The Intersection of Polyamory and Consanguinamory

Relationships don't have to be A) monogamous and B) with someone who isn't closely related.

Once one of those is realized, it is easier to realize the other.

Yes, some people do better and genuinely prefer monogamy with someone who isn't a close relative. And good for them.

But human sexuality and relationships are diverse.

Once you set aside the arbitrary constraints on sexuality and relationships, you might discover things about yourself would never have considered otherwise. Once you realize that one constraints is arbitrary, pointless, or doesn't suit you, you're more likely to question other constraints.

Don’t Forget Mother’s Day - This Sunday, May 12

Mother's Day is celebrated annually on the second Sunday of May (at least it is where I live). If you have a mother or mothers in your life you should honor and celebrate - they don't have to be your mother - consider making plans if you haven't already. But if this person IS your mother, and your mother has been a good one, do be sure to show that person how much you appreciate them. 

We keep in mind people become mothers in many ways, including birthing, being married or partnered with someone who gives birth, donating gametes, adopting, fostering, marrying or partnering with someone who has a child, and simply becoming someone's honorary mother through actions.

This applies even more to those of you who have added a special additional bond with your mother, or want to. You have more ways of showing your mother your appreciation than anyone else. If you haven't made plans yet, make them now!

If you have any special plans you want to share, you can comment below, including anonymously. If you want to privately share with me what your plans are, contact me.

Talk It Over and Discuss the Possibilities

People come to this blog because they are having feelings or experiences that are often met with prejudice elsewhere, or they know someone who is having such feelings or experiences. If you're not sure your partner(s) would accept your feelings or fantasies, the information below might help. Maybe you can show this to them and see if they'll agree to discussions.

Clinical psychologist David J. Ley, Ph.D. wrote something very helpful at psychologytoday.com titled "3 Ways to Meet Your Partner’s Sexual Ideals and Why You Should"...

Viewing your partner’s sexual ideals and needs as important and valuable protects and enhances your relationship. Even if you can’t meet your partners’ sexual ideals, sexual communion mitigates the degree to which that mismatch negatively impacts your relationship.

Ley goes on to describe how to start to use this. Although Ley is writing about partners, this also might be helpful for people who are not yet partners, such as if there is someone who is in your life as a family member or friend but you want to add a sexual bond to your relationship.

Nonjudgmental Listening. The best, first, and most important way that partners can express sexual communion with each other is by communicating about their sexual likes and dislikes, in a manner that involves respect and acceptance. Acknowledging and valuing your partners’ sexual preferences is a critical and meaningful way to let them feel valued and accepted as a person, within your relationship. Have a conversation (actually, it’s best to have lots of little conversations as opposed to just one big one) with your partner about their sexual needs and experiences. Try to make them feel like you are interested and curious about their sexuality. Believe it or not, this is as valuable in long-term relationships with decades of history as it is in fresher relationships. Most people never tell anyone, even their life partners, about their sexual fantasies and interests, for fear of rejection and judgment.

Emphasis mine. Listening is so important. Getting your partner(s) to open up and share with you is the way to grow and deepen the relationship.

You’re Not Alone - Reach Out

You are welcome to reach out to me. Although there are now, thankfully, many places for LGBTQ+ people and nonmonogamous people to find others and supportive people to talk with, it can still be difficult for people with consanguinamorous feelings or experiences to find someone to talk with.

Anyone can reach out to me, Keith, and I never share what someone tells me privately with anyone else unless you give me permission. Thousands of people have contacted me over the years. You can see for yourself how long this blog has been here.

One of the best ways to reach me is via email: fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

Another great way is Wire messaging app: fullmarriageequality

I’m also in these places, where I can be sent private/direct messages: 

Facebook

X/Twitter

Reddit

Quora

I know there are many people who visit this blog who never reach out, and I understand. Thanks for visiting. Everyone is also welcome to comment, including anonymously, on posts here. You’re also welcome to write to me privately, even if just to say “hi.”

An Adult Should Be Free To Marry All Consenting Adults

Recently, "Bernadette" submitted these comments to the blog...

Polygamy is the Apex of patriarchy.

and...

