An Aunt Tells Us of Her Love For Her Nephew

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. As this interview is being published, there are many people still spending more time home with family members. Perhaps some of them will find this interview an inspiration? Or they can see this for some possibilities.

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. Most can’t even be out if the closet or they’ll gave prosecution under absurd incest laws, which, instead of focusing on abuse, also target consensual relationships.

The woman interviewed below should be free to legally marry her partner, or simply to be together as a couple without having to hide, yet they can’t. Prejudice can be deadly. They are consenting adults who aren’t hurting anyone; why should they have been denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love, and might be persecuted severely in addition.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say about the additional bond she has. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label?

**WARNING: Mild descriptions of sex are included.**

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Anu: I am a human resources professional in a large multinational corporation in Kolkata, India. I am a 43 years-old, heterosexual, liberal-minded person. I am a divorcee for over five years and stay with my only son who is about 14. I do try to maintain myself well at this age, although some might call me a bit bulky. I am 5'3", about 60 kilograms in weight, have medium length hair. I have one elder sister and an elder brother.

I like to cook, do photography and enjoy traveling. I prefer wearing western attire more than the traditional Indian attire.

I had a wonderful childhood with most of my needs taken care of, although by no means it was luxurious. I like to work hard and I think I have two sides of me, one which is very docile with my family and another very dominating one at my work. My near families are all close to me and I like doing things for most of my near ones. I live in a large apartment complex with my son. My sister’s family, too, stays in the same complex but in a different apartment. We have a very strong relationship between the two families.

For the past decade, both of the families get together for lunch and dinner and/or drinks at least once a week; often we get together more. We do go into each others house, so meeting frequently isn't a problem. However, saying that, we only meet at my home for play, but only when my son is not present at home. He generally spends a lot of time playing games at my sister's place, which gives me some privacy


FME: You are in a sexual or romantic relationship with your nephew?

It's more of a sexual relationship how it started with. But over a period of time it has become more romantic.

FME: How is your nephew related to you?

My nephew is my sister's son. Let me call him Ravi for the sake of this interview. Ravi is 26. We have been into a relationship for just over two years.


FME: Please elaborate on your childhood. Were alternative lifestyles and sex discussed in your family, and if so, how? Can you describe your sexual awakening?

My childhood was normal. I was privileged to have food in our table without any issues with occasionally eating outside. It was a relatively conservative household with any discussion of sex itself been a taboo topic. So any discussion on sex was always out of question. Me, my sister and my brother were quite close with my brother playing the role of Big Brother always.

My sexual awakening started at the age of 15. It was more of girls talk that time. I remember watching my parents having sex after a while and I  think that's when I was more inclined towards sex. It was during my board exam time when I used to sleep late because of study, and I often ventured out at the back yard to peep into my parents room. I still remember when we girls ganged up before our exam at a friends house to watch porn on VCR when I was 17. Coming from a conservative society, my mind was earlier tuned to that thought process. I have only been with two people until now, my husband and my nephew.

FME: How did sexual affection become a part of the relationship between you and your nephew?

My nephew had been very close to me always. I was his go-to person for any issues and guidance from his childhood days. I knew about his first smoke and drink, his first crush, so on and so forth. But there was never any discussion between us on sex or any details what so ever.

However, I became dependent on him for the past five years after my divorce. He would be the first call I would make if I needed anything. He would patiently help me on everything without any question.

I knew his friends circle and the girls he met. Since we stayed in the same place, he would come to my place without any intimation, however it had been the same between both of our families.

After divorce, I buried myself with work and parenting. I even started dreading the weekends, not knowing what to do. It was then me, my son and Ravi started going out for a day’s drive over the weekend or going out to try different cuisine to divert my mind.

About two and half years years back, Ravi was trying to date a girl at his work, but eventually she chose to go with some other guy. Ravi was frustrated, and since me and my sister's family would be drinking that night, I asked him to join us. He did drank with us a couple of times earlier, but we tried to keep him out of our group until then because the conversations we often had after drinking, we didn’t want our children to listen. However, both of our families are very liberal and my sister recognized that Ravi and I have a special aunt-nephew bond and I knew secrets of him which she wouldn’t.

That was the first night we had an open conversation between all of us that one needs to enjoy their days and there will be many relationships and breakup’s happening. I even remember saying to him, “Whatever happens, please use a condom always”, which was kind of an ice breaker for us. 

