Pride Month Is Here!

June is Pride Month. 

Like so many other observances, it has become commercialized in a lot of ways. As far as I'm concerned, I'd rather corporations call positive attention to it rather than how things were in the old days, when LGBTQ+ people were invisible or portrayed as predators, more so than today.

We should also keep in mind that there are LGBTQ+ people who are monogamous, and also those who are polyamorous or otherwise involved in consensual, ethical, or disclosed nonmonogamy. There are also LGBTQ+ people who are consangunamorous or have consanguineous relationships. All these people should have their rights.

Let's celebrate gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities. May allies join in, and may there be solidarity for all!

Let's make it a great month!

Are you going to any events?

Laws Vary Regarding Relationships Between Consenting Adults

We've heard so many different misunderstandings about laws as they apply to relationships and sex between consenting adults. Here in the US, it is especially understandable because laws vary from state to state. There are, of course, fifty states, but there are also other jurisdictions such as the District of Columbia, territories, such as Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands, and there are also federal laws, military codes, and laws that apply to "Indian reservations" (small areas where indigenous peoples have some level of self-determination).

If you are concerned about the laws where you are or where you're considering moving, it would be a good idea to see if the laws of that location are searchable online and to consult an attorney who specializes in family or criminal law for that jurisdiction. An experienced lawyer can tell you about how often a law is enforced even if it is still in effect, and might be able to point out ways someone could make it less likely they'd ever be prosecuted.

Some states have laws still on the books that have been ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. The only reason to still have those laws is a deranged hope that the Court decision will eventually be reversed.

Unmarried sex or cohabitation, interracial relationships, same-sex relationships, certain sex positions, even using contraception or sex toys have all been illegal in some places in the US. It might seem shocking, but it is true.

As the show "Sister Wives" detailed, Utah had been the last state to enforce a law against polyfidelity, or at least saying more than one person is your spouse. We're not even talking about insurance coverage or anything like that. Simply saying that you have more than one spouse has been illegal. It's outrageous, but true.

When it comes to consanguinamory, confusion ranges from "I thought it was illegal everywhere for cousins to have sex" to "There are no laws against consenting adults having sex, no matter how closely related." Both statements are false.

The fact is, first cousins are incarcerated for having sex in a handful of US states. But about half of US states will allow first cousins to legally marry (and the list of states isn't what stereotypes would have you believe), although some of them have some restrictions. That leaves many states where where they can have sex, live together, raise children together, but can't legally marry. Outrageous, but true.

As far as relatives closer than that, in general, 47 states have laws against relatives closer than first cousins having sex. Ohio allows siblings to be together. Rhode Island and New Jersey have no laws against adults being together, no matter how closely related. Some other states apparently haven't criminalized sex between adults and their uncles or aunts (outside of old, overturned laws that criminalized unmarried sex, given that these people weren't allowed to marry.)

None of the states will knowingly allow relatives closer than first cousins to legally marry, with certain exceptions in certain states for uncles and nieces, for example, mostly a nod to traditions from foreign cultures. Traditions are not respected, however, when it comes to having more than one legal spouse.

Note that these criminalization laws and laws denying marriage rights tend to apply to genetic ("blood") relatives even if they were legally adopted to different families and never met until well into adulthood.

Some states may have relied on criminalization of homosexuality (which was overturned) and thus might not have anti-incest laws that technically criminalize same-sex consanguinmory. Laws can get very specific, outlawing certain sex acts but not others between certain people. Yes, as silly as it sounds, some specific sex acts that don't harm anyone have been illegal in some places.

The patchwork of unjust laws needs to be changed. There shouldn't be anywhere in the US (or any other country for that matter) where consenting adults are denied their basic rights to have a mutual relationship that includes whatever form of sex they want to have, living together, and, if they want, marriage, or any other union or partnership offered under law. Nobody should fall in love and then worry that if they move for a job they won't be able to marry in their new state or might even be criminals.

There's no good reason to deny these rights. In the US, it should be obvious that legal precedents have determined that such discrimination is unjust and unconstitutional. But people are understandably confused as many unjust laws are still enforced.

Monday is Memorial Day in the US

Monday, May 26 is a day that fallen military personnel are honored and remembered.

Some of our fallen were LGBTQ+, some were polyamorous. Some were consanguinamorous. Until somewhat recently, none of them could be open about who they were or who they loved without dire consequences; only some of our LGBTQ+ military personnel have been able to come out thanks to the end of DADT and the implementation of some protections. Polyamorous and consanguinamorous people still have to hide and are denied their rights.

Some were drafted and had no choice but to serve.

Yet along with the rest of their military brothers and sisters, they fought and struggled and suffered.

So please let freedom ring.

Someone should be able to serve honorably and without being ordered to act unjustly, no matter their gender identity, sexual orientation or their relationships with consenting adults. And they should be able to have their marriages registered with their states, and certainly not be punished for their relationships.

