Congratulations to Rhode Island and Minnesota

The limited same-gender freedom to marry is just hours away from going into effect in two more states: Rhode Island and Minnesota.

Congratulations to all LGBT couples who will now be free to marry. There are still people denied their right to marry the person(s) they love in these states, so let's keep evolving towards full marriage equality in these states and nationally!

Sibling Consanguinamory Gets Steamy Novella

At Life Becomes Me, the blogger reviews Diane Rinella's Love's Erotic Flower, which is now available at Amazon!

In the novella, she lets you see how their love is explored and acted upon.  It is humorous, sincere and very well written.  Diane once again shows us her outstanding talent at taking a taboo topic and making us see the real issue………..LOVE.

So there's a good review.

Do we as society have the right to tell someone they can’t love another person because of title, relation or to establish comfort in society?  Do we have the right to tell a person they have to ignore their heart and live in a loveless marriage because that is what is acceptable?

Good questions to pose to people. The more people think about this subject, the more prejudice will melt away, and that's a good thing.

Here's what I blogged about an interview that was done with Diane Rinella.

If you are in, or have been in, a consanguinamorous relationship or want to "meet" people who are or have been, I recommend joining the FREE forum, Kindred Spirits. But... be sure to read AND immediately follow all of the rules, or you'll get kicked right off.

Diane Rinella Interviewed

[I'm bumping this up because Love's Erotic Flower is now available!]

I have much appreciation for the lovely and talented author Diane Rinella, as I've previously mentioned. She has written about brother-sister consanguinamory and continues to. So I was very happy to see Authors Helping Authors publish an interview with Rinella at authorbloggerexchange.com to talk about Love's Forbidden Flower, Love's Erotic Flower, and Time's Forbidden Flower.

Did you intend to write a book with such a controversial subject matter or did it just turn out that way?

When I wrote the book, I honestly didn’t realize how controversial the subject was. To me it was just another thing people got worked up over. It wasn’t until I was on the third draft that it hit me. Once I started talking about it, the huge number of people who not only have strong feelings about the subject, but also misunderstand it, became obvious. Suddenly the book became very personal. What if people said my relationship was icky and that I wasn’t allowed to be with the person I love? Now I feel totally invested in the human rights aspect.

Awesome. She grew as a person through the work. Maybe there's a filmmaker out there who'd also like to grow? I guarantee adapting Rinella's work would get buzz. If done right, it would not only help people, but it would be profitable and good for the careers of those involved. C'mon, Hollywood movers and shakers. I know some of you have real life experience with this subject. Either you or someone close to you has gone through some of the same things as her characters. You can understand how they feel what they do. Do something with that. Someone is going to make at least one breakthrough production sooner or later with the subject matter. Be that someone.

Can you tell us about your up coming books Love’s Erotic Flower and  Time’s Forbidden Flower?

While Love’s Forbidden Flower can be viewed as a standalone novel, there is so much more to tell. You can’t have two soul mates and truly end their story when they are 20. Lily and Donovan made life-altering decisions that will result in life-long consequences. Thus, Time’s Forbidden Flower will complete their journey. Meanwhile, since so many of my fans are erotica lovers and wanted more graphic scenes, Love’s Erotic Flower, a 8K word short story, was written for them. It is a stand-alone story so it can be read by people who have not read the other books. It will be free on Amazon July 29 to August 2.

You can read the whole interview and find more here.

Is Michigan Arresting People For Consensual Sex?

This short article at wnem.com doesn't make it clear what is alleged to have happened, and maybe law enforcement isn't being clear either. The headline said a man was arrested after his daughter revealed a "sexual relationship." The article's text uses that same phrase. The man is 39 but his biological daughter's age is not given.

Michigan State Police troopers from the Mt. Pleasant Post are investigating a criminal sexual conduct allegation between a biological father and daughter. 

Criminal sexual conduct? Sexual relationship? If it was assault or molestation, I wouldn't use those words, which imply a mutual consent. I would expect assault or rape charges, too. But it is possible she is of age and this was consensual. For all we know, they just met a year ago and this is Genetic Sexual Attraction. If this was consensual, it is outrageous that he was arrested and is facing charges.