The next day was Saturday and he asked if I would like to join him for a drink. I knew my sister wouldn’t come as there were some work at their home. I sent my son to my sister's place to play since I didn’t want him to stay and watch me drink. I don't like to drink a lot and pass out, just enough to be tipsy. Since I didn’t know how long it would take, my sister was happy to have my son stay with them and Ravi could stay back at my place.

We talked, had some vodka, smoked some cigarettes. I was more of a friend with Ravi and it was a free flowing conversation. He talked of his one misadventure with  a girl and I talked of the type of guys I like. We talked until about three in the morning, and after having almost seven or eight large pegs of drinks, we went to sleep in separate rooms.

Me and Ravi were always very close, but that was the night when we became kind of buddies, without any inhibition on any discussion topics. It was also a nice change for me after three years. It lead to a very different kind of relationship between us, nothing sexual, but more of a relationship between the souls. Ravi started joining us for drinks more in the weekly gatherings, and sometimes would sneak in for a drink just between two of us. We smoked and laughed, and he eventually became a part of my very little world. Most of the times his parents wouldn’t knew he had a glass with me, but occasionally, a couple of times a mother, they knew because i used to send my son to theirs place for night stay.

A few months later, I had send my son to their place as we planned to have a little party between me and Ravi. Food, drinks and some fun time together - that's what I thought. We had a few drinks when I realized Ravi had his hands on my thighs and was rubbing a bit. I didn’t give much of a thought, but throughout that night I realized he was touching me in some way with every opportunity. I thought that we were both high and it’s nothing, and I didn’t pay much attention. But I can still distinctly remember the thrill I had with his hands was on my thighs.

Well, we talked and went to our separate beds.

I wouldn’t say I was a very sexually active woman, but I had curiosities. Sex with my husband was mostly vanilla compared to what we have now. However, during this period, I was sexually frustrated and used to masturbate a few times a week. Ravi’s touch that day was the first time any man had touched me for many years.

I was confused when I woke up next morning whether to enjoy thinking of it or forget it.

For the next few little parties we both had, I realized Ravi was hugging me and holding my hands on every chance he got. I enjoyed his attention, but deep in my mind I was been pushed into an edge because of sexual frustration. This whole saga went for about six months; we partied and at the end went to our separate beds to sleep. My mind was in a conflict. I never confronted him on anything, I did step back on a few occasions when I was getting nervous. But on the other hand, he became the closest person to me.

I distinctly remember the date. It was the second of February, 2019. We were all having our little get together party. My sister wasn’t feeling well and she and her husband decided to leave the dinner midway at 10pm. 10pm dinner is early considered there are drinks on the tap on a Saturday night. They asked if my son wanted to come to their place for playing games until around midnight. The choice was obvious and me and Ravi were left with drinks and abundance of food.

The same routine almost followed. I was a bit tipsy and I could feel Ravi’s hand on my shoulder. Suddenly he asked me if I would like to have a dance. We had danced earlier within our group, but that was like dancing in a disco while drinking and intoxicated. So I assumed the same and asked him to put on a song, but to my surprise he dimmed all the light to complete darkness and started playing a romantic duet, and offered me to dance. It was different and I happily obliged.

He was a gentleman when we danced, but about fifteen minutes into the music, I was almost in his arms dancing while he caressed by back. There was tension building in me but I kept my calm. Ravi would caress my back, run his fingers through my hair and give kiss on my forehead. He thanked me for being beside him always and I said the same to him.

As we danced, I could feel his breadth on my face. A moment came, then our lips touched, and it remained like that without any of us making any move. I still remember vividly when the touch of our lips led to him kissing my lower lips. I remained frozen, not knowing what to do, and it took me a good few minutes to kiss him back. He was soft and gentle and it felt like we kissed for eternity. As we kissed, I could feel one of his hands move up to my boobs, over the dress. He slowly pressed my boobs as we kept kissing. About five minutes into that, I stepped back, not sure what to do. Ravi did not resist me moving back.

I insisted on having some food and we had our dinner. I had my head down gulping the food when I realized Ravi was holding my hand. He said that he wanted things to happen and that he loves me.

Since I wasn’t sure, I diverted the conversation to random topics during dinner time. We ate, cleaned the dinner table, and stepped into the living room.