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #18

“There is a power differential.” Power differentials in consanguineous sexual relationships do not provide a good reason to deny the rights of lovers to be in these relationships and to marry, if that is what they want. The power differential allegation applies least of all to siblings or cousins who are close in age, but even where the power differential exists, it is not a justification for denying this freedom to marry.

There is a power differential in just about any relationship, sometimes an enormous power differential. One person is more emotionally needy than another. One earns more than the other. One is more educated than another. One has more friends and family than another. One has more life experience than another. On and on it goes. A 21-year-old woman can consent to group sex with three 40-year-old cage fighters she just met, or sex with an older man who boarded in her family home for most of her life, or the President, or a married billionaire sultan, but not her half-brother or her genetic father who she first met a year ago and has been falling in love with? To question if consent is truly possible in consanguineous relationships is insulting and demeaning. If someone her age can consent to join the military, operate heavy machinery, or be sentenced to life in prison or even to death for their actions, how can we say she can't consent to love another adult the way she wants?

There are sober, functional, healthy adults who consent to consanguineous sex with an older relative, and many of them want to marry. It shouldn’t be illegal or questioned, unless you would do the same to any intergenerational relationship between adults.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/discredited-invalid-arguments.html

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #17

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #19

International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia

May 17 is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia.

Regardless of someone's sex or gender identity, regardless of their sexual orientation, an adult should be free to be themselves, to be in public, to work, to be "single," or to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, harassment, discrimination, or any other negative effects of homophobia, transphobia, biphobia, etc.

Let's stand up to hate, bigotry, prejudice, discrimination, bullying, and unjust laws. Let's protect people from being abused by those who would perpetuate hate.

Progress is often difficult and achieved through much struggle. Sometimes it can seem like there have been setbacks. But overall, progress is being made. Let's keep the momentum going!

Starting or Joining an Affirming Club at Your School

Not only are school years a time for intense personal discovery and growth, but they are usually a time of intense pressures, including the pressure to conform, and bullying. Some students have a life outside of school that can be downright hellish, and even a not-so-great school environment can be better than where they live.

For those reasons, affirming clubs are critical. Over the years there have been various names for them, such as Gay-Straight Alliances, or Gender and Sexuality Associations, or Diversity clubs, among others. Any club or program that supports gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities in students and their families can be of help. Equity, inclusion, and belonging make a positive difference.

If your school doesn't have such an organization, consider starting one. See here. As a new school year gets underway, don't let your school be without such an organization!

If you school already has one, consider joining and/or supporting it. Student, faculty, and parental support are all needed.

If the administration of your school will not formally sanction such a club, create a club anyway.

Whether starting or joining, please do what you can to make the organization welcoming, inclusive, accepting, and affirming of all whose identity, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, or existing relationship (or that of their parents) makes them a target for discrimination or bullying.

Approaching Mom

I’m continuing a series here of answers I posted to Quora that got attacked by censors. Most of my appeals have been granted, restoring those specific answers.

If you don’t follow me on Quora already, please do so and upvote my answers, if you’re so inclined. 

*****

https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-steps-to-seduce-a-mom/answer/Keith-Pullman

What is the best way to coax a mom to have sex?

Keith Pullman

I have interviewed hundreds of people about their families. 1y

I’m assuming this question is about YOUR mom.

The best way is to be respectful and attentive to her needs and desires. That excludes spying on her when she expects privacy, taking her things without her permission, sticking your genitals in her face uninvited.

Each situation is different. We don’t know her. You do. You know your history with her, and your personalities.

How is her stress level these days? If she’s stressed out, or tired out, she’s not going to be feeling very sexual, most likely. So make her life easier. Take care of chores and errands she needs done.

Seducing her is going to be much the same as seducing another woman her age. The big differences are that you already know and love each other, which is an advantage, and that she may have internalized societal prejudices against doing this, which would be a disadvantage. Please note that seducing someone isn’t about making them do something they don’t want to do. That’s a big no-no. It’s about letting them feel your interest, and inspiring in them the excitement of getting sexual, and maybe romantic.

As with anyone else, all along the process, you need to pay close attention to what she says, how she says it, her body language, etc. If she doesn't want to do something, you need to back off and respect that.

If you do these things in the right way, the worst that happens is she thinks she has done something wrong to cause these feelings in you, and you can assure her she hasn’t done anything wrong. Or she might think you need therapy. But that’s the worst case scenario.

On the other hand, she might already very much want something, but has been waiting for you to make a move (for various reasons, including you being the child, you being the male if you are, or others). Or, she might not realize she wants it until she’s given herself permission to think about it. Either way, she might hold back and want you to make a move. Or, somewhere along the process, she might make a move because she’s received enough signals or hints from you.

You're probably going to need a combination of both talk and action.

On the talk front, get her to talk with you about sex and relationships. The more she talks with you about sex, the better! Encourage her to talk as much as you can. Listen closely to what she says and how she says it. If you can get her to talk about what turns her on, great, especially if it includes people of your age and gender. Likewise, you can indicate that you are attracted to some people of her age, gender, body and personality type, etc. (you might even want to describe her in way she’d recognize).