The article says this happened because she told her doctor about the relationship. I don't know if doctors have to report consensual incest. Again, if she complained about being assaulted, that would have been better language to use.

So do we have an assault case where the descriptive language is too light, or do we have an outrageous intrusion into a consensual relationship? If the former, throw the book at him. If the latter, it is atrocious  and dangerous that a woman can't be honest with her doctor about a consensual relationship.

We Get Letters

Here's a comment left the other day on a posting from years ago about an aunt-nephew couple who were considering coming out.

I know what you are going through. I have being in love with my nephew since I can remember. I am 39 years of age and he is 41. His dad and I are half brother and sister same dad different mom.
 
When we were teens my parents sent me to spent the summer at his house. That summer we fell in love. But we continue with our separate lives I got married so did he. Over the years we kept in contact and saw each other when ever we could. He is my best friend my soulmate. We are still very much in love but we decided to never say or tell our families. They would never understand our bond.

Wouldn't it have been better for everyone involved if these two were allowed to be together, and if they wanted, to marry? Assuming the people who became their spouses were not informed, it isn't fair to those people just like it isn't fair to the lovers. Adults should be free to love each other, and not be pressured into hiding their love, staying the closet, and taking on beards.

In addition to the comments left on this blog, I get email, too, from people all over the world who are looking for help because of discriminatory laws and prejudices held by their own families. It is heartbreaking that anyone should have to hide because they are adults who love each other.

This is why we need relationship rights, including full marriage equality, for all adults.

New Episodes of Sister Wives

"Sister Wives," the TLC show featuring the polygynous Browns, is back. Are you watching? Here's an article from Ree Hines at today.com...

Kyle Christy / TLC

The Brown family, from left, Christine, Meri, Janelle, Robyn and Kody. 

Even though Kody Brown and his four wives — Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn — have been open about how they live their lives for some time now, there are still those who have big problems with the polygamous family and aren't shy about saying so.

Some people are rude.

While the Brown family practices a very different sort of polygamy than that seen in Jeffs' church, it's a difference that's lost on some.

Some people are ignorant.

"I just feel like we live in a world of diversity, and we've chosen how to structure our family," Kody explained. "And we are not pushing it on other people. We don’t even push it on our children."

It's a live-and-let-live attitude he'd like to see from others.

That would be nice to have sooner rather than later. Let's make it happen!

Here's what was printed at radaronline.com...

A major theme this season for the Sister Wives is the decision that Meri must make about whether or not she wants to have another child with Kody, via IVF or using Robyn as a surrogate.

I think anything that puts a real face on consensual nonmonogamy is a good thing. We need more productions that depict the diversity withing polyamory and polygamy.


Okay, dear readers, what is your take? Are you watching?

Will Red Wing Take Flight?

Roger Friedman reports at showbiz411.com that Terrance Malick has produced his stepson's film, one with an "incest" theme. But it really isn't. After saying Malick's track record of late has been bad, Friedman writes...

Now Malick has executive produced a film for his stepson, Will Wallace.

An Executive Producer is usually pretty much just a bankroll. That's an important person, but usually not a creative force in the production of a movie.

Will is the son of Malick wife Alexandra “Ecky” Wallace. “Red Wing” is based on a novella by French literary giantess George Sand called “Francois le Champi.” The story is one of incest, which seems to be hammered home in the new clip for “Red Wing.”

Here's where readers think Incest? Really? Hmm.

A young married mother takes in a homeless little boy. Her husband gets rid of him when he’s older because the mother-son relationship is too close. Later, the kid, now a hunk played by Glen Powell– billed as the last actor signed by Ed Limato– comes back and romances and marries the foster mother.

Ah. That's not really incest, but I can see that all of the people who think they know how everyone else's love lives should be would call it such. They can get their "this is strange" judgment label attached simply enough.

Let’s hope this comes to Toronto. Last year “To the Wonder” played there, and it was a memorable screening.

Here's the trailer...



What are your thoughts, dear reader? If you see the film, or have read the novella, or have actually been in a situation anything like this, it would be especially good to hear from you.

