Making a Mark

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The man interviewed below should be free to legally marry his lover, yet they can't, and they could be imprisoned and have their lives ruined if they were outed to the wrong people. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, including all but a a few US states, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this man has to say. You may think his relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?


WARNINGS: Mildly explicit sexuality.


*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Mark: I’m a thirty-something white male. I live on the outskirts of a big city in Switzerland. I have no kids or siblings. I think I'm middle class; I can afford to treat myself, and mom, to some niceties of life, but don't own a yacht or a Ferrari. I'm an avid cyclist, downhill skier and love photography. I'm a member of a handball team and earn my living as an engineer.  I like to think that I'm liked and respected by my peers.  Although I do enjoy good company, I'm not a party animal. 


FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation... are you heterosexual, bisexual, what? Are you a monogamist, polyamorist, or....?

I consider myself a heterosexual male, admittedly with some bi-curiousness, but so far never acted on it. I'm basically a monogamist but open to a more inclusive arrangement.

FME: You currently live with...?

I live with my mother.

FME: This is a mother and son sexual relationship? Are you biological mother and son?

We are in a sexual relationship. We are biological mother and son. 

FME: What was your childhood like? What was family life like? Were alternative lifestyles/sex discussed in your family, and if so, how? Can you describe your sexual awakening?

At first, my childhood was carefree and wonderful. I loved my mom, adored my dad. I don't recall ever talking about alternative life styles with my parents. I was a normal kid growing up until one day, my little world imploded.
Out of the blue, dad left and never came back. Perhaps there were signs, but I was too young to pick up on them. Mom was devastated, too. 

I was eleven at the time and didn’t understand what I had done that dad didn't want me anymore. Of course mom tried to reassure me that it wasn't my fault. We did get professional help, but I ended up with abandonment issues. 

I took it very hard.

Not sure what was harder for mom: being abandoned by her husband or having a kid with abandonment issues. 

As far as my sexual awakening, for the most part it was likely simply reaching the age where my hormones kicked in and the opposite sex looked so darn appetizing. Here I must add that my sexual interest, my curiosity, was directed at mom. Not that I thought about having intimate relations with her, but simply by also seeing her as a woman, a sexual person. To be more specific, I did look when she got dressed, changed, etc. Not overtly, but there was a feeling of arousal. At the time I didn't really understand those feelings. 

FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship? Was it a sudden event or a gradual process? Did you know ahead of time it was going to turn sexual or was it more spontaneous? Is it clear who made the first move? When did you notice an attraction? Was there a clear initiator?

For me it was gradual. I was around 13 when the close proximity to my mother started to arouse me.
Bed time for us was the time when we talked to each other in an open and frank way. The busy day behind us, it was time talk. Not that we did not talk otherwise, but it became a tradition, perhaps more of habit to talk about the intimate side of life just before we went to sleep.
By intimate I mean all the making sense of the feelings a young teenager tries to deal with. She asked me about all the private details of my life. Things that boys often keep hidden from their parents. Basically the big topic of sex was discussed. I never felt embarrassed about it. I knew I could always ask questions about anything and mom would tell me to the best of her knowledge. For instance one night we talked about women's periods, what girls like in boys, how to woo a girl. Some answers were very objective - facts are fact - other were somewhat subjective; not all girls behave in a certain way. It was really good for me. Many myths I heard on the street were dispelled.

