Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Siblings Need Support, Not Prejudice

Dear Prudence (Emily Yoffe) may become the go-to column for siblings involved in consanguineous sex, but only if she is consistently positive.You might recall that a consanguinamorous pair of brothers were featured previously. This time, it is a sister writing about her relationship with her brother.

No Sibling Rivalry wrote…
My brother and I are having a physical relationship. Our parents are admirable people who took good care of us, but are distant and aloof, and I think that my brother and I turned to each other for warmth and emotional support. He’s two years older and looked out for me in high school, and I shared with him what girls are like, which made him more confident socially. After he went away to college, I chose a college in the same city as his, so we continued to see a lot of each other. I'm now a senior and he's a graduate student. About three months ago we were sitting on my couch watching a sad movie and when it was over we turned to each other, exchanged a look, and started kissing.
So they were educated adults when this level of their relationship started. But they are close in age anyway.
Now we lie on the bed, clothed, and kiss and talk and hold each other. When I'm with him I feel loved and cared for. We have not had sex because there's a psychological barrier that neither of us wants to cross.
That’s likely a matter of allowing irrational prejudice to intrude into their relationship.
I go on dates with other men, but I never feel the emotional connection that I feel with my brother. I needed to talk to someone about this so I went to a counselor at the student health service and in the first session she practically ordered me not to see him for three months.
We want to lead normal lives and have families.
That won’t be easy until we have relationship rights and full marriage equality for all, but it is possible. Others are doing it.
We both know intellectually that we shouldn't be doing this, but we don't feel the wrongness of it.
That’s because it isn’t wrong.

Here’s part of the response given…
I know I more or less gave a pass recently to a pair of middle-aged incestuous gay twins, but they had long ago made a physical and emotional commitment to each other, and were asking me about whether they should let their family know. I think even those two men would advise you two to stop the rubbing and get yourselves disentangled emotionally.
There is no reason why these siblings should be struggling. They no doubt fear the bigotry and stigma against consanguinamory, but they shouldn’t have to settle for other people they don’t care as much about or have as much chemistry with. That isn’t fair for anyone involved. They should be free to be together, and to get married, etc. if they want.

This column is being discussed at the Kindred Spirits forum, where people who have “been there, done that” and are happy together aren’t imporessed with the counselor or with the reponse given in the column.

No Sibling Rivalry, if you find this blog, please know that you're not alone. This may help you, and I encourage you to join the friendly people at Kindred Spirits.

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