Tuesday, January 3, 2017

A Close Cousin Observes Consanguinamory

This blog has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

From time to time, we get friends or family of people in consanguinamorous relationships to share their perspective from outside of that relationship. Their perspectives can be very informative, and we are happy to bring you another one of those.

The individuals described as a couple below are  clearly able to consent to their relationship. They should be free to decide whether or not to legally marry, yet they could be harassed and persecuted if they were open about their love. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, including all but a couple of US states, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this observer has to say about this forbidden relationship. You may think the relationship is shocking, interesting, sweet, or you might find it incredibly sexy, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Your adult cousin and her father are in a romantic/sexual relationship?

Ashley: I think my cousin and her father have been together for seven years now. They are very much in love with each other. I can feel the love between them by just watching how they interact with one another.

It was weird to me at first, to see a father and daughter flirt, and kiss each other like lovers do. When my cousin talks to me about her father, it is almost like she is talking about her soul mate. When I listen to her and she tells me about the way her father makes her feel, she seems so happy and so in love. I've never see her so crazy about a guy the way she's crazy about her father.

I would joke with her and say, "Your daddy must be great in bed if you're that crazy about him." After seeing them together as a couple for awhile, I began to realize how perfect they are for one another. They get along so well. I guess adding sex and romance to their father and daughter relationship is not so bad after all. They are one of the best couples that I know.

FME: How exactly are you related to her?

My cousin's mother and my father are brother and sister. My cousin and I pretty much grew up together. I've known her all of my life and we are the same age. I love her like a sister and she's my best friend.

FME: He is her biological father? Did he raise her?

They are biological father and daughter, and yes, he raised her. Her father and mother used to be married, but had a divorce because the love wasn't there any more.

FME: How did you find out they're in a consanguinamorous relationship? What was your initial reaction?

We were living together as roommates in an apartment. One day we were talking about men and sex, and she just told me. I didn't believe her. I seriously thought she was joking. Even a couple days after the conversation, I still didn't believe her. The she said that she'll show me.

She invited her dad over and they kissed right in front of me. This wasn't any ordinary father and daughter kiss, it was a real kiss on the lips. I couldn't believe my own eyes. I was like, "You guys really are having sex." So many things went through my mind, and I started asking how, where, and when did it happen. I was so confused by what I just saw.

At first, I blamed her father, but they told me that it was consensual. I didn't believe it back then, but now I can clearly see that there was no rape or abuse. I believe it was love that made them have sex with each other, especially when you're that close to someone.

FME: Does anyone else know?

So far, only my mom and I know since we are the two closest to them. I don't think any other of the family members knows.

FME: How has your thinking about their relationship changed?

I think they have a beautiful and healthy relationship as father and daughter, and as a couple. I became intrigued by their relationship because it was so different from anything else that I've seen. I probably asked them like a million questions. One of the interesting questions I ask them is about sex; like how does it feel. My cousin tells me that it's very intense because of who they are to each other. She says she feels even closer to her father mentally, emotionally, and sexually.

She tells me that the only man she wants to be with is her father because she feels more loved and appreciated by him than any of the other men she's been with in the past. I have seen all of her relationships and I have to say, this is the happiest I've ever seen her. The romantic side to their father and daughter relationship is so beautiful that it makes me proud of their love. When I look at my cousin and her father, I don't see a taboo relationship, I see a very loving couple.

FME: Do they live together?

My cousin and I live together, so a lot of times her father comes over and they have their "father and daughter time," that is what I call their sexual activities. Sometimes I will say to my cousin, "So did you have fun with your daddy?"

And she will reply back saying something like, "I had a lot of fun with my daddy."

The dresses she wears when she goes out on dates with her father are tight and revealing. I would jokingly say to her, "You never tried to look this sexy when you went on dates in the past."

Her reply was, "That's because they're not special like my daddy."

I would also joke with her father and say,  "Are you checking out your daughter?"

And he would reply back like, "I can't help but to notice how beautiful and sexy she is." I always joke with them about this kind of stuff. They are always flirting, and I think it's sweet because it shows how close and comfortable they are with each other. 

FME: Do you know how long ago it started, and how it became consanguinamorous? Do you know who made the first move?

From what both of them told me, it started seven years ago on Thanksgiving day. They were in the car talking while everybody was still inside the house. They were talking about her recent break-up with her boyfriend who she was engaged with.

It started with her father kissing her on the forehead and the next thing that happened, they'd kissed. They say they're not sure who kissed first on the lips, but it seem like they kissed each other at the same time. They were feeling really close and a lot of love, which pushed them both to kiss each other, but they didn't have sex after the kiss. They actually went back inside the house and pretended like nothing ever happened.

I think two weeks later, my cousin confronted her father about the kiss. She didn't want to keep pretending like she didn't have any strong feelings for her father. They actually got into an argument because he didn't want to admit his feelings for her. She got mad, so she told her father that she's going to go and get pregnant by some stranger if he didn't kiss her. You can imagine that's a father's worst nightmare, so he kissed her, and they had sex.

