Dear Abby Gets a Letter About Son Staring at Mom

CAN'T UNSEE THIS wrote to Dear Abby... 

I have caught my boyfriend looking at his mom's rear end more than once.

Most men attracted to women, even ones who agree to monogamy, will look frequently at other women. Some of those men are better at hiding it than others, but most will look.

Many men also experience what we call the Westermarck Effect when it comes to their own mother, so they won't look at her "that way." But not all men raised by their genetic mother will develop that Effect when it comes to her, and if she didn't raise him, at least from about age seven into puberty, there was no chance for the Effect to take hold.

The bottom line, no pun intended, is what, if anything, he does beyond staring, and if that is OK by the letter writer. If he just looks, how does that in any way hurt the letter writer?

She sometimes walks around the house in tight-fitting booty shorts that are so short you can see part of her butt. Sometimes he actually stares, which I find extremely disturbing.

It's possible, if he does it only when she's wearing something revealing, that he's not attracted to her, but is simply staring because of the fact that the clothing is revealing.

I'm not sure what to do. I have even thought about breaking up with him. 

If his behavior isn't compatible with what you want, then break up with him. It won't be good for anyone if there is negativity between the three of you.

Dear Abby replied...

Have you talked with your boyfriend about your observation? If you haven't, you should.

If the staring is unacceptable, there's no point in talking with him. It's what he chooses to do. If the staring is acceptable, but if the letter writer wants to try to see if he wants to do more than stare, she can try. He likely wouldn't tell if he would like to do more, unless he has any reason to believe the letter writer wouldn't freak out. But we know she would, since she finds the staring "extremely disturbing." This means she should either end the relationship or examine why she finds it extremely disturbing.

If you are seriously worried that he's lusting after his mother, you should absolutely end the romance.

OK, but far more men are lusting after their mother than will admit it to a girlfriend. Some have actually shared sex with their mother. The letter writer could end up with such a man and never know it. For all she knows, she's already been with such a man and thought it was a great relationship.

Each individual must decide for themselves what is acceptable in a relationship and what they want. The more requirements of, or restrictions on, a partner, then the smaller the pool of potential partners. I'm not saying that's good or bad. It's simply the reality. There probably isn't a situation anywhere in which two partners know absolutely everything about each other and all their thoughts. Prejudices about consanguinamory ruin good things. If the relationship is otherwise great, she might want to see if she can learn to accept that this man stares at his mother's butt when his mother is showing it off.

Unfortunately, the comments are full of bigotry.