Monday, March 25, 2019

Hacienda Villa in Brooklyn Sounds Very Interesting

Niki Davis brings us this look at Hacienda Villa at

The Hacienda Villa is Bushwick’s intentional, sex-positive, polyamorous community. Polyamory involves the practice of consensual non-monogamy. People in the community are open to having multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships concurrently. Except, rather than lying about it like many married couples do, for poly folks, all partners are in the know about what’s going down. As their website states, “Hacienda is a social experiment designed to celebrate sex, educate the curious, and dispel shame.”
Sounds good.

Some practice relationship anarchy, where they don’t believe in labels or structure. Some have primary and secondary partners and make explicit rules regarding how to allocate time in each relationship. Many practice something in-between.
There are many ways to be ethically nonmonogamous.
BUSHWICK DAILY: What experiences led you to realize that you might be poly? 
KENNETH PLAY: I struggled with relationship structures for most of my 20s. I would have serial monogamous relationships, but I would find myself getting bored because my novelty drive is so high. It’s not because I don't still love this person, but I go through the infatuation phase, and then experience such a big dip. I kept thinking to myself that something must be wrong, it’s supposed to be magical and feel good forever. Later in life, when I discovered this community, I felt so much less alone. Also, working with Dr. Zhana provided sex science that helped me navigate it, understanding that after the infatuation phase this chemical drive transitions into something else. I learned to navigate how my biology works. Being in a non-monogamous relationship allows me to have enough novelty.
There are many reasons why some for of ethical nonmonogamy might be better for someone than monogamy.
After speaking with Play he gave me a tour of the villa. There was recently a sex party downstairs, so there were lots of mattresses set up. He then let me take a ride on unicorn Sybian, while attempting to take a coherent Instastory and thanked me for my time.
There are other intentional communities, temporary (perhaps annually) and permanent, where people live outside of the strict and narrow restrictions so often presented as ideal. There always have been. You may know of some out of history that have been presented as failures, but most today do not draw attention to themselves and are doing fine.
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