Another News Blurb Without Enough Information

I need to call more attention to examples of news reports that do contain enough information to get an idea of what is alleged to have happened in criminal cases. It can be done without compromising the identity of crime victims. When reports or "incest" are vague because law enforcement is not releasing enough information and newsrooms aren't asking enough questions before they publish items, we have no way of knowing if what is alleged to have happened was a matter of assault or consensual sex. Those are two very different things, and yet in many places, the latter is still treated as a criminal matter even though it shouldn't be.

The latest example I have is this blurb from wivb.com in Wellsville, New York by Liz Reiman...

A 16-year-boy of Wellsville was arrested Saturday around 4:30a.m. Sunday.

The youth was charged with Incest and was committed to the Allegany County Jail on $5,000 bail.

The 16-year-old, whose name has not been released,  is due back in Wellsville Village Court on January 15th at 1p.m.

That's it. A charge of "incest," without hearing a degree attached, doesn't tell us much at all. If this was a matter of assault, why isn't their a charge of assault or rape? If this was a matter of consensual sex between minors close in age (for example, with his 14-year-old niece, nephew, brother, or sister), and was reported by some freaked out family member or neighbor, then it is a far different matter than if you have, say, a 16-year-old assaulting an 8-year-old, but both could call under being "charged with Incest."

The Future Belongs to Those Who Support Marriage Equality

Happy New Year one and all!

As those who oppose interracial relationships continue to die out...

As more and more countries and US states remove the restrictions on same-gender marriage...

As more and more people become aware of polyamorous people and polyamory and ethical nonmonogamy as valid relationship models...

As more and more people become aware of consanguinamorous relationships, whether initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction or not, and question the irrational laws and prejudices against such relationships...

...we move closer to full marriage equality and general relationship rights for all consenting adults.

We're going to get there. Let's make it happen sooner rather than later!

Nobody should be discriminated against because they are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgendered. Nobody should have to hide that they are polyamorous. Nobody should go to jail for having a consensual relationship with other adults. People have suffered for far too long under bigotry. The future belongs to our side.

A Common Theme in 2012 Television

With the end of the year upon us and so much of the media world taking vacations, the annual retrospectives are everywhere. At huffingpost.com, there was a look at "TV Tropes of 2012."

Tropes tend to spread quickly on TV. The networks are all hungry for ratings, watching each other like hawks to see what's working best for their competition. Because of this, certain plot devices, show constructs and character quirks can become ubiquitous cliches pretty fast.

Looking back on the year in TV tropes brings a few trends into focus. The networks got way too invested in their singing competition judges. Stunt-guest casting to create faux-TV reunions ran amok. The bow and arrow combined with poison to bring TV weaponry back to the 19th century. Women started proposing to men, and step-sibling incest became a thing.

Details...

Incest was all over TV this year. Most of it was of the step-sibling variety, like Deb temporarily falling in love with Dexter, Dan Humphrey and Serena van der Woodson getting married on "Gossip Girl" and Bobbi Kristina and Nick Gordon's brief engagement on "The Houstons." But there was also the darker, those-characters-are-actually-blood-relatives variety, led by Jaime and Cersei Lannister on "Game Of Thrones" and Gillian Darmody's sexual relationship with her son Jimmy -- that she then continued with his lookalike in "Boardwalk Empire" Season 3 after Jimmy died.

Unfortunately, coverage in articles such as this and depictions on television too often disparage consensual relationships between close relatives, whether they are related genetically or by affinity. I think I've said before that television should depict the reality of consanguineous sex and consanguinamorous relationships, including that there are positive experiences and lasting, happy relationships. Currently, a reality show featuring a truly consanguinamorous relationship would need to be produced where there aren't still ridiculous laws criminalizing such relationships. New Jersey is one such place. But any fictional show can include the subject. Yes, there will be the clutching of pearls and howls of protest from the bigots and sex-negative fossils, but so what? It's going to happen. Television has often been ahead of the curve when it comes to the state of civil rights and public opinion about civil rights on a national level, and shouldn't fall behind here. A skillful creative team and a distribution company with guts can take the lead and do this well.

Defense Lawyer Needed in Consenting Adults Case

Over at patch.com, Mark Langlois brings us an update on the prosecution in Connecticut of a genetic father and his adult daughter for the "crime" of having consensual sex. This is a case that appears to be a matte of Genetic Sexual Attraction.

George Sayers, who is out on a $750,000 bond, was denied a public defender Friday in Danbury Superior Court.

Can't someone from the ACLU get involved? I know this wasn't set up as a test case, but perhaps the ridiculous laws can be successfully challenged?

Judge Joseph Doherty told Sayers the next time he shows up in court he must appear with an attorney. The court date is scheduled for Jan. 25.

Judge Doherty, why not simply throw the case out? Don't you feel silly interfering in the consensual sex lives of other adults?

Hartford appeared at her hearing in Danbury Superior Court about an hour before Sayers.

Judge Doherty told the court he received two letters about Miss Hartford, one from Danbury Hospital and one from Western Connecticut Mental Health Network. He said the letters were complimentary to Hartford, and he said he wanted to say that for the record. He said she should continue to be compliant with what the programs ask her to do, and work on her issues.

Looks like her biggest issue is that strangers are trying to control what she does with her own sexuality.

Stop prosecuting adults for consensual sex! Stop tearing families apart due to your own personal prejudices! There's no good reason for this prosecution.

Yet Another Couple Denied the Freedom to Marry

By my count, this is the sixteenth committed relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to marry.

"Lil Butterfly" is a beautiful woman and a mother. She’s deeply in love with man in her life, but not only are they currently denied their right to marry, but they have to hide their love for each other or risk prosecution and having their children taken away.

Read this interview and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights should be denied.

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

Lil Butterfly: I am a young female with pre-teen children. Other than some close friends, I mostly keep to myself. I've spent a lifetime alone, so I tend to prefer my own company.

I was raised in a normal family, with plenty of guidance in accepting people even if I didn't agree with situations or choices. However, I would say I craved love. I have a lot of love and affection to give and spend a vast amount of my time helping others in need.

I found out about my situation early into my teens - that the man who had raised me was not my biological father, but someone else was - I shall call him Chris. Chris had many commitment issues and I had many half siblings, only two of which welcomed me. They were excommunicated from the family circle, so to speak, and had been neglected by our genetic father. I didn't trace my half siblings until I was into my 20s, not because I didn't want to, but due to the lack of resources and the spitefulness of my mother.