Take a look at the map where polygamy is legal. How are those countries doing? Specifically, what is the status of women in those countries? Polygamy is horrible for women and horrible for society.

This has been addressed here, but I will reiterate below.

The places she is probably referencing are places in which women and LGBTQ people are discriminated against, often with deadly bigotry. But these places don't have polygamy under a system of gender equality like we would. They have heterosexual monogamy or polygyny-only. Those are the only options for allowed sexual relationships. Sex within marriage, and it had better be heterosexual. There's no allowance for LGBTQ people or polyamorous people who don't want polygyny.

In places like the US, under a system of gender equality, an adult, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, will be free to marry all consenting adults. 

This will make things MORE equal and free, not less. 

Support FULL Marriage Equality!

Celebrating International Consanguinamory Day

April 28 is a day to celebrate and to affirm consanguinamory. 

People who are consanguinamorous or in consanguinamorous relationships shouldn't have to hide.

Consanguinamory has always been part of the human experience, wherever people have been, regardless of location, class, or demographics. 

Consanguinamory isn't shameful. It is quite often a beautiful thing. 

Consenting adults should be free to love each other how they mutually agree, and shouldn't have to hide their love. They should be free to share their love and be true to themselves, without being prosecuted, persecuted, or discriminated against. 

To all consanguinamorous people:

Most of you have to keep your celebrations private, but we know you're out there, and you are valid and deserve your rights. Sunday, April 28 is your day. Progress is being made. Let's make more!a day to celebrate and to affirm consanguinamorya day to celebrate and to affirm consanguinamory

Consanguinamorists Are Part of Society

Bigots against consanguinamory frequently bring up rare examples of individuals or an isolated family in which there has apparently been many generations of close inbreeding, and the problems these individuals or families have. This is supposed to be justification for discriminating against the consanguinamorous.

This is as ridiculous as saying something like, "Look up Scott Peterson" as to why non-consanguinamorous relationships are bad.

Most consanguinamorous relationships are between people like your neighbors, co-workers, classmates, and "ordinary" people you know. You know healthy, bright, attractive, friendly people whose parents are close genetic relatives, whether you know their true genetic parentage or not. They might not even know. Meanwhile, there are people who have inherited serious genetic diseases and their parents were not close genetic relatives.

It is also important to remember that "birth defects" can be caused by many things, including environment, abuse, substances ingested by parents, and other factors.

Two or more closely related individuals wanting to share sex, romance, a residence, or marriage is not the same thing as many generations of isolated inbreeding.

We have examples. For example, we can compare births in US states that have no criminal laws against consanguinamory to states with strict laws against consanguinamory. Spoiler: states that do not criminalize consanguinamory do not have a higher genetic disease rate than states that criminalize first cousins for having sex.

Instead of continuing the discriminate against lovers, we should be encouraging the use of modern science and technology to prevent, mitigate, and treat what is of concern.

It is also important to reject ableist bigotry that dehumanizes people with certain genetic conditions.

This blog does not encourage anyone to literally or figuratively isolate themselves from the rest of society and inbreed in perpetuity for generation after generation, so citing examples of that misses the point.

There simply is no good reason to deny 

consanguineous lovers their fundamental rights, including full marriage equality.

As always, feel free to comment below, which can be done anonymously.

Consanguinamory Day is April 28 - Consider Making Plans

There are countless ways to observe or celebrate Consanguinamory Day, which falls each year on 4/28 or 28/4 depending on how you write dates. You still have time to make plans for this year's observance on the last Sunday of this month. Celebrate consanguinamory!

Bring up to the topic of consanguinamory and/or consanguinamorous people in your discussions.

Do something to advance rights.

Become an ally.

Come out as an ally to specific people you know.

Come out as an ally in general.

Come out as consanguinamorous.

Initiate consanguinamory into a relationship.

Rekindle a consanguinamorous relationship.

Celebrate your ongoing consanguinamorous relationship.

Display The Lily.

Start planning now! If you'd like to discuss your plans with Keith, contact him via email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or on Wire at fullmarriageequality. You can also leave a comment with your plans or your suggestions to others by using the comments feature below.

Lesbian Visibility Week

A Happy Lesbian Visibility Week to all of our lesbian family and friends.

