerns and I think the way you want to go about approaching it shows you care about them very much. Society shouldn't look down on such feelings. As long as they consent and are of age, intimate relationships between family should be allowed. I hope that you get to express your feelings to them someday. Your love for your family sounds truly beautiful!
DeleteMale, I wish I could have had this with my sister. I first noticed her in a bikini when we were at a pool (we were both teenagers at the time, her 18 months older than me). I noticed how good looking she was and I went back to my room and jerked off the hardest I ever had lol!
ReplyDeleteAbout 6-7 years after that I did make a pass at her, but she turned me down. Thankfully, nothing bad came of it and we still have a great sibling relationship to this day. I wish she had been interested in being with me. It would have been the greatest time of my life to lose my virginity to my sister, and I wish we could have had that kind of relationship. I have noticed I am interested in women that somewhat resemble her, so I guess I got a type lol. I still check her out whenever I see her.
So not really a missed connection, but thankfully nothing bad happened.
Tbh though, if she all of a sudden wanted to sleep with me nowadays, I'd f&^% her like the world was ending tomorrow
In my ideal alternative reality, my mother would have offered to teach me about dating and girls and sex when I reached puberty. We would have had a loving, intimate, and romantic relationship. We would both know that there would be a time for both of us to move on, but we would always be lovers as long as we both lived.
ReplyDeleteI would love this with my mum. I think we have been close to having an intimate relationship but unfortunately never quite got there.
DeleteI had to give some thought as to where my father would be in my alternate reality. He a different man, one who would accept and support Mom and me being lovers if we chose. And not pushing us together or apart. He and Mom would be a cute couple, and he’d call Mom and me a cute couple, too.
ReplyDeleteHope that alternative reality can become our reality someday. With consent and support, intimate relationships between family members can work as long as all parties are ok with it and are of age.
DeleteMale.. i was in college and joined a gay dating/hookup site. I stumbled across a profile for my dad in all his glory. It caught me off guard but for the next few months I simply couldn’t stop thinking about him; i even saved the photos onto my phone. I never had the guts to message him or try to initiate anything for fear of being outed myself or having him shun me. It is one of my biggest regrets because i found myself daydreaming of having an intimate life with him.
ReplyDelete