Brazilian Triad Makes News

We're getting more indication that Brazil may lead the way to full marriage equality. We've written about this possibility before. More recent developments are noted by María Martín in this article at elpais.com about a polyamorous triad.

Polygamous marriage has been featured in a Brazilian soap opera / 'Avenida Brasil' / tv globo

A businesswoman, a female dentist and a female administrative manager have managed to turn the idea of a traditional Brazilian family on its head, after recently making their relationship official before a notary in Rio de Janeiro.

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“We are a family and our union is the product of our love for one another,” said the businesswoman in an interview with the O Globo daily.

Good for them! Congratulations!

“I am going to get pregnant and we are preparing for this, including looking at it in financial terms. This legalization [of the union] is a way to prevent the baby, and us, from being left unprotected by the law,” one of the three brides told the press.

So they are thinking ahead. We could use more of that!

Brazil’s top courts have not ruled on the legality of these types of plural unions, so each case is based on decisions made by local authorities.

It would be nice if the matter was clearly established nationwide sooner rather than later.

In Rio, a regular congress has been held throughout the years – entitled Poliencontro – where polygamy and its effects on society are discussed and events organized for the public. A popular telenovela (soap opera) in Brazil has also featured a polygamous wedding between three women.

Since 2000, Freitas has registered scores of gay partnerships, even before they were officially legalized by the Supreme Court. She said that she had waited for years “with anxiety” so that she could finally register a trio in her notary office.

Nobody should have to wait any longer.

According to the last figures compiled in 2013 by the Brazilian Geographic and Statistics Institute (IBEG), new types of families (single mothers, fathers raising their children alone, childless couples and same-sex partnerships) account for 56.1% of Brazilian households.

"New types of families?" I hope that's just bad translation. Families like this have always existed.

So now we'll see if Brazil will beat other countries to full marriage equality. National leaders around the world should step up and remove the foul chains of bigotry as soon as possible. There is no good reason to delay. Meanwhile, we wish these women all happiness in their life together and congratulate them on their polyamorous home.

Sian Ferguson Calls For Polyamory Inclusion

At everydayfeminism.com, Sian Ferguson who is pansexual, writes a very important piece about the ways polyamorous people have been excluded in some queer communities. Ferguson calls for solidarity.

Finding a queer community saved my life. I’m not exaggerating.

Throughout my life, I’ve been told that there is only one right way to experience love, romance and sexual attraction: that is, I was conditioned to believe certain heteronormative myths about relationships.

I don't doubt that there are happy, successful heteronormative monogamous relationships. The problem comes when laws and policies try to force everyone into the same mold. Polyamorous people should not be denied their rights.

Things May Get Better in Ireland But Still Are Bad in UAE

David Quinn writes at ionainstitute.ie that things might continue to get better in Ireland.

Justice Minister, Frances Fitzgerald, has signaled her willingness, in light of the passage of the Bill allowing for same-sex marriage, to alter the “prohibited degrees of relationship” that currently bar people marrying those who are considered too closely related.

This raises the prospect of relationships until now considered too incestuous being permitted.

Great news!

Minister Fitzgerald responded: “Senator Norris raised the issue of prohibited degrees of relationship. The Department of Justice and Equality and the Department of Social Protection are currently considering a review of prohibited degrees of relationship based on affinity and the prohibitions based on familial relationships by marriage. I agree with Senator Norris that some should be reviewed and we will look at that. I would add that the prohibited degrees are not exclusively about genetics but about power disparity or abuse within families."

I would refer her to Discredited Arguments #18 & 20.


Ireland should do this. First cousins are already free to marry, so this would be closer relationships of affinity and consanguinamory.

Meanwhile, in Abu Dhabi, emirates247.com reports...

An Abu Dhabi court sentenced a man and his half-sister to six years in prison after they were found guilty of marrying and forging official documents.

The forgery would not have happened if there weren't absurd laws denying the right to marry.

The unnamed man, appealing the verdict, denied having any affair with his sister and told court that they married in an Asian country so he could bring her to the UAE.