It would be good to see more movies where a romance is treated seriously and with respect even if it isn't "cisgendered late 20s-early30s heterosexual guy meets a year-or-two-younger cisgendered heterosexual woman of same race, vanilla monogamy follows."

Father and Daughter Imprisoned in Ghana

What really happened in Ghana? We may never know. This is the report published by myjoyonline.com...

A 40-year-old driver and his daughter have been remanded into prison custody by a Kumasi Circuit court for engaging in sexual relations.

So both were arrested.

The 20-year-old lady told Nhyira FM’s Ewiase mu Nsem her father; Kojo Mintah threatened her with the Antoa deity into having sex with her about ten times over a period of one year.

But officials of the Zongo police Domestic Violent and Victim Support Unit decided to charge the two with incest because preliminary investigations indicate the two adults consented to the act.

Claims of assault should be taken seriously. Unfortunately, there is a possible motivation to claimed to have been assaulted when consensual sex can bring criminal prosecution.

Doreen Mensah, who is a JHS leaver, told Luv FM’s Erastus Asare Donkor that her father started having sex with her after the death of her mother.

Meanwhile, her father told Luv News he was seduced by the daughter.

Throwing someone half your age under the bus is not much of a defense, and a rotten thing to do.

He however felt sorry for the daughter, saying if knowledge of their amorous relationship gets to the public she could be antagonized.

Sadly, yes. It is ridiculous, but people are still persecuted for having consensual sex.

Detective Inspector Donatus Dickson Torda of Zongo DOVVSU told Lu News Section 105(a) Subsection II of the Criminal Code mandates the arrest of a victim of incest if he or she is above 16 years.

“She is of age, an adult…because she knows that the father is her close blood relation and the father too knows that she is his daughter, and when you go into the law, the two should be charged.”

A clear distinction needs to be made between consensual sex and assault/abuse. There are no "victims" in consensual sex. But people who have been assaulted should not be prosecuted at all. What went on here? We don't know. If this was a situation of coercion or force, she should not be banded a criminal, but he should have the book thrown at him. If this was consensual sex, it shouldn't be a criminal matter at all.

Congratulations to England and Wales

Congratulations to all of the couples who will now be able to marry in England and Wales! Thanks to Queen Elizabeth II and all who have said "YES!" to the limited same-gender freedom to marry.

Let's keep evolving towards full marriage equality across the UK and worldwide. There are so many people who are still being denied their rights to marry, or even just love, the person(s) they love.

Kent Greenfield Writes Like an Ally For Full Marriage Equality

At the American Prospect, Kent Greenfield sees the logic in supporting full marriage equality. Good for him!

As a matter of constitutional rationale, there is indeed a slippery slope between recognizing same-sex marriages and allowing marriages among more than two people and between consenting adults who are related. If we don’t want to go there, we need to come up with distinctions that we have not yet articulated well.

Rather than struggling to concoct convoluted schemes for determining which adults will get their rights and which won't, how about doing the simple, honest, and fair thing of actually supporting equality?

What it boils down to is that when the government wants to exclude groups from something important like marriage, it has to show good reasons for the exclusion. And prejudice—simply thinking something is “icky”—doesn’t count as a reason.

Correct. That is Discredited Argument #1.

Will Carlisle Crown Court Punish Adults For Consensual Sex?

Many people are rightly shocked to learn that consensual sex between adults can still considered a criminal act in many supposedly modern places, and that people continue to be prosecuted for such a "crime." From newsandstar.co.uk comes this short report about two consenting adults being prosecuted in England for having consensual sex with each other.

A father and daughter are to go on trial accused of incest.

This shouldn't be a crime, unless we are talking about abusing minors.

Fifty-year-old Frank Christopher Humphreys and his 22-year-old daughter Eleanor Jackson deny the charge and will go on trial later in the year at Carlisle Crown Court.
The two, from Cleator Moor, are accused of consensual sex between December 2011 and February 2012.

Why is this a criminal matter?

Humphreys is accused of having sex with his daughter “knowing that she was related to you in that way.” Jackson faces a similar charge.

So who is the victim???

Both denied the offence when they appeared before magistrates in Workington.
The case was sent to Carlisle Crown Court to be next heard on September 30.

