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Tuesday, April 19, 2016

It Was Great While It Lasted


There are scores of ongoing relationships I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The relationship depicted in the interview below lasted until death, so is, sadly, not an ongoing relationship.The surviving partner  is, and was, mature, intelligent, and educated and was living with his partner as though they were married, and yet was (and would still be) denied his right to marry under the law. The hid the truth from everyone in their life. They weren't hurting anyone; why did they have to hide their love and be denied their rights?
Read the interview below and see if there is any good reason to deny others who are in relationships like this their basic rights to be together.


*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Ismael: I'm a high school teacher in History and Philosophy. I'm 51 year old. My father was a museum director and my mother was a teacher, too. I live near Rome, Italy, where I was born. I’ve never been married. I'm a heterosexual monogamist. I live alone now.


FME: You were in a romantic and sexual relationship with your mother? Was she your birth mother?

Yes, I was. She was my birth mother.


FME: What was your childhood like? What was your family life like? Was sex or "alternative" lifestyles a topic that was discussed, and how?

My childhood was happy and our family life was as normal as any other. We never discussed about sex or taboo topics. I grew up very close to my mother and I developed strong sexual feelings towards her since I was young. I was obsessed with her and spent the next 20 years [masturbating] to her.


FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship?

In 1995, my father abandoned my mother to get away with his younger lover. My mother fell quickly into a deep depression, so I decided to move in to her house to help and make her feel better. Honestly, I wanted to do that like a good son, but also I hoped to take my father's place in the marital bed. I expressed my true feeling to her but she couldn't believe it. I kissed and hugged her to show how I was excited. She told me that she needed time to think about this. Three months later, in September 1995, I began to sleep in my mother's bed.


FME: Can you describe your feelings during that process?

I remember mixed feelings. My world was turned upside down. I felt confused, happy, horny and scared.  And guilty, too, but not for the incest. Actually, I exploited her psychological weakness to get laid with her. It wasn't my intention, but it happened as a matter of a fact.

It had been my darkest fantasy and my wildest dream, but I never thought I would make love to her for real. I've always been sexually attracted to mature, authoritarian women like mom, so I think this is the real origin of my lust.



FME: Do you, or have you had feelings like this for any other close family members whether they are genetic relatives or not?

No, I don't.


FME: Does anyone know about this?

No one knows about this.


FME: Have you had other lovers since your relationship with your mother became sexual?

My mother was the only woman of my life.


FME: How do you describe the lovemaking?

Sex was great. I discovered mom was kinkier than I thought. We could make love to each other like a married couple, or like lovers, or animals in heat. Sometimes, like mistress and slave. We tried bondage sex, too.


FME: How long were you together? What were your living arrangements? Did you see each other as family or lovers, or were those two roles inseparable at some point?

We lived like a husband and wife. We stood together until her death, in 2010. She fought with cancer for the last five years of her life. As I told you, I moved in to her house in 1995. I think we saw each other as mother and son as usual, but united in a deeper bond under extraordinary circumstances. When our sexual relationship started, I was 31 and she was 58.


FME: What kind of steps, if any, did you to take to keep your privacy?

We didn't take specific steps. Just we didn't talk to anyone about this.


FME: Were you able to act like lovers in public? Did anyone know you as lovers but not as family?

Usually, we acted in public as a normal mother and son, but often we had sex in her car or parking lot at night. No one has known us as lovers.


FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe what that was like? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think there are some advantages to consanguinamorous relationships, especially with a mother?

Hiding my incestuous affair was not a great issue actually, but I didn't like to lie to my friends and family about this.

The idea of being recognized as a couple of lovers by other people, or being interviewed by magazines and TV about our incestuous love, that got me [aroused]. As to advantages, well, I think consanguineous lovers have a stronger bond than any other. Moreover, the great hostility from outside can only enhance the deep love of incestuous couples.



FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other (and that you could not truly consent)?

Just that I don’t care! We were consenting adults. Mental illness is, for example, talking to the trees. Not having sex with your mother. Period.


FME: If you could have been legally married and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you have done that?

Yes, of course. You know, I spent the happiest days of my life as mom's lover but my only regret was being just lovers and not legally married. I loved her as a mother and wife, too. I seriously wanted to be her husband.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be thinking about getting sexual with a family member or relative, especially a mother or son?

It could be risky and very embarrassing, but you can't avoid, forever, facing the problem. A mother can't hate you for this.


FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends of people involved in a consanguinamorous relationship?

Support your family and friends.


FME: Any plans for the future?

No. I don't know what to do now, I feel very sad and lonely. I'd like to tell my father the truth just before he dies.



*****


There you have it. They were consenting adults living as spouses; they weren't hurting anyone. Yet, the couple  faced discrimination and denial of their rights simply for loving each other. They were happy and in love, yet they are denied their fundamental right to marry.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this
If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship or that of someone you love, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or write me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Want serious analysis and discussion of these relationships?


Thank you to Ismael
for discussing your life, love, and intergenerational consanguinamorous relationship. We wish you well!
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2 comments:

  1. Could you do me a favor and tell me the time you posted this? The exact time?

    The weirdest thing happened. I am an atheist. I just had a premonition that when I clicked on your link it was going to be about a couple who died.

    Close enough.

    Weird weird weird.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am saddened and comforted by the story...I truly wish the world was a more understanding place

    ReplyDelete

To prevent spam, comments will have to be approved, so your comment may not appear for several hours. Feedback is welcome, including disagreement. I only delete/reject/mark as spam: spam, vulgar or hateful attacks, repeated spouting of bigotry from the same person that does not add to the discussion, and the like. I will not reject comments based on disagreement, but if you don't think consenting adults should be free to love each other, then I do not consent to have you repeatedly spout hate on my blog without adding anything to the discourse.

If you want to write to me privately, then either contact me on Facebook, email me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com, or tell me in your comment that you do NOT want it published. Otherwise, anything you write here is fair game to be used in a subsequent entry. If you want to be anonymous, that is fine.

IT IS OK TO TALK ABOUT SEX IN YOUR COMMENTS, BUT PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY AS I WANT THIS BLOG TO BE AS "SAFE FOR WORK" AS POSSIBLE.