Whatever the case, they should've been free to be legally married in UAE.

Police arrested the couple after their mother reported their marriage and told court later that her son and his sister are living in Abu Dhabi as “husband and wife”.

Well, they were. Ratted out by a family member. Don't do that.

The semi-official daily ‘Al Ittihad’ said the mother decided to report the couple after her son kicked her out of home.

Ah, so it was revenge? That's too bad. I wonder if this is a Genetic Sexual Attraction case?

Words Matter

Emma at thetriadnextdoor.wordpress.com takes a look at the terms "same-sex marriage" and "marriage equality" in relation to polyamory.

The alternative term, ‘marriage equality’ implies that once gays can marry, marriage rights will be equal across the board. And you can bet your ass I don’t agree with that sentiment.

As we say here, the limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry is great, but we're working for full marriage equality.

That’s when I found a happy medium in my own mind. We don’t need to change the term ‘marriage equality’ to be inclusive of polyamourous relationships. We just need to change its context. Marriage equality is a term that can be used for both same-sex couples and polyamorous families… and it doesn’t have to mean both at the same time. The US recently achieved marriage equality for same-sex couples, but that doesn’t have to imply they achieved marriage equality all-round.

There's still so much work to be done.

Another Article Noticing a Common Theme

This time Dino-Ray Ramos at bustle.com is the person noting that "incest" is a common theme or story element. This was prompted by "Crimson Peak."

Guillermo del Toro's latest movie, Crimson Peak, covers a lot of ground when it comes to genre, but in short it's a gothic romantic horror — although not the kind of horror movie you would expect. In fact, there are a lot of unexpected things about this movie — namely, Crimson Peak's incest plot. As you might expect, spoilers ahead!

Support Freedom, Fight Abuse

Andreea Nica has a piece at huffingtonpost.com under the headline of "Relationships: It's a Matter of Choice." [This entry is bumped up.] This is the start...

Any relationship construct has the ability to create an oppressive environment. Whether the construct identifies as monogamous, polyamorous, polygamous, polyandrous or any other relational form, abuse can exist within each and every one of these relationships.

Yes. Thank you! Much of the piece discusses isolated, patriarchal polygyny-only communities with abusive leaders.

As shown on Sister Wives, the four teens residing at Holding out Help met up with the Brown Family to witness a better example of a polygamist family. By the end of their visit, the teens who escaped their abusive situations, found the Brown family to be a healthier and more positive family unit than their own. Despite their approval of the Brown family, all of the teens still stated they wouldn't be part of a polygamous construct again.

That is their choice to make. There are many people who say they do not want to get married at all, having grown up in situations where they saw marriage as part of the problem.

This poses the question: Should the public accept the faith and choice of a relational dynamic if mental, relational, and personal health is compromised? As a proponent of the freedom to choose alternative forms of relationship, the expectation is that all parties involved find liberation through addressing fundamental matters around equality and agency; free from oppressive religious and ideological systems.

The issue, it seems to me, is domestic abuse, including child abuse.

Some women are going to freely choose polygyny, and they should be free to do so, as long as there are domestic violence protections under the law, and as long as those women legitimately have the freedom to NOT marry at all, to divorce, or to marry a woman, or two men, etc.

Polyamory in its various forms, including the various forms of polygamy, has always been around and it is not going away. It is coming out of the closet and will not be going back in. We must move forward to full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults. Abuse will be easier to stop if we do not criminalize consensual relationships.

In Double-Love But Denied the Right to Marry

I've done scores of exclusive interviews with lovers, most of whom are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. It is a privilege to get a glimpse into these relationships consider forbidden by unjust laws or by common public prejudices. Most of them want to marry, whether immediately or not, and it is such a sad thing that anyone would stand in their way.

