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Thursday, February 23, 2017

We Get Letters From a Finally Happy Sister

Anonymous shared with us her fascinating life, which demonstrates yet again why we need relationship rights, including full marriage equality, for all. She wrote in response to our very popular entry on why consanguinamory has been illegal in some places.
First of all, I would just like to say thank you for writing this article. Being in a consanguineous relationship myself, I finally decided to look this up. This has been very encouraging to me and I even cried while reading it. I would like to share my story to possibly help others facing the same difficulties as myself.
You're quite welcome, Anonymous, and we're glad it is helpful. You an also contact us as fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com.
Ever since childhood I have been in a close relationship with my sister. We share all the same interests and do everything together. We’ve never enjoyed being with someone else as much as we’ve enjoyed each other’s company. We literally spend all our time together and hardly ever disagree about anything. Others have noticed how well we get along and even have stated how they wished their children could get along that well.

As we grew, we became drawn to each other, not out of sexual attraction, or even for experimentation. The amount of love we had for each other was impossible to ignore, like a very strong magnet. By the time we were young teens we were already kissing.

This is where I would like to clarify that we are both female. However, we are NOT lesbians. We are not attracted to women, and never will be. We are both attracted to men. Growing up we even shared the same crushes on guys. Whenever we interacted with each other in a intimate way, we treated it like we were just having fun.
If I had to label this, I would call this being heteroflexible, but it is up to people to explain themselves if and how they want.


We continued to get along with each other and share all of our hobbies. I gradually realized around the age of thirteen that people getting along so well wasn’t a normal thing. That even married couples had a difficult time coexisting as well as we did. I happily told my sister, “I think we’re soulmates.” My sister was disturbed by this and I decided to clarify, “Like friend soulmates, not lovers.”

Even so, I would have occasional dreams about being in a relationship with my sister. It freaked me out. Even though I would be intimate with her, I had full plans on finding a boyfriend some day and getting married.

My sister is more outgoing than myself and ended up getting in a few relationships. I didn’t understand why, but every time she did I would go into depression. I was so confused with myself, I didn’t understand why I would feel that way when I should be happy for her. I even cried to my parents one time, in which case they basically patted me on the back and then ignored me.
Most people have a little trouble understanding something like this.
In and out of her relationships we continued to be intimate with each other, and slowly over time our intimacy grew. Since I am not attracted to her, I started to become uncomfortable with it. I told her I wanted to stop, that being with her like that made me feel like a lesbian, which I am not. So we stopped.
That is too bad. What should it matter? If you love someone and enjoy sharing whatever kind of affection with them, that's all that should matter.
This is where we both entered a very dark chapter in our life. Our parents got into a long and ugly divorce, and at one point our father even physically attacked our mother while we were at home. At the same time, our half brother was involved in drugs and stealing from us. As if that wasn’t enough, our dog passed away. We were extremely depressed to say the least. We only had each other as comfort, we were the only ones that could understand each other and what we were going through. We fell into each other again, more passionately than ever before, and I stopped caring about our gender.

However, even with each other’s comfort, we were still depressed. My life was a complete mess, I wasn’t sure what to think anymore, I wanted clarity on my future. So I decided to visit a fortune teller. I won’t try to convince anyone to do the same, or that they’re legitimate by any means, but it was a life changing event for me and crucial to my future.

The fortune teller was extremely accurate in describing my personality, and other aspects of my life. Then she decided to tell me this: “Your soulmate is someone you already know, with the same color hair as you.”

I immediately thought of my sister, and then discarded the idea disturbed with myself. However, it’s true, my sister and I do share the same unique hair color, and I’ve never met anyone else who matched it. Upon meeting people, especially children, they point out, “You have the same hair.”

Then the fortune teller seem very confused and slightly concerned for me, she told me: “There is something barring your relationship though, something in the way.”

I had already discarded the thought of my sister and began to think the fortune teller was just telling me some exaggerated story. Even so, I always kept what she told me in the back of my mind.

Shortly after this event my sister started getting close to another guy. I noticed them getting closer to each other and I started to get upset. I would discourage her from texting him and try to keep the topic off him. Finally, the day I was dreading happened. My sister told me she wanted to date him, and that we needed to stop being intimate. It took all the strength in my heart to tell her it was fine, that she could date him. I always heard and believed in the advice: When you really love someone, you just want them to be happy.

However, after laying in bed for what seemed hours in complete depression, I finally realized to myself that I was in love with her, that I never wanted to be apart from her, and I didn’t want anyone getting in-between us. I had never felt so miserable, I hated myself. I broke down into the most painful sobbing I have ever experienced. We shared a bed at that time, and it was impossible to hide it from her. She woke up and asked me what was going on. This is when I finally confessed to her and told her that I couldn’t live without her. She seemed a little weird out by it, but she comforted me and held me close. She promised she would never enter another relationship and we could just always be together.

I felt even more disgusting than before. How could I selfishly force her to be with me, in an incestuous same sex relationship, and keep her from ever finding someone just because I couldn’t handle it. I kept my thoughts to myself that night, and a deep pain started to grow inside me.

The next morning I sat in starbucks all by myself. I hated myself, I hated myself so much. I had come to the conclusion that I was a disgusting and horrible human being. I had always been a very happy and optimistic person, aside from the occasional and confusing pain I felt whenever my sister would date someone. I never had suicidal thoughts, I always loved myself and thought I was a good person. That morning everything came crumbling down, I so desperately wanted to escape my own skin. My heart hurt so badly I thought I might actually die of heartbreak.
This is so painful to read, because all of this pain was unnecessary.
But then a thought came to me, I suddenly remembered what the fortune teller had told me some time ago. I repeated her words in my mind over and over again. Maybe I wasn’t so disgusting after all…Maybe my sister really was my soulmate.

