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Tuesday, May 5, 2015

They Would Marry Today If They Could

If my recollection is correct, this is the 46th ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The couples interviewed below are attractive and articulate and clearly able to consent to their relationship. They should be free to decide whether or not to legally marry. Yet they face discrimination and prejudice for their love and are denied the freedom to legally marry. They aren't hurting anyone; why should they have to hide their love or be denied their rights?

Read the interview below and see for yourself what they have to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it incredibly sexy, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?

This relationship could have been initiated through what we call Genetic Sexual Attraction.

BE WARNED that the discussion gets a bit explicit in some places.


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FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Anonymous Woman: I am 29 years old. I am an office manager of a local roofing company in [a Rocky Mountain state.] I am a writer and that is the job I love. I have a high school diploma and am close to completing my Associates in Psychology. I am Native American/American Indian, 5’1”, brown hair, brown eyes.

Anonymous Man: I’m 27. I am a white male. I have a high school diploma. I currently am in the military on the guard side. I work as a security officer in my civilian job. I like music. I believe it is a key to the soul and a way of self-expression.



FME: Are you married or have you ever been legally and/or ceremonially married?

Man: I am going through a divorce from a marriage of seven years and I have two kids.

Woman: I am currently married to my best friend, who is a gay man. He married me to help me with finances. I married him to help hide his sexuality from his family and the military.


FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation?

Man: I am heterosexual, but I am friends with many other orientations. I am very open-minded.

Woman: I am bisexual, and a monogamist.

FME: You currently live with...?

Man: Because of the marriage ending and going through divorce I am staying at my father's house.

Woman: For now, I live with my current husband, my two children, and my ailing adopted mother who has Alzheimer’s.


FME: What was your family life like growing up? What was your childhood like?

Man: Growing up is hard to explain. When I was born, my parents were young and my father went overseas with the military. My mother had a lot going on and had to temporarily give me to my dad's family. When she came back, they refused to give me to her; she fought but couldn't win it. I grew up until I was eight with my aunt and my cousins. My father would visit and finally took me back at that age. He married when I was five and I didn't get any siblings till I was 13.

I was a rebellious kid. I grew up never knowing what my mom and my other siblings looked like. I didn't know I had any siblings until my older sister found me on Myspace when I was about 18. Ever since then we, have communicated off and on until about a little over a year ago. I finally agreed to put the lies I was told about my biological mom aside and go meet her. I would not go, though, without my sister.


Woman: I was adopted by my grandmother on my mother’s side, and her husband, at the time of my birth. My biological mother was 13 when she gave birth to me and was not ready to care for a child. Growing up, I was raised like an only child but had many siblings. I was homeschooled for a time in elementary school, but returned to public school shortly.

I enjoyed time with my parents and my much older siblings who looked after me. I also had two “aunts” who were drag queens who took me shopping. I was encouraged to use my imagination, to embrace people with understanding, acceptance, and love; love people for who they are.



FME: You two are genetic half-siblings in a romantic/sexual relationship?

Woman: Yes, I am in a romantic and sexual relationship with my brother who is my genetic half-sibling. We have the same mother.


FME: Tell us more about how you were introduced or reunited.

Woman: We did not grow up together. I have but one memory of us being in the same room together. We were not raised together because I was adopted and he was raised by his dad. Our biological mom was not able to raise either of us at the time. We were reunited at the end of 2006. I searched for him on MySpace, messaging every guy who had his name until I found him.


FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship?

Man: I believe it was both sudden and gradual. I always thought she was attractive and I just had no idea how to say anything about it. While online, we started flirting and it went from there. I was already having problems in my marriage and I noticed I would get jealous of her talking to other guys. I found myself getting excited to talk to her daily. She was always running through my mind. When we decided that we both were really into each other we thought, “Is something wrong with us?” Well, when I went on my trip to see my biological mom for the first time, she decided to come because I really wanted her to. With all that, we knew it would get physical when we saw each other.

Woman: When I first found him I did think “DAMN he is sexy” so it was instantaneous for me. I didn’t say anything because, well, how do you say that to your brother? I didn’t know it would turn out like this; it was gradual. We talked off and on for years, but this year we started talking every day, all day. We talked about everything, not as like a sister and brother talk, but as best friends or lovers talk.

It isn’t really clear who made the first move because we were both hinting to each other the whole time. Our relationship remained online for a while until we met in-person. When I saw him, I knew all I had been feeling was real. When I kissed him, it confirmed it even more. When we went to the hotel and made love for the first time it felt more right, more amazing than anything I ever experienced. After, I didn’t have the thought of “OH NO, I just had sex with my brother.” There was no feelings of it being weird or wrong. It just felt right, it felt pure, it felt meant to be.



