I'm Not Kidding

Visit (and follow) my Tumblr blog for stuff like this, a defense I wrote of consanguineous lovers in response to someone else's Tumblr post.

Rinella on Rights

The brilliant, talented, and lovely author Diane Rinella has just blogged about why we deny people their rights.

We don’t deny people their rights because we want to, we do it because they are in situations that either we don’t understand or can’t comprehend. We all know of the struggles that homosexuals have faced to gain the right to marry and be treated as equals. Every day we see it on the news and we experience it with our friends. Therefore, it is very easy to analyze the subject. However, what if the situation is something that you don’t think about? It’s a type of relationship that is happening around you, yet you’re completely unaware of it because those involved are living in shadows. The truth is, not only do you know people who are or have been involved in relationships you can’t fathom, you also know people who are being denied of their rights.

Go read the whole thing. Please!

Zimbabwe Still Prosecuting Consenting Adults

From allafrica.com comes this report of the criminal prosecution of first cousins for the "crime" of loving each other.

Two cousins who were involved in an incestuous relationship which resulted in the birth of a girl and current pregnancy will perform 630 hours of community service. The two's fathers are brothers and traditionally are expected to treat each other as brother and sister. Ashley Feremenga (19) and her cousin Robson Feremenga (21) were living as husband and wife in Dzivaresekwa before neighbours alerted Ashley's father Jonasi.

I wonder what the love lives of those neighbors are like... if they have a love life in the first place. Must not be very fulfilling if they have time to rat people out for loving each other.

I'm sure their child is healthy. Otherwise, you can be sure this report would have noted any problems.

The duo was convicted after their own plea of guilt when they appeared before Harare magistrate Mr Aidonia Masawi who sentenced them to a 36 month-imprisonment term.

What a waste of the court.

Ashley's father Jonasi only came to know about their relationship after being advised by his neighbours.

He filed a police report leading to their arrest.

Rat. The lovers should keep his grandchildren away from him.

Fortunately, very few US states have ridiculous laws criminalizing consensual sex between first cousins. About half of US states will legally marry first cousins, and such marriages are common in many countries today, and have been very common throughout history. Prosecuting consenting adults for loving each other is outrageous.

Welcome Michael Brown Readers

Thanks to Michael Brown for the link. Notice that in his latest column he did not explain why he opposes marriage equality. I invite you to check around here and see that marriage equality is nothing to fear. The column on the right and the tabs above at the top of the page will have many links of interest.

Another Marriage Denied Equality

By my count, this is the thirtieth ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are denied their fundamental right to marry.

Chelsea is a bright young woman, legally free to marry a complete stranger. But she can't legally marry the man she is living with as husband and wife.

Read the interview below and ask yourself if there is one good reason these two consenting adults should be denied their right to marry. THIS INTERVIEW DOES GET SOMEWHAT SEXUALLY EXPLICIT.


*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

Chelsea: I am a college graduate at a major Texas University and majored in Business Administration and currently reside just outside of Dallas, with my father. I currently work for him in a manufacturing plant in an adviser capacity. I am 26 years old and originally from Oklahoma. Most of my family ties and friends from school still reside there. I have some English, Irish and a bit of Spanish in my blood. I am about 5 feet 9 inches and weigh about 145 lbs last time I weighed myself.  I am a big-boned girl, so I will never be considered petite.  I love to eat, so it is always a battle to keep my weight down. I topped off at about 165 lbs periodically in my life, so far.  I have medium brown hair but sometimes have dyed it black.

I have one older brother.

My mom divorced dad when I was much younger and lives near Oklahoma City with her husband. I have sporadic contact with them.

I like bowling, hiking and volleyball. I also love to travel, usually on business trips with my dad. I love to sing, but will never make it as the next American Idol, but do belt out a few songs on karaoke night at local clubs.

Anonymous Dad: She is a lot to love and I love her a lot!  She is smart, witty but can't sing worth a lick, but then again I am no Frank Sinatra either.

Request For Polyamorous People

The more books we have like this, the better, so please consider responding. Here is the request...

My name is Richard Gilmore. I am a member of a MFFM quad. We have been in this configuration for over 13 years. My partner Elon and I have written a book called, Creating A Line Family. Our editor (Alan of Poly in the Media) made a good suggestion, include personal stories. So what we are looking for are interview volunteers who are members of a poly family. Here are some of the questions we would like to hear about.

1. What types of intimacies - besides sexual - do you share with your partners?

2. What vision, or long range plans do you have for your family?

3. How are household chores managed, both regular duties and emergent failures?

4. How is "family money handled?" By this we are talking about real property ownership, investments, community personal property, etc.

