The Anticipating Brother

Genetic Sexual Attraction is real, and the people who experience it often have their lives turned upside down. Sometimes, when there are mutual feelings, things will work out so that the lovers can be together.

"Richard" and the woman he love were in a state of mutual anticipation when this interview was conducted, providing a perspective that comes from a different place than previous interviews that have involved people who were together for a while.

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

Richard should be free to marry the woman he loves, yet they can't legally marry, and they could be imprisoned and have their lives ruined if they were outed to the wrong people. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this man has to say. Should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

WARNING: Mildly expressed sexuality.

*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

Richard: I'm your typical white guy. I was born in Mexico City, but my mom and dad divorced when I was a baby. When I was nine or so, my dad remarried and started a new family. I lost all contact with them. I grew up with another half sister. I’ve been married twice; both abysmal failures. I have two other half siblings in Mexico. I didn't get to meet them until they were in their early 20's and I was in my 30's. I was pretty badly abused by my birth mother as a child, emotionally, physically and verbally. I grew up as the black sheep of the family. Same with my sister, almost exactly. We're both well educated professionals.

FME: How would you describe your genders? How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation?

Heterosexual male. She's a hetero female. We're both monogamous, it just happens that we're half siblings. I was in an open marriage for eight years, by my ex wife's request. The marriage was a spectacular failure.

FME: You currently live with...?

I currently live alone in a major city in the southwest US. She lives in Mexico.

FME: You are in a romantic relationship with your half sibling?

Yes. My half sister and I have been in love with each other since we first saw each other. We couldn't communicate it at the time because all our conversations had to be translated by other family members. We haven't consummated our relationship yet, but we both know it will immediately happen next time we are together.

FME: Tell us more about what your childhood was like. How were you two raised apart? What was family life like? How were you reunited or introduced, and how did you decided to get back together?

Both of us had very similar childhoods: very dysfunctional. One thing that's very distinct is that she and I take after our father physically. Dark hair, dark eyes, but were raised in families of all blue eyed blondes. Our father divorced my mother when I was two. We moved back to the States. He died, and my sister found me. I went to meet this huge family in Mexico. The minute I walked into the room with my sister, we both burst into tears. It was the first time either of us had seen someone who looked the same. To see us side by side, there is no question we're related. It was also love at first sight. It was just electric for both of us. My sister was married at the time, and I went back to the states. We've kept in touch. It wasn't until recently that we were able to fully communicate. That immediately led to our admissions of being in love with each other from the first day.

FME: Were alternative lifestyles discussed in your family while you were growing up, and if so, how? 

Not really. My family was very conservative. Sex wasn't talked about, period. Oddly enough, I formed my own opinions about them and am very liberal. My half brother is gay.

FME: You’re not at a point that you have actually had sex yet?

We haven't been able to consummate our relationship. The sexual thoughts and attraction have always been there, but we've always had family present. With us living in separate countries, and both married and faithful to our respective spouses, it just never got the chance to happen. I'm moving to live with her soon. We both know it will immediately happen. Our feelings for each other have been intense from day one. In 17 years it's just gotten stronger. I can't adequately describe the feeling of longing for each other there is.

FME: Elaborate, please.

She and I have mutually masturbated together. We always both feel incredibly beautiful and connected afterwards. There is no guilt or shame, just a beautiful feeling of love for each other. We talk for hours every day.

FME: Before this had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together? Do you, or have you had feelings like this for any close family members whether they are genetic relatives or not?

No, and it's funny. I'm an absolute believer in GSA. The thought of sleeping with the half sister I grew up with is repugnant to me. One time when I was visiting her, I popped in a VHS tape at her house. I didn't realize it was a video of her and her husband having sex. I literally almost puked. With my other sister, it's the opposite. We are constantly thinking of each other sexually and always have been.

FME: Do you know of any mutual kinks?

Strangely enough, she and I are both into BDSM. It's weird how our personalities have developed almost identically. We're both very kinky to begin with. But, again nothing like that feels off to us. It's just this overwhelming feeling of love for each other. 

FME: Describe your relationship now. Do you see each other as siblings or lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point? 

We know inherently that we're siblings, obviously, but we just don't visualize each other that way. So yes, we see each other both as siblings and lovers. The two are totally intertwined. As soon as the logistics are complete, I'm immigrating to her country to live together. Right now our relationship is very husband and wife. Our feelings for each other have been present for 17 years. It's only been fairly recent that we mutually decided we have to act on it. It's just not possible for us to be separated any more. I've heard of twins having similar experiences. Yes, there is very much a sexual connection between us, but it's so much more of a spiritual bond. Our connection is primal and magnetic. 

FME: Do you expect it to be a closed, monogamous relationship?

Neither of us can imagine wanting anyone but each other. The primal, almost magical connection that we share due to being siblings... It's magnetic. We have an inherent sense of safety and security with each other. Neither of us have felt that with anyone else, including our other siblings.

FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature of your relationship and how have they reacted? What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?

