As this interview is being published, there are many people spending more time home with family members. Perhaps some of them will find this interview an inspiration? Or they can see this for some possibilities.
People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.
The man interviewed below should've be free to legally marry his partner, or simply to live together as lovers without having to hide, yet they couldn't. They weren't hurting anyone; why were they denied their rights? In much of the world, including where they lived, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love.
Read the interview below and see for yourself what this man has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, but whatever your reaction,why should lovers like be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?
NOTE: This interview contains brief talk about teen sex.
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FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourselves.
Carlos: I am a Caucasian male living in Mexico City, I am single, about to be 40 years old, and I currently work as a civil engineer in a construction enterprise. Our parents worked very hard to give us a good education and opportunities, so you can say that we came from an upper middle class family. I like sports and video games and I have only one sibling; my sister Sara.
I consider myself to be average looking, about 1.77 meters tall, or 5-feet 9-inches, and a bit over my ideal weight.
Sara is one of those girls who developed early; all through her teens she looked older. So, she always was popular in school, unlike me. Now she is a beautiful woman, slim and the same height as me.
FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation... are you heterosexual, bisexual, what? Are you a monogamist, polyamorist, or...?
We both consider ourselves to be heterosexuals and monogamous.
FME: You currently live with... ?
Currently, we live in separate places. Sara is happily married and has two kids. I am in a committed relationship with plans for the future.
FME: You had a sexual relationship? How old was everyone? Are you full blood siblings?
Sara and I are full blood siblings, we first had sex when I was 14 and she was 16. For those who are concerned about the law; the age of consent in Mexico and Mexico City was 12.
FME: What was your childhood like? What was family life like? Was sex discussed in your family, and if so, how? Can you describe your sexual awakening?
Our childhood was more or less normal, we grew up in a traditional family with loving, but somewhat absent parents.
We both got the sex talk from our parents at an early age so when puberty started, we know what to expect.
Sara told me that her interest in boys began with teen magazines, like Revista ERES.
For me it was Cinemax; a cable channel that showed movies with softcore nudity every Saturday.
FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship?
The story of how Sara and I first had sex is somehow connected to how she lost her virginity.
When she was around 14-years-old, she had a crush on a 17-year-old boy from school, and she decided she wanted to lose her virginity to him. After weeks of trying to get close to him, she finally managed to convince him to be her boyfriend. One week later, they had sex. And then he broke up with her the next day. As you may expect, she was very upset and angry for a few days but eventually got over it. In the end, she got what she wanted.
Two years later, I was a normal 14-year-old boy with a normal interest in girls and sex. I was desperate to get a girlfriend and “do it” but as with most normal teenage boys, no girl was interested in me, and I was getting more and more frustrated.
One Saturday, late at night, I was in my room watching one of those soft-core movies, Beach Babes From Beyond. This movie had a very hot scene in the middle that shock me to my core. Even today, I can get aroused just by remembering that scene. When the movie ended, I was excited and angry. I asked out loud, "Why I can't get a girl like that? Or any girl?”.
In that very moment, Sara was walking by my room and heard me. She knocked on my door and asked me if everything was alright.
I let her in and told her that I was just frustrated at my situation, that I felt like the last virgin in the world, and that practically every girl I knew had rejected me.
We talked for a long time and she was very kind,s telling me words of encouragement like, “Don’t worry, eventually you’ll get a girlfriend."
I said I didn't need a girlfriend, I just wanted to have sex.
She looked at me for a moment and said: “OK, if that is what you want, I can do it.”
I was confused and asked her what she meant.
She told me that she remembered when she was my age and horny all of the time. She made some bad decisions and didn't want the same thing to happen to me, so she was willing to have sex with me.
I was petrified and said she was crazy and we couldn't do it.
But she was serious and sat on my bed and took off her pajamas.
The whole time I was frozen in place, unable to do anything.
Sara said “I am ready, lets do it.”
I said that I can't do it.
She said, "You have two options. You can walk out of this room. If you do that, I just get dressed and we will never talk about this again. Or you can lose your virginity right here and now." She told me to think of her as just a girl who wants to have sex with me, rather than my sister.
Those words echoed in my head: “Just a girl who wants to have sex with me.” Just by thinking that I got aroused. So, I took off my own pajamas and got on top of her.
It was all over in less than a minute. She kept smiling at me all along.
When I was finished, she said: “Well you are not a virgin anymore, How do you feel?”
I told her it was great and I asked her why she did it.
She then told me the story of how she lost her virginity and that she didn’t want me to make the same mistakes she made, and how I could get an STD from a prostitute, or get a girl pregnant or get hurt.
I asked her if we could do it again, and she said we could one more time. This time I was more calm and confident so I did a lot better than the first time. To my surprise, she was able to orgasm.
After that, she told me that she'd better get back to her room and kissed me goodnight.
FME: How did you feel the next day?
Mostly confused, and guilty. I asked myself if I had abused her, or if she had abused me. But she started it and I wanted it and enjoyed the whole thing. I asked myself if we did something wrong. I didn't think so. It felt good and we'd both enjoyed it.