5. How will you support launching any children?

6. How do you make decisions as a group?

7. Do you plan, or have any family businesses?

8. Do any other issues come to mind?

You can see an early, rough draft of the book at http://www.line-family.info/
We really need personal stories to make the book come alive. Funny stories are great, stories of failures can also be instructive.

All names, locations and personally identifying details will be changed to protect everyone's privacy.

The book price will be as low as we can make it. We really want this information out there. Therefore we expect to make little to no money on this publication. That means all we can offer you is our sincere thanks and maybe a signed copy of the book.

Please message me to arrange an interview.

Thank you for taking time to read and consider our request.
Richard

Richard can be reached at rlg at 4dreality dot com.

I will add whether or not you contact Richard, if you want to be interviewed by me (see this interview I have done), pleas write me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com.

Samoa Still Imprisoning Consenting Adults

Jasmine Netzler reports at samoaobserver.ws...

A 59-year-old father and his 34-year-old daughter were jailed yesterday for incest.

The sentence was handed down by His Honour, Justice Vui Clarence Nelson, at the Supreme Court.

They are both consenting adults. Who is the victim of this "crime?"

The father was jailed for six years while his daughter was given 18 months.

Outrageous.

The daughter was banished following her relationship with her father being brought before their village council, Justice Vui said.

Her father on the other hand was ordered to provide 50 boxes of tinned fish. He was not banished.

Sounds like a shakedown.

During his sentencing remarks, Justice Vui said he was curious as to how the village reached its decision.

I want to know how he reached his decision.

The defendant was told that he knew his actions were wrong. This was portrayed when he refused the girl [daughter] during the first two times she had come to him.

He pretty much has to say it was wrong in court. Otherwise, they lock you up for even longer. Ridiculous.

Justice Vui told the man’s daughter that it was by her own word that she initiated “this elicit relationship”.

“Daughters as well as fathers must respect customs of this community,” he said.

I wonder what Justice Vui does in his private life?

Due to the ages, this appears to be a different case than ones in Samoa we have covered before, like this one.

There is no good reason to prosecute these lovers. Samoa, like so many other places including many US states, needs to let consenting adults  have their sexuality and relationships.

When an Employer Realizes You Are Consanguinamorous

Not only are most consanguineous lovers still denied their right to marry, not only are they still subject to criminal prosecution in many places, but even where they are not violating any laws, they can be fired for being consanguinamorous. So most people in such relationships are not out to their employers.

But even if someone doesn't come out, others can tell sometimes. Haven't you ever seen people interacting and realized they were in love, even if they weren't holding hands or kissing in front of you? Sometimes, there is no hiding love.

Such was the case with one Friend of Lily, whose relationship with her brother was initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction. She wrote this recently...

My boss (who I have known for about ten years) came straight out and asked me this afternoon when [we] had fallen in love with each other. She then went on to ask how long we had been in a relationship. You can only imagine what started to run through my head!

Of course the usual denial came into play, but it soon became clear that she wasn't buying it. So instead I asked how she worked it out. Appears that she had figured it out cause we had been arguing a lot and couldn't understand why it was upsetting me so much. She had said to me a few weeks ago that maybe I was better just to let go, I told her that I couldn't. 2 + 2 = 4 in this case.

I then asked if she was going to do anything about it; ie call the cops or child protective services.

She replied with "Who am I to judge, if the two of you love each other and your happy its none of my business or anyone else for that matter. Why would I call the cops or DCP anyhow it's got 'fcuk' all to do with them anyway'."

I then had to explain that it is illegal and that we could be thrown in jail. She was shocked to say the least.

I guess there are angels out there who do not judge and are just happy to see us happy. She even said that she would like to send us away for a weekend so that we can reconnect. Thinking I have the best boss in the world right now!

There's hardly a better reaction an employer, or anyone else for that matter, can have. Good for her!

How Consanguinamorous People Can Protect Themselves

Coverage of Genetic Sexual Attraction Case

Ignorance abounds when it comes to Genetic Sexual Attraction, as evidenced by both many of the journalists writing about the Mistie Atkinson case and certainly the people commenting on the stories. Outlets all over the word have covered the story, most just reprinting versions of the same two or three articles. [I am bumping this up because a news outlet decided to print this story as if it just happened.]

Here it is at dailymail.co.uk. The headline?

Mom who made sex tape with son, 16, is jailed for four years... but says it was just a case of 'genetic attraction' after they were reunited after 15 years apart

That makes it sound like she was making a video to show others.

Mistie Rebecca Atkinson, 32, was sentenced to four years and eight months behind bars in Napa County Superior Court, California on Wednesday.

It came after she was found in a Ukiah, California motel room with the 16-year-old boy, who had recorded his mother giving him oral sex on his phone.

 So he recorded it.

Here's the coverage at nydailynews.com.

Here is it at newsone.com.