Below, you will meet "Max" and "Amber." You're not going to see their faces because that would be too much risk for them to take, but I can vouch for them each being attractive people. They also make quite and adorable couple. They should be free to decide for themselves if they will get married. Yet they face discrimination and prejudice for their love, and must hide the truth from just about everyone in their life. They aren't hurting anyone; why should they have to hide their love and be denied their rights?

Read the interview below and see for yourself what they have to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it incredibly erotic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?

***PLEASE NOTE THAT THE INTERVIEW DOES GET SLIGHTLY EXPLICIT IN A COUPLE OF PLACES***



*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Tell us about yourselves.

Max: We're brother and sister who are students and still living with our parents in a very small town in eastern Oregon.

Amber: I'm Amber. Yep, we're still nesting.


FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation?

Max: My sexual orientation is 100% heterosexual

Amber: I'd say mostly heterosexual. I've kissed a few girls. We are staunchly monogamist.


FME: You are in a romantic/sexual relationship with each other? Are you full blood siblings? Who is older?

Max: We are full blood siblings.

Amber: He's my little brother. I'm older by 15 months.

Expectant Parents Denied Their Right to Marry

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Coming Out Day 2015

Even with the recent US Supreme Court decision bringing all states online with the limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry, and some recent laws enacted for the protection and rights of LGBT people, life can be tough for someone whose identity and orientation doesn’t fit in to a little heterosexual, monogamous, "traditional"-gender-role box or whose relationship doesn’t meet the local sex police’s approved standards. Sometimes, a person or the people in a relationship want to come out of the closet. Sometimes they need to come out. For some of these people, it is a little less difficult if they do so as part of a communal event, such as National Coming Out Day.

National Coming Out Day is Sunday, October 11. Here’s the official website, at least for the US. There is much helpful information there, regardless of where you live.

The more people that come out, the more the others around them will realize they do know and appreciate people who are LGBT, or polyamorous, or consanguinamorous, and that such people and relationships deserve equality. So coming out helps progress.

On the other hand, it is understandable that any given person, couple, triad, or quad decides to stay in the closet for now. There’s still so much hate, so much prejudice and persecution, and even unjust laws that hinder the life and love of people who are good citizens and just want to be themselves. I support the decision of anyone who believes they need to be reserved for now for the sake of their safety and family.

The decision to come out is yours. Do you want to come out, and to whom? Your friends? Your family? Your coworkers? Your classmates? Your neighbors? Your crush? The whole world?

Also, if someone comes out to you, the decision to be an ally is yours. If your classmate, coworker, neighbor, friend, parent, child, or sibling comes to you and says they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, polysexual, pansexual, transgender, polyamorous, or in a consanguinamorous relationship, what will you do? Will you choose love and acceptance?

Even if you are heterosexual, monogamous, and nonconsanguinamorous, you may want to come out as an ally for full marriage equality. That alone can take courage, but it helps.

If you are planning to come out, or you do come out, please feel free to share your experience here by commenting.

Dear Abby Gets Letter From Prejudiced Stepmom

In today's Dear Abby column, the first letter was from "REPULSED IN PENNSYLVANIA"...

I am happily married to a great man. I have a young daughter from a previous marriage, and my husband has two teenagers, a boy and girl, from a prior marriage. Like many blended families, we have our struggles, but one is becoming increasingly difficult to deal with.

I don't know how to put this tastefully, but I'll state it this way: My stepchildren are "too close," if you know what I mean.

Many people commenting at Yahoo News are misreading the headline and column and thinking this is about her daughter and her husband's son, who are stepsiblings. But it is actually about her husband's son and daughter, who, if neither is adopted, are biological siblings.

"Teenagers" can mean they are 19 and 18. It could  also mean they are 13 and  14. Or it could mean one is 19 and the other is 13.


And what does "too close" mean? Read on...

They flirt, constantly touch each other and playfully tease each other.

Oh, no! Siblings who are actually affectionate instead of hostile! What is the world coming to?!?

(A few people have even mistaken them for a couple.)

So what? I have gone places with my mother and people have mistaken us for a couple even without any touching or flirting.