I currently live with my half brother and our children (his) & (mine). We’re together happily, like any other couple.

Brothers and Sisters and Pregnancies

Every day, all over the world, regardless of socioeconomic status, siblings are sharing everything from from exploration and experimentation to lifelong spousal relationships. Whether we know it or not, and whether they know it or not, we all know people whose genetic parents are brother and sister. It is that common, and most children born to close relatives are healthy. So the two news items in this update should be no surprise. (By the way, siblings and anyone else involved in a consensual relationship with a close relative who wants to talk with others should sign up at Kindred Spirit forum. But be sure to immediately read and follow the rules, or you'll get kicked right off.)

Raymond Tan reports at the borneopost.com on a criminal case of interest to this blog...

The police here are anxious to determine whether two teenage boys and their sister had committed incest after the 13-year-old girl gave birth to a boy.

The police should only be interested if there was an assault involved. Are those official police uniforms in the picture?

They are now taking the 15-year-old and 17-year-old brothers for medical examination and DNA tests.

Does Boreo have laws against using a turkey baster to insert semen in a case like this? Some places don't. It is a valid defense.

The incident came to light after the children’s father found the girl pregnant in July.

He lodged a police report after she refused to reveal who fathered her baby.

The police might want to take the father in for testing, too, although, unless he's insane, reporting the matter makes it unlikely he did it.

Polyamory is for Immature People - And Other False Statments

Maria Merloni has some interesting things to say at Synergistic Energy Exchange, where polyamory is a topic. This time, it is "What Polyamory is Not."

1.  The “easy way out”.  It is now absolutely hilarious to me that anyone would think polyamory is the easy way out!  There are so many things to deal with that either don’t exist or aren’t as intense in monogamy.

There are trade-offs to all actions. Entering into a polyamorous relationship is not an exception. For people who are polyamorous as part of who they are, it will be "easier" to be in a polyamorous relationship than to work at keeping a relationship monogamous, just as if someone needs monogamy, they will find that much easier than being a polyamorous relationship. A parallel can be made to someone who is gay. A gay man will find it much easier to be in a relationship with another man than a woman, but that doesn't make it easy overall. And just as there are monogamous bisexuals who can be in a relationship with either a man or a woman, there are people who can be happy in a monogamous relationship or a polyamorous relationship. But some people couldn't be happy in a monogamous relationship because they are polyamorous, just as they are blue-eyed or left-handed.

Merloni goes on to cite the very things that cause some monogamists to recognize that polaymory would not suit them, and thus is not the easy way out...

Safe sex takes on a whole new meaning.  So does coordination of schedules.  And jealousy.  And introspection.  A need for being conscious.  Figuring out sleeping arrangements.  And these are just to name a few

Yes. Every relationship and every form of relationship has its own issues.

2.  A sign of immaturity.  Maturity level and polyamory have nothing to do with each other.  Except for the fact that if you want to be polyamorous, you’d better be pretty darn mature, or it does not bode well for your success in that lifestyle.

Time and time again, I've seen people in monogamous relationships wondering if there was something they were doing wrong because their partner was behaving immaturely. "Maybe it's me" they'll say. However, when there are other people who are there to tell you no, it isn't you, I've noticed it, too then the immature person can be called out by multiple people.

3.  All about sex.

Polyamory is no more all about sex than monogamy. But I don't deny that polyamorous people are probably, in general, having a lot more fun.

4.  For those with poor boundaries.

Heck no, it isn't. You need to be able to be clear about boundaries or there will be a big mess very quickly.

5.  For the insecure.

Any relationship with an overly insecure person is difficult. It is impossible for such a person to function in a polyamorous relationship. They'll be miserable and anyone who is with them will be, too.

Polyamory isn't about being indecisive, or not wanting to settle down or not wanting to commit, or about wanting your cake and eating it, too. Rather, is more often about baking multiple cakes for multiple other people, or about it being fine to share a large cake with more than one other person, or realizing that you can make a bigger cake. Anyone who looks as either polyamory or monogamy as all and only about what they can get out of other people is going to be very bad at relationships.

Polyamorous relationships are something that some people find fulfilling and beneficial.

I don't assume monogamists having something wrong with them because they are monogamists, and nobody should consider polyamorists as having something wrong with them because they are polyamorists.

Some people are polyamorous as who they are, and some others are in happy, lasting polyamorous relationships even if they have been happy in monogamous relationships before. Regardless, nobody should face prosecution, bullying, shaming, or discrimination because of their relationships with consenting adults.

Update on Alabama Case

Way back in 2011 this blog noted an incest prosecution in Alabama. Stephen McLamb has an update at wsfa.com...

Authorities in Marshall County are searching for a man convicted of having sex with his mother.

"Having sex" indicates consent. Why would authorities bother prosecuting someone for consensual sex, let alone search for someone who did? Are law enforcement resources so abundant to be concerned about consensual sex?

Having pleaded to incest charges, the suspect was expected to be in court for sentencing but failed to show.

Arrest warrants are being issued for 25-year-old Gary Dean Helms Jr.

Helms failed to show in court Monday where he was facing a prison sentence up to 10 years.

Ten years! Ten yeas in prison for consensual sex?!?

Helms pleaded guilty in September, 2011 to incest charges. He was initially charged with rape in 2006.

Albertville Police said at the time Helms forcibly raped his mother, who was intoxicated and passed out on the couch of their home.

Police believe the attack was because Helms was angry with his brother over a female friend.

Then why would he attack his mother? Let's turn this around. If there was a dispute between the brothers, then that would be motivation for one brother to claim the other brother engaged in rape, right?

Helms' mother later claimed she forgave her son but said it was consensual.

The only people who know for sure what went on there are the people who were present and conscious. We could have someone who assaulted his mother and she decided to cover for her son, but the conviction is for "incest," not assault. Or we would have a situation where two people had consensual sex, and third person was jealous or envious. Things would be more clear if we no longer had ridiculous laws against consensual sex between adults. If this was an assault, the mother should not cover for her son; if not for herself, for others who might be his next target. But if this was consensual sex, it should never have been a public issue to begin with.