Monday, April 22 through Sunday, April 28, 2024 is a week to recognize and appreciate the lesbians of the world, who’ve contributed so much and endured so much.

Lesbian Visibility Week

Frequently Asked Question: Why Is Incest Illegal?

It shouldn’t be illegal anywhere, as you’ll see. As always, we note that we are talking about consensual incest (consanguinamory), such as between consenting adults, and between minors close in age. We are not talking about anything involving coercion or force or molestation. There are laws against rape, assault, and molestation, and they should remain. We are talking about consensual incest, consanguineous sex and marriage, and consanguinamory, whether initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction or not.

Short answer: It isn’t illegal everywhere, but where it is, it is the lingering result of sex-police holdovers, superstition, prejudice, and legislative inertia.

Long answer:

If You Get Called to Jury Duty

What should you do if you are called to jury duty and are faced with being placed on a criminal case against someone you think is being prosecuted under an unjust law, such as a law against adult unmarried cohabitation, or against polyfidelity (as Utah has had on the books), or against consanguinamory? NOTE: THIS IS A PHILOSOPHICAL ESSAY, NOT LEGAL ADVICE.


The Basics of Criminal Case Juries in the US

Here in the US, people being accused of criminal activity have a right to a trial by jury or they can go with having a judge decide their case. If they go with a jury trial, the judge pretty much acts like a referee until the jury reaches a decision. The decision will be in the hands of the jury, not the judge. The judge should give you no indication of whether they think the defendant is guilty or not.

For a criminal conviction, the jury of twelve people has to unanimously decide the person on trial is "guilty" and it is supposed to be because the prosecution proved their case for guilt "beyond a reasonable doubt." If just one person (or, up to eleven people) on the jury says "not guilty" and won't budge, the case ends in a mistrial and the prosecutor can try again with another jury. If all twelve say "not guilty" then the accused is cleared of that crime and can't be retried for the same crime for the same incident. People can appeal after they've been convicted of a crime, but their appeal usually won't get them cleared.

Don't Like It? You Don't Have to Do It

I get all sorts of comments submitted to this blog, and send to me through other means. Some express prejudice and bigotry. From one of those...

I definitely believe it is disgusting and wrong for a father and daughter to have a sexual relationship. I thought it was illegal in most states no matter if it is consensual or not. I can’t imagine doing that.

Let's consider this statement closely.

I definitely believe it is disgusting and wrong for a father and daughter to have a sexual relationship.

What disgusts you can influence what you do. It should have no control over what anyone else does.

What would make it wrong for two (or more) individuals, who aren't cheating, who are capable of consenting, to consent to sex? Is sex itself wrong? Or do you believe that it is only right to have sex under certain conditions in addition to consent and being free to take on a new partner? What would those conditions be? Regardless, your claim that it is wrong shouldn't have power over the rights of anyone else.

I thought it was illegal in most states no matter if it is consensual or not.

Unconstitutional laws do still remain on the books that criminalize this in 48 states. That means in two states, there is no such law. What is your objection in those two states? Or the many countries with no ridiculous laws.to that effect?

I can’t imagine doing that.

Then don't. Nobody is saying you have to.

I can't imagine running a marathon. Does that mean nobody else should be free to do so?

The fact is, human sexuality and relationships are diverse. Not everyone is going to want the same things. And that's OK! There is no good reason to try to deny people the relationships to which they've mutually agreed.

There are women who have been consanguinamorous with their genetic fathers. Some have been together until their father's death, in a loving relationship with no regrets (other than not starting sooner). Why should they be denied their rights just because someone else doesn't like their love? There's no good reason.

We need to support relationship rights for all, and full marriage equality.

An Open Letter To Those Bothered By Our Existence

Are you bothered by our presence here? Do you find it disagreeable that this blog advocates for the rights of ALL ADULTS to live out their gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities with mutually CONSENTING ADULTS, or by themselves if they prefer? Are you bothered even though we are clearly NOT talking about abuse of anyone, especially not children, and we have explained that equality for all will actually help decrease abuse?

This blog has many followers. Most of the feedback and reaction we get is very positive and appreciative. There is a need for what we’re doing.

