It Has Been a Great Year

It has been quite the year, with much good news again this year and some not-so-good news. There has been so much progress and other things of note that this blog literally hasn't been able to cover everything. This is, after all, a labor of love, and not only do I not ask for monetary donations or feature advertisements, but I wouldn't accept any monetary donations.

If you really want to help, use the various ways in the column on the right and at the end of each posting to spread the message of this blog.

I will also gladly accept written and graphic submissions, provided they are topical and in keeping with the goals and tone of this blog. I will give you credit and a link, but no material or monetary compensation. You can reach me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com. I welcome your comments, so write me even just to say hello.

State by state (and sometimes county by county) the limited same-gender freedom to marry has been sweeping the US. There's a good chance that in 2015 the US Supreme Court will move further towards equality, though of course we want to see the Court rule decisively for nationwide full marriage equality.

More countries are adopting the limited same-gender freedom to marry, which is a good step, and more places are adopting other protections for LGBT people. Serious strides against abuse, especially gender or sexual orientation-based abuse, are being made.

LGBT people have been coming out in areas of professional sports and entertainment (such as County music) there the closet door used to be tightly shut.

Polyamory continues to rise in visibility and more polyamorists are networking and coming out, and more media helpful for people considering or exploring or just wanting to know about polyamory continues to be made available, and hopefully rights and protections will follow.


While we're still seeing prosecutions, there has been small victories in courts for consanguineous lovers and for step relations, and decriminalizing consanguinamory in more places is being discussed more and more. Consaguinamorous themes continue to pop up in pop media.

Progress is definitely being made. We're going to make it happen. We're going to make much of the world safe for, and supportive of, all people regardless of their Gender, Sexuality, and Relationship Diversities (GSRD.)

May the next year be one of equality, love, happiness, health, and prosperity.

A Happy New Year to all!

People Have Interesting Questions

Someone came to this blog by searching…

how do I get my wife to do incest with her brother

For most of the people I’ve interviewed, consanguinamory has been about a deep and strong connection with someone they love, someone they want to be with the rest of their lives. However, there are people who have various fantasies, turn-ons, or fetishes when it comes to consanguineous sex. Someone looking for ideas about how to get their wife to have sex with her brother might find the idea itself stimulating. People who want to see (or at least hear about) their partner being with another person aren't all that rare. That fantasy is a common one, in contrast to people who would never want to think about their partner being with someone else. Also, it isn’t rare for someone to find it arousing to have a threesome with partner and the partner’s sibling of the same gender (for example, how many men fantasize about having sisters/twins?) It is a little less common to want your partner to be with their different-gender sibling.

There might be different reasons someone would want that. Maybe they have their own experiences with siblings or want to, and so they either want their partner to experience the same thing (very strong sense of compersion) or to be open to the idea of them being with their own sibling. After all, if the wife is having sex with her brother then the person who did the search would, in theory, have an easier time negotiating with the wife about being with their own sibling.

Maybe the person who wants this wants the wife’s brother for a threesome experience or ongoing triad, and figures the easiest way to make that happen is to get the wife to start things up with her brother? There’s a chance the person simply wants a threesome with a(nother) male involved and figures the safest person to involve would be the wife’s brother.

So the WHY could be different things, and make no mistake, fantasies are a very different matter than actually doing something.

As far as HOW to make it happen, well, that can be complicated.

An Advocate For at Least Trying Polyamory

University of Cambridge student Katt Parkins gives "5 Reasons Everyone Should Try Polyamory." I'm not someone who thinks everyone will be happier in polyamorous relationships. I do think some people are better off in monogamous relationships and others are better off in no relationship at all. But I did want to share this piece of encouragement anyway, so those considering the possibilities could see what someone else has to say about the positives of at least trying polyamory.

It is good that this started off with pointing out that polyamory can take many forms.

1. Expecting one person to fulfill all of your needs and to never change or grow is unfair 

I think some monogamists do have such a mindset, but others realize that one other person is not going to be everything to them and that other person will change and grow, and they just take that as part of the territory.

3. If you fall in love with more than one person, you are not a freak, and you might not have to choose

I think that is very, very important. You are not a freak if you are in love with more than one person.

Go read the rest if it interests you.

