Physical Security for Consanguinamorous Couples

...and triads, etc.

U.N. Owen is back as a guest blogger. Yes, we accept submissions.

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Consang couples face the same risk of mugging and home invasion that Regular couples do. It's not a pleasant thing to say, but they face an additional risk of mob violence. At least one couple I'm aware of was physically assaulted, blackmailed, and threatened with deadly force in their home by a group of violent thugs after they were outed to same. This occurred in the southern US several years ago. I have a credible (though secondhand) account of this incident, which I have shared with Keith.

In better days when we have equality, we won't have this risk, at least not as much. But we are not in better days yet. And home invasions will still happen. 

So I'd like to suggest that couples take reasonable and prudent measures to protect themselves. I'm not advocating that we live in fear, just with reasonable caution and prudent preparation.

The first, and best, option is simply to make sure that it never happens. Never reveal your love to anyone who might out you, either to the police or to anyone else. Trust others only when you are absolutely sure you can, and limit that to only those who need to know.

The second best option, if you are attacked, is to escape. If you don't fight, you won't be hurt. There is no benefit to being macho in this situation, and you are not a coward if you can run away from trouble. Famous self-defense experts like Massad Ayoob agree on this.

Third best is to prep to survive an attack, whether from a home invasion or a mob. Take additional prudent measures to secure your home. Most people already know about deadbolt locks, solid outer doors, alarms, dogs, and the like. Additional security measures can be taken, such as setting up a "safe room" inside your home and especially where you sleep. There are a lot of Internet resources on securing your home. Google is your friend.

Whether you arm yourself is your personal choice, at least in places that allow you to. If you do, please be sure to get trained by a certified trainer, practice regularly, and handle your arms safely.

I'd appreciate your comments about what steps you have taken to protect yourselves and your home from violent intruders.

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Thanks, U.N. Owen. These are excellent considerations.

When people are criminalized for loving other consenting adults, they are easy targets for real crimes, because predators know that the victims will be reluctant to go to law enforcement authorities.

As pointed out, any good self-defense expert or instructor will say that the best way to defend yourself is to not get into a fight in the first place. Avoid attacks. De-escalate. Run.

Avoiding trouble in the first place is better than having to deal with trouble, but sometimes there isn't a choice. Keeping that closet door closed and moving somewhere that you're not known as genetic/blood relatives can do much to protect you. Especially if you're going to live together, you might want to keep people who knew you from tracking you down by purchasing your residence via a revocable trust. A good lawyer and help you set that up. A revocable trust makes it much more difficult for someone to find your address of residence.

International Consanguinamory Day

April 28, 2018 is the first Annual International Consanguinamory Day.

It is a day to celebrate and raise awareness about consanguinamory, consauinamorous relationships, and consanguinamorous people. It is important for people to know:

• They know people who are consanguinamorous, perhaps people they love and admire.
• Consanguinamorists exist in every demographic, race, class, and population and always have.
• Consanguinamory is in your genealogy.
• Consanguinamorists face prejudice, harassment, discrimination, even criminalization and murder simply for being who they are and loving other consenting adults.
• We are going to ensure that people of all genders, sexual orientations, and relationship orientations, including consanguinamorous people, have their rights sooner rather than later.

Consanguinamorous people and allies are welcome to join Kindred Spirits for support and opportunities to help others. If you’re consanguinamorous, you’re not alone!

UPDATE: Jane’s celebrating.

April 27 is the National Day of Silence in the US

GLSEN's National Day of Silence is today, Friday, April 27.

It's a day of silence, especially in schools, to bring awareness to the prejudice, inequality, and bullying suffered by LGBTQ people.

Along with all allies, I also think poly people and consanguinamorous people should participate.

Everyone should have the freedom to be themselves without being bullied. Every adult should have the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with ANY and ALL consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. Young people should be free to develop relationships, as appropriate for their age, with their peers without being forced into a narrow heteromonogamous paradigm. Transgender, genderfluid, intersex, nonbinary, gender nonconforming, and other students and faculty need to see that they are supported.

LGBTQ, poly, and consanguinamorous students and faculty still have to deal with hateful policies and attacks, but with your help, that will continue to change.

To Our Lesbian Sisters: We See You

Today, April 26 is Lesbian Day of Visibility.

Lesbians, or gay women, are everywhere, and they should have their rights to be themselves NOT be pressured into a heterosexual model of relationships. They should not be pressured to look or present themselves a certain way to "fit in."

A lesbian, like anyone else, should be free to not be in a relationship at all, or to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Lesbians are valuable members of society, and always have been, making positive contributions in every area of life.

We see you!!!

Student Seeking GSA Couple for Interview

Hi Everyone!  My name is Steven Ezra, and I am a nursing student at the Borough of Manhattan Community College in NYC.  Formerly, I was a professional dancer and now I am a father to a 2 year old daughter. 

I am seeking an interview with a GSA couple for a non-biased research paper for my developmental psychology paper.  I am willing to drive to any location within 100 miles of NYC and would be very interested to hear your story.  If anyone would be willing to share their story with me, please contact me at anytime - steven.ezra@yahoo.com or 631-816-1999

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[I am posting this on Steven's behalf. I make no promises or guarantees; I'm simply passing along the information. - Keith]

An Intergenerational Relationship in the News

While adult intergenerational relationships are not criminalized or denied the right to marry in the US, they can still face discrimination and harassment. We do support the right for people to have these relationships and to marry. A younger adult should be free to marry an older adult. As we've pointed out here before, intergenerational relationships can work and they aren't inherently abusive.