If you are bothered by this blog, which is here to advocate for equality and civil rights for all adults, there are many ways you can choose to react, some good and some terrible:

National Siblings Day

It’s National Siblings Day, at least here in the US. 

In keeping with the interests of this blog, we want to celebrate all people who love their siblings, especially if that includes supporting your sibling as they face discrimination for their gender identity,  their sexual or relationship orientations, or their relationships or sexuality.

We also want to celebrate all siblings in consanguinamorous relationships. For many of them, there is no more important person in the world than their sibling(s).

So if you have a good sibling, let them know you appreciate them.

Here's one of many interviews I've done with consanguinamorous siblings. There are more here.

If you have siblings or children or a parent or some other close relative or friends in such a sibling relationship, this is for you.

Sometimes middle-aged siblings experience a change in their relationship dynamic. Unfortunately, siblings are still denied their freedom to marry in most of the world.

Finally, there is some really wonderful, painfully realistic fiction about a sibling relationship.

Comment below or email fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com if you have something you want to share about your sibling(s).

Was There a History or a Missed Opportunity?

Engagements can change family dynamics.

BAFFLED BROTHER wrote to Dear Abby...

My little sister and I got along great as kids. We played together a lot, and even when we made new friends and grew different interests, we promised to always have each other's backs.

In high school, I befriended and eventually started dating a girl my family adored, my sister included. After nine years, we have finally become engaged, but now my sister has grown hostile toward us. She never hinted that she disliked my fiancee before, and nobody in our family can get a reason from her.

There are multiple possibilities. One is that his sister liked things the way they were, as they'd been going on for almost a decade; the engagement and planning for a married life means things will change, and she doesn't want them to change. Marriage legally makes the spouses next-of-kin. Until he's married, his parents and sister are his legal next-of-kin.

A possibility that can't help but come to mind on this blog is that the siblings have a history of intimacy and affection that this newer relationship ended, with a wedding likely to close the door entirely. Maybe the letter writer's emotions from those times were not as deep as his sister's? Maybe he saw it as just youthful experimentation and play, while she saw it, and still does, as more?

Maybe the sister has wanted to have more intimacy and affection with her brother, meaning the siblings have had a missed opportunity. That would definitely make sense out of her not telling anyone why she is "hostile."

It's possible the bride-to-be said something negative to the sister after the proposal, especially about how close sister and brother had been, and how that will never be the case again.

Whatever is the case, hopefully things will work out for the best.

Dear Abby advised that the brother talk with his sister one-on-one. That's a very good idea. But what if his sister confesses a strong consanguinamorous attraction to him? He should be prepared for that, as well as hearing some unpleasant observations about his intended.

In general, anyone who is going to legally marry should have discussed with their future spouse what the rules of the relationship are and will be about flirting, sex, romance, and general socialization with others, especially if they want the rules to be different than they've been for the many years they've already been together.

International Asexuality Day

International Asexuality Day is today, Saturday, April 6th.

Included in today's observance is demisexuality, grey-asexuality, and other ace idententites.

If you're an asexual, you are welcome here.

Asexuals aren't broken.

Asexuality exists.

Asexuality isn't a phase.

Asexuals can have meaningful relationships, including relationships that include sex.

Intergenerational Relationships Aren't Automatically Abusive

After I boosted my post "Intergenerational Relationships Can Work" on the Tumblr counterpart to this blog. (And again, we are talking about ADULTS.) This prompted someone to anonymously message that Tumblr blog...

Oh, hey! Somehow I didn't notice you supported intergenerational relationships, and I checked your answers to common objections and there was no reference to it, so may I direct you to a couple of links you might find interesting? They are against intergenerational relationships, but they might have notions you haven't considered.

From what I could see, the objections to intergenerational relationships (generally meaning 20 or more years difference in age) or even just age-gap relationships (less than 20, but, say ages 18 vs. 24 or 30 vs. 45) were all variations on the "power imbalance" argument.

Transgender Day of Visibility 2024

Sunday, March 31 is Transgender Day of Visibility 

This year, this day is more important than ever.

Transgender people are diverse. There is no one right way to be trans.

Transgender people are everywhere. If you think you've never met a transgender person or shared a restroom with someone who is transgender, you're almost certainly wrong. You just didn't realize.