Again, nobody should do anything with their body they don't want to. But if the only reason you don't want to do something is some external pressure, well, maybe that should be questioned.

DebateOut.com Covers Consanguinamory

A journalist by the name of Katie Dupere politely contacted me a little while back to invite me to participate in what has turned into this, a debate about consanguineous sex and relationships at debateout.com. The title is "Falling for Family: Should Consensual Incest Be Legal?"

There in input from Dr. Michael Brown, who gives an anti-equality view. Of course to Brown, all sex other than Christians in a heterosexual closed monogamous nonconsanguineous marriage is wrong, and if I had to guess I'd say his position is primarily based on his religion.

In saying consanguinamory should not be legalized, he says...

You don’t ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.

We have a pretty good idea why it was put up. And we have US states and countries where it is not criminalized and there haven't been problems as a result.

And it is so critically important that family members do not look at each other in a sexualized or romantic way. It opens the door for all kinds of abuse for children.

That's like saying heterosexual marriage opens the door for all kinds of abuse of children. After all, if a man can legally marry a woman, it will be easier for him to legally marry an underage girl, right? Well, no, not when we have other laws about minors and consent and such.

Then he threw in Discredited Argument #18 and statements like this...

There is something sacred within the family. There is something where children must feel safe with parents. Where parents must have a special view of their children as children.

None of that is changed when consensual adult sex is decriminalized.

If kids are raised separately and meet later in life and experience what some call Genetic Sexual Attraction, you really open a Pandora’s box.

So what are the problems? He doesn't say.

Factoring in Visibility

I remember when Roseanne Barr's character kissed Mariel Hemingway's character on network television. And then there was Madonna and Britney Spears kissing on television during a performance. In the first instance, it was part of a larger fictional storyline intended to break down prejudices. In the second, it was part of a live musical performance that was probably there to titillate. Both generated much reaction.

In recent years, the Kardashians (don't worry, that's the last time I'll mention them in this entry) have gotten much publicity for "incestuous" flirting via tweets and their television shows.

I bring these things up because much buzz was generated by contestants on the television talent contest show The X Factor (the British edition, I think), as the sisters had an "incestuous" kiss on-stage. See, for example, this report at dailystar.co.uk by Ash Percival with the headline "X Factor incest shock as sisters Blonde Electra share live lesbian snog" and the teaser intro "THE X Factor final was thrown into an incest controversy earlier tonight as sister double act Blonde Electra shared a kiss live on air."

Recreating Madonna and Britney Spears’ iconic kiss at the MTV VMAs in 2003, Jazzy and Ruby King shared a full-on snog leaving viewers open-mouthed.

But the kiss itself wasn't open-mouthed. See for yourself. Their lips are closed. People who have no sexual intent share kisses like this all of the time in some cultures and subcultures.

 

The story and reactions to it were also to be found at uk.celebrity.yahoo.com in this report by Stephanie Soteriou... 

A Sister Takes Questions on Reddit

Visibility is important. Even anonymous "visibility" is important, especially if it involves telling your story and answering questions in an effective way. Reddit is a place where that can happen. Here's an example where Noveranan did an AMA (Ask Me Anything.) It is titled "I was in an incestuous relationship with my brother."

Between the ages of 15 and 20 I was in a sexual relationship with my brother. You may ask me anything.

• Note that English is my third language. I'll try to keep my responses at least readable, though.

Edit: For a long time I was on the fence on whether I should post this or not. Now I'm really glad I did. The vast majority of you have been very respectful, and it's been great to get a lot of this stuff off my chest. I've talked more about it here over the last 24 hours than I probably have for the last nine years.
Many thanks to all who have participated, and if you have any other questions please don't hesitate to ask.

That was good to read.

LLment has a simple question...

Online Love: Why the Internet is a Crucial Venue for the LGBT Community

This is a freelance article submitted by Helen Tetlow. Contributing content to this blog is just  one of the ways you can help support full marriage equality.