That's when I realized that Ravi was still holding my hands and he basically led me all the way to the room. He prepared two drinks, dimmed the light and we sat on the sofa. He held my hands and said, “I love you and I want this to happen between us, but if you have any doubts and the moment you say stop, I will stop. But I want to proceed.” Saying this, he kept his finger on my mouth so I wouldn't answer, held my hands and made me stand up.

With the music playing, we danced a bit with him hugging me from behind. We kissed a bit and he opened my top, slowing kissing and then suckling my boobs. I moved my hand to his shorts and it was like an electric shock running through me when I touched him between his legs.

We moved into my bed and played a bit with each other. I wanted him to f--- me, but we realized that we did not had any condoms and neither I was on the pill. We hugged and spooned. I gave him [manual sex] for his release and he fingered me for mine.

We cleaned ourselves up and slept on the same bed. I had a man after so many years beside me and I didn't wanted to let him go. We slept cozily that night.

When I woke up the next morning he was still asleep. I was having my morning tea when he woke up and came. He just said thank you to me for last night. He only had slept twice before with a girl, and last night was very special to him. He wanted to talk of the night, but I was reluctant for any discussion, so he let it go. We had a normal conversation, and when our maid-cook came, he took a leave for his home.

Saturday and Sunday, my son mostly stays at my sister's place for games. Ravi had his lunch and came to my place in the afternoon with condoms. However reluctant I was, I wanted things to happen between us. I was desperate for sex and Ravi being the closest to me meant a lot.

But this time it was different. He tried to go down on me. but I wasn’t comfortable. Being naked with him in broad daylight was totally different. He made me lie down on my back and kissed all over me. Throughout this time, I had closed my eyes so as not to look at him. But I enjoyed the physical affection.

He held my head and asked me if I wanted it. I couldn’t answer at first, but he wanted to hear a “Yes." I closed my eyes, held his penis and started rubbing it on my vagina. Eventually, I pulled him close and let him enter me. I didn’t look at him, but every time he kissed me, I responded back. Neither of us could hold out long. We both climaxed within a few minutes. It was only at the end when he had finished I could look at him. We hugged, kissed, but didn’t talk.

After this, It became a regular affair. It took a week for me to settle down with him. My son would go to school at 7am and I would start for my work at 9. Ravi used to have breakfast with me often, but now instead of coming late, he would come to my place at 7:30 and we would have an hour for ourselves.

After a week, I could actually look into his eyes while having sex. Although reluctant, I allowed him to explore my body and go down on me and eventually started enjoying it. 

We started sexting at night, and he would send me sexual pics and jokes. Eventually, I started enjoying sex with him more and experimented with different positions. I later learned he'd had a crush on me for a long time. He often likes to maintain the aunt-nephew relationship during sex, which I had to grow up with, but often he would just call me by my name. After a few months, I started taking pill so we could stop using condoms.

To this day, we have sex, or f--- would be the right word. But we are emotionally involved, too. Our relationship made me experience things which I never dreamt of, both in physical and emotional terms.

FME: Can you elaborate on “the day after”? How did that go? How were you feeling?

The day after was guilt and confusion, but we worked it out as we constantly maintained talking terms, literally every 30 minutes. For me, the problem started arising when he would inappropriately touch me in family groups or make some comment in my ear. Yes, it was out of everyone’s sight, but that scared the Hell out of me. It took some time to set the boundaries for family or group gatherings, but he was understanding and respected my opinions, although it required some convincing. 


FME: Before this had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together?

This relationship has brought me much closer to incest. I appreciate it now. I never thought of these things earlier. Before all of this happened, I could have never imagined I would have sex with him. I never had any thoughts about any of my family members as such. We do talk of the physical attributes of someone in the family, make some comments, but that’s all between us.


FME: How do you describe the sex or lovemaking now? Taboo? Kinky? Especially erotic?

Its really hard to answer this. My relationship with Ravi was always very emotional, it later became sexual and later the lines of both emotions and physical attraction broadened out. One might consider it taboo, natural or erotic based on the situation.

He still likes to call me aunt and ask questions about our actual relationships during intercourse. It was not to my likings, but even I ended participating in similar talks. This would likely be associated with taboo. 