Here it is at ktvu.com.

Even a site called eastafricanmoviedatabase.com printed the article.

Seamus O'Riley blogged the NY Daily News article.

Here is one of the comments...

equinox displayed complete ignorance of GSA... 

When is a rose not a rose? Incest by any other name smells so sweet. Let's play innocence by semantics today! 

Must be nice to be so sure that nobody else could possibly experience something you haven't.

And there were several comments from people who said she must have intended to assault him from the start. After all, why else would a woman care about seeing the person to whom she gave birth? Ignorance abounds.

Here is the inquisitr.com coverage, and the kolotv.com coverage, and the bossip.com coverage, where she is called crazy. Finally, see this blog for the same sort of thing, where she os called "sicko."

This was most certainly not incest in the sociological sense. She was not the boy's guardian. She did not raise the boy. She should be treated no more harshly than any other 32 year-old woman who does the same things with a 16 year-old boy in the state of California. If anything, the sentences in GSA cases that don't involve violence should be more lenient and focus on counseling.

Update on Zambia Attack on Family

Bertha Chipapuka, 35, with her 11-month-old baby and her ‘brotherly’ husband Mukuwa Nicholas Bulaya, 38, appeared before Serenje Magistrate’s Court for incest.

Authorities in Zambia continue with their attack on a family, which we wrote about here before. Chambo Ng'uni reports at daily-mail.co.zm...

SCORES of residents yesterday thronged the Serenje Magistrate’s Court to hear the case of incest involving Mukuwa Nicholas Bulaya and his younger sister Bertha Mwenda Chipapuka. 

Some residents arrived at Serenje Magistrate’s Court before 08:00 hours and scrambled for a few seats inside the courtroom when the doors were opened while others stood on the doorway and windows to hear the case.

So much interest. Are they voyeurs?

Mr Ngosa said the court decided to hear the cases against Bulaya and Chipapuka separately in the interest of justice since the two siblings are separately charged.

And the victim is....? Is...? No victim! No crime!

“I am asking for my sister to be released so that she can look for the things that the child needs and also bring me food and soap since no one from our family has visited us since we were arrested,” Bulaya said.

Mr Ngosa rejected the application and told Bulaya that he had no powers to release his sister (Chipapuka) because her case was being heard by another court.

Infuriating.

Let them go and apologize for ever interfering. Of course, even if that happened, their lives have been ruined by the outrageous bigotry and invasion of privacy to which they're being subjected. There is no good reason for this to be a matter for law enforcement to begin with.

Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory

Less Bloom in the Flowers?

Jean Bentley at zap2it.com wrote that the Lifetime adaptation "Flowers in the Attic" needs more incest.

Cutting some of the especially creepy and disturbing stuff from the book for the Lifetime audience -- the blood feeding and the rape, in particular -- makes sense. But just one chaste kiss between the two adolescent siblings? Come on, we're all here for the soapy incest. Quit pretending we're not.

Have you seen it? What did you think have you read the books?

Of course, if you want brightly blooming flowers, read Diane Rinella's writings that touch on the themes of consanguinamory and abuse. Rinella's works definitely deserve screen adaptations.

Out In Africa

Thabo Seroke has an important commentary printed at thoughtleader.co.za about human rights and civil rights in some African countries.

A couple of months ago, Uganda asked a question that could usher in the systematic hate aimed at a group of people. The question was simple: Who is going to inspire the senseless murder of gender-variant people in Africa?

This was not a view that needed to be vocalised by Ugandans, but many nations responded. Nigeria is the latest. The Same Sex Marriage Prohibition Act, which provides penalties of up to 14 years imprisonment for gay marriage and a maximum of 10 years for membership or encouragement of gay clubs, societies and LGBTI organisations, was last week signed into law by Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan.

Since then, nearly 40 people have been arrested and many more threatened with violence.

Frightening stuff.

History provides many examples of same-sex practices such as the “boy-wives” of the Azande in contemporary Sudan and Congo, the gender-crossing queers of the Hausa Bori culture in … wait for it … modern-day Nigeria! Lesbian relations were also prominent among co-wives in polygamous marriages in 19th century Southern Sudan — the same polygamous practice frowned upon by the western world — which leads me to an unsurprising fact. Colonialism imposed this prejudice and other divisive ideals on a number of non-western societies.

Same-gender sexuality and relationships, as well as polyamorous relationships, are nothing new.

The issue in countries such as Uganda, Malawi and Nigeria isn’t a “gay issue”, it’s a human-rights issue.

Precisely!

We must stand up for the rights of ALL.

A Polyamorous Woman Denied Her Right to Marry

By my count, this is the twenty-ninth ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are denied their fundamental right to marry.