Carlisle is in Cumbria, England.

I wonder how this became a criminal matter? Did someone rat them out? I also notice she had a different last name. Is that a married name, or did she grow up apart from him, likely making this a matter of Genetic Sexual Attraction?

No matter who doesn't like the idea, these two should be free to love each other any way they want. Instead of being prosecuted, they should be offered marriage. What a waste of government resources this prosecution is. Outrageous.

When Poly Is Made Part of Negative News

I have noticed that all too often, headlines and opening paragraphs of negative news items will try to associate polyamory or polygamy with a crime. For example, something along the lines of "Polygamous Man Beats Wife." How often do you see headlines like "Monogamous Man Beats Wife?" Never? Is that because monogamous men never beat women? Of course not.


There is terrible news out of Saginaw, Texas about a murdered 6-year-old girl. Her parents are polyamorous, and so now that has become part of the headlines and the story.  Polyamory in the News, which I can't recommend more highly, rounds up coverage. There's a murdered girl and people want to fight over whether or not it is OK that more than two adults love each other. There was a case of a murdered girl in 2002 when the desperate defense said that the victim's parents were swingers or in an open marriage, and suggested one of their friends committed the murder.

Scott Gordon at nbcdfw.com reported in a story with the headline "Father of Slain Texas Girl Defends Polyamorous Family." The girl's father lives with the girl's mother and her husband.

Congratulations Again to Bobbi Kristina Brown and Nick Gordon

The couple has confirmed their love and engagement and have stood up for themselves. For earlier coverage see here. They're all over the entertainment news again. For example, there's this headline from ninemsm.com.au "Whitney's daughter Bobbi Kristina confirms engagement to her 'brother'."

Bobbi Kristina Brown, the only child of the late Whitney Houston, has confirmed she is engaged - to a man she grew up with under the same roof as a child. Whitney took Nick Gordon under her care over a decade ago after learning his birth mother was no longer able to care for him, and raised him alongside Bobbi Kristina "like a son".

 Isn't it great that they are happy together and that they already knew each other?

"I'm tired of hearing people say 'Eww you're engaged to your brother' or 'If Whitney was still alive would we be together' or 'Would she approve of this.'

"Let me clear up something, we aren't even real brother and sister nor is he my adoptive brother. My mom never adopted him.

"In fact, mommy was the one who even said she knew that we were going to start dating."

It is terrible that people are giving her trouble about this and invoking her mother. Hasn't this young woman suffered enough? Why begrudge her happiness?

Where to Discuss Consanguinamory

The prejudice against consanguinamorous people continues. After being in one location for a while now, Penny 4 Your Thoughts has been kicked off their host and word through the grapevine is that it isn't coming back anywhere. That forum was the "daughter" of a previous forum that split. The other "daughter" is still going as Kindred Spirits forum, although there had been technical issues that were plaguing the host. In recent weeks, the forum has been operating fine for me. If you decide to join Kindred Spirits (it's free!) be sure to immediately read AND follow all of the rules, or you'll be kicked right off.

That both forums have had to relocate multiple times due to prejudice is sad. These forums have had worthwhile discussions about consanguinamory and have been a welcoming place for people who are usually being treated as second class citizens and don't have a lot of options for connecting with others who are going through the same thing.

If you are in a consanguinamorous relationship, or have been, or are considering one, or want to learn about them, or want to be more supportive of someone you know who is in one, Kindred Spirits continues to be the place to go if you want a place that...
...is well moderated
...doesn't allow spam
....isn't filled with porn or designed to be masturbation material (which I don't have a problem with in general, but there's a difference between porn and serious discussion of real relationships)
...isn't about pedophilia, child abuse, or rape/rape fantasies.

People who have experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction are welcome at Kindred Spirits as long as they understand and accept that many people there were not separated from their genetic relatives. There are some GSA-experienced people who are active there. The free GSA-dedicated forum at http://www.gsaforums.com/ is, as of this writing, experiencing technical problems. There is Yahoo Group for GSA that might accept new members: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Reunion_gsa/

If anyone knows of other active, good, free forums for discussing consanguinamory or GSA, I'm all ears.

