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Tuesday, August 25, 2015

A Woman Denied Her Right to Marry the Person She Loves


There are scores of ongoing relationships I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The woman interviewed below is a mature, articulate professional who should be free to decide for herself whether or not to legallmarry another consenting adult, and who that person or persons will be. Yet she and her lover face discrimination and prejudice for their love, and must hide the truth from just about everyone in their life. They aren't hurting anyone; why should they have to hide their love and be denied their rights?

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it incredibly erotic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?

Assumed names are used to protect consenting adults from bigots.



*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Tell us about yourself.
 Katherine: I am a legal secretary. I work at a small criminal defense firm in the midwest United States. I was raised in the southeast United States with one adopted sister and one adopted brother, with whom I grew up. My adopted parents were upper-middle class. We were raised Christian Baptist. My half-brother, Joshua, was raised in foster care in the midwest. We didn't know about each other growing up.


FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation?

My sexual orientation is pansexual, and he is bisexual. We are monogamous.


FME: You currently live with...?

We currently live together.


FME: You are in a romantic/sexual relationship with your genetic half-brother?

Yes.


FME: How old are you?

I am 36, and he is 31.


FME: What kind of relationship, if any, did you have while you were growing up? How did get introduced or reunited?

Since I was adopted, I didn't know anything about any biological siblings. And Joshua didn't know about me either. Our father left me when I was six months old and my mother abandoned me. So I was adopted. And our father abandoned Joshua when he was two years old. His mother was unfit and he spent almost his entire childhood in foster care.  Joshua was on Facebook looking for siblings and he found our half-brother, William, whom I had found several years prior. When they realized they had the same father, William put us in touch with each other.


FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship? Was it a sudden event or a gradual process?

When we were put in touch, the first day was spent talking on a private chat app. We were both cautious at first, being perfect strangers. The second day we swapped pics. I felt something was special about him. And he told me later that he was completely smitten with me. It took us about two weeks of feeling each other out before we finally admitted what we felt, though.


FME: Can you describe your feelings during that? Before this had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together or Genetic Sexual Attraction?

I never in my wildest dreams would have thought this possible. I did, however, do some research and our situation is classic GSA. Once we both worked up the nerve to admit our feelings to each other, we felt much relief. It was even better knowing that we both reciprocated the feelings.


FME: Do you, or have you had feelings like this for any other close family members whether they are genetic relatives or not?

I have never had these feelings for any other family member.


FME: How do you describe the lovemaking now? Taboo? Natural? Especially erotic?

I would have to say that lovemaking is intense. Our emotional connection is much stronger than average. We have a very special connection that is strengthened by confirming it in every way we can. When we look at each other we see similar things. We have the same attitude and likes and dislikes. Our common interests help bond us. Cuddling and sex, obviously, strengthen our bond as well.


FME: Describe your relationship now.

We have a very, very close relationship. We are nothing without each other. We have been together a little over two years. We live together. We see each other as both siblings, and married spouses. The roles kind of bleed over into each other so it's an inseparable combination.


FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature of your relationship? How have they reacted?

I have one friend in a different country that knows about us. He is supportive. The country he lives in does not prosecute consenting adults.


FME: Are you able to act like a couple in public... does anyone know you as a couple but not as family? What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?

It depends on where we are. In the city we live in, we present to others as just siblings. We fear the laws here. So we do not display romantic affection in public. But when we travel, we travel as a couple and not as siblings. It's those times that we can enjoy appearing as any normal couple would.


FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?

It's difficult in that we can't show to much affection in public. The little things most people take for granted, like reaching for his hand, a tender embrace, or a gentle kiss. All must wait until we are safely home behind closed doors. It's hard to show restraint all day every day.

I think that our relationship is much deeper and more emotionally intense than the average couple. Our physical closeness helps foster the emotional closeness in a way that's indescribable. We are like the same person often times. We feel so intensely; it's hard to describe.



FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other?

I would tell them if they don't want to have this kind of relationship with one of their family members, then don't. It's not for everyone. But as far as telling me what I should do, they can kiss off. What I do with my brother is absolutely none of their business or concern.

As far as preying on one another, we met when we were both around our 30s. If either one of us felt differently than we do, this relationship wouldn't exist today. We both know how to say no. So there is absolutely no victim here.



FME: Aside from the law, which I think is ridiculous, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?

No. Other than the law there's nothing wrong with a consenting adult being with another consenting adult, regardless of blood ties.


FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?

Yes, we have discussed it many times. If we could get married we definitely would.


FME:What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member?

My advice is to tread softly and always keep the other person's feelings as your main concern. If you two return the feelings then I wish both all the love and happiness in the world.


FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

Have respect for their privacy. Treat it as any other relationship between consenting adults. And do not judge them. Just because you don't agree with it does not give you the right to force your opinions and beliefs onto them.


FME: Have you met in-person or do you know anyone else who has experience with GSA, consanguinamory or consanguineous sex?

I do actually. I have a friend in Argentina who regularly sleeps with his first cousin.



FME: Any plans for the future?

Just to live life together and love as intensely as we can. And to appreciate each other in all the ways that an average couple will never understand or comprehend.





*****


There you have it. This woman and her half-brother are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone and yet face discrimination and denial of their rights simply for loving each other. They are happy and in love, yet they are denied their fundamental right to marry. They could be still be criminally prosecuted in most US states.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this
If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you to Katherine for doing this interview! We wish you well in your relationship!
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