We want transgender people to know: You are welcome here. We see you. We care. We will continue to speak up for your rights.

If you're not transgender, pledge to be an ally to those who are.

It makes sense to have this dat in the Spring season, which is associated with renewal and rebirth. This year, it coincides with Easter. While this bothers some people, others see it as appropriate.

Ancestry, DNA, 23, Family Trees, and You

It's happening so often now. Someone sends in their DNA to be tested and they learn about close relatives, some they didn't even know they had. Sometimes, family secrets are revealed.

23andMe, Ancestry.com, Family Tree DNA, GeneTree, Genographic Project, MyHeritage, and Navigenics, and other services, often along with social media and networking and ease of travel, means people meeting or reuniting with close relatives.

Have you discovered consanguinamory in your family tree?

What about donor-conceived people getting together?

Have new or long-lost relatives been revealed  to you?

A lot of people are dealing with these things now. There are people who understand. You can always write me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

Is a Woman Unable to Consent to Marry Her Sibling?

[Bumping this up because it is still revelant.] I take the idea of consenting adults seriously. An adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion should be free to share love, sex, kink, residence, and marriage (or any other legal union offered) with any and all consenting adults.

This does not mean I think any given person is a good match for any other person, or that they are treating each other right. It just means whether or not they have a relationship and what they do together should be up to them, not anyone else.

Our laws are inconsistent about this. A 22-year-old woman living below the poverty level can legally consent to sign a prenuptial agreement and legally marry a 60-year-old male billionaire. She can have sex with the President of the United States, who obviously has much more power than her. The law in many places allows her to marry a complete stranger. Also, in most places, she can legally live with and consent to sex with a man who has what amounts to a harem, or she can consent to group sex with several weightlifting champions she’s never met before, or an older man who’s been her next-door neighbor since she was born and babysat her throughout her childhood, and is now living on death row as a convicted murderer. That’s all legal. However, in many places she’s still barred from legally marrying another 22-year-old woman, and in even more places, she is still barred from having consensual sex with, let alone marrying a full or half sibling, even if they weren’t raised together. I have yet to hear a reason justifying such discrimination that withstands scrutiny.

Recently some tweets were directed to me by a thoughtful person questioning brother-sister marriage, and those tweets deserve responses longer than 140 characters, so I’m putting my response here.

You Did the Taboo - Now What?

So you've had sex* with your close relative or family member, whether a cousin, brother, sister, mom, dad, son, daughter, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, grandparent, or grandchild. Or maybe more than one of those. "What have I done?" you might have asked, or "Now what?" This can be so whether these are your blood relatives, adoptive relatives, or step relations.

There may or may not be feelings of elation, confusion, awkwardness, guilt, shame, and... a strong desire to do it again.

It is important for you to know...

1) You're not alone. I guarantee you know someone else who has had similar experiences. Most people keep quiet about them, but you'd be surprised who in your life has had consanguineous sexual encounters. Some of these situations might be like yours.

How Common Are Swinging Parties?

Quora continues be a place where you can ask and answer a wonderfully wide variety of questions.

You can find me there. Someone else who is active there is author/educator Franklin Veaux.

Here is his answer to the question "How Common Are Swinging Parties?"

Very. Very very very. There are a lot of swingers in the world. 

If you’re near any reasonably-sized Western town, there’s probably a swing party or three happening somewhere in town on any given weekend, not including all the private sex parties and play parties happening in private homes. 

If you’re in a larger town or small city, I can pretty much guarantee there are swinger events happening near you, on average, at least four or five days a week. If you’re in a major city, I’ll bet money a sex party is taking place within five miles of you on any given weekend.

This idea that most people are cisgender heterosexual lifelong monogamists (or serial monogamists) who fit neatly into traditional gender roles and marry one person of the "opposite sex" who is the same race as them and not "too closely" related and they have vanilla sex in their bedroom 2-3 times per week and rarely anywhere else is something that just doesn't match up with reality.

There are people who are voluntarily celibate and/or chaste, whether they are asexual or not.

There are people not far from where you are right now who are transgender or genderfluid.

There are people not far from where you are right now who...