The website had these stories as related:

Teen arrested for raping his mother
Mother says her son was on drugs when he raped her
Mom allegedly raped by son says she forgives him
Guilty plea for man charged with raping mother

Update on New Zealand Mother-Son GSA Case

I believe this is an update on a case in New Zealand I blogged about earlier in the year. Ian Steward reports at stuff.co.nz that a man convicted of raping his genetic mother even though the jury believed all events for which he was on trial involved consensual sex had his appeal dismissed. It appears to be a Genetic Sexual Attraction situation where, depending on who you believe, the son became increasingly violent and controlling.

The 29-year-old man, who was adopted as a baby, was sentenced to five years and nine months prison after being convicted of assaulting and raping his biological mother.

The offence occurred some months after he tracked her down to ask questions about his parentage last year.

Rather than multiple rapes, he was convicted of nine counts of incest after the jury found the sexual relationship they embarked on was consensual to begin with.

The man, who has name suppression, was found guilty of one representative count of rape later in their relationship.

The man's defence appealed his conviction on the "inconsistency" of him being found guilty on a non-specified representative count but not guilty on each of the specified ones.

The Court of Appeal rejected the argument and said it was open to the jury to accept that there was "an escalating pattern of violence" in their relationship.

The whole article is worth a read. One things is for sure: this was a sad situation.

It is obvious to anyone who pays attention to human relationships that people can be consensual lovers and be all wrong for each other, regardless of their genetic or familial connection or lack thereof. Sometimes, people are attracted to other people who are wrong for them, or who are abusive in general. Every adult should protect herself or himself from abusive or toxic people. It is easier for people to do that when consensual relationships (including those that are consanguineous or polyamorous) are not criminalized and stigmatized.

Affection is Not Bad

The mirror.co.uk ran an advice column in which someone asked Coleen...

My boyfriend and his 23-year-old daughter are making me feel uncomfortable when they are together.

Now, last I checked, having a boyfriend was completely voluntary in the UK. Someone who is unhappy with how her or his boyfriend interacts with their family is free to not have that person as a boyfriend anymore. Think about it. This man's daughter is not going to disappear. 

If she comes over she rubs against him like I imagine she might do with a boyfriend.

If we watch TV, she sits so close to him and plays with his hair.

And if she walks by him he’ll sometimes slap her bum and she does the same to him.

Is this normal?

It really doesn't matter. Think about it. Let's say that there was some clear, definite authority that decreed this NOT NORMAL. What then? The letter-writer then goes to her boyfriend and says, "That isn't normal." The boyfriend then either says, "Uh, nice knowin' ya! See ya!" (Actually, they probably don't talk that way there, but you know what I mean.) Or, the boyfriend and his daughter keep doing it, just not around the uptight girlfriend.

Here's the response to the letter...

For them, yes it is normal.

They obviously have a close relationship and his daughter has grown up without any inhibitions about showing affection physically.

If you haven’t been brought up in that way, though, I can ­understand why you find it odd.

I have a 23-year-old son, but to me he may as well still be 10 years old!

We still hug and if I’m sitting on the sofa watching telly with my younger son, we’ll snuggle up and sometimes he’ll play with my hair, even at 23!

They’re still my babies and always will be, and I’m sure that’s how your boyfriend feels about his daughter.

Maybe.

He loves her unconditionally and that can be threatening and even provoke a bit of jealousy.

If you’re feeling shut out, talk to your boyfriend about it instead of allowing those feelings to build and cause resentment.

That's a good answer.

No level of affection between consenting adults is inappropriate in their own home as they aren't violating existing agreements with others. Mutual, consensual affection should not be discouraged by others. People, in general, could benefit from more affection.

Polyamory and Feminism

Ever hear that polygamy is patriarchal, often because someone thinks all polygamy is religion-based polygyny? Well you can listen to a podcast asking if feminism is incompatible with monogamy.

Some question whether monogamy is a patriarchal invention that mainly benefits men and functions as a mechanism of control. In response, some people practice non-monogamy as an alternative. But is non-monogamy necessarily 'more' feminist? Is monogamy necessarily contradictory to feminist ideals?

I'm a male, and have always been a male, and my humble opinion is that it is feminist to raise girls to be women empowered to be independent and truly free to make their own choices about their relationships. A woman, like a man, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, stigmas, shaming, double-standards, or discrimination. Some people need monogamy. Others are polyamorous. Some can be happy either in monogamous or polyamorous relationships. Others feel more fulfilled in some form of ethical nonmonogamy that might not be described as polyamory. Nobody should be telling a grown woman that she can't have the kind of relationship she desires and mutually enters with other adults.

In this episode, your host, Meghan Murphy speaks with Meg Barker, senior lecturer in psychology at the Open University, a sex and relationship therapist, and the author of Rewriting the Rules: An Integrative Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships about some of the reasons people might enter into non-monogamous relationships as well as some of the challenges they might face. Later on the show we hear from Katie, an undergraduate student in her late twenties, who shares her experiences navigating a non-monogamous relationship as a feminist.

If you listen, let me know what you think.

Putting the Yahoo in Yahoo Answers

Every once in a while, I mention here that I'm active at Yahoo! Answers and I'll give an example of something of interest to this blog. Well, this is right up our alley.

Wanda asked...

What should I do about my neighbors?

Before you start accusing me of being one of those shrews that meddles in everyone's business without being asked, let me just say in my defense: I never intentionally tried to spy on these people, I just noticed these things by chance.
I just moved into this really small apartment building. There are very few tenants, it's pretty much me, a German old guy living opposite from me, and a brother and a sister just a little older than me living above me, the other 3 apartments are empty.
The German guy is actually really nice and welcomed me into the building, but the brother and sister are strange to say the least. They're hermetical. From what the German told me, the sister has some kind of degenerative disease and the brother is looking after her but they've always lived together. He also doesn't seem to have a job which makes me wonder how they support themselves. I only saw the brother a couple times, going out for groceries, I assume. One time I actually caught him and the sister on the elevator (only time I ever saw her), the poor woman needs a crutch to walk. He then asked her if she wanted him to carry her home so she wouldn't exert herself. I thought it was sweet and didn't think much of it at the time.
Then one night, I was in my room watching TV, when I began listening to noises coming from the bedroom above (their bedroom). I listened, and it sounded like they were having sex. Now before rushing to judgement, I went to their apartment the next day and made up a story that I saw someone I didn't recognize walking the building last night and that I just wanted to be certain that it was someone's guest and not an intruder, an indirect way of asking if they had had company. The brother said 'no, we didn't have anyone over.' then he slammed the door in my face. I've heard the same sounds coming from their room a few times since then.
I'm not sure what to do, I really think they're in an incestuous relationship, should I call the police? But what if I'm wrong, I'll be bothering a disabled woman and her caretaker for nothing. What should I do?