Online Love: Why the Internet is a Crucial Venue for the LGBT Community

As more and more states across America move towards equal marriage for the LGBT community, without a doubt anyone can observe that the culture around relationships is changing. It may be too slow for some, and too fast for others – but people are beginning to accept that relationships are dynamic and diverse, and even the mainstream media is slowly opening up its eyes to the possibilities, giving a voice to relationships which are excluded from the heteronormative trope. Much of this can be attributed to the rise of LGBT culture on both a commercial and social scale, and inevitably the crucial relationship it holds with technology and the ability of social media to reach out and send a message, while uniting people in their beliefs. But the internet has done its fair share of deeply personal, life-changing events too – not the least of which has brought people together from all backgrounds to enjoy a lifetime of love.

Finding a Soulmate

Meeting individuals over the internet was once strongly stigmatized in western culture, and to a degree it continues to be so today. Indeed, it remains a place to take caution – just like the non-virtual world. Yet now, it is commonly accepted that couples have met over the net, whether it’s through an online dating site or a fan forum where mutual likes have led to happy matchings. From casual sex to lifelong friendships and intimate relationships, the online world has enabled people to find likeness with one another while focusing on personality (that isn’t to say that looks and social status are not capitalized upon, but merely that those seeking personality and character have a better venue to do so than in the non-virtual world to some degree). This also transcends ethnicities, cultures, orientation, class, gender, and national boundaries. For many, it has been the answer to finding that perfect soulmate, whether actively seeking one or not. For the LGBT community, it has been a huge asset where a large number of individuals have sought their partners.

Finding a Voice

Though things are changing, it can be still be difficult for members of the LGBT community to connect with one another. There are a few social situations where this is possible (provided one lives in a fairly cosmopolitan area) – the club scene, the cultural scene (such as literary circles, sports teams, women’s discussion groups etc.) and organizations within the larger community as well as smaller ones like those on the university campus. However, while most of these situations are inclusive, for some individuals they still do not present the same kind of venue in which people feel comfortable meeting someone special. In “mainstream” circles like the workplace and school, people might have a difficult time communicating that they are gay (not that there should be a need to) and finding out whether the person they are interested in (if any) is gay as well. And even once that common denominator is established, there are million other variants to consider before suggesting compatibility.

The online world has changed this immensely. LGBT individuals can meet for casual relationships, company, or a full-on relationship. These exist at an international and regional level, so not only can people enjoy learning about another lifestyle, but connect with people locally as well. Chat rooms and forums have provided another venue in which people can get to know one another, and overall, have a positive impact on people’s lives. People are able to bond over showing support for one another and in vulnerable communities this is vital. The diversity of the online world has expanded to become highly inclusive as well as specific – for instance, there are now supportive groups for LGBT individuals who have suffered abuse, or addiction – which is prevalent in some parts of the community because of the difficult circumstances which many gays face. For many, not only pulling through the recovery process but getting back into a “new norm” or lifestyle can be challenging, and finding someone to connect with who not only understands that process but may be going through it themselves can help that person reach their next milestone.

Now there are many ways in which people can reach out to one another in the online world, and for the LGBT community, it has been the only way for many individuals. As society becomes more accepting, mainstream media more inclusive, and LGBT people more confident, the online world will no longer be the only outlet for seeking a special someone. But it will remain a staple and as the lives and lifestyles of individuals get even busier and people want to cut to the chase and get to know someone with ease. As more and more people outside of the LGBT community also turn to the online world to connect, it’s clear that the internet is not only a place where people can feel solidarity with one another, but a place which is convenient in our fast-paced world.

Reunited and Loving Each Other For Years

If my recollection is correct, this is the fortieth ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.


The people in interview below are adults, people you might live next to see every day, in a consensual relationship with each other. Yet they face discrimination and prejudice for their love, having to hide the truth. They aren't hurting anyone; why should they have to hide and be denied their rights?


Read the interview below and see for yourself what they have to say. You may think their relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, but either way, should they be denied equal access to marriage?



*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your yourself.

Tony: I am a business owner with several offices.

Carla: I also am in the business with Tony.

Marriage Now, Marriage Forever?

Dr. Tammy Nelson wrote a piece found at huffintonpost.com about the current state of marriage and what the future holds for marriage and relationships.

Marriage, up until now, has been defined by five things:
One, being married to one person,

If we're talking about dominant US law. Not if we're talking globally, especially historically.

Two, marriage is between a man and a woman,

Again, in many places, yes.

