Pride Month Is Here!

June is Pride Month. 

Like so many other observances, it has become commercialized in a lot of ways. As far as I'm concerned, I'd rather corporations call positive attention to it rather than how things were in the old days, when LGBTQ+ people were invisible or portrayed as predators.

We should also keep in mind that there are LGBTQ+ people who are monogamous, and also those who are polyamorous or otherwise involved in consensual, ethical, or disclosed nonmonogamy. There are also LGBTQ+ people who are consangunamorous or have consanguineous relationships. All these people should have their rights.

Let's celebrate gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities. May allies join in, and may there be solidarity for all!

Let's make it a great month!

Are you going to any events?

Is There Any Sexuality You Don't Support?

Someone asked me that question privately.

If by sexuality, one means gender identity or sexual orientation… I support people being free to be themselves, as long as they don’t force themselves on others (like predators of children).

Regarding sex…

I believe in the basic human rights of freedom of religion, association, expression, and assembly. Anything consenting adults do together should be up to them, and should not be something to be subjected to criminal prosecution, discrimination, or bullying. Nor should minors close in age be prosecuted or forced into “treatment” for having sex with each other.

I don't consider rape, assault, or child molestation to be "sex." I'm all for prosecuting for those.

I think if someone is at the age of consent for sex, that age of consent should also apply to being recorded or photographed. If someone wants to make videos of themselves to take pictures of themselves or let someone else do it, and they want to show it to others, and another person of the age of consent wants to view it, fine.

Regarding marriage…

I support the right to marry for everyone. An adult should be free to marry any and all consenting adults.

But…

My support of legal rights and protections does not mean I personally support all sex or marriages.

For example, I think it is a bad idea for, say, a woman who needs monogamy to have sex on the first date, and if a friend like that wants my "support" I would tell her no, it is a bad idea.

Another example… I think it is safe to say we’ve all known people who announced they were going to get married and we cringed (if only inside) because we didn’t think they were right for each other, or perhaps in a place in their lives where they were ready to be married.

I am also against cheating (but again, I don’t think it should be a criminal matter). Cheating is when someone breaks an existing vow to another through action, rather than informing the person(s) with whom they have the vow that the agreement is ending. There are married couples who have agreements that allow one or both of them to have sex with other people, and per those agreements doing so would not be cheating.

However, if someone tells me they are happily involved with their close biological relative, or two close biological relatives, and none of them are cheating to do it, then yes, I support them. I support happy, healthy same-gender relationships, interracial relationships, polyamorous relationships, intergenerational relationships (adults), and consanguinamorous relationships.

I am sex-positive. Sex is a good thing for many reasons. We’d be better off if more people were having more sex and sex that was more satisfying to them. So generally, I “support sex.” Those who don’t think sex is a good thing or talk as though it isn’t may be doing it wrong, or may have forgotten what it is like (certain asexuals excepted).

What about you? Are you sex-positive?

Reminder: Why We Use the Term Consanguinamory

TW/CW

Monday is Memorial Day in the US

Monday, May 27 is a day that fallen military personnel are honored and remembered.

Some of our fallen were LGBTQ+, some were polyamorous. Some were consanguinamorous. Until somewhat recently, none of them could be open about who they were or who they loved without dire consequences; only some of our LGBTQ+ military personnel have been able to come out thanks to the end of DADT and the implementation of some protections. Polyamorous and consanguinamorous people still have to hide and are denied their rights.

Some were drafted and had no choice but to serve.

Yet along with the rest of their military brothers and sisters, they fought and struggled and suffered.

So please let freedom ring.

Someone should be able to serve honorably and without being ordered to act unjustly, no matter their gender identity, sexual orientation or their relationships with consenting adults. And they should be able to have their marriages registered with their states, and certainly not be punished for their relationships.

Pan Visibility Day - Friday, May 24

May 24 is Pansexual and Panromantic Awareness and Visibility Day. 

Pansexual people are sexually attracted to people regardless of gender or of any gender.

Panromantic people are romantically attracted to people regardless of gender or of any gender.

This is true even if they are currently monogamous, or in a relationship with one person (or not in a relationship at all).

Pansexual and panromantic people are part of LGBTQ+ and often face discrimination for their gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities. Pansexual and/or panromantic people, regardless of gender, should be as free as anyone to live their lives free of harassment, prejudice, bigotry, and bullying.