Zoey is a beautiful young woman, someone you might give a nod and smile to if you saw her shopping in your local store. If you want to see her NOT SAFE FOR WORK Tumblr, you can find it here.


Read the interview below and ask yourself if there is one good reason her right to love the adults she does should be denied.


*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

Zoey: I am almost 23. I am in a type of polyamory/open relationship with my girlfriend Tess (almost 25) and my boyfriend Jack (almost 24). These are our fake names used for anonymous purposes only of course.

A Young Woman Denied Her Rights

By my count, this is the twenty-eighth ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are denied their fundamental right to marry. This is a possible case of Genetic Sexual Attraction.

Jacquelynn is a beautiful young woman. If you want to see her NOT SAFE FOR WORK Tumblr, you can find it here.


Read the interview below and ask yourself if there is one good reason her right to love the adults she does should be denied.


*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

Jacquelynn: My name is Jacquelynn. I’m a white female American of legal age. I live on the North East side of the U.S. I am the oldest blood sister of 6 (soon to be 7) siblings. None of my siblings are my full siblings. They are all my half-siblings.


FME: Are you married or have you ever been married?

No, I am not married. Nor have I ever been married.


FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship?

I am bisexual and in a genetically incestuous relationship.

A Pansexual Woman Denied Her Rights

By my count, this is the twenty-seventh ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are denied their fundamental right to marry. This one is with a beautiful Anonymous Woman who is polyamorous and consanguinamorous.

Read the interview below and ask yourself if there is one good reason her right to love the adults she does should be denied. There is some mildly graphic description of sexual activity.


*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

Anonymous Woman: I work in the film and television inudstry. I have a degree in Cinematic Arts. I currently homeschool a few children that aren't mine. I would say I'm from a middle to upper class background. My dad is from Europe and my mom is from Central America. My brother is my only sibling. I'm 37, and fairly pansexual, meaning I don't really care what gender someone is. I am tall and fit.



FME: Are you married or have you ever been married?

I have never been married and have no children. I want to have kids.


FME: You currently live with…?

Currently, I live in my parents' house. I do not live with my parents because they decided to move to another city, but wanted to keep the house in the family not sell it.


FME: How would you describe your relationship orientation?

Right now, what I have is a relationship with three people, a trans male-to-female girlfriend, my brother, and my sister in law. We have all been together a couple of times and they have all been with each other. It is difficult to call it an actual polyamory relationship because except for my brother and sister-in-law we don't live in the same cities. I am not saying I want or expect this to be the relationship I have forever. I do think given my pansexual orientation and need for affection that a polyamorous relationship of some type would be best. I am really pansexual. I like both genders and I like male-to-female transsexuals.


FME: What kind of relationship did you and your brother have while growing up?

My brother and I never had sex while growing up. I did spy on his liaisons with girlfriends a little bit. But not until the last couple of years did we have a sexual relationship. We apparently both had these feelings about each other but never acted on them. Who initiated the triad was his wife, however, not him and not me.

FME: How did that happen?

It basically started one night when they were over at my old apartment because they were in town and needed some alone time, and my parents' house was crowded. I was spying on them having sex and I was naked and they caught me masturbating to them. We were somewhat embarrassed and apologized and laughed and everything being awkward, and then rather suddenly my sister in law drops to her knees and begins to perform oral sex on me. That is how it all started.

The way that sort of worked was that my brother first got involved with us just watching. But after a while we just started playing with each other as part of the process, and one thing lead to another and we were f---ing each other that same night.

I always was attracted to my brother, and frequently said if he wasn't married and wasn't my brother I'd probably want to be his girlfriend. But I had never really thought about acting on it.

FME: Describe your relationship now. Are you siblings, boyfriend/girlfriend? What about the sex?

It is complicated. I don't know how to describe it. It is some of the best sex I ever had. It can be kinky but it's not always kinky. Except for that little detail about me having sex with my brother, it would probably be a lot less kinky. We don't have sex all the time. Maybe only 5 or 6 of these situations a year and usually not all four or us at the same time. I know that people will assume we're meeting every weekend and doing absolutely bizarre things but it's not like that. We see each other and interact more as family than as any other role. Even with my girfriend it has become less unbridled sex and more planning to have a family.

FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature/history of your relationship and how did they find out? How have they reacted?

The polyamorous relationship is known about by some friends but is a complete secret to my parents. Their oldest daughter picked up that there is an occasional sexual relationship between me and her mother. The other kids do not now anything. The whole family understands I am bisexual. My parents are Catholic, and while they probably would rather see me meet a guy, they accepted that part of me. I used to be a drug addict do all kinds of illegal [stuff]. They managed to get me into recovery, and have been supportive of anything which is a legitimate lifestyle. They dread me falling back to being an addict more than any sexual orientation, and as long as I'm not selling myself they are okay with it. However, I do not think they would ever accept my brother and I as lovers.

FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?

Here is a big advantage: several of us get to have several needs of ours satisified, including my girlfriend who, frankly, has a problem dealing with men but nonetheless has some attraction to them. We're all somewhat bisexual. We all love each other. It is safe... no diseases, no risks of violence, nothing like you would risk dating people you really don't know.


FME: Is this a closed group?

We are not closed, we are open to finding other people and are actually trying to do it, especially my girlfriend and I.

FME: Any plans for the future?

I made a decision for biological clock reasons to try to have a baby. My girfriend has offered to be the legal second parent for the kid and to use my brother as the sperm donor. There is the downside of slightly higher chances for birth defects but there is also a risk in that of waiting until my 40's or whenever I found a boyfriend. We're going to have a legal agreement drawn up stating that we are doing this so we cannot be charged with incest. There's laws against us f---ing each other but none against using a sibling for a sperm donor. An advantage of this is, we know where the DNA is coming from, in case a medical condition develops. And as well, when the question comes about as to how I had a baby artificially, we thought that having the "true parent" being her uncle than a total stranger would go over better.


FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship?

Well, we're all well into adulthood and we all love each other. It is safe, and it is an extension of our love for one another. This is something that developed in adulthood. We're all over 35. It meets needs we have as bisexual people better than going out and trying to swing.


FME: What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other (and that you can’t truly consent?)

What can't we consent to? I'm not being blackmailed or extorted. I'm not being raped. I can say no. In fact, shortly after this first happened I DID say no. But I decided I didn't want to say no anymore.


FME: Aside from the law, which I think is ridiculous, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?

Yeah, if there was force or compulsion of any kind used in it.


FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you? Or is this a different kind of relationship than that?

That's complicated. Firstly, I'm a political libertarian and don't believe the state should be involved in marriage. Then if we did do that we'd have to consider my parents and my brother's kids. We aren't anywhere near that kind of a decision though even if it were possible.


FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

Just don't try and shame people and make them feel guilty.


*****


There you have it. Consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone, but who have to hide their love.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you are a family member or friend of someone who is in or may be in such a relationship, please read this.

Thank you to Anonymous Woman for doing this interview!

We Get Letters

This blog is visited by people all over the planet, and welcomes comments and I also welcome your emails and private messages. Everyone once in a while I publish some of those messages in a blog entry, which is what I’m I’m doing here.

Responding to an entry on hostility towards as grandfather-granddaughter couple, Anonymous wrote...

I would like to see an unbiased discussion of the ethical issues involved in grandfather/grandaughter mutual erotic atttaction and expression. With the ready availability of contraception, the fear of consanguinous offspring being possible is set aside. The likely negative reaction from other family members is still a very serious issue as is that of friends, etc. If the granddaughter is at or above the age of consent, the "between consenting adults" rule s h o u l d reign, but the many negative consequences would seem to outweigh the "reward."

Serious study of consanguinamorous relationships would be great.

After "Intergenerational Relationships Can Work," Anonymous wrote...

My wife and I, both 62, are in a committed relationship with a 34 year old man. This has been the most energizing invigorating experience imaginable. Jealously has never been an issue, and my wife believes that she is the luckiest woman on the planet because we love spoiling the crap out of her. Although we two guys are not bi, we are completely comfortable hugging, kissing and cuddling in bed with my wife in middle.

I asked if Jenny Erikson was stir crazy after something she wrote at TheStir on polyamory, and IchigoRadiance wrote...

There is Big Difference Between Love and Abuse

Candace Sutton had an article I found at heraldsun.com.au under the headline "The Australian Families That Hold Dark Secrets of Incest and Abuse." Unfortunately, for the sake of sensationalism, responsibility went out the window. This might contain triggers for some of you. Here's how the article starts...

BEHIND the door of an ordinary house in a working class Australian suburb, a man abused his three daughters over two decades, offering them to other men for sex and making them perform acts with animals. 

Inside at least three suburban houses in towns nestled in a major industrial Australian valley, one man started raping his 11-year-old daughter and then told her she was "damaged" and unlovable.

Sometimes he forced himself upon her twice a day.

For almost 30 years he kept her a virtual prisoner, fathering her four children who were all disabled.

A third case unfolded over four generations of a family which moved from state to state, always stopping in remote communities to avoid detection.

Eventually they came to rest in the hills behind a quiet rural village, where decades of inbreeding exploded into a horror story of degradation, squalor and rampant child sex under the approving gaze of three family matriarchs - a story which has shocked the world.

These are all terrible cases of child abuse, which involve various forms of abuse in addition to child rape. In this last case, the children would have had plenty of problems even if there has been no inbreeding.

Every week in communities big and small across Australia, children are sexually abused by their relatives.