Additional Details

Something else to consider is these are 1-bedroom apartments, so where would the brother be sleeping if not in the bedroom with the sister?

She asked the question in more the one place, and some stupid answers told her to call the police,  but others said she might be mistaken about their relationship or what she heard. Some people were, thankfully, supportive of the rights of the supposed sibling couple.

 Here's my answer...

Don't be cruel. Only if you have reason to believe he's keeping her captive against her will, call the police. Them having sex is not an indication he's keeping her against her will. The sex may have been her idea. From the interviews I have conducted, CONSENSUAL incest between mixed-gender siblings is usually initiated by the female.
That they have sex or make love to each other is NOT a reason to call the police, even if you are disgusted by the thought. PLEASE, either: 1. Leave them alone and mind your own business, or 2. Offer your supportive friendship if they welcome it. DO NOT call the police or tell anyone else about their consensual, loving relationship. It is nobody else's business, would be a waste of law enforcement resources (presuming you live where there are still stupid laws against consensual incest) and then what's she supposed to do? Go live in a hospital???
There is no rational reason for keeping laws or taboos against consensual incest that is consistently applied to other relationships. Personal disgust or religion is only a reason why one person would not want to personally engage in what I call consanguinamory, not why someone else shouldn't do it. An adult should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with ANY consenting adults. Youthful experimentation between close relatives close in age is not uncommon, and there are more people than you'd think out there who are in lifelong healthy, happy relationships with a close relative. It isn't for everyone, but we're not all going to want to have each others' love lives, now are we? If someone thinks YOUR love life is disgusting, should you be thrown in prison?
Some people try to justify their prejudice against consanguineous sex and marriage by being part-time eugenicists and saying that such relationships inevitably lead to “mutant” or “deformed” babies. This argument can be refuted on several fronts. 1. Some consanguineous relationships involve only people of the same gender. 2. Not all mixed-gender relationships birth biological children. 3. Most births to consanguineous parents do not produce children with significant birth defects or other genetic problems; while births to other parents do sometimes have birth defects. 4. We don’t prevent other people from marrying or deny them their reproductive rights based on increased odds of passing along a genetic problem or inherited disease. It is true that in general, children born to consanguineous parents have an increased chance of these problems than those born to nonconsanguineous parents, but the odds are still minimal. Unless someone is willing to deny reproductive rights and medical privacy to others and force everyone to take genetic tests and bar carriers and the congenitally disabled and women over 35 from having children, then equal protection principles prevent this from being a justification to bar this freedom of association and freedom to marry.
Some say "Your sibling should not be your lover." That is not a reason. It begs the question. Many people have many relationships that have more than one aspect. Some women say their sister is their best friend. Why can’t their sister be a wife, too?
Some say “There is a power differential.” This applies least of all to siblings or cousins who are close in age, but even where the power differential exists, it is not a justification for denying this freedom to sex or to marry. There is a power differential in just about any relationship, sometimes an enormous power differential. To question if consent is truly possible in these cases is insulting and demeaning.
Some say “There are so many people outside of your family." There are plenty of people within one’s own race, too, but that is no reason to ban interracial marriage. So, this isn't a good reason either.
Some people who say it is wrong seem to have no problem with complete strangers having sex. So get over it, all of you who want your personal disgust to dictate the lives of others.

I also linked to here.

Much More Than 31 Flavors

Human identities, sexualities, relationships, gender roles, and expressions are much more diverse than "feminine" heterosexual cis-gendered homemaking women and "masculine" heterosexual cis-gendered breadwinning men of the same racial background (but not "too closely" related) and roughly the same age only ever having heterosexual monogamous sex, alone, as monogamous, married couples attempting to reproduce in the missionary position, with just their own bodies and nothing else.

People are much more diverse than that. Our bodies, our personalities, our relationships, our sexualities are so much more diverse than that. Our laws and public policies must accept this. Nate Charest looks at this more at dailynexus.com...

Fundamentally, our society seems to have created several spectrums with which to quantify sexual preference. There is a spectrum along the sex line — whether one prefers a penis or vagina. Another spectrum exists along the gender line — this is harder to define, but slides from typically masculine behavioral traits to typically feminine behavioral traits. A third spectrum spans between what is considered “vanilla sex” and “kinky sex” — this covers a vast variety of possible “kinks,” but fundamentally hinges on the sex act itself. A fourth spectrum captures the idea of monoamory (literally ‘one love’) versus polyamory (literally ‘many loves’) — though this spectrum, perhaps, can be represented as a simple binary preference.

While it is convenient to start with "monoamory vs. polyamory," there is much diversity under the label of polymory.

The sex preference is a biological and social imperative about what a person has sex with.
The gender spectrum is a personality-based preference about with whom a person has sex.
The kink preference is about how a person has sex.
The poly/monoamory is about how many people the person allocates emotion to.

Of course there are others, too, such as whether someone is attracted to younger adults or older adults or only someone around their own age, whether someone tends to be racially endogamous in their attraction, as most people are, exogamous, or hyperendogamous (preferring a consanguinamorous relationship above all others.)

Charest has the point that while, say, a monogamist gay man is not in the same "sexual minority" category as a polyamorous heterosexual woman, adults who are sexual minorities should have solidarity in seeking equality for all adults.

A comment from Thomas Leavitt adds:

A lot of this is addressed via the KSOG, Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.
http://www.bisexual.org/kleingrid.html

More Indication Connecticut Case Involves GSA and Jealousy

People are fascinated by aspects of the criminal case involving a father and his adult genetic daughter who had consensual sex. (It also helps generate interest that videos of the daughter with an ex-girlfriend were made and being sold.) Some people are drawn to the news becauses they like pronouncing judgment on the lives of other people who are in no way hurting them, or they want to bash the man and insist adult women don't actually enjoy sex with an older man and thus had to be coerced into such a relationship. Others are secretly curious, or even envious. Still others want to know about such criminal cases because they agree that prosecuting adults for consensual sex is a waste of law enforcement reasources and oppressive. News sources like to run news like this because it gets so much interest and generates so much talk, and when the Associated Press runs a story, then it is very easy for news outlets to carry it.