I decided to tell my sister about it and see what she thought. My sister thought very deeply about it. It was a groundbreaking moment for the both of us, to think that regardless of our gender and family relationship we could actually be meant for each other.

This is when we both finally decided to be in an actual relationship. That we would really be a couple, even if we could never tell anyone or get married. Our love for each other is so deep, we don’t care about appearance, gender, or even that we are siblings. When we look at each other, we don’t see us that way. We are simply two souls that love each other, that have been blessed to always be together and share this life and beyond together. I only wish everyone could find a love this pure, blind to our meaningless bodies and care about the person inside.

I noticed someone’s comment on here talking about if people saw a couple in a consanguineous relationship on the street, but didn’t know they were related, they would think they were just a happy couple. Unfortunately for my sister and myself, we look almost identical, although we are a year apart. Immediately upon meeting someone, even walking past someone in the grocery store, we’ll get the excited “Are you twins?!” comment. It is impossible to deny that we are related. I envy those consanguineous couples that can at least get away with walking on the street together holding hands. I so desperately want to be able to go on a date and share an innocent kiss with my soulmate. Whenever we go out together, we never touch each other at all, even worse we have to constantly deny the twin comment and admit that we are sisters.
It's really a shame that anyone would feel that they couldn't share simple affection.
Even so, no matter what anyone thinks, we have found true happiness. When I found this article I realized we are not alone, and there are actually people rooting for a couple like us to be able to get married. It’s a shame that a couple like my parents were able to get married but I can’t marry someone whom I’m deeply in love with.
That will change. We're making progress.
Lastly, I would just like to say, this entire page never really discussed same sex consanguineous relationships. Since we are not able to breed, the argument against us being together because of the genetic problems with our offspring is irrelevant. Besides, even heterosexual consanguineous couples might not want to have kids.
That entry does address the argument that "consanguinamory is illegal because of birth defects" argument, but is otherwise applicable to same-sex consanguinamory as well. However, many of the places that have criminalized consanguineous sex have have also criminalized gay relationships in separate laws. Regardless, consenting adults should be allowed their relationships.

It is possible that same-sex affection is more common between close relatives than the population as a whole, but whether it is or not, there are same-sex conssanguinamorous relationships, as we've always pointed out from the start of this blog.
Thanks again for writing this article, lets hope some day in the future things can change and marriage will be free for all those who love each other.
Agreed!!!

Congratulations on your love. We'd really like to hear more from you, Anonymous. You can comment anywhere on the blog, of course, but please do contact is a fullmarrigeequality at yahoo dot com or on Facebook. Whether you do contact us or not, we wish you the best in your relationship!
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4 comments:

  1. Wow! That was a great article! Thank you so much for sharing your story with us all. It really was a wonderful piece. I think its sad that you ever thought that you were disgusting. You arent. Dont ever think that. I think you are blessed. You are blessed to have such a wonderful and loving relationship. The sad truth is that most people will not ever understand because they have never known true love. It doesnt matter what type of affection you show another person. All you are doing is expressing your love for them. And there is nothing wrong with that. Your story is an inspiration to us all. I would like to say one other thing. You never forced your sister to stay with you. Your sister made her own choice. So please dont ever feel like you forced her. Im sure she would agree that you didnt force her. Congratulations on your love! Take care.

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  2. This post brings up the question.. Why is it people think that 2 straight same sex people cant kiss or have sex with each other? Like 2 straight women or 2 straight men. I think that when people love each other that there is nothing wrong with expressing how you feel. Even if its sex. I think its beautiful when 2 people are free to love the way they see fit. Just because 2 women or 2 men kiss or have sex that doesnt mean they are homosexual.

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  3. If I had to label this, I would call this being heteroflexible, but it is up to people to explain themselves if and how they want.
    I understand all the labels that everyone has for each other. And in no way am i critisizing keith or anyone else. But to me. Your just human. Your just a normal human being just like everyone else. Why cant we all agree that humans are diverse? Why do we have to label each other? The way i feel is when you start labeling people thats when you divide each other. How can we ever have full marriage equality when we keep separating ourselves from everyone else. What we need to say is that we are all human beings and because of that we all deserve equal rights. Besides, why do we need to explain ourselves to anyone else.

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  4. Our love for each other is so deep, we don’t care about appearance, gender, or even that we are siblings. When we look at each other, we don’t see us that way. We are simply two souls that love each other, that have been blessed to always be together and share this life and beyond together. I only wish everyone could find a love this pure, blind to our meaningless bodies and care about the person inside. This is what im talking about. Why cant we all just realize that we are just humans loving other humans. Why do you have to label the way you love. Love is love. When did love become a crime?

    ReplyDelete

To prevent spam, comments will have to be approved, so your comment may not appear for several hours. Feedback is welcome, including disagreement. I only delete/reject/mark as spam: spam, vulgar or hateful attacks, repeated spouting of bigotry from the same person that does not add to the discussion, and the like. I will not reject comments based on disagreement, but if you don't think consenting adults should be free to love each other, then I do not consent to have you repeatedly spout hate on my blog without adding anything to the discourse.

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