And by people who aren't relatives. Either way, it is unacceptable.

The article goes on to detail child abuse situations. In the middle of all of that comes this...

Father and daughter John and Jennifer Deaves confessed on television their sex life was “absolutely fantastic”. Picture: Channel 9 Source: News Limited

Uh, What in the world is a picture and caption of a couple of ADULTS who had a CONSENSUAL relationship generated by Genetic Sexual Attraction doing in the middle of an article like this? I know Jennifer. You know what she is a victim of? Bigotry enshrined in law! In more than one way. This is not only offensive to adults who have loving, consensual relationships, it is also offensive to assault and molestation victims, because there is no comparing the situation of the Deaves to the abusive situations listed. This is highly irresponsible journalism. I doubt it was Sutton's decision, to be fair. She's just the person whose name is on the article and she probably didn't to the layout or headline.

Hope

Bumping this up...

Earlier, I posted a roundup of comments recently left here on the blog. This one needed an entry all its own. It was a comment left after a recent entry I wrote on Successful GSA Relationships, responding to negativity from people at some GSA websites.

Sounds a lot like what I was told when I went looking for advice though I don't know if that was the particular place I got it or not. Essentially I was told to not to make any moves, just wait and eventually my feelings would go away as if it was just a phase. I was also pretty much told to be silent with regards to my condition. I actually complied, because it wasn't like I really had much of a choice. I mean, adults face 25 years [in prison] where I live, and while I am sure a minor would face less, I don't know how much. There was also the social stigma, to which I was already acquainted with from when I was even younger.

But let me tell you one thing, that advice was useless, and basically amounts to bottling up your feelings and throwing them under the bus. Their support was even worse, because after hearing them I felt even more alone than I had before. Everybody was out for themselves, all of their advice was basically to maintain the status quo of doing nothing, I was even told that it would be detrimental to tell anybody, which it could very well have been but many who might not want to go through with it would probably do a lot better if their family understood and was willing to help them. Such advice may have in fact isolated me and many others from help we need, either in regards to avoiding going through with it, or to actually go through with in as a minimally damaging way possible. Even worse, if somebody is looking for a way out then telling them there is no way out and you're basically f**ked regardless, and the only thing you can do is wait and pray your heart gives up on them, can you really call that advice? Can you really call that support? How is anybody suppose to get help when the helpers are just as condemning and demonizing as everybody else.

Either they hated themselves and it showed through their writing, or they were inexperienced in the area masquerading their trolling as advice. I felt that had they just told me that I was better off dead that it wouldn't have changed their antagonism much towards me (yes it felt as if they had something against me as a person rather than toward my question).

Around ten years later, and my feelings haven't "gone away" they weren't just a phaze, instead they have grown. My silence and and being alone in my struggle had a dramatic negative effect on my life. For several years I struggled with my depression. The past couple of years and especially the past few months I decided to discard my silence. Even if I stay anonymous, speaking out has helped me tremendously. I've found people that have supported me (though not personally due to anonymity), and I don't feel anywhere near as alone as before. By the same token, there have been people that have judged me (same as before, not personally due to anonymity), but I can see that their inexperience with the subject has clouded their judgment, their bigotry has lost most of it's power. Those that support tend to have had experience with consanguinamory, or knows somebody who has, and they learned that the arguments are inconsistent hogwash, while the bigots only have hearsay of cases where not all facts are known and bias is presented. Everything else is filled out with ignorance.

If anybody is reading this, know that whether you pursue a relationship with a relative, or you choose to avoid it: There are people that respect and support your choice. It's all about environment. I've been to both good and bad sites, and the good sites, I've stayed at, the bad ones I don't visit anymore or avoid as much as possible. This has taught me that there is more than one choice for environment, if you seek help and they tell you rubbish, there are other places that are far more helpful. You'll know a good environment is one you don't fear speaking in.

This is exactly why this blog is here: to let people know they are not alone, and to help them. There is a desperate need for counselors who have a supportive understanding of Genetic Sexual Attraction, and there will be even more need as the reality of today’s world mature into an increase in reunions and introductions. I am not a counselor by profession nor training. But I like to help others in whatever way I can, and I can do it by blogging and networking.

There is no good reason why the consanguinamous, whether brought together by GSA or not, should face discrimination for loving each other.

What Do Montana and Zambia Have in Common?

Both places criminally prosecute adults for consensual sex. We told you in this posting how a family was being broken up by the prosecution of siblings who had been living as spouses. Barbara Chanda gives this infuriating update at daily-mail.co.zm...

MINISTER of Community Development, Mother and Child Health Joseph Kasonde says the ministry is assessing the plight of the abandoned children of the incestuous couple of Serenje.