If you are looking for a place to discuss consanguinamory, especially if you were a member of a shuttered/abandoned forum, contact me and I might be able to help.

A Healthy Attitude About Jealousy and Security

I like finding various introductory explanations of polyamory, because the general public is just starting to understand that poly people are everywhere and nothing is wrong with being polyamorous. Cathy Reisenwitz has only embraced polyamory for about a year, and answers some basic questions in this article at xojane.com. The form their polyamory takes is that they are couple, and each one of them as individuals sees others (some might think of it simply as an open relationship.)

Q: Don’t you get jealous?

A: YES! ALL THE TIME! Jealousy is something I’ve always struggled with. 

Honestly, part of the appeal of polyamory for me is that it forces me to confront, and then get over, my feelings of jealousy. In the dark days, when I felt my partner was spending too much time with a woman I perceived as a threat, I’d feel scared and angry and ask/demand that they stop spending time with her. But doing that sucked! My partners felt controlled, and embarrassed to have to back away from friends. It must have lowered my esteem in their eyes; it certainly embarrassed me. But worst of all, because I refused to confront my own feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, I didn’t leave myself any opportunity to grow. 

Keep in mind, I didn’t start down the polyamory path in order to get over my feelings of jealousy. But the progress I’ve made and the promise of a life mostly unburdened by it has helped motivate me to continue on, even when it’s been hard. 

People in monogamous relationships also experience jealousy, by the way.

Q: Are you afraid someone will steal him away?

A: Igor is a catch. I have no doubt that if he’s not very selective in who he dates, someone will try. Who knows, this person may be better than me in every way. At that point it will be up to him to decide whether everything we built is less valuable to him than the promise of a future with someone better. 

Him choosing to leave me is not my preference. I have no desire to trade him in. I highly value what we have. 

But if he doesn’t, tying him down so he can never figure out that he could do better isn’t a win. It’s sad. If he decides to leave, the way I try to see it, we’ve really both won. I don’t want to be with someone who wants to trade up more than they want to continue our growth as a couple. 

Brilliant. Read the rest of it if you'd like.

Again, this is just one form of polyamory. There are closed and open triangles and triads, and various forms of quads, and so on. What works for some doesn't work for all. Nobody should be denied their rights to live out their relationships and, if they want, marry, whether that involves a closed monogamous relationship or an open polyamorous relationship, or something else.

We Get Letters

Here are a couple of comments that were left here on the blog recently. Both were left by people who wish to remain anonymous.

Left on this page...   

Thank you so much, I've been looking for some information about all of this that isn't talking about 'rape'. I've just started being intimate with my father who I had only met a handful of times through my life. I feel better knowing that there are people out there that understand the complex emotions that come with this kind of relationship.

And left on this page...

I am so happy I found this. My parents divorced when I was 6 and my sister was 2. We were reunited after ten years. We began a sexual relationship shortly after that. We stopped when I turned 18 and joined the army. Both of us were miserable for ten years trying to find someone we truly loved. The reality is that we do not love anyone else as much as we love each other. We have lived as a married couple for 12 years now. I can not imagine living without her.

My heart is always warmed when people let me know how this blog is helping them.

Unfortunately, people who have been in, are currently in, or may be entering into consanguinamorous relationships don't have many places to find other in the same situation for reasonable discussion on the matter, despite the fact that these relationships are common enough that everyone knows someone who is in one, whether they know it or not. If one tries a general relationship forum, they may encounter much prejudice and hostility, if the administrators even allow them to participate. There is at least one forum dealing with Genetic Sexual Attraction that takes a tone unwelcoming to those in lasting, happy relationships. While there are several forums that discuss consanguinamory in a supportive or encouraging way, they seem to be more about erotica and fantasy than dealing with real-life issues of relationships and living with something that is discriminated against in law and public opinion. Most people who are happy in their relationships are not going to bother with forums, either due to lack of interest, time constraints, or a perceived risk to their relationship and freedom.

The best place I know of for discussing the consanguinamorous life is Kindred Spirits forum, which is free to the user. If you go there, be sure to immediately read and follow all of the rules, or you'll be kicked right off.