For the past year in lockdown, my son was with my brother most of the time because he has two kids of similar age. All three of them stay together, remained confined in the house and since they are of similar age group, they play together in the house and not make nuisance for not going out. He comes and stays with me one or two days a week, but not regularly. This has given me a lot more personal space and Ravi has virtually moved into my son's room with his parents using both rooms in their home for work. It had eased things out a bit between us as there is no time constraints or fears. Lovemaking has become more natural in that sense. We say "I love you" quite often irrespective of our situation. But then again when we think of what should be the name of our relationship, we always hit a road block.

The definition of kinky has changed for me over a period of time. Every experience is kind of a kink until it was not. Let me explain.

The first kiss I had. His first touch on my boobs. Cuddling naked at night was the start of the kink.

Our first sex when  I couldn’t look at him until the time it didn’t matter to stare into his eyes when he released inside me were the start and end of another kink.

I wasn't the person who had a lot of experience in oral sex and I didn’t enjoy that. But, with Ravi things changed and we both play a lot now.

His questions to me, like if I like having sex with my nephew, if I was OK to have sex with such a younger guy, pose naked for him, let him keep my naked photo on his phone, playing with ice, not closing the bathroom door, talking to family members while continuing sex, dirty talks, talks on having babies, watching porn together, going through incest stories or even cuddling and having bed tea naked were all kinks at one point of time, but now they are not.

I do have to say that after lockdown when we are basically staying together, things are more normal than kinks. Maybe it’s because we have passed that state. But, I can say that I am still continuing to have the best sex one possibly could.

FME: Describe your relationship now. Is this a marriage, a union, girlfriend and boyfriend, what? Are you more like spouses or family-with-benefits or something else? How long have you been together? Do you see each other as aunt and nephew, or lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?

We have always stumbled on this question to answer it and have been debating this throughout our two years of togetherness. Right now, we are staying as a husband and wife at home. I tend not to use the Girlfriend-boyfriend because this relationship seemed fragile compared to what we have. However, in presence of any third person, we are always aunt and nephew. Under present circumstances we are lovers as well as aunt/nephew. But the most important fact is we love each other but are also practical of the situation.

FME: Do you sleep together, or what are the sleeping arrangements?

At present, since it's only us in our house, we sleep together. But I have remained careful to keep the rooms separate and well made in case there are unintended visitors, which we get a lot.

FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature of your relationship and how did they find out?

No one knows and I prefer to keep it that way.

FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been?

It was hard because suddenly Ravi’s stays to our house increased, but what made it easy was he used to visit often and this didn’t seem outside the box to anyone. Anytime someone jokingly says Ravi spends time or parties with me does give me a heart attack, but luckily we were able to evade their eyes. I wish I could enjoy our love in front of the society, but I know that’s not going to happen.

FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the others, and that he can’t truly consent?

Consent by law is dependent on age. I think we should respect one’s choices. I have realized that the physical affection is very closely related to the emotional one. With this, I now think that I can be into a relationship with many whom I love, but that love part is important.

FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you? Or is this a different kind of relationship than that?

No. I think the age difference is too much and I wouldn’t want him to be bound to me. Today it’s fine, I cannot say the same after ten or fifteen years. 

FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member, especially an aunt or nephew?

Communication and respect plays a large part. One knows if he or she wants the relationship to be physical. The only criteria is both of the partners should be on the same page. If the trust factor is there, there is no harm having an open and respectful dialogue.

FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other? 

My answer is the same. Consent and dialogue between both parties are equally important and needs to be respected.


FME: Do you consider yourself consanguinamorous in orientation, or could you be fulfilled in a relationship with someone who isn’t a close relative?

I don’t know the answer. At this point, I don't want anyone in my life other than Ravi.


FME: Any plans for the future?

No. We take each day as it is. I want him to be happy and lead his life his way.


FME: Anything else to add?

This relationship has changed me as a person. I now think of taboo to me more beautiful than I can ever imagine. We all have a little bit of dark side amongst us. But I am fortunate to share my dark side with my love and vice versa.

*****

Clearly, these lovers were consenting adults who weren't hurting anyone, and yet they wouldn't even be able to exercise their basic human right to marry as things are now. They love each other and are happy, yet they are denied fundamental rights. They can't even be open about their love without risking harassment or much worse.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason. We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life, around the world, who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, or that of someone you know, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or see here.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you, Anu, for doing this interview about your consanguinamorous relationship! We wish you well in your relationship with your nephew!