\At some point my thoughts drifted into having sex with a girl, a woman. At first it was not well defined who that girl was, just any female really. But more and more those thoughts saw my mom as the object of my desires. Not sure if object of my desires is the right word. I more and more got aroused by the physical closeness, by seeing her in various stages of undress, but I never could quite imagine ever having sex with her. In fact I could not yet really imagine to have sex in real life. It was something so new, so impossible, or simply my juvenile insecurities. I imagine I was no different than my peers, other than perhaps starting to see my own mother as a sexual being, as a woman who would arouse me.
We’d cuddle and fall asleep. It was in those days that I first started to touch her breasts, while I thought she was fast asleep. I’d even rub my erection on her thighs, through clothing. This went on for some time. This was also the time I started masturbating, turned away from mom, but still did it beside her. 
This went on for about a year. This did by no means happened every night, but it became more and more frequent. Then one day, when I had one of my erections, I could feel mom snuggling up to me, reaching for my erection with her hand and asking me, “Is that what you would like mom to do?" She started to stroke me gently. I didn't know what to say. I was confused, scared and excited the whole time. Turns out she didn't nap as soundly as I had thought in the past month since I had started to touch her in sexual ways. 
She had been keenly aware of what was going on. I can't quite remember how long it took me to ejaculate, but it wasn't very long. Never had someone else touched my penis, and most certainly not stroke it.
This, too, went on for a few months. Then one day, my erection eagerly awaiting her hand, she instead pulled me on top of her and guided my erection into her.
With her hands now on my butt, she directed the rhythm of my moves, my strokes. 
"It's OK, just come when you are ready to do so.” Those are the words I remember. It didn't take that long for me to ejaculate, but I thought I had just died and gone to heaven. 

FME: Can you tell us more about your feelings?
It was incredible. I felt on top of the world. I just had sex for the first time, and nothing could compare to it. My feelings were those of elation, happiness and a deep, deep love for my mom. 
The day after, I don't think I ever stopped smiling. I had no second thoughts, no feelings of wrong or disgust, not in the least. It was a very positive experience for me. 

FME: Before this had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together?

Until mom invited me to make love to her, I never thought about intimate family relations.

FME: How do you describe the sex now? Taboo? Natural? Especially erotic? Some people say familial eroticism is inherently kinky, but I have found that for many it doesn't feel kinky.

It feels as natural as anything. Of course, our intimacies are kept secret. Nobody knows. I do think you could call it especially erotic. 

Mom does encourage me to go out and find a girlfriend in my own peer group. I have had sexual relations with some of said group and the sex was in times very hot, other times less so. But the special bond I share with my mom does make our sex especially erotic. Does it make it especially erotic because we are related or because mom is a fantastic lover? That is some food for thought. I don't think it is especially erotic because we do something taboo. It is more because we know each other so well, we know what gets us all fired up. With mom I have had the best sex of my life. 

But projecting forward, and should I ever get married to someone of my peer group, I can imagine that sex with that person could grow into something just as special. At least I would hope it could happen. 
Kinky? Yes, our sex can be very kinky.  It is not that fact that we are mom and son that makes it kinky, but the sex acts we choose to engage in are what I think makes our sex so kinky. Of course kinky is a subjective term. For some people oral sex is considered kinky, for others that is just part of the regular sex play. 

FME: Describe your relationship now. Is this a marriage, a union, girlfriend and boyfriend, what? Are the roles of lovers and mother-son distinct or are they inseparable at this point? How long have you been together?

We are mother and son. She made that quite clear some time ago. Her reasoning was, first of all, that's what we are and she did not want me to worry about her as far as my own life goes. She wanted me to finish my education, follow my dreams, even if it in times did not include her. As spouses you plan the future together, perhaps miss out on an opportunity if it does not suit the family. She insisted that I forge my own way in life. No matter what, she will always be my mother, but not my wife. 

Having said that, we do play the husband and wife part in times. Occasionally we take a vacation together. When away from home, we can display our affection publicly. I do refer to her as my wife in restaurants or the hotel, but  again, that is only temporary, while away from home. I very much like to refer to her as my wife. I very much would love to be able to show the world how close our bond really is.  