At kctv5.com we learn a little bit more about the rat snitch in this case.

The unidentified woman, who was of legal age, said she was introduced to Sayers as her "husband/father."

According to the police affidavit, even though she knew the sexual encounters were being filmed, she was upset that Sayers was selling the videos for $40 and pictures for $5 without her knowing. Her cousins, who live next door, were allegedly helping to distribute these pornographic videos and photos.

So the rat's cousins were involved in tbe business dispute?

Why I Do What I Do: Ignorant Hate Kills

I know of many people in consanguinamorous relationships who are happy together, leading good lives, hindered only by bigotry against consensual incest, sometimes still expressed in stupid laws that shouldn't exist. But there are also people whose lives are completely ruined by prejudice. FME reader Niels Griffen Doe called my attention to something posted at http://finaljudgement.tumblr.com. Click through to read if you dare, but be prepared to cry.

Daily Mail Picks Up Mother-Daughter Videos Story

It is no surprise to me that, what we just covered in a previous update was also picked up by dailymail.co.uk. They, of course, ran several pictures and this link to their coverage may be considered NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

A mother and daughter duo from Florida have created a porn site where they perform and film sex scenes together.

Known as The Sexxxtons, mother Jessica Sexxxton, and daughter Monica Sexxxton have been creating sexual content for their namesake website since last year and have recently released a DVD.

There is no new information in they article, just some of their pictures.

Meanwhile, In Florida

As prejudiced bigots, including in the media and law enforcement, continue to condemn some adults for their love lives, actual consanguineous sexuality and fictional themes of adult consensual incest and consanguinamory continue to be very popular in adult media and erotica. Neetzan Zimmerman at gawker.com calls attention to a mother-daughter performing couple. Meet The Sexxxtons.

Unlike the pretend incest of Taboo, Monica and Jessica Sexxxton are the real deal. The mother-daughter duo resides in Tampa, Florida, and has been shooting smut in tandem for over a year.

But let's get one thing straight: The two might have full-on, balls-to-the-wall sex with the same guy at the same time on camera, but they absolutely don't touch each other while the red light is blinking.

This is a very common fantasy.

For the record, Florida requires a female sex organ to have been penetrated by a male sex organ for incest to have been committed, so it seems the Sexxxtons are free to feel each other up to their freaky heart's content.

"I enjoy the sex and I enjoy being with my mom," says Monica, who dropped out school in ninth grade and got her mom started in the porn biz before following suit. "During the scenes, I think about how we're going to be filthy rich."

I also look at the Huffington Post's coverage of this below. BUT BE WARNED. A COUPLE OF IMAGES BELOW ARE NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!! They don't actually show anything, but they are still NSFW.

Is the Connecticut Father-Daughter Case GSA?

Is the Connecticut criminal case, which I previously blogged about here, a case of Genetic Sexual Attraction? More details are in this report at courant.com by David Owens.

George L. Sayers Jr., Tiffany L. Hartford face sexual assault charges (Bethel Police Department / December 5, 2012)

One relative, when asked about the relationship between Sayers and Hartford, told detectives: "Tiffany is his girlfriend, but we also think that she is his daughter," the warrants say.

Doesn't sound like the relative was concerned, and thus might not have been aware that the statement was implicating George and Tiffany in a what is still, stupidly, a crime in the state. Next time, read this.

And Now for Some Good News: Progress

There have been great advancements in the US and neighboring Mexico for the limited same-gender freedom to marry! This brings us closer and closer to full marriage equality.

In last month's US election, the people of three US states voted FOR this freedom to marry, and the results are taking effect! Check out this Associated Press article at mynorthwest.com...

Two by two, dozens of same-sex couples obtained their marriage licenses in Washington state early Thursday, just hours after Gov. Chris Gregoire signed a voter-approved law legalizing gay marriage.

King County, the state's biggest county, opened the doors to its auditor's office in Seattle just after midnight PST to start distributing marriage licenses. But hundreds of people had lined up hours earlier, snaking around the downtown Seattle building on a chilly December night. By 10 a.m., 364 licenses had been issued and the line was gone.

When are the weddings?

Because the state has a three-day waiting period, the earliest that weddings can take place is Sunday. 

Yay!

"This is a very important and historic day in the great state of Washington," Gregoire said before signing the measure that officially certified the election results. "For many years now we've said one more step, one more step. And this is our last step for marriage equality in the state of Washington."

Eh... not quite. It is a great day for some same-gender couples. But there are still some same-gender couples who can't marry, and polycules of any gender or sexual orientation formations can't marry. It's a great day for freedom, but it isn't marriage equality because equality just for some is not equality.

Last month, Washington, Maine and Maryland became the first states to pass same-sex marriage by popular vote. They joined six other states _ New York, Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont _ and the District of Columbia that had already enacted laws or issued court rulings permitting same-sex marriage.

More to come!

Samoa Still Sending Consenting Adults to Jail

Samoa is still handing out criminal sentences to adults who have had consensual sex with each other. We now have an update on a case we have covered before. Here's a report at talamua.com by Unumoe Esera. Interestingly, the website had a lovely illustration alongside the article.

A first ever case of brother sister incest in a Samoan Court, has landed the 24 year old brother in jail for two years and the 22 year old sister 200 hours of community work and Probation. The pair were convicted of 13 counts of incest from the 14 charges they faced.

Why? What is harmful about what they've done?

In sentencing the brother, Justice Vui Clarence Nelson ordered him not to appear before the court in the next three years. He was also ordered to stay away from his sister and not to come within 100 feet of her and not to live in the same household with her or with relatives. He is also not to have any contact with her or by any electronic means.

What a pointless and destructive intrusion into the private lives of consenting adults. This is infuriating. I hope they flee to a civilized country that doesn't try to control the bedroom activities of consenting adults.

Justice Nelson’s reasons for the prison sentence for the male “as he had failed in his duty as older brother to his sister in insisting and persisting in this relationship and flouting the moral code.”

He speaks as though sex is a bad thing. Maybe he does it wrong?

