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Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Open Letter to the Accomplished and Famous: Come Out Consanguinamorous


We know you're there. You're generally famous or at least famous in your industry, mostly because you're highly accomplished. And... you're consanguinamorous or have experience with consanguinamory. Some of you need to come out.

You're a performance artist, whether an actor or singer or musician or model.
Or you're someone who's held executive positions in the biggest companies.
Or you're an academic.
Or you're a top athlete.
Or a high ranking member of the military.
Or a journalist or author with national stature.
Or... you have some other place in life.


Whatever the case, you've "made it." You have the admiration and respect of a lot of people.

But what hardly anyone knows about you is that you are enjoying, or have enjoyed, a special relationship with a close relative, or you might even be exclusively or primarily attracted to close relatives. Maybe you have an unrequited attraction; the other person knows about it, but the two of you have not become "double bonded."


You need to seriously consider coming out.


We often advise people that the way to protect themselves is to keep things quiet. But if you're willing, we are hereby encouraging you to come out.


Because in coming out, you'll help so many people. You'll open and change minds, you'll give comfort to people who are oppressed. You'll help full marriage equality happen sooner rather than later.

Are there risks? Yes, there are. Some people will hate you because of your feelings or because of your love. There are currently no laws against an employer firing you for being consanguinamorous. Most US states still criminalize such love between consenting adults.


Part of changing that, though, is for people to see that consanguinmorists do exist, they're everywhere, in every demographic and place in society, and there's nothing wrong with consanguinamory. It's easy to dismiss the occasional "couple next door" who have their stories detailed in news media, especially when people don't know their name.

But if someone famous comes out, it's different. It would be very brave, emotionally liberating, and, more importantly, helpful if you came out.

You might be able to tell your story without coming out. I'm willing to tell your story while protecting your anonymity, and if you're connected, I'm sure you can get your story published in a popular mainstream outlet under a pen name. Either of those things would be good.

You can also wait until you've passed. I'd rather you not leave us, but if you don't want to deal with the backlash, perhaps recording or writing something to be released posthumously is the way to go for you?

But it would be even better if you actually came out, while still alive.

Talk with your lawyers, therapists, supportive friends and family, and especially your partner(s), and then, after careful consideration and planning, let the world know there's nothing wrong with your "forbidden" love. You may want to establish residence where your love isn't criminalized, first.


Coming out on your terms is better than being outed against your will. We'd never do that to anyone, except perhaps someone who makes a point of speaking out against civil rights. We very strongly suspect that we know of some very famous actors and musicians who have experienced reunion GSA. Of course we'd never out you, but we hope our writings and videos have given you some comfort.

There are various ways to come out, of course.

You can tweet, publish an essay, or upload a video or audio statement that directly deals with the issue, or do an interview that is solely about the issue or touches upon it. If your professional line of work our your hobby involves creating content, that content can deal with the subject.

There are gradual ways, such as making a point of excpressing support for the rights of ALL adults to marry or simply be together, "no matter their gender, orientation or relation." If you ever discuss the issue with someone who is anti-equality, they will typically bring up "Well what about people who want to be with close relatives?" Asking them, "Why should they be denied their rights?" can take you down the path to outing yourself.

You could give a sign by adopting the Friends of Lily symbol.

If you're currently in a consanguinamorous relationship, you could simply stop hiding that fact by enjoying dates out with your lover(s), holding hands, kissing, etc. People will begin to talk, and when someone brings it up you can say you're in love.

Being in control by outing yourself intentionally is better than being outed by someone else, especially if it catches you off guard. Ultimately, though, it should be your decision whether, when, and how to come out, but if you do, you'll be a hero for doing so. Coming out will help a lot of people.

Whether you're ever going to come out or not, you are welcome to write me and I will keep what you tell me private and protect your identity, as I have done with so many others. I can be reached at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.
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To prevent spam, comments will have to be approved, so your comment may not appear for several hours. Feedback is welcome, including disagreement. I only delete/reject/mark as spam: spam, vulgar or hateful attacks, repeated spouting of bigotry from the same person that does not add to the discussion, and the like. I will not reject comments based on disagreement, but if you don't think consenting adults should be free to love each other, then I do not consent to have you repeatedly spout hate on my blog without adding anything to the discourse.

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