These Are the People in Your Neighborhood

At debriefdaily.com, Kathleen Lewis tells us that she has two husbands, two wives, and it isn't kinky.

I was first introduced to such alternative relationships in college when a female friend of mine and I knowingly decided to share the same boyfriend. No, not a threesome, just going out with the same guy.

It was partially a matter of convenience, and partially the fact that we were close friends. We both liked him very much, didn’t want to fight over him, and he wasn’t anxious to choose between us.

Regardless of gender, if two people want to be with (dating, living with, or married to) the same person, shouldn't that be up to them if they're all consenting adults?

She goes on to write about how she married someone called Alan, and about a year and a half after getting married, they met Eric.

He and I were instantly attracted to each other and, as Alan had no objection, we began getting to know each other better.

Over time, I found myself falling in love with Eric. Alan certainly wasn’t blind to this, so we all got together to discuss it. This turned out to be one of the most important conversations of my life, and led to an increase in my family.

Alan and Eric let me make the sleeping arrangements, and I worked to make sure I spent time with both of them.

To all outward appearances we were a married couple with a male friend living with us.

There are people who fall apart when they hear about such relationships, but as long as this is what those involved wanted, what's the problem?

Fast forward to today, and our family is now composed of Alan, Eric, Leslie, Amber, and myself, plus our four children, and Amber is currently pregnant.

Eric and Leslie are legally married, and we’ve added a few rooms to the house. We have two family meetings a week, one of which is for adults only, both of which can get lively and loud. We’ve had our arguments over money, people monopolising other people’s time, dealing with children’s issues, and so forth like any other family – but we just have more voices in the discussion.

She writes a bit about finances, childcare, housekeeping, and cooking.

Our respective families are aware that Alan and I are married, that Eric and Leslie are married, and that Amber is living with us.

If they are suspicious of anything else, they’ve never mentioned it. Fascinating how people avoid asking uncomfortable questions.

Often, surrounding family that might not understand or be thrilled with a relationship or relationships prefers to leave things unsaid. They might get upset when someone actively and explicitly comes out, or they might realize that things will be better off with the relationship being openly acknowledged. While warm and loving support is best, as long as the families aren't hostile or destructive, that's a good thing. Everyone must decide for themselves whether or not to come out, how to come out, and to whom to come out. My personal opinion is that sometimes, even when you want to shout from the rooftops how much you love someone, the best option for the time being is to leave things unsaid if the surrounding families aren't asking the obvious questions.

She goes on to write about polygyny as depicted in Big Love and how that is very different from the family of which she's a member. As I frequently say, polyamorous people are diverse and polyamory can be found in many forms.