Polyamory Still Rising

If you'll pardon the expression, an awareness of polyamory continues to undergo an erection in the public consciousness, with the pace accelerating over the last week or two. One of many examples is this piece by Kjeld Lindsted at policymic.com...   

For anyone new to the term, Polyamory comes in as many varieties as there are participants. Relationship structure is not defined in the community, individuals do what works best for them. If there is any sweeping feature defining polyamory it's probably communication. In fact, while very little research has been done (though this is starting to change) the available data strongly suggests that polyamorous individuals are actually better at maintaining (and navigating) relationships than most monogamous people; and herein lies the golden egg behind the movements growing success.

I do believe that monogamy is best for some, but polyamory is best for others.

The writer then goes into issues of solidarity...

Ironically, however, there is something of a disconnect in the LGBT community when it comes to recognizing polyamory. Standing on the edge of success (or perhaps tipping into success) the gay rights movement has been hesitant to embrace other forms of relationship freedom for fear of tossing free ammunition to conservative opposition. While there is some merit to these fears, giving into them ultimately undermines the legitimacy of both movements. Some LGBT proponents have even gone so far as to suggest that polyamory is a "choice" while being gay is genetic. Oh how the tables turn ... There is of course no substance to the argument, research repeatedly shows that many sexual preferences are biological in origin and that most of the rest are shaped early, but its all too easy to look the other way once your particular group has achieved some measure of success.

We should all stand up for the rights of ALL consenting adults.

Polyamorists React to Court Decision on DOMA

First and foremost, I join with many others in congratulating everyone in the US who will be able to marry the person they love and have that marriage be recognized under federal law, due to the Supreme Court decision on DOMA. Enjoy, all you newlyweds!

As readers of my blog are well aware, we have a long way to go on relationship rights, including full marriage equality, for all adults, but progress is better than no progress.

The court decision has resulted in much discussion in polyamory and polgamy circles, and by journalists who cover them.

At Radical Poly Agenda, this was the initial posting reacting to the decision.

Bus Sighting in Defense of Limited Same-Gender Freedom to Marry

Last week, the US Supreme Court took a step forward by advancing the limited same-gender freedom to marry by overturning a key provision of the federal DOMA law, and letting stand a federal court's decision overturning California's PropH8, which banned same-gender marriages in the state. This has prompted varied reactions, mostly celebratory, across the country. However, those who oppose equality have been expressing their displeasure, of course. At theunion.com, someone by the name of Richard Hill wrote a letter that asked if "incest" was next.

Writing a responding letter, rather than standing up for full marriage equality, Jim Richards of Nevada City threw polyamorous and consanguinamorous people under the bus. This is all too typical.

Richard Hill‘s letter to the editor, titled “Is incest next,” shows his lack of knowledge of biology. It has been known for long time that inbreeding leads to a higher probability of birth defects. The prohibition of incest and, thus, inbreeding is to protect the child produced by the couple, which makes sense as good science.

Thus, Richards invokes Discredited Argument #18. I thoroughly debunk that argument in this entry. Discrimination against consanguineous relationships has nothing to do with genetics. The prohibitions are rooted in traditions instituted to control the sexuality of others (the same reason for bans on same-gender relationships) and to reserve consanguinamory to the privileged. Inbreeding isn't even a factor in most consanguineous relationships.

Human beings form bonded pairs not just for the purpose of raising children but for the human need for companionship and love. If pairing was only for procreation, then couples would divide up after their offspring were grown. That doesn’t happen because people crave companionship. They want to be a couple. Society has developed hundreds of rules for married couples that improve their lives. Gay couples should also be able to take advantage of those rules as well.

Polyamorous and consanguinamorous relationships are about companionship and love, too. Also, there are many people who do break up after their offspring are grown, but he's right in that we don't limit marriage to people who are raising children. Everyone in consensual adult relationships should have equal access to their government and relationship rights.

Rather than coming up with convoluted schemes for denying rights to some people while recognizing the rights of others, how about we admit that equality just for some is not equality and support the rights of all adults to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults?

When a bigot says, "What's next?" we should respond with "Freedom for all consenting adults. What's wrong with that?"