FME: Can you describe your feelings during that?

Man: I was excited. I couldn’t think straight. It was like that high school feeling. I felt I had found the one I was meant to be with.

Woman: When he first kissed me, I kinda attacked him. I wanted to be closer. I wanted more. Our first kiss was in the car in the airport parking lot and I crawled half way over the seat getting to him.

We had been cuddling and touching in the car before we got to the hotel. When we got to the hotel, we sat our stuff down and started a heavy make-out session. Eventually I went to the bathroom and undressed and he undressed and waited for me. We collided, we set off a bomb. When he entered me it was like he was made for me.

Due to my past I never felt comfortable during sex, but with him, I was free, open. I wasn’t nervous. I wasn’t scared. I wanted to feel more of him, and I wanted to give him all of me. I am a writer, so forgive me for my cheesiness, but the first time he kissed me, the first time we made love, the first time I looked into his eyes, and still today, the world goes black, spins, and there is nothing but us.



FME: Before this had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable? Do you, or have you had feelings like this for any other close family members?

Man: I never really had an opinion. I am open-minded. I know at a young age, like five, me and one of my cousins would touch each other but it was experimental, I am sure. I have never been attracted to any family member or anyone else, for that matter, like I am to her.

Woman: I think I always knew it was possible and enjoyable because I watch TV, I read, so I had heard of things like this before, but never thought it would be possible for me to be with him. From the moment I saw him, saw his picture, I felt something inside me scream and beg for him to be mine. I didn’t think it was possible because I thought I would be rejected by him, but I am happy I was wrong.

I never had feelings like this for other family members. I can say I have thought some of my family members, men and woman, boys and girls, were attractive, but I never thought of them, or felt for them, like I do for him. There is something inside me that is drawn to him on another level, something about him that pulls me to him.



FME: Describe your relationship now. Do you see each other as family or lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?

Man: I don't see her as family really. I don't know if I have besides telling people about her and talking about her. I am deeply in love and believe she and I are meant to be. I want to marry her and have already asked her and she said yes. We currently live separately but are planning on moving in together.

Woman: What we have now, I consider to be a marriage. I feel we have been together our entire lives but our anniversary is [not that long ago]. We are currently in the process of buying a house together, so we can live together. I see him as my lover, my best friend, my husband. I get a little defensive when people call him my brother because he is so much more than that to me, because I don’t want people to think my love for him is sisterly; it is more.


FME: Are you in a closed relationship with each other or are one/both of you seeing or seeking others?  Have you had other lovers since your relationship with each other became sexual, and have any of them known about your relationship with each other?

Woman: We are in a closed committed relationship. I have not, and he has not, had other lovers since we have become sexual. We cannot have that type of relationship with anyone else because to me, and to him, it just feels wrong to be with anyone else.

Man: My soon to be ex-wife knows along with the whole family. I have not been with anyone since and don't plan on it. I don't share; all I want is her, and I find myself more jealous with her than I have been with anyone and I am not usually a jealous person.


FME: How do you describe the sex or lovemaking now? Taboo? Natural?

Man: Our sex life feels so natural and amazing. It's like nothing else I have experienced. There is just so much love involved and it's like you feel every emotion while in the moment. I feel like we just fit so perfectly together.  The feelings I get looking into her eyes and saying I love you during it is truly like no other. And yes it is and will be the best lovemaking I will ever have. I say “lovemaking” because we literally have tried sex or f---ing and it doesn’t work. It's always deep feelings and lovemaking, if that makes sense.

Woman: Sex with [name redacted] is the best sex I have ever had. It is natural, it is erotic, it is sensual, it is everything I could ever want. What is a little funny is we have tried to “F---” and it never feels like f---ing. It always feels like making love.


FME: Who else besides [name redacted]’s ex-wife  knows? Are you able to act like a couple in public.... does anyone know you as a couple but not as family? What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?

Man: I think almost everyone knows and I don't care how it is accepted. Out of respect, I'll do my best to restrain myself around our mom, who is very understanding, and my father. My step mom's side and my soon to be ex-wife’s family is extremely against it and has no problem voicing their opinions. Her friends and family are very accepting or they just don't voice their opinions, which is still acceptable for me.

Woman: Our biological mom has been supportive. We told her first, and we told her together. Most of the people who know have been nasty towards us. Mostly his ex-wife’s family and his friends who are friends with her. Other people who are friends with both of us have been supportive. We have little support and a lot trying to pick apart our relationship, our love, calling us “sick”, saying we need therapy. It is more negative than positive but we are working through it.

We do act like a couple in public, when we are alone or are around supportive family, like our bio mom. Most of the time, it is just natural for us to act that way, holding hands and being loving.