Connecticut Still Prosecuting Consenting Adults

Once again, law enforcement resources are being wasted to prosecute consenting adults for loving each other. This time, it stems from a case that should be a dispute settled in a civil lawsuit, not something that should be a matter for the criminal courts. John Pirro reported at newstimes.com...

A woman described as an aspiring pornography star and her father were arrested after a complaint from the woman's former girlfriend led to the discovery that the father and daughter were having a sexual relationship, Bethel police said.

So what???

George Sayers Jr., 46, and Tiffany Hartford, 23, of Nashville Road, were charged with third-degree sexual assault after DNA tests proved they were father and daughter and the parents of a child, according to an arrest warrant affidavit made public Tuesday in state Superior Court in Danbury.

Who was assaulted? They are CONSENTING ADULTS. Does Hartford not have reproductive rights? On what grounds did law enforcement conduct a DNA test on a child???

Finally a Solid Argument Against Consanguinamory

Just kidding. In the Times of Zambia, Jones Munang'andu wrote a piece with the headline of "Medical implications of incest." After trying to make a couple of the usual Discredited Arguments, we get this...

Recent studies have indicated that incest, although rarely discussed, is a continuing problem in modern society.

Sexual molestation by family members is a recurring form of child abuse.

Hmmm. It is irresponsible to fail to make a distinction between consensual sex between adults and adults molesting or assaulting minors. But what should we expect when the next thing written is this...

In the set of our genetic predisposition, there is nothing abnormal as incestuous sexual orientation or homosexuality as orientation, NO!

A denial of the existence of gays and lesbians. What is this, Iran?

Convoluted Legal Restrictions on Consent

Although the age of consent varies from country to country, and in the US, from state to state, this blog is generally not about altering age of consent laws. An exception to this is that I think the laws should be consistent. By that I mean that if, say, a 17-year-old can legally consent to sex with a complete stranger, they should be free to consent to sex with, say, an aunt or uncle. An example of the problem that selective restrictions cause is shown below.

Here's another one of those articles that is missing some important information. Stan Maddux wrote at Indiana's heraldgus.com...

A 45-year-old Westville-area man admitted to having sexual contact with a family member.

The man entered a plea agreement Friday in La Porte Circuit Court. Terms call for a five-year prison sentence for Class C felony incest.

Notice that the charge is "incest" and it is referred to as "sexual contact," no charges or mentions of assault of any kind. From the official state website:

IC 35-46-1-3
Incest
     Sec. 3. (a) A person eighteen (18) years of age or older who engages in sexual intercourse or deviate sexual conduct with another person, when the person knows that the other person is related to the person biologically as a parent, child, grandparent, grandchild, sibling, aunt, uncle, niece, or nephew, commits incest, a Class C felony. However, the offense is a Class B felony if the other person is less than sixteen (16) years of age.
    (b) It is a defense that the accused person's otherwise incestuous relation with the other person was based on their marriage, if it was valid where entered into.

So if half-siblings legally married in Sweden, and moved to Indiana, they could have sex all they want. But if their neighbors were half-siblings, not only could they not get married, but they could get prosecuted. Wouldn't it just be easier to let anyone of the age of consent have consensual sex with anyone else of the age of consent, and not get law enforcement involved?

A Place to Talk

If you are, or have been, involved in a consensual sexual relationship with close relative or family member, there's no better place to discuss consanguinamory or consanguineous relationships and sex than the Kindred Spirits forum.

As one woman there wrote...

I just want to say how different this site is because everyone is really nice and positive and non-judgemental.

I always got this " oh what's the point!" sinking feeling when ever I tried explain how Mike and I feel about each other this intensely and sometimes I just would not bother even trying to explain because I got good at sensing when someone is just waiting for me to open up so that they can tell me how wrong we are to feel as we do. 

Its great not to have that negative feeling here and every life story I read makes me feel less like a "freak," for lack of a better word. Everyone I read about here knows exactly how I feel and how Mike feels and just how strong this love is.

I am proud of our love now but in the past I did go through a stage in my teens where I felt so out of place because of it that I stopped trying to spend time with anyone except Mike. I had had just about enough negative hate. I wish I had found this site back then when I was pretty lonely and you guys do a great job in running it and making all us new members feel welcome.

It's not easy to find a stronger endorsement of a forum. By the way, the forum is FREE. But be sure to immediately read AND follow the rules, or you'll be kicked out for sure. Cousins, siblings, parents with their adult children, nieces, nephews, aunts, and uncles... all such adults are welcome.

Polish Producer Michal Kwiecinsk Is Shameless

So much to blog, so little time. Back in the middle of the month, timesofindia.com had words from the producer of a film of interest to this blog...

Film audiences around the world are growing up and getting ready to accept bolder and controversial themes. But there are still areas that remain taboo, felt Polish producer Michal Kwiecinski. It's just as difficult to make a film on a subject like incest in Poland as in India, he said. Kwiecinski's film 'Shameless', directed by Filip Marczweski, revolves around the "sinful love" between a brother and a sister. It has made waves at several festivals around the world and is now being screened at the 18th Kolkata International Film Festival (KIFF).

Sinful?

'Shameless' is the story of an 18-year-old boy in love with his 28-year-old sister. The latter is in a relationship with the boss of a local Neo-Nazi unit. But she craves for her brother's love.

Sadly, there are people who'd have no objection to her relationship with a Neo-Nazi, but would condemn her for loving her brother.

The film has certain explicit sexual scenes that had to be censored for the screen version. But the DVD version of the film has them. As many as 50,000 DVDs of 'Shameless' have been sold so far. 

I'd like to watch it here in the US. Streaming? Or is there a DVD that will work here?

"Essentially, both Filip and I were keen on making a film on incest. It's set in a typical Polish town and the idea was to convey the message that these things are a part of our lives, whether we admit it or not," said Kwiecinski.

He would like to see more Indian films on a subject like this, he said. "I have watched a few Bengali films, though I don't remember their titles. They seem to be making them on a small budget, unlike Bollywood films.

Hollywood needs to take an honest look at the subject.

The reaction of youngsters in India has left him enthused. "They were asking questions and differed on the subject. But they didn't seem to have written it off altogether. I am sure it happens in India," he said.

Of course it does. Also, India has more progressive laws when it comes to consanguinamory. The arts and media should explore consanguinamory and the issues around it. Here is "Shameless" at IMDb.com.