Dr Katema said it was unfortunate that the innocent children have been abandoned by their extended family and the community.

Their parents shouldn't have been taken away from them in the first place!

After Nicholas Mukuwa Bulaya, 38, and Bertha Chipapuka, 35, were arrested and charged for incest, their relatives and community abandoned the five children, who are now reportedly living on their own at their parents’ farm.

This problem is one the authorities have created for themselves, and children are suffering as a result.

And yes, Montana is still going ahead with a prosecution as well, one that we told you about in this posting. Emily Foster reports at abcfoxmontana.com...

A man accused of having consensual sex with his 19-year-old daughter pleads not guilty in Missoula District Court.

Russell Smith, 48, is charged with one felony count of incest.

Court documents show Smith moved from Alaska to Missoula to live with his daughter and her roommate.

The girl's roommate called police when she learned Smith and his daughter were having sex, and were planning to get married.

The roommate is a rat. Prosecuting adults for CONSENSUAL sex is ridiculous. Let them be together, and let them marry.

Two examples of why relationship rights and full marriage equality are needed for ALL adults.

Discovering Polyamory Through People You Know

At thebigsmoke.com.au, Belinda Marsh has a piece on polyamory. Some names were changed to protect people from bigotry. It starts with coworkers...

One day, Ray asked, “You do know that I’ve got a woman friend, don’t you?”

He went on to say that he was married and living together with his wife and children, but that his wife knew about his ‘bit on the side’. Ray explained that they were in an open, ‘polyamorous’ relationship.

While this threw Angie initially, when Ray got a message from Liz, his wife, saying she had arrived at her lover’s house, she finally understood. She still found this confronting, but it was also liberating. Hearing that two adults could have an honest and open relationship with such a high level of communication was astounding to her.

When someone realizes they know polyamorous people, it can be eye-opening.

The groundbreaking book, The Ethical Slut, was written by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. Both women are practicing polyamorists. Having embraced this lifestyle in the 60s, Easton has lived the polyamorous lifestyle on an ongoing basis, even raising a child with her many different partners, some of who are more permanent than others.

She prefers to use the term ‘slut’ rather than polyamorous.

“We use that word very defiantly to open up people’s definitions of how powerful sexuality can be.”

They use the word slut to encompass all forms of open, honest and ethical sexuality, from swinging to open relationships to triads, quads and communities.

But how can we possibly love more than one person at once?

Most people do, at least at some point in their lives.

It's nice to see more and more media offering a basic explanation of polyamory.

Zambia Still Prosecuting Consenting Adults

CHAMBO NG’UNI reports at daily-mail.co.zm that authorities in Zambia are wasting efforts that could go to fighting child abuse as they are instead spent on prosecuting consenting adults for loving each other.

BERTHA Mwenda Chipapuka and her elder brother Mukuwa Nicholas Bulaya yesterday appeared before the Serenje Magistrate’s Court in which the charge of incest they are facing was explained to them.

Chipapuka, 35, and Bulaya, 38, have been married for 14 years and they have five children, with their first child being 13 years and the last aged 11 months.

And...? Why are they being prosecuted for living each other? Where is the harm?

Mr Chiluba informed Chipapuka that she was facing an offence of “incest contrary to Section 159(1) of the Penal code Chapter 87 of the Laws of Zambia as read with Act number 15 of 2003”.

It is alleged that between January 1, 2000 and December 29, last year in Serenje, Chipapuka had unlawful carnal knowledge of Bulaya, who to her knowledge is her biological brother.

Why is this a crime? It shouldn't be. I wonder who ratted them out? What will become of the children with their parents being forced apart and imprisoned?

Bulaya is also alleged to have had carnal knowledge of his immediate younger sister Chipapuka and he committed the offence between January 1, 2000 and December 29, 2013.

And who exactly is the victim? Since their names are different I'm wondering if they are half-siblings and if this is a case of  Genetic Sexual Attraction. Regardless, they have been together for a long time and their marriage has lasted longer than many others. What is the problem?

The article does not mention any problems with the children, and I'm sure that would have been mentioned if there were problems. This is another example of why we need full marriage equality in every country sooner rather than later. Although this is in Zambia, prosecutions like this happen in many places around the world, including the Americas, Australia, Europe, and Asia. Nobody should be discriminated against, let alone have to live in fear of prosecution, for loving other adults.

Solidarity From Kim LaCapria

Recently at the dailyglobe.com, Kim LaCapria had the piece "Is Polyamory The New Gay Marriage? I Hope So."

The angry response to this concept that is so intriguing manifested after xoJane published what appears to be a controversial post by Angi Becker Stevens, titled simply “My Big Polyamorous Wedding.” In it, Stevens explains her plans to marry her boyfriend of several years — but plot twist: she’s already married, and planning to remain wed to her first husband.