Also at home, when the sex so dictates, I call her by her name rather than mom. For certain things her name is more appropriate rather than her title. Also when away as "husband and wife" I refer to her by her name.
We have distinct roles as mother and son, certainly, for the outside world. I do have my circle friends, she has hers. I have my hobbies, she has hers. Once we close the door to our apartment,  we become us: lovers, friends, equals. 
We’ve been sexually involved with each other coming up to 18 years. Here I must say we haven't lived together all this time. Once I finished my education, job opportunities took me away from home and I had my own apartment, my life away from her. Here I must say though, Switzerland isn't such a big country, so we regularly visited each other, roughly every other weekend. 
We bought a house together. It has an upstairs dwelling and a "warehouse" on the ground floor. Our plan, in progress, is to turn the warehouse bit into two dwellings, two apartments. The idea is that we will both have our own place, should the situation ever call for it. But for now, we live upstairs together. The sex is as good as ever.

FME: Is this a monogamous relationship? Do you swing or play with other lovers?

It is monogamous in the sense that together we don't swing or play with others. Separately, we have both had other partners. As mentioned, mom is still my mom and wants me to start my own family, if I so choose. I think she wants grandkids!
Hence her insistence that I'm not her husband, but her son and lover. She too has had a few gentlemen calling, but it has never turned into a permanent relationship. 

FME: What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?

We keep the roles as lovers very far away from others. No one in in our family or outside knows about it. If anyone does, nobody has mentioned a word. The steps we take, the rules we have are simple. Mom-son when with others. Mom-son during the regular day. Lovers when we are alone, or far away from home.

FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers? Especially between mother and son?

For the most part, hiding the true nature of our intimacy has gone quite well.  Having said that, it can be at times quite frustrating having to act the part. The part of "only" the son and not let the "lover" part shine through. Let’s just say we always have to be on our best behavior. No inappropriate touching or kissing, not even holding hands while in public. But it has always been that way and we are used to it. I must admit that there was a period in my late teens where I pushed the envelope a bit. It was a time when, at times, would touch mom in ways a son is not allowed, as per societal norm, to touch his mom. But always being the one with the sober thoughts, mom gave me a bit of a lecture. It had all to do with jeopardizing our private relations should we ever get caught. What made up for not being able to treat her like a girlfriend in public was the sex when behind closed doors. 
The advantages of a relationship like ours? Apart from the sex, it's just an understanding we have with or for each other. We are much closer as mother and son than any of my friends, as far as I can gauge it. We are completely open with each other. At first, of course, I always sought guidance from her. But as I matured, she also has sought guidance from me; guidance or advice in all matters of life, be that emotional or practical. 

FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other?

Hmm, was I preying on my mother? She had the upper hand and could have told me off anytime. Was she preying on me? God no, if anything, she was answering my prayers. I fully realize that such situations can be abusive ones. But this is not what we are discussing here. 
As far as consent goes, I was the one who lusted after her, I was the one wanting to somehow be sexual with her long before she gave me the green light. I think I was able to consent to my own feelings. I could have said anytime that I did not wish to proceed any further with our sexual relationship. In fact mom brought up that very discussion on a regular basis. My biggest fear was always that she did not want to continue.
What would I say to a critic of our arrangement or situation? My mother has made me the man I am today. Her contributions have helped me become a well-adjusted and contributing member of society. My mom has taught me just about everything I know. She has taught me to be a wise shopper, she has taught me how to do laundry and iron my cloth afterwards. She has taught me how to handle money wisely. She has taught me the value of a good education, and to use my head and stand for what I believe in. In other words, she has prepared me for the big world out there.

But most of all, I'd like to use the analogy of cooking to illustrate my point. From a young boy who at one time managed to make toast and boil wieners, she has turned me into a gourmet cook. Well, a guy who loves cooking and knows a thing or two about it.

