Thursday, August 31, 2017

The French Connection

People in polyamorous relationships are everywhere, as are people in consanguinamorous relationships, though consanguinamorists are more likely to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. And sometimes, people in what amounts to a polyamorous consanguinamorous marriage are willing to be interviewed. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The woman interviewed below should be free to legally marry her spouses, yet they can't, and people in many countries could be harassed, persecuted, imprisoned, and stripped of their children if they were open about their love. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, including all but a couple of US states, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love. Fortunately, in France, they are safe from criminal prosecution.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

Morag: All our family are white British, although now we all live in France to be safe. I am a woman of 52 years, I am a full time mum and housewife, although I occasionally consult with my sister as an experienced pediatrician.

My sister-wife is 51 years old and runs our GP practice.

Our husband and son is 33 years old and is a software engineer for one of the big tech giants.

FME: Are you married or have you ever been legally and/or ceremonially married?

We had a ceremonial marriage ceremony with my sister and son when my son reached adulthood.

We are really into naturism, Gaianism and environmentalism so we decided to create a part of our garden that is very secluded and helpful to the local wildlife. We planted a circular hedgerow with long grass on the outside, then a garden of flower and short grass where anyone could sit or sunbath and just enjoy themselves for whatever purpose.

We decided on a nude wedding with just flowers in our hair for decoration. We really wanted to get in touch with nature with our wedding and just be one with each other and the world.

We were lucky that one our close friends is a humanist celebrant and she agreed to conduct a non binding ceremony. We exchanged rings, one for each partner, and vows. We consummated the relationship afterwards in the spot we were married. I cried tears of joy afterwards, having my new husband's seed in me and being surrounded with beauty and life was just so spiritually uplifting for me.

FME: How would you describe your genders? How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation?

We are all cisgender and polyamorist. I am pansexual, I just love all the beings and creatures on this earth. My sister is bisexual and my son has suggested he’s bi-curious.

All three of us are more attracted to family members than non-family. The closer the relation the stronger the attraction.

FME: You currently live with...?

It is myself, my sister-wife and our husband, who my son, her nephew, along with five children; three between me and our husband and another two between my sister and our husband.

FME: This is a polyamorous triad between a woman, her sister, and the woman's son? Are you and your sister full blood siblings, half siblings, adopted siblings, or stepsiblings?

We are a polyamorous triad that is correct. My sister and I are full blood relations.

FME: What was your childhood like? What was family life like? Can you describe your sexual awakening? 

Our family has a bit of history with being consanguinamorous. Our parents are first cousins and our paternal grandparents were half siblings. Nobody had a problem with that and they were quite open about it. Other than that, sex was never discussed.

My sexual awakening was when I was ten. I walked in on my little sister while she was having a bath. She had just started puberty. Something unlocked in my mind after that, I thought she was the most beautiful being I’d ever seen. I was in love with her and wanted to pleasure her. I had no idea how I would do that and I wouldn’t know what a lesbian was for several years.

As far as relationships go, I am a lot more consang than poly. I’m with my partners because we’re related; being polyamorous allows me to express and share that love. I tried a few non-consang relationships in my teens but it was never fulfilling for me. I could never love them or enjoy the sex to the same degree.

FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationships? How did this triad form?

My sister and I were quite experimental growing up, we would sneak out and find a secluded spot to kiss and touch other. As we got older we added a bit more eventually progressing to having sex with each other quite regularly. I was just super comfortable being with her.

As my son reached the age of consent, my sister and I were toying with the idea of a ceremonial marriage; we were very much in love. We had a son we both adored, it seemed right to do something amongst ourselves as a family. It was clear he was attracted to both is us, so 
I suggested we should just all three of us get married to each other.

FME: Can you describe your feelings during those processes?

With my sister, there was a lot of anxiety. We were still young and naive in matters sexual. All our exploration was mostly guess work. That gradually subsided as we gained experience, maturity and became more confident in our ability to conceal what we were doing.

With my son, it was pure excitement, I hadn’t had heterosexual intercourse since he was born and it had been on my mind for a long time.

FME: Before this,had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together? 

At that time, I was much into the radical feminism and the idea that heterosexual and monogamous relationships were oppressive to everyone, so anything consang, gay/lesbian, poly was preferable.
I had some feelings for my mum and dad but they weren’t as strong as those for my sister and, later, my son.

FME: How do you describe the sex/lovemaking now? Taboo? Natural? Especially erotic?