FME: Do they act more like father and daughter or lovers, or does it seem to be a mix?

They behave like lovers, but I can still see the father and daughter bond between them, which is the true beauty of their relationship. They have the kind of love that most people don't have. My cousin still calls her father "dad" or "daddy." She said she tried to call him by his first name, but it sounded so alien and distant to her. I even asked her if she still calls him "daddy" even during sex, and she says she does because the word "daddy" is an expression of her love for her father.

I know, it sounds crazy, trust me, it sounds crazy to me too. They really do love each other because I see it on their faces everyday. I see a woman that's happy and excited to be in love with the man that she calls "daddy." It makes her feel overjoyed that she's in a very close and affectionate relationship with her father. They have always been close as father and daughter, and being so much closer than before makes them appreciate and love each other even more.

FME: Do they have children together?

No, they don't have any children, but they have talked about it. I know she wants a baby because she always talks about being a mother. She tells me that she wants her babies to have the same father as she did because he did a great job on raising her. She told me that if she can't have a baby with her father, then she doesn't want a baby with anybody else. She trusts her father more than anybody else, so I can understand why she wants her father to be the daddy of her future children. She just wants the babies to be born out of love.

FME: Can you see advantages or benefits to their relationship?

Their advantage is that they're a father and daughter couple, which makes their love rare, unique, and even interesting. They are not your ordinary father and daughter, but it doesn't mean they're not normal. They're just much closer and much more affectionate than most fathers and daughters. It's up to them to decide how they want to be as a family. If they don't want to have sex, that's OK, and if they do, that's still OK. They're both consenting adults and clearly know what they want from one another. I don't see a father and daughter committing incest or a crime, I see a father and daughter that strongly love each other, and not only that, they're very loyal to one another.

FME: Can you see difficulties or drawbacks to them being together?

The downside of their relationship is that they have to hide their relationship from the people they love the most. They can't share their happiness with the world. They have to suppress their feelings and wear a mask every time they're in public together. I fear that they might have to move far away to a place where nobody knows who they are so they can be themselves around each other.

FME: Can you think of any good reason they shouldn't be free to have their relationship and to marry, if they want to?

They deserve to be happy just like everybody else, but the world is so cruel to people like them. I'm not sure if they'll ever get married. I've talked about marriage with my cousin. One of her dreams is to marry her father and be his wife. She wants to be a complete family with a house and children. She always tells me that she can't see her future without her father being by her side. It hurts her that she can't be with her father the way she really wants to. I've never seen a woman that loves her daddy so much the way she does.

FME: What would you want to say to people who disapprove of them being together?

First of all, I want to say that they're both educated adults who can make their own decisions. Second of all, let people love whoever they want to love. It shouldn't matter the skin color, the gender, or even if they're related by blood. My cousin is one of the most normal and sane people that I know. Her father is a good man. I know he will never force anything against her will. He's not a child molester, rapist, or abusive. He is one of the most gentle and kindest human beings that I know. My cousin doesn't act like someone who was raped or betrayed by her father. She acts like someone who has fallen in love and found her soul mate.

So what if he's her father? So what if she's his daughter? So what if they enjoy touching, kissing and having sex with each other? They're not hurting anybody, or forcing anybody to participate in their activities. They're not telling any other families to have sex with each other. They just want the freedom to express their love for one another.

FME: Anything else you want to add?

One more thing. These people that you're saying are committing "incest" are your everyday normal people. They could be doctors, lawyers, judges, firemen, etc. If it's a case of rape or abuse between relatives then by all means, report it, but if the sex is consensual and they're both are adults then just let it be because they're not hurting any one. It's sad that this type of love is considered crime.


It is so great that they have a ally in Ashley and her mother. One of the best things for consanguineous lovers to have are friends and family who are supportive instead of hostile about their love.

Clearly, the couple described are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone and yet can't even exercise their basic human right to marry. They are happy and in love, yet they are denied that fundamental right to marry.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If someone you know is or has been in a relationship like this or if you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this. If you want to be interviewed about someone else's or your "forbidden" relationship , connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com.

If you are concerned about pregnancies between close relatives, read this.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this even if you don't want to be interviewed.

Thank you to Ashley for doing this interview, and thank you for being an ally and helping. We wish your cousin and her father well their intergenerational consanguinamorous relationship!
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1 comment:

  1. I wish everybody could accept this kind of relationship like this woman can. Not only does she accept it, but she's ok with them acting like lovers in front of her. Who is to say that a father and daughter can't love each other in a sexual ways? Who is to say that a father and daughter can't have a romantic relationship with each other? Who is to even say a father and daughter can't have a child together? If this is how they want to express their love and affections for one another then let it be because they're not interfering with anybody else's happiness.


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