Both of us have friends that know, and I'm sure some of her family suspects. My family here are mostly deceased, and she really isn't close to hers. The people she's told have reacted pretty much as expected, with outright revulsion. They actually tried to stage an intervention. My friend that knows gives us his blessings. He knows how happy we make each other. We really don't plan to live near other family. We'll present as a couple, but neither of us feel the need at this point to explain the full nature of our relationship any more. It's our business. The fact that we share a few more strands of DNA than other couples is irrelevant.

FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers? Especially between siblings?

We haven't really had to deal with the full disadvantages of it yet. Most people who know us as siblings just think we're super close. It actually helps that we had a language barrier for a long time. No one cared that we spent so much time holding hands. She's my long lost sister! I think there are definitely advantages for us, but I can't speak for anyone else: the bond we share. She finishes my sentences constantly and we are always in tune with each other's emotions. We seem to immediately sense when the other needs comforting, or is feeling frisky or happy. I have to attribute that to us being siblings. It’s just innate.

FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the others (and that you can’t truly consent)? What do you want to say to people who deny or doubt that GSA is real?

I don't really give two damns about people who disapprove. My sister, when her friends tried to have an intervention and the "filthy incest" comment came out, she slapped the guy, told him she didn't need his friendship or approval, and disowned him as a friend. She's just such a strong person. I was incredibly proud of her. Neither of us are preying on each other. We really heal each other because of how our childhoods were so parallel. It's almost the first time either of us have felt 100% safe and secure with another person. No one who saw us together would think anything but that we are a beautiful couple who love each other.
I'm not a scientist, but to people who don't think it's real, you can read the stories of all of us, they're strikingly similar, especially the ones between siblings. No one wants to fully study it, but as for me, I'm a hundred percent believer in it, not to justify our relationship, but because I can't think of any other way to explain what happened to her and me.

FME: Is having children together something possible and something you’d consider?

No. Neither of us want children, and she isn't able to anymore. It's a non-issue for us.

FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?

Absolutely. We consider each other as spouses. We are completely faithful and committed to one another. We are deeply in love, we harm no one, and we're incredibly good for each other's spirits. If we could marry, we'd do it instantly.

FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member, especially a sibling, especially in a reunion situation?

Develop that relationship slowly. I think you'll know if that feeling is reciprocated. We knew immediately, but we had a lot of time to contemplate it separately. Whether you choose to act on those feelings depends on soooo many individual factors. Existing spouses, psychological makeup. We are both very open and strong personalities. For us, it was incredibly easy to admit to each other and ourselves. I think the most important thing, once you know you both feel the same, is to really look at the particular reality of your individual situation. Talk, talk, talk. Your challenges are not even close to normal couples. Communicating in a GSA relationship is critical. 

FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other? 

Love and support them. Don't be afraid to spend time with them when they are together. She and I deeply love one another. It doesn't mean it hurts any less to be shunned by family and friends. We didn't choose what happened between us. We've chosen to accept and embrace the idea that both of us have found the one person in the world who perfectly compliments us. We deserve love too.

FME: Any plans for the future?

One day at a time. Once we're living together we'll take life day by day.

FME: Anything else to add?

She and I are consenting adults. I would never advocate for sexual abuse. It just happens that we were separated at birth and share some genes. We harm no one, nor would we want to, especially not each other.

As my sister and I talked today we both came to some important conclusions.

We are the farthest apart of all our siblings. Genetically and family wise, I would normally be her protector and a substitute for our deceased father. We never got that chance. We've been separated by time and countries. No one would think twice about a brother and sister who are very close, supporting each other. It's expected. Our romance has developed because we never got to bond the way we might have. My sister is literally one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. Because of our being siblings, the desire to protect and care for one another is absolutely ingrained. Because we never grew up together, never had the same caregivers or sibling rivalry, there is no aversion for us romantically. Because we are siblings, our need to be fiercely protective of each other is totally natural. If someone physically abused a brother or sister you grew up with, no one would question your fury. They'd call it righteous probably. We never had that. When our respective families hurt us, our other siblings were so busy surviving they couldn't protect us. Most of the GSA relationships I read about are from broken homes. That my sister and I want to live in absolute peace with each other and heal each other is illegal is ridiculous. Had we grown up together, we'd be in the same boat as our other siblings. Mistrustful. Vying for attention and affection. Because we didn't, but instinctively understand each other through shared but separate experience, our love is wrong? She is this incredibly beautiful woman that I absolutely want to protect and love and nurture. All my feelings as a brother come out. All of my feelings as a lover are there also. She is my best friend. We are incredibly attracted to each other physically and emotionally. Probably why neither of us are attracted to the blondes we grew up with. We both realize we are facing serious prison terms should authorities prove this. What's more disgusting? A law that says I can't be with the person I want to protect more on this Earth, or that she happens to be my long lost sister. It's despicable.

*****

Clearly these siblings are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone.

These relationships are happening everywhere. It is happening somewhere not too far from where you are right now.

In general, there's no good reason to criminalize or discriminate against consanguinamorous relationships. We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a consanguineous and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you to Richard for doing this interview!

We hope that  your consanguinamorous relationship initiated by GSA works out well for the two of you.