The Best Part of Waking Up is Knowing Love Conquers Hate

I am bumping up this entry because the advertisement in question is getting much attention again. The comments expressed below are typical of the attacks popping up on blogs.

There was more questioning of the Folgers ad, along the lines of the previous mocking I wrote about here. Kristi Gustafson Barlette asked, “Dear Folgers, What’s With the Incest?”

As an adult, I associate Folgers with church basements (they always seem to be cooking up instant coffee at church) — and warm and fuzzy holiday commercials.

The one circulating this year, though, is just … icky.

R and I were watching TV the other day and it came on. At first, I thought the man was coming home from overseas to see his girlfriend. But, um, no — it’s his sister.

Why can’t she be both?

There were many comments left disparaging affection between siblings.

crabby old emily had a positive comment…

I have never felt this commercial implied anything but a sister happy to see her big brotherI Its not abnormal for little girls to have crushes on their big brothers or for brothers to notice a budding sexuality in little sisters,
That doesn’t meant they want to ravish each other.

CoolMom responded with an attack…

OK, I have 3 older bros and NEVER had a crush on any of them and I HIGHLY DOUBT one of them noticed my “budding sexuality”! WHAT?! THAT is creepy…

Since CoolMom doesn’t remember ever having a crush on an older brother, that is supposed to mean that no girls or boys could ever have possibly had crushes on an older brother. It is ridiculous. People can be different. Some people are attracted to people with darker skin, some attracted to people with lighter skin. Some people are attracted to someone of the same gender. We're not all going to have the same attractions.

Other people also attacked emily’s comment.

Here’s what Kevin Marshall had to say about the ad. He wrote “Folgers would like you to have sex with your brother this holiday season.”

First he comes to the door to meet his sister, who immediately identifies herself as Sister and gives him a big hug.

Things get weird around the 30 second mark, when West African Jesus and Sister start acting like they want to have sex with each other until their spot is blown up by their parents:

Apparently, the best part of waking up is preventing your children from engaging in incest.

It saddens me to think there are siblings out there who are affectionate, whether in a sexual or nonsexual way, who read or hear attacks like this, and get the message that they have to hide, or that they should feel bad about sharing such affection.

Young people need to know that sex is not a bad thing, and mutual affection is not a bad thing. If someone else is disgusted by their love or affection, that is that other person’s problem. It should not be a problem for those who love each other. We need full marriage equality sooner rather than later, along with general sexual and relationship rights, so that love can overcome hate.

A Picture of GSA

One is not going to get a good idea of what Genetic Sexual Attraction is from a few minutes of a television interview show sensationalizing the topic with woman, promoting a book and subscription website, with a limited, brief, doubtful experience with a long-lost relative.

The Lioness just posted something that is much better at giving a glimpse of GSA (as do her other blog postings.) She has experienced GSA with her genetic father, and it appears her brother is experiencing it, too. From her recent posting...

My brother spent the night at my apartment about a month ago. We were working with me on something to earn money and we didn’t get complete with our project until one o’clock a.m. I didn’t sleep with him. We mostly kissed. He held me, looked into my eyes, and I felt uncontrollably high. The last time I felt so wonderful in someone’s arms was when my father first held me. Never again has my father made me feel so perfect (I will explain why later). We stared into one another’s eyes for several minutes. I didn’t get it. I mean I do now, but then, it was just so amazing that words cannot describe how I felt. 

Go read it all.

And read interviews with people who've experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction here, here, here, here, here, and here.

A Closer Look at GSA on Dr. Drew

Now is as good of a time as any other to take a look at the transcript from the Dr. Drew show that supposedly discussed Genetic Sexual Attraction.

J. DENEEN: Well, I reunited with my father in February of 2011. 

That means that, even if this is GSA, she had well under two years of experience before she put together a book. There are people who've dealt with GSA, including the good, bad, ugly, beautiful, bitter, and joyous, for many, many years.

And then when we were on vacation about two months after our reunion, he said to me that he had an e-mail that he wanted me to read. And on that e-mail, it said that he wanted to kiss me. And I was shocked and nervous and embarrassed and scared.

But at the same time I had been struggling with my own feelings of wanting to be connected with my father again. It wasn`t sexual, but it was very emotionally intense. And I said no, but he continued to ask. And eventually I said, OK. And we kissed and this began a very inappropriate and unhealthy father/daughter relationship.

What made it inappropriate is that she was in a supposedly closed marriage.

What happens is that bonding process that you should have gone through as a child has not happened. When you reunite as adults, it kicks into gear. The problem is, that if you have any sort of brokenness or emotional issues, addictions, anything like that and you start feeling these abnormal feelings, it can get out of hand really fast.

 GSA is a normal reaction to the circumstances, and healthy people can and do experience it.

An Ally For the Polygamous Freedom to Marry

Margot Harrison at 7dvt.com interviews Professor Janet Bennion about her book Polygamy in Primetime.

courtesy of David Ballou

Like many examples in Bennion’s illuminating study, they defy the popular perception that the practice of men taking multiple wives is solely about the male libido.

You don't say?


But whatever we think of polygamy in America, Bennion argues, it’s not going away anytime soon. And she believes it should be legal.

Thank you! As you can see, she knows her stuff...

Bennion, 48, has been researching polygamy for two decades. As a master’s student in 1989, she moved in with a rural Montana colony of the Apostolic United Brethren, a fundamentalist Mormon sect that still practices plural marriage as instructed by founder Joseph Smith in 1843. (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints [LDS] officially renounced polygamy in 1890.) 

Bennion would go on to publish book-length ethnographic studies of the AUB and the LeBaron fundamentalist colony in Mexico. Her fieldwork got her in trouble with LDS church leaders, who “disfellowshipped” her.

That's too bad. Some religious organizations support people questioning the imposition of the "heterosexual monogamy only" model.

Consanguinamory Between Siblings Prompts a Mother's Call

I always appreciate when readers of this blog refer me to something of relevance I might otherwise miss. A friend who wants to remain anonymous caught something interesting on yesterday's edition of the "The Jesus Christ Show." It's an call-in advice radio show in which the host, in character as a theologically conservative (if somewhat less conservative socially) Jesus Christ, does monologues and answers questions from callers. The calls range from religious questions to problems someone is having in their life.

The Jesus Christ show is interactive radio theater designed to teach people about themselves and the historical person of Jesus.