Are you pansexual and/or panromantic? Do you think you might be? You are certainly not alone! Some highly accomplished people have come out pansexual and/or panromantic. As always, feel free to comment below (you can do so anonymously, if you'd like), or if you'd rather communicate privately, contact Keith. 

Taking the Steps

I have frequently seen the question asked, “It is incest to date my stepbrother?” or “Would marrying my stepsister be incestuous?”

Romance, dating, sex, or marriage between step relations is not literally consanguinamory, but is often subject to the same prejudices, which in some places and cases includes criminalization, as consanguinamorous relationships. With Discredited Argument #18 not a factor, the excuse to try to deny others their relationships is usually Discredited Arguments #1, 3, 19, or 21.

Although someone may try to control our relationships, we can’t effectively control what other people do with their love lives and we shouldn’t try. We don’t pick who our family members love or marry. As such, sometimes someone is brought into our lives as a step relation, such as a stepbrother, stepsister, stepmother, or stepfather whether we like it or not.

Sometimes, we like it. A lot.

Agender Pride Day - Sunday May 19

Sunday, May 19 is Agender Pride Day.

In addition to celebrating people who identify as agender, the day also brings attention to all of the prejudice, bigotry, and discrimination that agender people endure, like so many others with gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities.

Agender people often identify as having no gender, although some consider their gender to be neutral. Agender may also be referred to as genderfree, genderblank, genderless, gendervoid, non-gendered, ungendered, or null gender. Agender people may be considered nonbinary. 

Like anyone else, agender people should be free to live their lives without fear of harassment or bullying.

Does Swapping or Swinging Ruin Marriage?

If a marriage is already doomed, involving other people will not save it. If it is troubled, involving other people can help it depending on what the troubles are. Involving other people in it by cheating can definitely ruin it. But ethical nonmonogamy is not cheating. If a marriage is solid and stable, ethical nonmonogamy has the possibility to make it even better. It isn't for everyone, or all relationships, but is for some.

Swinging and swapping, which both forms of ethical nonmonogamy, are not the same thing. Swinging generally means that people in an established relationship get together at parties or events with multiple other couples, triads, etc. and individuals for the specific purpose of having sex, usually sex that is no-strings-attached. That sex may include many different people. Swapping usually means a couple gets together with another couple or two and they switch partners. It could be a one-time thing or an ongoing thing or something between that, and it could happen in the same room or isolated from each other.

A great answer to the question raised in the title of this entry was provided on Quora by Franklin Veaux...

Studies conducted of people in the swing community generally show that swingers have higher than baseline levels of marital happiness. 

Swingers: Mentally Healthier Than Monogamous Peers…when it comes to attitudes about sex and marriage they [swingers] are less racist, less sexist, and less heterosexist than the general population. Swinging appears to make the vast majority of swingers' marriages happier, and swingers rate the happiness of their marriages and life satisfaction generally as higher than the non-swinging population. Implications of the study and its limitations are also included. 

The Case of Swingers. EJHS 2000New Study Shows Swingers are More Likely to Stay MarriedStudy: Investigation of Consensually Nonmonogamous Relationships: Theories, Methods, and New Directions

The Intersection of Polyamory and Consanguinamory

Relationships don't have to be A) monogamous and B) with someone who isn't closely related.

Once one of those is realized, it is easier to realize the other.

Yes, some people do better and genuinely prefer monogamy with someone who isn't a close relative. And good for them.

But human sexuality and relationships are diverse.

Once you set aside the arbitrary constraints on sexuality and relationships, you might discover things about yourself would never have considered otherwise. Once you realize that one constraints is arbitrary, pointless, or doesn't suit you, you're more likely to question other constraints.

Don’t Forget Mother’s Day - This Sunday, May 12

Mother's Day is celebrated annually on the second Sunday of May (at least it is where I live). If you have a mother or mothers in your life you should honor and celebrate - they don't have to be your mother - consider making plans if you haven't already. But if this person IS your mother, and your mother has been a good one, do be sure to show that person how much you appreciate them. 

We keep in mind people become mothers in many ways, including birthing, being married or partnered with someone who gives birth, donating gametes, adopting, fostering, marrying or partnering with someone who has a child, and simply becoming someone's honorary mother through actions.

This applies even more to those of you who have added a special additional bond with your mother, or want to. You have more ways of showing your mother your appreciation than anyone else. If you haven't made plans yet, make them now!

If you have any special plans you want to share, you can comment below, including anonymously. If you want to privately share with me what your plans are, contact me.