As you have these conversations, you can bring up the topic of sexual limits and taboos, including "forbidden" relationships. For example, cousins. You might even ask her if she has ever been attracted to someone or fantasized about someone who she “wasn’t supposed” to think about that way. You can then bring up sexual relationships between mothers and sons. If her reaction isn't negative, that's a great sign. If you need a "reason" to bring up such topics, you can say the topic came up in a dream you had, or an article, story, television show, or movie you saw, or even that someone you know brought it up.

Throughout all of this, you haven't actually said that YOU want to have sex with HER. She might have figured it out, but since it hasn't been said, she can still cool things down if she’s not interested, with minimal embarrassment, and you can still deny, if she has a negative reaction, that you wanted to have sex with her.

As far as action, you want to increase the emotional and physical affection between the two of you.

Give her compliments. Flirt with her. Joke with her. Use terms of endearment, as appropriate ("Hey, Love...", "Honey", “Beautiful,” “My Dear”). Compliments should indicate that you recognize what she has to offer as a romantic or sexual partner, but not be so crude as to turn her off. Flirting can include smiles, winks, lingering looks (especially up and down her body), gentle and light touches on her arm, etc.

Give her more, longer, and tighter hugs, from both the front and behind. You might want to let your hands move as far as she’ll allow. Give her more, longer, and more suggestive kisses. Look for excuses to be close to her and touch her, even if just in passing, like a touch on the back, or the back of the neck, or the behind, depending. Offer backscratches, neck rubs, shoulder rubs, leg rubs, massages, or anything else that will get your hands on her.

You need to get her alone, relaxed, and feeling affectionate, playful, and sexy. So, date her. Dates can be at home. It is setting up what will be an enjoyable time for her so that the two of you can spend quality time together, alone. Making or buying her favorite dinner, and/or having finger foods she likes that you can feed each other, and some wine (as long as neither of you is a problem drinker) can be great, along with cuddling up for a movie, or playing a game of cards (strip poker - if she doesn't like that idea you can claim it was a joke).

Speaking of stripping, be aware of what you are (and aren't) wearing around her, with showing off your best features and/or allowing easy access in mind. You might even consider going "naturist" or nudist at home. But in general, women don’t react the same way to nudity as men do to female nudity. And never think that just “whipping it out” or sending her a picture of it will get you anywhere positive. Remember, you need to treat her with respect. Going nude, even just starting in your room with the door open, and no longer hiding your masturbation is about creating an atmosphere of freedom. It might inspire her to do likewise.

Be prepared to appeal to her heart, libido, and intellect. Be prepared to answer whatever concerns to she might have, including assuring her you can keep private things private, that there's nothing wrong with sharing affection if you both want it, and that many other people are doing it. Again, if she resists or indicates she’s not willing, back off! There’s a chance she just needs to think about it for a bit longer, or there’s a chance it won’t go any further, and you have to respect that. Going slowly might help. For example, telling her “Let’s just try kissing, and if you don’t like that, we can stop.”

After the first time together, residue of sex-negative programming might bother her. Reassure her with anything from a smile, to hand-holding, to an embrace, to talking (including thanking her and telling her how much you enjoyed what you’ve just experienced together), to a shower together, to another round of lovemaking. You want to let her know you wanted this and enjoyed it and that there’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

Keep in mind that, depending on her age, it would be a good idea to have lube available, and her body might not be able to lubricate enough on its own.

This is generalized. Adjust and adapt as best for you and your relationship with her and life situation.

*****

NOTE: These specific answers in this series were "deleted" at Quora after being there for a while and being well-received. They were probably hidden from view because some bigot targeted me, as evidenced by the fact that many were deleted in rapid fire.

I have previously appealed such deletions successfully. However, whether or not my deleted answers are restored, I’ll be adding them to this blog. You’ll see for yourself there’s no reason to delete these answers. Someone asked a question. I gave a sincere and careful answer.

If you want to contact me privately, I can be reached on the Wire messaging service at fullmarriageequality or via email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

Don’t Forget Mother’s Day - This Sunday, May 11

Mother's Day is celebrated annually on the second Sunday of May (at least it is where I live). If you have a mother or mothers in your life you should honor and celebrate - they don't have to be your mother - consider making plans if you haven't already. But if this person IS your mother, and your mother has been a good one, do be sure to show that person how much you appreciate them. 

We keep in mind people become mothers in many ways, including birthing, being married or partnered with someone who gives birth, donating gametes, adopting, fostering, marrying or partnering with someone who has a child, and simply becoming someone's honorary mother through actions.

This applies even more to those of you who have added a special additional bond with your mother, or want to. You have more ways of showing your mother your appreciation than anyone else. If you haven't made plans yet, make them now!

If you have any special plans you want to share, you can comment below, including anonymously. If you want to privately share with me what your plans are, contact me.

The World Needs More Love

There's so much hate, prejudice, and bigotry. 

There is also love.

The world needs more love.

Support love.

Don't try to stop love, even if it doesn't look like what you'd want.

Let people love each other how they mutually agree.