Everyone knows we are related, but I am sure when we move we will have friends who only know us as a couple.

We have not taken any steps to keep our privacy because we are at a point now where we don’t care; we want our love shouted from the roof tops.



FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguinamorous or GSA relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?

Man: I do believe because of the underlining factor that, yes, we are siblings and then throw in the deep feelings and all the love and you truly have a relationship like no other.  It’s a bond like no other. I feel as though no one would or could ever compare to her. So if we didn't work, I don’t see anyone being in my future. Not because I wouldn't want to, but I could never give myself to anyone else and I feel as though no one else could give me the connection I feel with her.

Woman: Hiding our relationship is hard; we couldn’t even hide it from our biological mom. The way we look at each other, the way we talk, the way we act, it’s natural and obvious even when we try to hide it. We know sometimes we might have to hide it but even still, I don’t think we do a very good job. Hiding our relationship is not something I like doing because it makes me feel as though we are acting like we are ashamed, or we feel wrong, and we don’t.

I think our relationship might be more intense because we are siblings, I think we have more advantages, more intense feelings, and everything is a little better because of it. However, it is a little harder and more of a fight because of us being siblings, we have to constantly fight to prove our love.



FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other?

Man: I am a grown adult. I make my own decisions. You cannot help who you love. And as long as it is two consenting adults I don't see the issue. Who has the right to say what you can and cannot do?

Woman: I would say that they need to practice understanding, love, and acceptance. Just because you do not agree with the way we live our lives does not mean you should force your way of life, or your beliefs on us. You do not have to believe as we do, but you can love us, accept us, for who we are.

If someone were to say we were preying on each other I would laugh because we are grown adults and only two years apart. I did not force him, he did not force me, and we gave each other the permission to back out at any time without repercussion.



FME: Do you have any children together?

Man: No, but I would not be against it, in fact I think I would like it.  Just to see a healthy child that is made up of both of us would be truly amazing.


FME: Aside from the law, which I think is ridiculous, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?

Man: The only factors I don't like is if it is underage.

Woman: I can’t think of anything that would make this wrong. I feel that you cannot help who you love and it doesn’t matter who you love, you should be able to be with that person and be happy.


FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you? Or is this a different kind of relationship than that?

Man: I would in a heartbeat. I feel that we already are, just not legally or with a piece of paper. I believe our hearts and souls are. I just wish it was. I don't see the issue.

Woman: I want to get married now. I am willing to put up with harassment, discrimination, and all the negatives. The only thing keeping us from being legally married is prosecution.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member?

Woman: I would say to be prepared for all the negative. Be sure you are willing to live with all the bad things that come along with it, but if you feel strongly then go for it, always pursue who and what makes you happy. If you are not happy are you really living?

Man: Be sure of yourself and y'all’s relationship, and it's gonna be a hard and bumpy road and make sure you are both prepared for what is ahead.


FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

Man: Do research. It's not always love but if it is, support them don't be so negative and condescending. They need support. They are, at first, as shocked and confused as you are. Don't make them feel crazy and that they need therapy. There is nothing wrong with them.

Woman: My advice is to be supportive, be open, and start a conversation from a loving place. If you just go in for the attack, stating all the reasons why it is wrong, stating all the reasons why not, not attempting to understand and listen, you will drive that person away and make them feel horrible. The things that have been said to me would make a weaker person contemplate suicide. That is not the way to go about it. Don’t attack, listen, accept, and help.


FME: Any plans for the future?

Man: Yes, to move forward together as a couple.

Woman: We plan to move in together and live as a couple and have a wedding ceremony. We’ll raise our children together. My children love him so much already and are very accepting.


FME: Anything else to add?

Man: Thanks for listening and taking time to hear our story.

Woman: Thank you to all who are understanding, loving, and accepting. This is a once in a lifetime love and I will do anything, go through anything, to keep it because it is worth it.



*****


There you have it. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone and yet face discrimination and denial of their rights simply for loving each other. They are happy and in love, yet they are denied their fundamental right to marry.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.
If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you to this lovely couple for doing this interview! We wish you well in your consanguinamorous relationship.
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1 comment:

  1. with permission i think they could legally marry in swededen to get that permission you have to prove that you didn't grow up together or something.

    ReplyDelete

To prevent spam, comments will have to be approved, so your comment may not appear for several hours. Feedback is welcome, including disagreement. I only delete/reject/mark as spam: spam, vulgar or hateful attacks, repeated spouting of bigotry from the same person that does not add to the discussion, and the like. I will not reject comments based on disagreement, but if you don't think consenting adults should be free to love each other, then I do not consent to have you repeatedly spout hate on my blog without adding anything to the discourse.

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