Are You Experienced in Consanguinamory, or An Ally? Join the Network

There is a growing supportive network for people who are in, or have been in, consanguinamorous relationships, and their allies.

Despite how common these experiences and relationships are, people often feel alone, and sometimes they are very reluctant to reach out, or their lover or lovers do not want them to reach out for fear of persecution, prosecution, or some other negative result. However, there are many of us who would like to be in contact with you and will keep your confidence, as we've done for so many others, including these folks. So whether you have been involved, know someone who has, or are an ally who doesn't even know who around you has been involved, please reach out.

I will list other places and people below. If you want to get in contact with me, you can do so by writing me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com or contacting me on Facebook or on Twitter or on Tumblr.

We have a Public group on Facebook, I Support Full Marriage Equality, where you can find many friendly people even if you don't join the group, which is about ALL adult relationships.

Jane has a great blog and Tumblr and podcast. If you do nothing else and do not want to be in contact on an ongoing basis, please at least fill out Jane's survey.

The Final Manifesto blogspot is a great blog to bookmark and follow for general marriage equality issues, including those dealing with consanguinamory, and there's the related Tumblr, too.

Cristina has Consanguinamory Lily's Gardener and the related Tumblr, Consanguinamory, and this Wordpress blog.

This Tumblr is by a woman who met her half brother and experienced GSA.

Also on Tumblr is A Blog on Consanguinamory.

Another Consanguinamory blog is here and Supporting Consanguinamory is here.

A supportive Tumblr also called Consanguinamory is here.

Author Diane Rinella has written some remarkable novels dealing with this subject, and she's written many other good things, too. Here's her page on this subject.

Join Kindred Spirits, a free, supportive forum, for serious discussions of the issues surrounding consanguinamory.

So, bookmark, follow, join, and send messages as appropriate to join this network. You're not alone, and you can make a difference!

If I've missed your blog, forum, website, or other media or social media account that treats consanguinamorous people with respect, let me know.

Would You Like to See Lesbian Consanguinamory on Game of Thrones?

Even if you don't watch Game of Thrones, which is back for another season, you may have heard that there are characters who are brother and sister in a consanguinamorous relationship, which is good because it is getting people talking about consanguinamory. I forget if this is something that's different from the written source material or carried over from it. Either way, actress Sophie Turner, who portrays Sansa, made an interesting suggestion recently, as reported at ew.com by James Hibberd...

So we asked Sophie Turner who in Westeros or Essos is Sansa’s ideal romantic match. And the X-Men: Apocalypse star suggested her character should try something entirely new.

“In the GoT universe, I think she’s going to have to swing the other way – because the men thing isn’t working for her,” Turner told EW while on the set of season 6 in the video above. “Judging by Sansa’s relationship with Margaery … probably Margaery.”

A lesbian relationship would be good. But it could get even better.

But Turner then jokingly threw in another suggestion for Sansa, one that’s arguably even more debauched than the hook-ups we’ve previously seen on Thrones: That Sansa should have a love scene with her kid sister.

“Or [Sansa could hook up with] Arya – because I’d like to see that happen,” Turner said, laughing. “I’d love a love scene between Arya and Sansa.”

Why call it debauched? And why does it have to be a joke? Relationships have been in our stories for all of human history and exist in life. Unfortunately, at huffingtonpost.com, Cole Delbyck calls the idea "more troubling." Why? Is the character too young? "Love scene" implies, you know, love and sex, not abuse or child molestation. The actress who plays her is 19, but I know adult actors often play minors. I don't know who is considered and adult in the fictional world that the show depicts. It is good for media to get people thinking and talking about both affectionate relationships and abuse, and about the differences between those two things and how consenting adults should be free to be together however they mutually agree.

I'd be interested in hearing from people who watch the show.

Keeping Your Heart Warm in North Dakota

It was good to see that wday.com ran something by Amy Unrau on polyamorous people in the Fargo-Moorhead area of North Dakota. As we like to point out, polyamorous people are everywhere.

The polyamorous community is now reaching out, showing that they are here, should be accepted and that it's more common than you may think.

Good! A married couple is depicted.

“Yes, I have played wingman for my husband. It's a thing.”

Of the many potential advantages of polyamorous is having such good help in approaching a new potential partner. For example, if you're a man who is trying to approach a woman, having another woman vouch for you and observe the interaction to see if you're missing signals, you're more likely to make a connection.

Each currently has five relationships, a dynamic they're open with in their church where Ashton teaches Sunday school, with their family and friends and with their young daughter Haven.

“She doesn't know anything more about our love life than she would if we were monogamous,” said Ashton.