• Are in a relationship/marriage with someone of a different race.
• Are in same-sex monogamous or monogamish relationships, including marriage.
• Are ethically nonmonogamous, whether they are swingers or in open relationships or are polyamorous or somehow engaged in, and/or prone to, some forms of consensual, honest nonmonogamy.
• Are in, or oriented towards, romantic and/or erotic relationships with close relatives.
• Engage in what are considered kinks or fetishes that only involve consensual interactions with others.

You don't even realize it about many of them, especially if you aren't looking for it. So many of these people lead otherwise "regular" or "traditional" lives.

Our laws, institutions, workplaces, policies, and programs must take these things into account. Affirming relationship rights, including full marriage equality, will help with that.

Support the Rights of All Women

March 8 is International Women's Day.

All women should be free to be themselves, to have their basic human and civil rights, whether they are cisgender, transgender, or noncomforming or fluid; whether they are asexual, heterosexual, lesbian, bisexual, polysexual, or pansexual; whether they are aromantic, celibate, monogamous, or nonmonogamous. Whether their relationships are exogamous, endogamous, or consanguineous. Whether they are questioning or they are certain. Whether they are raising children or have raised children or not. Whether they are married or partnered or single.

A woman, regardless of her birth, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, kink, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with ANY and ALL consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, shaming, or discrimination.

(Same goes for any other adults, too.)

Secretly and Happily Married

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. 

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. Most can’t even be out of the closet or they’ll face prosecution under absurd incest laws, which, instead of focusing on abuse, also target consensual relationships.

The man interviewed below should be free to legally marry his spouse, or simply be together without having to hide, yet they can’t. Prejudice can be deadly. They are consenting adults; why should they have been denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for loving each other this way, and might be persecuted severely in addition.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what he has to say about the love they share. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label? 

Note: This is a "David" I have not interviewed before.

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

David: My name is David. I'm a divorced father in my forties to a very lovely daughter. I have a home-based business as a contractor for which I oversee computer systems such as phones, fire suppression, air conditioning, lighting, etc., all via the Internet. There are certain companies that, despite having a qualified staff on site, sometimes need me to quietly look in when no one is looking. That's the only way I can say it without getting into trouble. 

I'm in good shape and healthy as my job has me sitting lots. I keep in shape by walking lots and hiking in the mountains when possible. I love cooking and I love a good cup of tea. What's interesting is how my daughter has followed in my footsteps. She is a very confident woman, working towards her RN. When she was in high school, she started volunteering at our local hospital, helping the unit clerks, working at the information booth, cleaning and just being a kind voice and smile to patients and their families. I am so proud of her and her drive. She does have a touch of OCD, a strong focus. This has helped her countless times, and helped me as well.

National Sons Day - March 4

If you have a son, it's time to think about the good things he's brought into your life and what you can do to show your support and appreciation.

A special shout out to all the parents who support their sons who are LGBTQ+,

ethically nonmonogamous, and/or consanguinamorous. 

Speaking of consanguinamory, a very special shout out to all of you who are consanguinamorous with a son. I'm sure you can think of a great way to celebrate the day.

If you are considering adding an additional bond with your son, this might help.

You can let us know if you make a point of marking this day, either by commenting below (you can do so anonymously) or by contacting Keith. 

Why Attempt to Suppress Affection?

Why would anyone waste time, energy, and other resources attempting to suppress affection or recreation between mutually consenting people?

Do you have a personal dislike of some forms of sex, or certain people? So what? Why do you even feel a need to tell people sharing love or play that you disapprove, let alone try to censor or criminalize them?

Who are they harming? Who are they endangering?

Life is short. Don’t waste yours trying to stop other people from being affectionate or playful with each other.

Don’t fight against equality; that’s a threat to freedom.

Rather, show solidarity and support the rights of all. You’ll find it makes you a better person overall. Love is better than hate.

Zero Discrimination Day - March 1

Celebrated by UNAIDS, Zero Discrimination Day is observed to to stand against discrimination and inequality in health care, including fighting stigma regarding HIV/AIDS.

When people seek health care, they shouldn't be discriminated against because of any disease they have, or for being LGBTQ+, nonmonogamous, consanguinamorous, kinky, or anything else about their gender, sexuality, or relationships.

