If we had relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality, so many of the troubles facing so many people would go away.
But we don't have that yet.
So people in certain relationships face discrimination ranging from employment and housing discrimination, to denial of the freedom to marry, to imprisonment.
In the US, the people who help you with matters of law are called lawyers or attorneys. Other terms might be used in other countries.
In the US, you still can't be legally married to more than one person at the same time, and you can't be married to someone who is "too closely" related to you. (How close is "too close" varies by state.)
If you are in such a relationship, you can still have certain things similar to being legally married, such as:
It might be worth it for you and your partner(s) to consult a family law and/or estate planning attorney. A good attorney can come up with the paperwork that will allow you to be responsible for each other, before and above anyone else.
But we don't have that yet.
So people in certain relationships face discrimination ranging from employment and housing discrimination, to denial of the freedom to marry, to imprisonment.
In the US, the people who help you with matters of law are called lawyers or attorneys. Other terms might be used in other countries.
In the US, you still can't be legally married to more than one person at the same time, and you can't be married to someone who is "too closely" related to you. (How close is "too close" varies by state.)
If you are in such a relationship, you can still have certain things similar to being legally married, such as:
- shared financial accounts and investments
- shared purchases, ownerships, and sales
- sharing a residence
- beneficiary or reciprocal beneficiary status
- hospital visitation
- being able to make decisions for one another should one of you become unable to communicate or dementia, memory loss, or mental illness necessitates someone else make decisions on your behalf
It might be worth it for you and your partner(s) to consult a family law and/or estate planning attorney. A good attorney can come up with the paperwork that will allow you to be responsible for each other, before and above anyone else.
DO NOT tell the attorney, no matter how kind and trustworthy, you’re lovers. They don’t need to know that and it can only cause problems. Rather, explain what it is you want, which might involve joint ownership or control of something financial, “power of attorney,” "medical power of attorney," reciprocal beneficiaries, and whatever else. Explain you want to be able to make decisions for each other and visit each other, before/above anyone else. You want to be considered primary next of kin to each other, you want custody of your minor children to go to each other in the event one of you passes - if that's what you want.
Over the years, some partners have used adoption, with one partner legally adopting their adult partner(s).
What options work best for you and your partner(s) can be determined if you hire a good lawyer. Lawyers aren't cheap, but depending on what you want, their help can be worth it.
What options work best for you and your partner(s) can be determined if you hire a good lawyer. Lawyers aren't cheap, but depending on what you want, their help can be worth it.
Keep in mind that in situations in which genetic relatives were raised apart, they are often not considered family for things like inheritance, but are still treated like family when it comes to prosecuting them for being together. That is just one example of why they might need the help of an attorney and yet shouldn't tell the attorney if they are lovers.
![Non-Monogamy Diagram [I:FV]](http://www.obsidianfields.com/lj/nonmonogamy2.5.1.gif){kind=link}
I just wanted to give a shout out to this site and all the people on it, after searching for a while for something similar I finally found this place with so many good articles
ReplyDeleteI myself am a man who experienced a consanguinamory relationship with my sister and I can say how beautiful and exciting it is, even natural, I recommend it to everyone
Hi, are you and your sister a couple or is it was it family with benefits?
Deletewe started as a family with benefits, then we grew into a loving couple, then we returned to family with benefits and then unfortunately we broke up
DeleteMy father and I couldn’t marry obviously but also because gay marriage wasnt legal where we lived in the 80s. Over the years we successfully lived our life in the “shadows”. We had the necessary power of attorney docs, drafted wills, ensured that whatever happened, neither of us would be screwed out of a home ot bank account. It’s doable, not easy, but it made it so Dad and I could live our lives a bit more comfortably
ReplyDeleteAs Keith rightly points out, in the modern world, in many countries (with the exception of those known for their fundamentalism or totalitarianism), there are a sufficient number of legal instruments that allow "non-traditional" couples (or polyamorous/polygamous groups) to ensure safe living together and access to social security that requires the participation of another partner (partners). Almost everywhere there is the possibility of inheritance of property when making a will in favor of a partner (partners).
ReplyDeleteBut to do this, it is necessary to fulfill a number of conditions that seem insignificant in the "traditional" relationships that are recognized by law where we live.
1. Strict secrecy (as Keith mentions). We can't open up our secret not only to lawyers, but also to no outsiders at all, with the rarest exceptions, when a person can be completely trusted.
2. We must provide IN ADVANCE ALL POSSIBLE legal measures to ensure the mutual security of us and our relationship partners, including the preparation of those documents mentioned by Keith. I would like to emphasize the need to draw up a will, where the guardianship of children (if any) should play an important role along with the disposal of property.
3. Consanguinous couples should avoid in all possible way DNA testing of children born as a result of these relationships, except, of course, those that are required to save their lives.
This condition is the weakest link in the security of closely related couples. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do here, and we can only rely on God or Fate to avoid situations where tests are required.
By the way, DNA tests can be taken on a warrant as a result of a crime investigation. Or children who do not know that their parents are close relatives will want to find out their ancestry themselves and buy a test kit at a pharmacy or online. Therefore, it is extremely important to tell children the truth when they are able to understand and accept this truth. Unfortunately, children and teenagers are not good at keeping secrets, and this is an additional serious factor potentially weakening our security.
Another nuance of ensuring the security of relationships between relatives, which can seriously affect any legal action.
ReplyDeleteIn NO CASE should you leave digital or physical traces of your relationship. In no case should you carry out sexting or mention in the texting about what is happening, no flirting / sharing provocative photos and nude pics, as well as videos with sexual and even just romantic activities, no make dates, etc.
Attention, girls and women! In any case, do not mention your relationship in your diaries, or better yet, do not keep diaries at all.
And no letters or notes in paper form. All communication sould be done by voice only and make sure that you are not being overheard.
Be attentive and careful at home, as hidden video cameras and microphones can be installed in rooms and even in bathrooms, kitchens, and garages for a variety of reasons. Their presence can be established by examining the Wi-Fi menu in your phones or other gadgets, or simply shine a flashlight in the dark to catch a glimpse of the video camera. With hidden microphones, if they are not on the Wi-Fi network, it is much worse, they are very difficult to detect.
Always make sure that you have not left any items of your clothes (especially underwear), toilet articles, or personal belongings in your partner's room. I'm not even talking about contraceptives, sex toys, and pregnancy tests.
Be especially wary of children: they see everything, they notice everything, they go everywhere just out of curiosity and they like to rummage through adults' personal belongings. Hugging, kissing, etc., knowing that they are in the house or walking nearby the house, is like smoking a cigarette in a gasoline warehouse.
Of course, we shouldn't get paranoid, but it's easier to take unnecessary precautions than to be ostracized, separated from your beloved one, end up in prison, or lose custody of children.