With the unique family dynamic, Haven has had to explain it to friends.

“I just say one person loves more than one person that's not in the family,” said Haven.

For their situation, that's a good explanation.

As a once monogamous married man, Andrew has made polyamorous activism his passion with the recent creation of a group called PolyAware.

He estimates about 1,000 people in Fargo-Moorhead are polyamorous and he wants others who are interested to know there is a place to learn more and feel accepted.

It's good to have placed to turn.

In the next few months, Polyaware plans to expand their group to Grand Forks because of interest.

In the meantime, they hold a presentation every fourth Sunday of the month at the pride center in Fargo.
Anyone, whether you’re interested in a polyamorous lifestyle or just want to learn more, can attend.

We have information here.

Thanks to wday.com for running that!

Are Genetic Studies Revealing Consanguinamory is Common?

Someone commenting on this blog linked to this article at nature.com from the European Journal of Human Genetics, to which I only subscribe for the annual swimsuit issue. But seriously, the article is extremely technical. Those of you who are somewhat educated in the sciences, especially Biology in general or genetics in particular, may be able to decipher what's being said, but I think I understand what the Abstract said.

Abstract

Copy neutral segments with allelic homozygosity, also known as regions of homozygosity (ROHs), are frequently identified in cases interrogated by oligonucleotide single-nucleotide polymorphism (oligo-SNP) microarrays. Presence of ROHs may be because of parental relatedness, chromosomal recombination or rearrangements and provides important clues regarding ancestral homozygosity, consanguinity or uniparental disomy. In this study of 14 574 consecutive cases, 832 (6%) were found to harbor one or more ROHs over 10 Mb, of which 651 cases (78%) had multiple ROHs, likely because of identity by descent (IBD), and 181 cases (22%) with ROHs involving a single chromosome. Parental relatedness was predicted to be first degree or closer in 5%, second in 9% and third in 19%. Of the 181 cases, 19 had ROHs for a whole chromosome revealing uniparental isodisomy (isoUPD). In all, 25 cases had significant ROHs involving a single chromosome; 5 cases were molecularly confirmed to have a mixed iso- and heteroUPD15 and 1 case each with segmental UPD9pat and segmental UPD22mat; 17 cases were suspected to have a mixed iso- and heteroUPD including 2 cases with small supernumerary marker and 2 cases with mosaic trisomy. For chromosome 15, 12 (92%) of 13 molecularly studied cases had either Prader–Willi or Angelman syndrome. Autosomal recessive disorders were confirmed in seven of nine cases from eight families because of the finding of suspected gene within a ROH. This study demonstrates that ROHs are much more frequent than previously recognized and often reflect parental relatedness, ascertain autosomal recessive diseases or unravel UPD in many cases.

Taking a closer look...

"Parental relatedness was predicted to be first degree or closer in 5%, second in 9% and third in 19%"

Now, "parental relatedness" being "first degree" means someone's genetic parents were parent and child or full siblings. That's for 5% of the population, or, 1 out of every 20 people.

"Second degree" means uncle and niece, aunt and nephew, grandparent and grandchild or half-siblings. That's 9%, or almost 1 out of every 10 people having such parentage.

"Third degree" means first cousins or some similar distance. That 19%, or nearly 1 out of every 5.

"This study demonstrates that ROHs [regions of homozygosity] are much more frequent than previously recognized and often reflect parental relatedness..."

Unless I'm reading that wrong, these scientists are saying more people in the population have close relatives for parents than previously thought.

It is important to remember that these do not all reflect CONSENSUAL (to be redundant) sex. At least some are, no doubt, the result of rape. Still, the indication is that...

1) A significantly large percentage of the population has genetic parents who are first cousins or closer, and most of them do not have severe genetic problems, or a whole lot more people would have such problems;

2) Even if we only count consensual relationships that are producing children (and we know that many consanguineous relationships don't because either they can't or choose not to), there's a lot of consanguinamory going on out there.

Sister Wives is Back

Are you watching "Sister Wives" or have you watched it in the past? Lauren at realitytea.com has a very detailed recap of the start of the new season.

As we've noted, polygamy, and the wider spectrum of polyamory, looks different with different people. Some viewers are unavoidably going to watch shows like this and conclude that "This is how is how polygamy is."

For some people, it is.

But polygamy is more than polygyny, and even polygynous relationships are different in different families.

This is one situation.

This is one situation presented literally through a lens that limits our perspective.

Your mileage may vary. (Sorry, I don't know if there is an equivalent saying with kilometers.)

I'm glad the show is raising awareness, especially since the Browns have challenged the ridiculous law in Utah criminalizing polyfidelity.