Nationally syndicated, the Jesus Christ show can be heard accross the US. The producer of the the Jesus Christ show, Neil Saavedra, likens the show to a history teacher dressing up like Abraham Lincoln or Benjamin Franklin to help people put flesh on the bones of history.

Saavedra is the person actually playing Jesus. The show is on the air for three hours, and the podcast I found is all "three hours," but since the podcast eliminates the advertisements, news, etc., it is under two hours. If you download it and go to the 1 hour 32 minute mark, shortly after that "Jesus" takes a call from a woman who has a problem with her on of her adult sons. He's moved away, become a father, and cut off contact with her. As it turns out, when her son and his sister were about 14/15 years old, like many other siblings that age, they experimented sexually with each other. The caller links her discovery of these past events (as her daughter told her) with her son ceasing communication. However, it would have been nice to hear from either her daughter or the son, as this woman didn't know what was going on at the time, and is only going to have limited knowledge of it now.

The caller states that she thinks her daughter was actually in love with her son. She also states that their grandmother knew, and that the grandmother didn't say anything to the caller because the daughter requested she not.

Saavedra takes the position that the behavior was seriously wrong without giving any practical or religious reason why. He even tries to get the caller to give some indication that something was seriously wrong with the family, asking if there had been alcohol abuse involved or that her husband had abused the children, but the caller shot those suggestions down. The caller asked why she was being "punished." At least "Jesus" called her out on that, although not for the right reasons. It is not punishment for your teenagers to get along that well. Maybe if people were more informed of the realities, they wouldn't assume they had done something wrong in raising their children.

It is entirely possible that these were two teens enjoying each other, perhaps one or both of them conflicted over whether or not it could be more. It happens every day in homes around the world, both in dysfunctional families and in families where things are good.

Unless the daughter indicates that her brother was abusive, the caller might be able to re-establish contact with him by sending him a letter stating that she understands what happened was normal and there's no reason for him to stay away.

Something to See in Santa Cruz

Will you be in near Santa Cruz, California around the end of this month? Wallace Baine at santacruzsentinel.com reports on Chicano Theatreworks presenting "The Hedonists," a play of interest to readers of this blog.

Don't look to Manuel Montez for tame theater.

The artistic director of Chicano Theatreworks is wading into dangerous waters with the new production of his own play "The Hedonists," which addresses themes of brother/sister incest. 

Good for him.

"The Hedonists" is a contemporary drama taking place over the course of three days set in an unnamed "coastal mid-sized California city" (hmmm ...). It is the story of Nico, a musician struggling to emerge from a crippling depression, who happens to be in sexual relationships with two women -- his exotic-dancer girlfriend Vivis and his sister Mara.

Sounds interesting.

"This piece has been germinating for years," said Montez about "The Hedonists." "It has to do with a part of my life in which I was dealing with depression, coupled with the factor that my oldest sister was stillborn and she is someone who has been absent in my life. And I have always thought about what her absence has meant in my life."

This isn't the first time I've heard of someone exploring this subject, citing an older siblings who did not survive.

Despite the theater company's name, Montez said that Chicano Theatreworks is not primarily concerned with theater about Chicano/Latino culture or heritage, like the artistic mission of San Juan Bautista's El Teatro Campesino.

"It's not that I don't honor that kind of work -- I do -- but my interest in Chicano Theatreworks has always been to promote and produce original material on identity-driven issues that are universal to the human experience. We are interested in the human soul, and no matter what ethnic or cultural background we come from, we all feel loss and abandonment. We all feel love, no matter what."

Great! The play will have a matinee on November 25 and runs Friday & Saturdays through December 1 with a Thursday performance on November 29. $15 general/$13 students & seniors. Details: manuelmontez.sc@gmail.com.

If you go, please report back on your experience.

Per Reader Demand, Dear Prudence Revisits ConsanguinamorousTwins

On the heels of Dear Margo's follow-up on fraternal heterosexual twins, Dear Prudence (written by Emily Yoffe) revisits, per reader demand, male twins in a consanguinamorous relationship. We wrote about them before here.

We did contact an attorney as you suggested, who told us that while incest is illegal in our state, our situation was unique and unless we paraded down the street engaging in public sex, there was no chance of prosecution.

Consulting an attorney is a good idea. As far as prosecution, all it takes is someone in law enforcement to get an itch, or a powerful family member who has a hateful heart. Supportive family can make all of the difference.

After that, talking about your column some more sparked a motivation to get the perspective of a professional marriage/family counselor.

If someone in this situation is going to seek counseling, they need one that does not come from a bigoted place.

Needing a Loveline From Dr. Drew

Television show host Dr. Drew again put a one-sided presentation of Genetic Sexual Attraction on the air. See this previous coverage for background on this. With awareness of GSA still barely emerging in the general public and with so few resources, it is a shame that such a limited view of GSA is presented, promoting a book and a subscription service that usurped an established, free discussion forum, narrowing the discussion both in availability and tone. Instead, as always, I recommend www.gsaforums.com for help, understanding, and meeting others involved. Notice that gsaforums.com is not about one, two, or three people who are trying to make a name for themselves but about and for people who have been touched by GSA, whether they are the person experiencing GSA is dealing with someone who is.



The reaction of one woman who is happily living in a spousal relationship with her brother?

That woman hasn't got a bloody clue on GSA, she didn't have a sexual relationship with him, and she only met him 4 times. She blames him totally, that was NO GSA relationship.

Here's what the hlntv.com site said to promote the show...

Genetic sexual attraction is the strange phenomenon of parents and children who develop an erotic attraction after years of separation. Julie DeNeen experienced this bizarre reality after being reunited with her long lost biological father. The attraction was mutual - her father had the same feelings. What followed was a deeply unhealthy and inappropriate relationship. The experience rocked Julie's marriage and her emotional life.

Of course GSA can be very problematic when it interferes with previously happy & healthy closed relationships or involves minors under the age of consent for the location of residence. But there are adults in lasting, healthy, happy relationships initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction, and they don't need law enforcement to interfere, and they certainly don't need people involved in GSA discussions wagging their fingers.

From Julie's blog...

And now, it is time to break the F5 button while I watch to see what impact this has on my book.

If you or someone you know may be experiencing Genetic Sexual Attraction, please see this page. I'm not selling anything.This blog is a labor of love.