It was two days after that when we finally had a chance to talk about what happened.
She told me that her idea was to have sex with me just one time so I can get over the “virginity thing” and move on, but then we had sex that second time. She realized then that it may be fun to keep having sex. We even came up with a set of rules to follow so we could keep having sex in a safe way.
FME: Before this had you ever thought this, would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together?
No, it never crossed my mind. I knew Sara was an attractive girl, but never thought it was possible to have this type of relationship with her. I never had these feelings with any other family member.
FME: How did that compare to other relationships and sex you’ve had?
It was more comfortable, and to a certain degree, more enjoyable.
FME: Did you only have sex with each other, or did either or both of you have sex with others during that time?
Actually, one of the rules we had was that we could only have sex when we were not going out with other people.
FME: Were you like girlfriend/boyfriend, or more like siblings who also had sex?
At first, we were just “siblings with benefits.” For example, I would be just be watching TV and Sara would come by and say, “I', horny, do you want to do it?" Then we would go to her room have sex and come back to continue to watch TV like nothing.
But then after some time, we began to act like boyfriend and girlfriend. We enjoyed kissing a lot, we held hands and sat together.
FME: How long did you share this?
It lasted for a little over two years.
FME: Why did it end?
Sara began college. When we had gone to the same school, after school was over we had the house to ourselves for two to three hours on weekdays, before mom and dad came back from work. But then she was at the university practically all day, and even then she had a lot of homework to do. So there wasn't much time was left to fool around.
Eventually, she met someone at the university and since “no cheating” was one of our rules, that was the end of our sexy times.
FME: How is your relationship with each other now?
I am happy to say it’s very good. We still love each other very much, just no longer in a sexual way. We both agree that what we did in our teens was good for us and we really enjoyed it.
FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true history of your relationship? What kind of steps, if any, did you have to take to keep your privacy?
No one ever knew, not then and not now.
Keeping our relationship, a secret was not too difficult, but it required a little effort. We went to the same school, and it was only two blocks away from our home, so we walked to and from school every day. We came home at about 2:30 p.m. every day, our parents both had full time jobs, so they came home around 5:30 to 6:00 p.m. It was plenty of time to eat something, do homework, and have sex. On weekends it was a lot more difficult, but not impossible. We had to wait until our parents went to sleep and be really quiet.
When we talked after we first had sex, we decided that if we want to continue to have sex, we needed to set some sort of parameters, so we came out with three rules we always had to follow.
Rule one was “It's a secret.” Self-explanatory. We don’t tell anyone about our sexy times or our feelings for each other.
Rule two was "No extra drama." We agreed that we could only have sex if we had at least one form of protection. This was not really difficult to follow since my sister was already on the pill by the first time we had sex and I used a condom sometimes.
Rule three was "No cheating." We agreed that we could only have sex if we were not going out with another person.
FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that was? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers, especially with siblings?
The main disadvantage was that it must be a secret. You can go out, hold hands, kiss or do anything like a couple in public.
I also was not able to brag to my friends. As a teenager, all I wanted to do was tell all my friends that I was no longer a virgin and I had sex multiple times.
But there are some advantages too. We got to have sex, lots of it, so we got a lot of experience. We knew our bodies, what felt good and not so good, we didn’t have to put on an act just to impress the other person.
When you have sex with a sibling you don’t have to be concerned with “dating” or “making a good impression” and you can experiment with new things without fear of rejection.
FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the others, and that you can’t truly consent?
The sad reality is that most people will not understand and or approve of a consanguineous couple. To these people I say: “Open your mind. Not too long ago, homosexuality was illegal and punished by jail, so don’t be too quick to judge. Consanguineous couples are just like any other couple. The only difference is that we share genes. And yes, it can be an abusive or predatory relationship, but that can also happen in any other kind of relationship.”
FME: Do you have any children together?
No, we don’t have any kids. Back in the day, we believed all the myths about what could happen if we had children together, so we never had sex without protection.
FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you? Or was it a different kind of relationship than that?
Probably yes. We used to imagine a lot of “What if...” scenarios, but we knew it was impossible.
FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member, especially a sibling?
Talk to that person! Communication is very important in any relationship, and even more if you have feelings for a relative. So, talk, talk, talk, talk. And when you think you had talked enough, Talk some more!
FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?
Don't interfere, don’t try to change their minds. Unless the relationship turns out to be abusive, just keep your distance and wait.
FME: Anything else to add?
Thanks for this opportunity. I hope that my experience is of help to anyone in a similar situation.
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Clearly, these lovers consented and weren't hurting anyone, and yet they couldn't even exercise their basic human right to marry. In many places in the world, they couldn't even be open about their love without risking prosecution!
There’s no good reason to deny consanguineous lovers their rights.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.
You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life, around the world, who are in consanguinamorous relationships.
If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.
If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, or that of someone you know, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or see here.
If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.
Thank you, Carlos, for doing this interview and sharing with us the wonderful consanguinamorous relationship you had with Sara.
don’t hide love, embrace it!
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