When someone says "She's old enough to be your grandmother!" a good response is "So what?" A woman his age is "old enough to be his sister." So? And what if this woman was his grandmother? What does it matter?

It seems they met and possibly married when he was still 17, which is legal in some places. The age of consent in some states is 16. They claim they didn't have sex until they were married (and yes, 17-yeaar-olds can legally marry in some places). He's now 19 and she's 72.

Danny Baggott brings us the story at mirror.co.uk...

Gary had just broken up with another woman aged 77, and admits he knew Almeda was 'the one' as soon as he locked eyes with the grandmother of six.

Two weeks into their whirlwind romance, Gary popped the question and they tied the knot just six days later in a ceremony which he arranged for just £137.

That's not generally something I would advise, but there some relationships that do work out under such conditions. I think it is helpful that it wasn't his first relationship with an older woman. The article says they've been together for two years, and that's a lot longer than some!

(Image: Barcroft Media)

The happy couple are more than aware that a lot of people disagree with the nature of their relationship.

That's the way things are. People think that because something isn't for them, nobody else should do it.

Gary said: “What does the future hold for Gary and Almeda? I believe amazing things.

“We want to pursue our dreams on YouTube and be able to inspire more and more people every day that age is just a number – it should not matter.

“As long as you’re in love with that person, you should follow your heart and be happy and be yourself.”

My best advice to people looking to marry is to wait at least until their into their late 20s, but there are exceptions.

More Details of and Reaction to Tragic GSA Case

We've been following a tragic case in the news in which a man who apparently experienced reciprocal reunion GSA apparently murdered three people before committing suicide. We've previously linked to reaction from Jane and here's more recent reaction from her.

At post-gazette.com, Nicholas Rondinone and David Owens have more details.

A 911 call reveals that suspected killer Steven Pladl’s daughter, with whom he had a romantic relationship and had fathered a child, broke up with him on Wednesday, one day before police say he killed her, her adoptive father and himself.

Sadly, this sort of violence happens in all sorts of relationships all too often. It can hardly be blamed on GSA.

The 911 call was made in North Carolina by Pladl’s mother on Thursday morning. His mother, who is not identified, told the dispatcher that Pladl called her at about 8:45 a.m. after opening fire on his daughter and her adoptive father in New Milford. Shortly after he called his mother, Pladl killed himself.

This is so awful.

Adults should be free to have their relationships, and should also be free to end relationships. We can't know for sure what was going through the dead murderer's mind, but he was probably under extreme stress and despair. If the information provided is accurate, he killed his own infant, and then deliberately drove to stalk and murder his genetic daughter and the man who raised her (her legal and social father).

Therapists need to be prepared to help people experiencing GSA, and one way of helping to bring that about will be ending criminalization of GSA and discrimination against consanguinamory.

Jane Speaks Out on Tragic Case

Our dear friend and colleague Jane Doe has strong words about this tragic case.

Tragic Reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction Case

TRIGGER WARNING: murder, child murder, suicide

National Siblings Day

It’s National Siblings Day, at least here in the US. 

In keeping with the interests of this blog, we want to celebrate all people who love their siblings, especially if that includes supporting your sibling as they face discrimination for their gender identity, their sexual or relationship orientations, or their relationships or sexuality.

We also want to celebrate all siblings in consanguinamorous relationships. For many of them, there is no more important person in the world than their sibling(s).

So if you have a good sibling, let them know you appreciate them.

Here's one of many interviews I've done with consanguinamorous siblings. There are more here.

If you have siblings or children or a parent or some other close relative or friends in such a sibling relationship, this is for you.

Sometimes middle-aged siblings experience a change in their relationship dynamic. Unfortunately, siblings are still denied their freedom to marry in most of the world.

Finally, there is some really wonderful, painfully realistic fiction about a sibling relationship.

Comment below or email fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com if you have something you want to share about your sibling(s).

Possible Media Opportunity for Someone Consanguinamorous

If you're in (or considering) a relationship with a cousin or other close relative, and would be willing to interact with media, you might be who Amy Lang, a Director of Development for a television show production company, wants to talk with. She is considering creating a television series, perhaps along the lines of a documentary-style show (although nothing is determined yet).

If you or someone you know might be interested, you can contact her directly:

amy@natnine.com
Office phone: 818-563-1207

If you're too cautious right not to contact her directly, you can email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com and I can pass along your questions to her.

As we usually remind people when we pass along as casting call:

1) We don't vouch how you will be treated or portrayed. We're simply passing along the request.

2) Media producers understandably would usually prefer people willing to verify their identities and appear on-camera. It's up to you to set your boundaries as far as what you're willing to do. There are still places that criminalize relationships between first cousins, many more places that still criminalize relationships between closer relatives, and even where there is no criminalization there can still be discrimination and other negative fallout. California (like about half of US states) will legally marry first cousins, but Texas throws them into jail. New Jersey has no laws against consenting adults being together.

3) That being said, neutral or good portrayals are great visibility and help raise awareness and open minds, and let others know they aren't alone.

It's still very early. It's not like you are committing to anything if you contact her. On the other hand, if you've ever wanted to be on television, this might be your chance.