Three, marriage meant that you were partners for a lifetime,

A lot of people have included that notion in their vows. Average lifespans used to be shorter, marriages were often business deals between families, and most people lived their entire lives in the same rural villages.

Four, marriage was a promise based on integrity as well as a legal contract and,

Pretty much, yes.

Five, marriage meant sexual fidelity to one person; forever.

Not if "fidelity" means "only have sex with." If you mean it was expected they would be ongoing sexual partners, then usually, yes, but that doesn't exclude other sexual partners.

More polyamorous couples are living in openly agreed to multiple partner relationships in this country than can fill the island of Manhattan. And that is only the people that openly identify as 'poly.' Some have this arrangement but do not care to call themselves 'poly' or check off the box when researchers come around to ask who the other partner is that's sleeping in the guest room.

There's something on which we definitely agree.

She goes on to write about divorce and cheating.

In the future, gay marriage will have been legal for decades. More arrangements between couples will include open marriages with sexual agreements, polyamory will be more common and perhaps even polygamy will be visited in the legal system.

Something else on which we agree.

We will judge less on sexual identity and more on how we treat one another.

Let it be so!

But we will always want a primary partner. It is a basic human propensity to fall in love, to have a special person, an "other, " someone with whom we feel a deeper, more spiritual connection.

But could we have this connection with many partners, not just one?

Of course we can.

I suppose there will always be some people who follow the model some people have been trying to force on everyone in the US: Find one stranger of the "opposite sex," and same race, date them, marry them, have kids with them, stay with the same partner for life, living in a "single family" residence. But we are also going to see more people who do not hide or avoid: having a relationship with a close relative, whether that is a genetic relative or step relative; having same-gender relationships; having interracial relationships; having polyamorous relationships, or couple up but swing or swap or have casual threesomes or casual partners; not having kids at all or raising kids with someone who isn't a sexual partner. To each their own. As long as they are all consenting adults, they should be free to have the relationships to which they agree.

Thin Walls Reveal Consanguinamory

Supporters of full marriage equality can help the cause by speaking up for relationship rights for all when the opportunities present themselves. One place where such opportunities can happen is in discussion forums. For example, I found this thread in the forum at womens-health.com. LisaW1991 got things kicked off by writing...

I live in an appartment next door to nice guy who's going to college. He has lived there for almost a year. Friendly guy who is single. He doesn't appear to have steady GF, but he does bring home girls occasionally and has sex. The walls are pretty thin, and I can hear them having sex. One girl that has been there several times has been his sister, and everytime she stays the weekend, its clear they have sex several times. I've met her and talked to her down at the pool, and they seem like an affectionate couple when are out in public, but he always introduces her to everyone as his sister.

Its really none of my business so I have not said anything to him about hearing them have sex through the wall, but sometimes I wonder if I should just so he knows. I've not said anything because hearing others have sex does not bother me, and I don't want make him feel he needs to hold back.

Thankfully, she didn't express prejudice about the situation, like we have seen with like situations before. Yes, we have seen people asking about hearing their sibling neighbors make love and wondering what to do.

Polygamy is Part of Marriage Equality

Someone named joels247 at thestudentroom.co.uk asked, "Are you a 'bigot' if you oppose polygamous marriage?" My answer is that some people oppose this freedom to marry because of bigotry. Some do so out of ignorance, and once they are informed, they may drop opposition or cling to bigotry.


Dougie93 is an ally...

In my personal opinion marriage is not about religion, it's not about the state and it's not about society - they don't matter - marriage is about the union of two (or more) people who love each other. That's what matters. If I want to marry a guy then I should be able to marry a guy - no quibble. I'm a human. I love him. Is it illegal to be gay? No? Okay Let me marry him.


Same case for polygamy - do those three people love each other, yes? Is it illegal to love more than one person? Nope (Polygamy marriages from abroad are recognised by the state) - Let them marry. Let them be happy.

najinaji is an ally, too...

In response to your question, I do believe that opposing anything that is no one else's business is biogtry. If three or more people all wish to marry each other, I don't see what is so objectionable about that.

Any excuse I saw offered to justify the denial of the polygamous freedom to marry used one of the Discredited Arguments. Once people have been informed and considered the matter away from knee-jerk reactions, they realize there is no good reason to deny the polygamous freedom to marry as part of full marriage equality.