We Get Letters Depicting Diverse Experiences

You can comment on the entries of this blog, and as long as your comment isn't full of pointless hate, or certain profanities, too-explicit descriptions of sexual activity, or endorsement of abuse, your comment will probably get printed (unless you ASK for it to NOT be printed so you can use it as a form of communication with us.) You can also email fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com to reach us.



WARNING: Although I have edited these submissions, some readers may still find them too sexually explicit for their tastes.

Another Couple Who Would Marry If They Could

If my recollection is correct, this is the 47th ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. [Bumped up this entry for Mother's Day.]

The man interviewed below is articulate and clearly able to consent to his relationship. He and his lover should be free to decide whether or not to legally marry. Yet they could be criminally prosecuted and face other forms of discrimination if the wrong people found out about their relationships. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights?

Read the interview below and see for yourself what he has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it incredibly sexy, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?



***BE WARNED that the discussion gets a bit explicit in some places.***


*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Tom: My name is Tom and I am 23. I work in a professional job and live in the UK. I am in a relationship with my mother who is 47. We have a loving and fulfilling relationship. The sexual part of our relationship has developed gradually over the last four years or so. I am an only child so we are each other’s only immediate family.

I would say that I am a normal looking 23-year-old, of average height and build with dark hair, which I share with mother. She is a little shorter than me. She is attractive, although she believes she is too thin. She keeps her hair long but she worries that she is beginning to go a little grey. None of that matters to me. The physical attraction between us is genuine and we love each other. That is more important.

People would probably consider us to be middle class. By that I mean that we live fairly comfortably. We are ordinary people in the way we that we live day to day and the things that we do with our lives. The only thing that other people might find remarkable about us is our relationship. A close friend of my mother’s is the only person that knows about us. We live very privately and are not the sort of people who would look to push our relationship onto others.

Mother's Day This Sunday

Happy Mother's Day Weekend to all mothers out there, especially mothers who face discrimination, persecution, and even prosecution for loving one or more other adults, and the mothers who've stood by their children who've faced bigotry for being who they are and loving who they do.

We're making progress. Hang in there and continue to care for your loved ones.

If you have plans for an interesting Mother's Day or end up having an interesting Mother's Day and you think our readers will want to hear about it, do tell! Sons and daughters.... any special plans?

I include those who've "adopted" mother figures, especially if you've done so because your own mother is no longer with us or was not a supportive person. Almost all of us have a mother in our life, even if that mother isn't officially family.

Fifteen Years Along and Still Fantasizing

Our friend Louisa Leontiades answered a letter at louisaleontiades.com that is of interest to this blog.

Dear Louloria,

I was reading your post last week on jealousy mimicking childhood patterns, and it really resonated with me – especially since I’m also an adoptee! I wanted your opinion on the correlation and confusion between nurturing and sexuality from a 41 yr old man who never received maternal nurturing growing up.

Once I met met my biological mother at 26, I began to fantasize about both from her. How can I learn to nurture myself and seek out and receive nurturing from platonic relationships without getting caught in the torturous and guilt ridden fantasy of turning it sexual? Thanks,

Mr. Having Confusion About Intimacy 

Here's our shortest answer: Why feel guilty about the fantasies? They've been going on for fifteen years. What harm have they done?

There are several things going on here. We'll stick to the possible Genetic Sexual Attraction.

Let's see what the actual answer was when it related to the issues of this blog.

Surely this is exclusive to adoptees! Well no. Any situation where a child grows up with few genetic mirrors may encounter what is commonly known as genetic sexual attraction (GSA) if they meet relatives as adults (it has many more effects which I can’t cover in a paragraph).

It can also happen to someone who is raised with genetic family and later meets or is reunited with a close genetic relative.

Note that although it is called Genetic Sexual Attraction, I believe (in company with Joe Soll, adoption therapist) that it is simply ‘genetic attraction’ – a hunger to connect with those who look like you, which is more likely to turn ‘sexual’ when we–like you–confuse the need for nurture with the need for sexual intimacy. Once more, there is absolutely no need for guilt. In fact guilt will prove counterproductive in helping you deal with this.

We're in agreement there.

I recommend you explore your feelings in GSA support groups and in forums of which there are many around the web. Don’t repress your feelings as they will never get dealt with that way, find a safe space to express them.

It might be good to try Kindred Spirits.

So much for the myth that the feelings will go away.

There's nothing problematic about having fantasies, unless those fantasies keep you from functioning. Acting on those fantasies might not be a problem, either. Everyone needs to figure that out for themselves.