Sunday, January 27, 2019

Living Consanguinamorously - What About Roles?

Q: In a consanguinamorous relationship, what happens to the biological roles?

This is sometimes asked as “Do they still see themselves as siblings (or parent/child, etc.)?” or various other questions.

A (Short): It depends. Every situation has some differences from others.

A (Long): One of the questions usually asked in the exclusive interviews featured on this blog is that very question. Consanguineous lovers are asked if they see each other primarily as lovers or as family or if those things are inseparable. Hopefully in any relationship, people see each other as people first and foremost.

Relationships come in many varieties.

There a reunion cases in which the individuals didn’t know about each other until they were well into adulthood, and there are relationships between family members who have always been close and always in each other’s life, and everything in between.

There are relatives who only occasionally have sex, casually hooking up with each other alone or in situations involving group sex or swinging, and there are relatives deeply in love in monogamous or polyfidelitous lifelong spousal romances, and there’s everything in between.

That there is such diversity in situations and diversity in individuals means that some are going to see each other more in their familial roles most of the time, and others who are going to see each other primarily as lovers most of the time, and some who drift back and forth, and some who tend to see each other as both most of the time. If a couple has lost the rest of their family (or never had any others) or has moved to where people don’t know of their relation in order to live openly as a couple, they familial roles may be significantly reduced, but out of practicality and being free of the expectations of others.

People who are consanguinamorous in their orientation and in a sexually active relationship are going to tend to see both at the same time, as in “This is my brother and my lover” or “This is my mother and my lover”, etc. Conversely, people who are primarily in a “family-with-benefits” situation may only focus on the lover role at the appointed times or in a designated room of the home.

Something many people in consanguinamorous relationships experience is something described as “double love” or a “double bond.” One is not replaced by the other, but rather added to. They love each other as family and as partners, and the combination is very powerful. Contrary to the Discredited Argument 19 that consanguinamory will ruin a family relationship, it can actually improve them significantly.

Some ethical nonmonogamists (and even some monogamists have picked up on it) point out that people can “design their own relationships.” Rather than letting other people or the culture at large tell them how they should live out their relationships, they have found that they can best be happy and functional mutually negotiating what is best for them. This can refer to everything from sex to sleeping arrangements to living together or not to when they will share meals, what activities they will do together as a couple, what they will do with others, on and on it goes. Likewise, consanguinamorists can decide what their boundaries and how their roles will be lived out.

If you have experience with consanguinamory, what have been your thoughts, feelings, and agreements on this? Comment below. You can do so anonymously.
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  1. We have agreed to a "family first" agreement. We have also admitted the reality that in a "different place and time" we would enter into a full time romantic relationship.

    We are thrilled to have found each other later in life. It started as flirting and led to an intense physical attraction.

    We both are a bit frustrated with the knowledge that family would NEVER be ok with it. We both fear rejection by family. (Made worse by abandonment issues rooted in adoption)
    We have admitted we love each other while staying guarded.

    Fear and love are not a good combination. Life should never include a choice like that.

    We have great intimacy both sexually and as uncle/niece.

  2. I prefer a double bond with my mother. Romantic interest/sex with her is an enhancing and becoming a storng bond for us. So she is not going to be my mother but also my love partner. But I do treat her as a mother most of the time and as love object when we both are alone and the time of romance.

  3. I feel the fulfillment of physical desires with a taboo thrill is one of the main driving force in such relationships. Therefore, more than role plays, the acceptance of actual relationship while performing sex is the most preferred norm I suppose. Calling mom as mom while having sex gives that extra thrill. I don’t know whether people out there agree?

    1. Jorge-We are a mother and son couple.We want to give our insight.Of course we agree!!!Not to see yourself still as being related is a huge disrespect.My motheri is my mother.It is what makes our relationship very special.THAT WE are mother and son that live and love as a man and a woman.If we were to do away with that.It would disrepectful -Yolanda-This is ONLY TRUTH as far as Iam concerned.The beauty of our relationship is that we are a mother and son that are lovers and best friends.WE live as a husband and wife behind closed doors.That is very rare.Not everyone is willing to do this or if they want to the circumstances are not right.Most of our lives together were spent by ourselves.With the exception of a 3 year marriage that ended in divorce when he was 16 to 19.I had Jorge at 17 and did not stay with his father.So I was a young mother and though it may not have been been normal.He was my little man that was also my best friend.There is a natural chemistry between us.One that you do not normally see between a mother and son Despite having a discreet sex life outside occasionally.I never put a man before my son or in the house..Not until I got married later on.Even then I Had asked Jorge permission to marry.Naturally,Loving me he gave his blessing.Though I had no idea At that time he was fantasizing about me since puberty.So most of our lives it was always just the two of us.It makes sense that we are so close.It seemed inevitable that the nature of our relationship would change.Even though we lived in denial with our feelings and thoughts.Due to society's view point of even consensual incest between two adults is taboo.Jorge-I felt guilty about my feelings too.believe it or not .Yet,That she was a wonderful as just being my mother.Why should I feel that way?She always put my well being first.She could have had any guy she wanted.She looks like a prettier Latin American version of Natalie wood!Yet,even more so than being Beautiful!she is caring, generous, and funny!Of vcloursxe I gave her my blessing to marry!She was never a wife!Even if it was to the wrong man.Yes,It is true I was deep in exercising my thoughts about mom at that time!She even caught me once and was cool about it.No she did not know it was her I was thinking about.Yolanda-LOl my baby!Even when I started to see that you were a wonderful, respectful young man that loves his mother in every aspect.Well.I still could not admit to myself That I had those same feelings for you because of the taboo.Giving it so much thought after a few years, my divorce.My son having a child out of wedlock.It all made sense with everything happening the way it did.things happen for a reason.The decision did not come lightly.Yet to finally act upon and explore these repressed feelings .Our lives took the turn for the very best!We still our a normal mother and son.Yet completely addicted to each other deeply in love.Like no mother and son "SHOULD BE".Yes,That means behind closed doors.We are a man and woman in HEAT!Now that our guilt is gone.t hat society programs us into.Well,We gladly embrace our immorality and drowned in the pleasure it beautifully provides us