Now, xoJane is a site where most posters and commenters are feminist and “sex positive,” but the response was overwhelmingly negative in the comments section. A small level of grudging acceptance was often appended with a “I don’t really like this, but …”, and even that was rare. Most posts demonstrated a visceral level of discomfort, fear, or otherwise disapproving assessment of Stevens’ life. (A life, we might add, that all parties involved seem to have chosen happily.)

Some people consent to, and want, things other people do not want. Why is that so hard to understand?

She points out that people quite often approach romantic or sexual relationships differently than they approach anything else in life...

Force or coercion is generally considered to be poor form, and socially discouraged — but if partners are not on the same “marriage timeline” we are, we’re advised by nearly everyone to force their hand on the matter or bail, never to consider that the decision is heavy and one to be arrived at when both parties are comfortable.

And if you question these unshakeable tenets — that there are minefields full of dealbreakers, that it’s “a breakup because it’s broken,” that “he’s just not that into you,” that tactical plays are the best route — you’re seen in one of two ways. Females are repeatedly told that it’s about “self worth,” and are called “doormats,” while men are accused of being “commitment-phobic,” “manchildren,” or simply are labeled cads.

In our strangely unformed collective opinion, you’re either the player or the played, so best to be on the offensive — a proposition we imbue with the collateral of divorce, expensive jewelry, or simply punitive use of affection. As a standard!

As such, we’ve arrived in 2013 with a post-women’s lib society and an adversarial playing ground for love. Or, at its bare bones, we no longer need the “sexual economy” on which marriage was based for so long. And in the absence of the sex for security exchange, we cling to the bizarrely dated, long-obsolete truths of monogamous marriage like some old harvest sacrifice, adhering to superstition and divination to declare certain certainties for which there really is no hard and fast rule.

Again, it isn't true that every person wants exactly the same thing when it comes to relationships as everyone else. And that's OK!

She cites the negative comments left after the article, bashing polyamorous people.

It goes on — but the ambient theme in the discussion of polyamory vis a vis gay marriage is fear. Fear we will be forced to “share,” fear that the promised happy ending will look different than what we’ve seen on Pinterest, fear that, most of all, our commitments will be tested time and again rather than a foregone conclusion, a Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling kiss in the rain, a post-script to the story of how we “got” the guy or girl — as if a person were a thing to get.

It seems the question of whether polyamory is the next gay marriage is secondary to the real question — why does every major divergence from “one man, one woman” terrify us so intensely, and why do we continue to indulge the idea others’ choices disrupt or even threaten our own?

BINGO!

Gay marriage has, in reality, always existed. So has polyamory. It is just that we're no longer going to force everyone into a closet unless they stick with a narrow heteromonogamous stay-within-your-race mold. Those days are over. Good riddance! Get used to it.

True Tales of Polyamory

Polyamory is now a regular topic in media, it seems, and that's a good thing. At refinery29.com, Claire Litton-Cohn writes up "3 Fascinating and True Stories" of polyamory.

Every polyamorous relationship relies on open discussion of rules and boundaries; there is a running joke among poly people that you always spend way more time talking about your feelings than you do having sex with your multiple partners.

It can seem that way.

Story 1...

Karen is in her early 30s. She lives in Toronto with a male partner, whom she has been dating for over five years, and has a woman she considers her life partner, whom she has been close to for approximately three years. She also has other relationships, including a serious boyfriend who lives in the United States, and both her live-in partner and life partner have other relationships as well.

She says...

"There are a heap of benefits. Having the freedom to explore new feelings with people, being able to be honest with my partners and lovers (and allowing them to be honest with me), feeling like I'm connected to a web of love and care. There are also so many small moments of joy: cooking a meal for my partners or being excited to hear about a partner's new love."

Story 2...

Rina is an engineer in her mid-30s living in San Francisco. She was in a polyamorous relationship for five years with a married man that eventually ended after she realized that her partner's relationship with her was interfering with his stated desires to have children with his wife.

She says...

"I have yet to see anyone pull it off without major doses of drama and bulls--- and ego and pain." 

 That sounds like long-term intimate relationships in general.

Story 3...

Ben lives in New York and is in his late 20s. While he has been nonmonogamous with a partner, he has never been in a polyamorous relationship.

He says...

"Poly involves a lot of communication and scheduling, so much so that I'd think it'd be hard to even realize if you're in a relationship—or if you are, what is it? Perhaps the ambiguity of where things could go or progress or how to get more 'serious' would bother me."

You can read it all here along with comments. People are people, so for the most part, problems you might find in other relationships will be found in polyamorous ones. Some polyamorous relationships are closed, some are open. Some are good, some... not so much. People should be allowed their own path, and not forced into a narrow heteromonogamous mold.