Reject prejudice, stigma, and unjust discrimination.

Serve those who need care.

Metamour Day - February 28

Wednesday, February 28, is Metamour Day.

It’s a day to celebrate the relationships people have with their metamours. Metamours are a partner’s other partners, or other significant others (OSOs). “Metamour” is a commonly used term in polyamory and sometimes in the wider ethical/consensual/disclosed nonmonogamy community.

Having a positive relationship with a metamour benefits everyone. Some metamours have little contact with each other. Others are best friends.

Do you have a metamour? Are you cordial? Friendly? Best of friends? If you're polyamorous and people in your life are metamours to each other through you, tell us about how that is going. Let us know by commenting below.

Here are some things to consider when meeting a metamour. 

Is It OK? (Mother and Daughter)

I’m continuing a series here of answers I posted to Quora that got attacked by censors. Most of my appeals have been granted, restoring those specific answers.

If you don’t follow me on Quora already, please do so and upvote my answers, if you’re so inclined. 

This specific answer wasn’t restored. But the question is still there, without another answer.

***** 

https://www.quora.com/Is-it-okay-to-have-sex-with-both-a-mother-and-a-daughter-at-the-same-time/answer/Keith-Pullman

Is it okay to have sex with both a mother and a daughter at the same time?

Keith Pullman

advocate for relationship rights for all consenting adults.10mo

It isn’t just okay, it can be WONDERFUL.

Of course, that’s having sex, not assaulting anyone. And NOT cheating, meaning you’re not breaking rules you have with either.

Would the LAW say it is OK? That depends. Laws vary from place to place, but in some US states, there are still unconstitutional laws criminalizing any sexual affection between a daughter and her mother. But they can both be sexual with YOU, even at the same time.

*****

NOTE: These specific answers in this series were "deleted" at Quora after being there for a while and being well-received. They were probably hidden from view because some bigot targeted me, as evidenced by the fact that many were deleted in rapid fire.

I have previously appealed such deletions successfully. However, whether or not my deleted answers are restored, I’ll be adding them to this blog. You’ll see for yourself there’s no reason to delete these answers. Someone asked a question. I gave a sincere and careful answer.

If you want to contact me privately, I can be reached on the Wire messaging service at fullmarriageequality or via email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

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Is Polyamory Just Another Word For Swinging or an Open Relationship?

NO.

These three terms are not synonymous.

All three ARE forms of ethical nonmonogamy or consensual nonmonogamy or disclosed nonmonogamy.


Swinging can involve unattached individuals, but usually involves established couples (or even triads, quads, etc.) in group encounters with others, in which the focus is on casual sex. Sure, the people involved can be friends, even close and longtime friends, they might even love each other, but what's going on is that people get together at sex parties.

Open relationships, including open marriages, are relationships in which there is an existing, established bond, but those in the relationship have agreed that they are open to new partners, whether they are short term or long term partners.

There is also swapping, in which people in a relationship trade partners with people in another relationship, mostly for sex. This is usually done with just two or three couples, as opposed to at a party.

Polyamory means having a romantic, dating, courting, nesting, or spousal relationship with more than one person, with the agreement of all. It takes on many, many forms. It could be a triad who live as spouses to each other. It could involve a married couple who also have girlfriends/boyfriends they see individually or together. It could be four people who are dating each other on an ongoing basis. There are countless forms of polyamory. Some people are polyamorous as an orientation.

Some polyamorous relationships are open. Some are closed. Some polyamorous people engage in swapping and/or swinging, some don't.

Many people who are in open relationships or who swing or swap don't consider themselves polyamorous, especially if they're only looking for casual sex when they get with people outside of their relationships.

There are people in open relationships who are not swingers and do not engage in swapping. There are people who will do swapping but don't consider themselves swingers. There are swingers who do not identify their relationship as open, especially if the only time and place they will get sexual with others is at a swingers club/party.

So, the terms mean different things. And there are other forms of ethical nonmonogamy.


"Yeah, but aren't these all just different words for cheating?"

NO!

Cheating is breaking the rules.

Ethical or consensual nonmonogamy means that the people involved have agreements ("rules") that allow for what they are doing.