    2. Jorge-Oh boy!!Mom you got the point across without being graphic!IMomwanted to explain why we are always mother and son.Without that we would just have a lustful relationship.I really did not speak as much as I wanted to so we will continue.Yes,our sexual intercourse it is fantastic!Being mother and son makes it very deep and strong.Probably even stronger than other incest relationships.I think so.Iam going back to where I where I came fromIam back inn her vagina where I left.Of c course with it being that passionate and intense,Disregarding our relationship as a mother and son would make our sexual activities as cheap.Like my mother was just a sexual pleasure.She is yet so much more.We have a wonderful relationship where we connect on all levels.The key is we have great communication.We love being in each others company.It is very comforting .Of course being inside of her I feel like her son reconnecting....Of course the taboo nature is an amazing turn on.Yet it is so much more My heart races when I see her after coming home or waking up in bed.Iam repeating myself Yet It is so true.Mom said things happen for a reason.SWe believe this is another reason the cards were right.If. we have any regrets it is that I cannot live in the open with her and we cannot have children.I mean we can Iam only 21 and she is 38.Yet because of society.Living in secret is hard enough.Yet my mother would have been upset if I had never been a father and to a lesser degree her a grandmother.I had a out of wedlock child like m y mother only a year older at 18.Her divorce and my son being born were blessings that we later came to realize.How fortunate they occurred!Yolanda-Yes,it is special and rare,.Not all mothers and sons can act upon their consensual feelings like this.The circumstances were a big part of it.II gave birth to Jorge and raised him .Little did I know that he was the only man worthy to have me.It seems strange and sic k.yet it is true.

    3. Yolanda again.He is such a wonderful man.Even when we finally got to kissing etc.It was obvious that we could not deny and resist each other.During our embracing and caressing he told me it was okay if I did not want to go with this.I reassured him over and over it was okay.That I could live with it changing everything.I wanted it to.At that moment I wanted nothing more than to become one with him.It would could the circle of everything we already have and make it stronger.Even at the moment when he was holding my legs spread open with his penis rubbing my entrance.he still hesitated and asked again.I stared at him and told him yes as long as he is okay with it.At this point he understood and we kissed and told me woiuld never stop loving me.he still did not do anything so I very gently slide him in as we locked eyes.

    4. yes that wascthe beginning of our beautiful relationship.Jorge-Mom is my treasure!Since then we have been living like a husband and wife.It is the house where I grew .I had moved back in after my son's mother and I broke up.My mother was freshly divorced.I guess what seemed like innocent flirting got serious .we began to really pour our love into each other.and we both took are chance extremely slowly when we realized we were really wanting this.Like my mother mother just explained to you.I was even hesitant before we took the final step and crossed the line.what we have is very rare and special.YOLANDA-It may not be normal yet wet give each other what no other persons can give us.I just want Jorge Life partners we are for sure.Always my son my love Jorge

  4. this is more like the commentary about consanguinarmory that seems realistic and helpful..not fake and porn

    the rate of incidence and how people are dealing with such relationships is what interests me.

    It's interesting to get a sense of what actually is going on in the society relative to incest

  5. Yes,Very realistic...Yolanda and Jorge have explained themselves very well.It is very similiar to my Son and I.Our relationship is rare and definitely does have a different aspect for sure.It definitely has that double love you stated.It is strange at first.Yet wonderful and powerful.The mother and son aspect never goes away it just became stronger with our physical bonding.It makes perfect sense for us.It works well for us and that is all that matters.Too bad society disagrees.We are now 51 and 33.At the time I was 45 and divorced for the second time.My son was 27 in the process of getting divorce and a father to a four year old son.At this moment in our lives we discovered the best thing for us was each other.It took some time and was gradual.We are very happy with our decision.Needless to say the sex is amazing!

    1. Anonymous, congrats on your love. If you haven't done so already, please do email me at Fullmarriageequality at Protonmail dot com as I'd like to discuss this with you privately.


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