Monday, August 29, 2016

Poppy is an Ally for a Consanguinamorous Pair

There's an advice column, Ask Poppy, found at In this edition, she examines a same-sex consanguinamorous relationship.

AskPoppy 08272016

"E" wrote...
Three years ago, I met my mother’s sister in a reunion. We are aware of the existence of each other but like the other siblings of my mother, we are not really close because of distance.
When I met her during the reunion, we kicked it off—I felt like she’s a cool person and she thought I was cool too. Just normal reactions when you get to know somebody the first time, I guess.
This was sounding like it could be Genetic Sexual Attraction, but..
Facebook Messenger happened and it got to the point where we were talking every day. And after about a year, I kind of developed feelings for her romantically—I felt it was mutual, but I did not dare ask.
Because it took so long, it probably doesn't fall under GSA or at least not a "typical" example of it, although the lack of a Westermarck Effect is still involved.
And then somebody from the family got sick and she decided to visit, she said she wanted to see our place, too.
I can’t recall what happened but at some point during her stay, we kissed each other. And it was the best kiss I have had in my life.
That is typical of consanguinamory.

It sort of put the feelings we had for each other on the spotlight. We talked about it and said this may possibly be wrong, etc. and decided to stop talking to each other, evaluate things, and talk about it maybe a year after.
Wow... denying each other affection because of some ridiculous prejudices. Sad.
It was so hard, we blocked each other on all means of communication but my feelings were still the same. I see her recent pictures in my other family’s social media and I just want to hug her. I miss her so much.

Now, it has been a year and eight months since we last talked. I found out just last week that she will be visiting the Philippines for a convention. We saw each other, we talked, and a few days later—we had sex.
I am 30 and she is 38 years old.
Consenting adults.
There’s no problem about someone being too young to just chalk off things to hormones. We both had healthy relationships, she used to have a boyfriend and I did too. But we both broke it off with them even before we met.
So there's no reason whatsoever they shouldn't be allowed and affirmed in their love.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes with my life and whenever I do, I always get anxious carrying that guilt. I cannot relax but with this one, I don’t feel guilty.
Good. There's no reason to feel guilty.
My negative feelings about it is that I worry about the possible backlash from other people, especially when our family finds out.
Odds are very strong that there will be hate hurled at their way. But there are some families who are kind and supportive.

If you think you know someone, whether family or friend or whatever, who might be going through something like this, please read here.

The response from Poppy...
I mean, yeah, sure, it still happens all around the world, but people never really talk about it.
Yes, it does happen.
In the US, not a single state allows incest especially if it’s in the first degree.
Not true! Unless you mean "allows" in the sense of "allows them to marry." That is true, yes, but these two can legally live together and have sex in Rhode Island and New Jersey at least.

We think it is important for that to be clarified because we're seen this elsewhere recently. It is NOT TRUE that being together is illegal in all 50 states. Siblings can be together in Ohio and any consenting adults can be together in Rhode Island and New Jersey. It should be that way nationwide, and it will be.

To her credit, Poppy discusses GSA and Westermarck before going on...
They call it Assortative Mating ... people have a tendency to fall in love with someone who have similar physical and mental traits. Having the same blood running through yours and your tita’s veins makes the attraction even stronger. Those fancy schmansy scientists can’t find a term for it, but we all know it as lukso ng dugo, or that sudden jolt or fuzzy feeling you get when you know that you’re related to someone. You know this because it’s such a teleserye staple.
Then she gets to the heart of the matter,,, can’t deny one thing: it’s love. You’re both adults who have been through a lot after all these years dealing with those men (ugh).
They love each other. That's what matters. Poppy supports this love between them, and THANK YOU POPPY for doing so, but does warn that...
It’s going to ruin you and your entire family if they know.
There will likely be some uproar and hostility, yes. Someone in the family might even rat them out. So here's some advice on how they can protect themselves and each other.
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