To be sure, there are people who are involved in these forms of ethical/consensual nonmonogamy who are sometimes involved in cheating, but that is because they broke the rules.

It is up to the people involved in a relationship what the terms of their relationship will be, and if and when those terms will change. As people go through life, their desires and needs can change and they might revisit the terms to modify them.

We need to ensure that adults, regardless of gender, can share love, sex, kink, residence, and marriage (and any of those things without the others) with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. There is no good reason our laws shouldn't protect these rights, and institutions and service providers need to except and account for the fact that some people are nonmonogamous, and not assume everyone is monogamous or wants monogamy, and certainly not try to force people to be monogamous.

Consulting An Attorney If You Can't Legally Marry

If we had relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality, so many of the troubles facing so many people would go away.

But we don't have that yet.

So people in certain relationships face discrimination ranging from employment and housing discrimination, to denial of the freedom to marry, to imprisonment.

In the US, the people who help you with matters of law are called lawyers or attorneys. Other terms might be used in other countries.

In the US, you still can't be legally married to more than one person at the same time, and you can't be married to someone who is "too closely" related to you. (How close is "too close" varies by state.)

If you are in such a relationship, you can still have certain things similar to being legally married, such as:

• shared financial accounts and investments
• shared purchases, ownerships, and sales
• sharing a residence
• beneficiary or reciprocal beneficiary status
• hospital visitation
• being able to make decisions for one another should one of you become unable to communicate or dementia, memory loss, or mental illness necessitates someone else make decisions on your behalf

Without being legally married and without having paperwork that says otherwise, partners are not treated as next of kin or survivors; a biological or legal relative, even if estranged, indifferent or hostile will usually be considered next of kin, be able to make medical decisions, exclude partners from hospital visits, and claim ownership of the person's estate when they pass.

It might be worth it for you and your partner(s) to consult a family law and/or estate planning attorney. A good attorney can come up with the paperwork that will allow you to be responsible for each other, before and above anyone else.

DO NOT tell the attorney, no matter how kind and trustworthy, you’re lovers. They don’t need to know that and it can only cause problems. Rather, explain what it is you want, which might involve joint ownership or control of something financial, “power of attorney,” "medical power of attorney," reciprocal beneficiaries, and whatever else. Explain you want to be able to make decisions for each other and visit each other, before/above anyone else. You want to be considered primary next of kin to each other, you want custody of your minor children to go to each other in the event one of you passes - if that's what you want.

Over the years, some partners have used adoption, with one partner legally adopting their adult partner(s).

What options work best for you and your partner(s) can be determined if you hire a good lawyer. Lawyers aren't cheap, but depending on what you want, their help can be worth it.

Keep in mind that in situations in which genetic relatives were raised apart, they are often not considered family for things like inheritance, but are still treated like family when it comes to prosecuting them for being together. That is just one example of why they might need the help of an attorney and yet shouldn't tell the attorney if they are lovers.

Asked and Answered

I’m continuing a series here of answers I posted to Quora that got attacked by censors. Most of my appeals have been granted, restoring those specific answers.

If you don’t follow me on Quora already, please do so and upvote my answers, if you’re so inclined.

*****

https://www.quora.com/Has-anybody-had-sex-with-both-mom-and-daughter-at-same-time/answer/Keith-Pullman

Has anybody had sex with both mom and daughter at same time?

Keith Pullman

advocate for relationship rights for all consenting adults.3y

I have had sex with a mom and daughter at the same time. The mother didn’t raise the daughter, who found her after becoming an adult. They experienced reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction for each other. They had plenty of sex with each other without me, but lucky me, they started to include me sometimes. There’s a lot more to this but I’m sticking to what directly answers the question.

*****

NOTE: These specific answers in this series were "deleted" at Quora after being there for a while and being well-received. They were probably hidden from view because some bigot targeted me, as evidenced by the fact that many were deleted in rapid fire.

I have previously appealed such deletions successfully. However, whether or not my deleted answers are restored, I’ll be adding them to this blog. You’ll see for yourself there’s no reason to delete these answers. Someone asked a question. I gave a sincere and careful answer.

If you want to contact me privately, I can be reached on the Wire messaging service at fullmarriageequality or via email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com