My husband doesn't seem to notice this unhealthy behavior.

Assuming they are four years in age or less apart, there is nothing unhealthy about their behavior. Even if they were having sex, that doesn't make it unhealthy.

How can I get through to my husband or deal with this?

As many other people ask, including Dear Abby, didn't she notice this before she married their father? Did she think she was going to change them once she because their stepmother? Why should her husband even try to stop them from being affectionate? If this woman pushes the issue, she's going to find herself out of another marriage.



Their affection may go no further than what she sees. Or, they could be deeply in love or engaging in recreational sex. Whatever the case, as long as this is a mutually affectionate relationship instead of one abusing the other, what try to interfere? There is no good reason.

I wonder if her stepchildren spent a significant part of their childhood apart as a result of the end of his prior marriage? If so, then it could be Genetic Sexual Attraction. But even if they were raised together, it is possible the Westermarck Effect isn't strongly present with them. Or they could just be close and not having sex.

Whatever the case, this woman is not going to accomplish anything good by trying to change them. She should read this.

Many of the comments mistaking this for a stepsibling situation recount stepsibling relationships that involved sex, some of which involved marriages between stebsiblings. Unfortunately, there are plenty of comments hostile to consanguinamory, too.

Persistant Prejudice Against Cousins

Someone posting at glowing.com asked for help with "incest" in her family. Now, that can provoke thoughts of some adult forcing themselves onto a child, right? But she's talking about cousins in a consensual relationship.

I come from a big family. I have three sister and one brother. So this basically what happened between sister 2 and my brother family. 

 My sister 2 has three sons and a daughter. My brother has three daughters. My sister first son (who I call call Sam) is in a relationship with my brother second daughter (who I'll call Barb).

This shouldn't be a problem. Assuming she and her siblings are all full-blood siblings, then Sam and Barb are first cousins, who can legally marry in many places, including about half of US states.

What Really Happened in Clinton, North Carolina?

Chris Berendt at clintonnc.com has given a report that is woefully lacking in details, and I don't know if law enforcement or the news organization share the blame or if one is more at fault than the other.

A Clinton man has been arrested for having sex with a family member, actions alleged to have taken place “a couple years ago,” Clinton police investigators said.

"Having sex" implies this was consensual activity with an adult. Assault or child molestation isn't "having sex."

William Ashley Hines, 42, of [home address redacted], stands charged with incest and two counts of crime against nature.

"Crime against nature." What does that even mean? Consanguineous sex is not against nature.

“A family member turned over some internet communications with an individual he was having out-of-state,” Clinton Police Chief Jay Tilley said Tuesday. “From there we found out about an assault that occurred concerning (his family member).”

An assault is not "having sex." So which was it?

The Independent declines to release names or ages of victims in cases of a sexual nature. The nature of Hines’ relationship with the family member likewise will not released, as it would in no uncertain terms serve to disclose that person’s identity.

But they have no problem providing his home address, even though he hasn't been convicted.

Tilley said the investigation is still open and there could still be more charges brought in the case. The State Bureau of Investigation has seized Hines’ computer and is currently examining its contents.

“This is still an ongoing investigation,” Tilley stated.

If this was an assault or molestation, surely he could have been arrested under those charges?

If this was an assault, the news sources shouldn't be using the phrase "having sex."  And if he is guilty of an assault, he should be locked away in a very bad place for a very long time.

If this was consensual interaction with another adult, the police shouldn't be calling it an assault, and they shouldn't be involved at all.

So what really happened?

We don't really know. Given his age, it is entirely possible this was an adult child, or niece, or nephew, or sibling, or aunt, or uncle, or parent. Depending on the state, it could be a cousin. That the other person is out of state is a reminder that this could be a situation involving Genetic Sexual Attraction.We don't know if he's a dangerous person or a persecuted lover. We don't know because either law enforcement and/or journalists haven't provided that information, at least not through this report. Many news sources report on stories like this with enough information to clarify between assault and persecuted love without revealing identities. Too bad they all don't.