Our lovemaking is always exciting and fulfilling. Before being with my son, any heterosexual sex I experienced was quite dull. It was just straightforward oral and vaginal sex. After being married into a triad, I was overwhelmed with the desire to experience every sexual pleasure and explore and use all of my body. We began experimenting more. Once we broke the incest taboo every other taboo just didn’t seem to matter much. It’s certainly the best and most fulfilling sex I have ever had.

FME: Is sex or sleeping arrangements generally scheduled?

We have to schedule everything. We’re a household of eight. Without any planning, it would be total chaos. We always schedule some time to make love after the younger children are put to bed. There’s no obligation to turn up but we all try to. We set aside a spare bed if someone can’t make it or is sick or just wants some space and time to themselves. It’s quite rare for us to be one-on-one but it does happen.

FME: Describe your relationship now. Are you more like spouses or family-with-benefits or something else? Do the you see each other as family or lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?

It’s most certainly a marriage. I see myself as exclusively a mother-wife with all that entails. We have been together for many years. We currently all live together in the French countryside. The two are inseparable now, I couldn’t imagine not being lover with my family or not family with my lovers.

FME: Is this triad closed or are there any of you open to new partners?

Our triad is closed to non-family members. Once our children reach the age of consent, we extend to them an open invitation to join us for lovemaking if they wish and a further one to join the group marriage if they want to. There have been no takers so far, which is fine.

FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature of your relationship and how did they find out? How have they reacted? What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?

Our parents know and a few of our very close friends know. We informed our parents when I became pregnant with my son's first child. They heavily disapproved. They didn’t understand us, they didn’t understand us being poly and bisexual. Eventually, though, they came to accept us after another pregnancy and seeing that our marriage was working. They just wanted to be around the grandchildren and keep everything sort of anchored.

FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think polyamorous and/or consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers or monogamy?

At first it was very exciting and tense. It was this cycle of the tension and fear of being caught made our lovemaking more exciting and desirable.

I think the main advantage is you’ve already got this considerable bond and trust to begin with, it’s a very strong foundation to build on. Adding sex to that only strengthens the bond between everyone involved. Also, there’s no shame in sharing your desires with them once you are involved with each other.

Our plan was always to relocate to a country where our love wouldn’t be punished, so when we had enough money we moved to France. Now we don’t really hide it. We don’t feel the need to hide anything. Some people disapprove, some people accept us.

FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the others?

I’d say to them to look after their own lives. If they don’t want to be involved in a consang and/or poly relationship, then they shouldn’t. They also shouldn’t stop other people from expressing their own love how they wish.

FME: How are the children?

We have five children as a result of this marriage; our husband is father to three by me and two by my sister-wife. We've raise them collectively as our children. We don’t make any distinction between any of them and treat them without favor. They are all perfectly healthy, although we did take precautions and heavily encouraged a vegetarian diet along with lots of regular exercise.

FME: What would you say to something who says polyamorous people or related lovers shouldn't be allowed to have children?

I would say they are wrong. Our children are very happy. We’re able to pool resources like time, money and energy so our children can draw on more from their mummies and daddy. So long as the relationship is functional it shouldn’t matter as to its composition.

FME: Aside from the law, which I think is ridiculous, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?

They are probably too enjoyable!

FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?

If it was legal we absolutely would get married. We would absolutely want to share our love with all our friends and family. Plus it would be hilarious to seem them all naked!

FME: What advice do you have for someone who wants to be in a relationship like this? What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member?

Just go for it. Life is short. You could end up with something absolutely unique and special to all involved.

FME: What advice do you have for someone who thinks they might be polyamorous or thinks they want a polyamorous relationship?

Again, go for it.

FME: Have you met in-person or do you know anyone else who has experience with consanguinamory or consanguineous sex that you know of?

Two of my female friends at uni admitted to experimenting to various degrees with their brothers. Other than that, and our own family's history, there’s nobody else.

FME: Any plans for the future?

Once our last child is older and mature enough to understand their parentage, we want to have a ceremony where we reassert our vows to each other and have our family there so they can share in the experience and see the love we hold.

FME: Anything else to add?

Just a massive thanks to everyone working on our behalf. It really matters and helps with self-acceptance.


Clearly, these lovers are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone, married in every way except the law, and yet they can't even exercise their basic human right to marry, even though they are living as spouses and raising children.. They are happy and in love, yet they are denied that fundamental right to marry.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.
If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

If you are concerned about pregnancies between close relatives, read this.
If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you to Morag for doing this interview! We wish you well in your polyamorous consanguinamorous marriage and your parenthood.
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