Once she felt she could trust me with a knife and the kitchen stove, she made it her mission to elevate my cooking skills to new heights. Luckily she found someone in me willing and eager to learn. First, she showed me how to make the hot dogs, the wieners more interesting by adding various condiments. Then she showed me how to prepare eggs, how to grill a steak, and kept raising the bar. Soon enough, we looked at cookbooks and wanted to create what we saw on one of the many images. Yes there were setbacks, some failures for we did experiment, sometimes deviating from the recipe in order to make it our own, but the end result is people, friends, love coming over for a gourmet meal. We now like to have a special gourmet night at least every fortnight or more often if time permits. Often it is just for the two of us. Eating can be  a very sensual, at least for us, and is almost akin to an evening of foreplay. 
But what do I say to mom-son critics? Well, she made me the cook I am, and everybody loves the results. Yes women too are quite impressed, so why can mom not make me the lover I have become? She shaped and molded me into who I am. Why is sex out of bounds? Whom does it hurt? At the beginning of our sexual relations, I entered her very green, and did not even think about her pleasure, what she might get of it. But as it continued, she raised the bar, showed me what love making can be all about for those participating. 
Why are so many young men and women disappointing each other when first starting out? Because they weren't schooled properly in the art of sex. 
Just like any other skill, sex is something that is learned. Traditionally, the older generation has always taught the younger one. So why is sex such a taboo when it comes to passing on the skills? 

FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you? Or is this a different kind of relationship than that?

The thought has crossed my mind. But realistically speaking, I don't think this could ever happen even if laws were in place that protect such unions or marriages. What needs to change is the attitude of the general public. 

Many jurisdictions allow same sex couples to get married. But gay-bashing and/or discrimination still happens in the same jurisdictions. 

For us, as mentioned previously, we are happy with our mom-son roles. We make it work for us, and knock on wood, so far it has all gone well.

FME: What advice do you have for someone who wants to be with their relative, especially mother or son? 
If you both feel strongly about it, go for it. Get over your hang ups, if any, and give it a try. Decide on your own limits or boundaries and enjoy each other. 

FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other? 
Never judge anyone till you have walked a mile in their shoes. Desire, love, passion and sex knows no boundaries. Anybody is capable of it. What does it matter who the people are as long as those feelings are reciprocated by the person they are meant for?

FME: Do you consider yourself consanguinamorous in orientation? Or could you be happy with unrelated lovers?

I wasn't aware that there is such an orientation. I had to give this some thought. My answer would be no, as I don't really think of other family members as potential mates. 
Just struggling a bit with this answer; the more I think about it, the less defined the lines become. 
Let's just say, I could be very happy with unrelated lovers. Other than my mom, all my lovers have been unrelated. Having said that, there are relatives that I find very attractive. There are relatives I could see myself having sex with. But do I see myself as consanguinamorous in orientation or do I just not have that "anti-consanguinamorous" gene because of the nature of the relationship with my mom? 
Let me put it this way, I don't have any taboos about sex within the family, but I certainly could be happy with a person outside the family. Just because it has worked so well with my mom does not mean it would work just as well with another family member, should it ever occur.

FME: Any plans for the future?

In the short or shorter term, we will finish the house, then have two suites we can rent out that will help paying the bills. The thought behind this has also always been, should our circumstances change, should I ever start my own family that mom moves into one of the suites and I stay with my new family in the dwelling we occupy presently. At this point in time, there are no fixed dates or plans for that. In other words, our current arrangement suits us both quite well and I'm not in a hurry to change any of it. If of course we lived in Utopia, I'd love to have a wife who approves of my relationship with my mom, perhaps even enjoys having mom join us in our nightly activities. I know, I know, that is just wishful thinking. I even wonder if any women who knew that I'm involved with mom would not just walk away in disgust. The real world will likely never understand these special relationships.

*****

Clearly, these lovers are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone, practically married in every way except the law, and yet they can't even exercise their basic human right to marry, even though they are living as spouses. They are happy and in love, yet they are denied that fundamental right to marry. They can't even be open about their love!

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.
If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.
Thank you to Mark for doing this interview! We wish you well in your consanguinamorous intergenerational relationship.