Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Dear Prudence Defends Polyamorous Triad

Polyamory continues to come out of the closet. Dear Prudence handled a letter from a woman who was "queasy" about her sister's polyamory.
My sister Julia recently told our family that she and her husband Jake are in a polyamorous triad with their best friend Tony. The three of them have been together for as long as Julia has been with Jake (seven years) and all of their friends know that, essentially, Tony is Julia's other husband.
Sounds very stable.
She does not know whether the child is Jake's or Tony's, but both men plan to raise the child equally. 
If they want to know who the genetic father is, they can get a DNA test.
Our brother claims they're an amazing set and that Julia has never been this happy. My parents, my husband, and I are more realistic and feel queasy about the arrangement. 
How is that more "realistic?" They are happy!
I cannot imagine how their child will feel, growing up with half siblings (Julia plans to have children by both men) and with their mom sleeping with two men. 
Sounds like the child will feel loved.

Dear Prudence got it right...
You don't have to "support" it, you just have to act like a decent person. Jake, Julia, and Tony are a threesome. Your sister is not asking for your advice or approval, she is just asking to be treated politely. 
Does the letter writer want to see her niece or nephew, or not? Isn't it great that her sister has two men who love her? Isn't it great the child will have three loving parents in the home?
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  1. Good for Prudie. I'm living this now (minus the kid...) and know I can't ever tell my family because of how they'll respond. It's tough, never having that open communication with them, lying about our family, downplaying my not - legalized relationship. It sucks. I hate it. And the more it comes out, the better it will be for kids like mine who grow up in homes with loving matter the number or gender.

    1. Thanks for commenting. It will get better, and we're going to make it happen sooner rather than later.

  2. I love Dear Prudence and her answer to this letter makes me love her even more. That little girl and the other future children are going to have wonderful a mother and two wonderful fathers who love her and the others. The sister hatred-filled ignorance makes me angry.


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