Siblings, Roommates, and Lovers

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. As this interview is being published, there are many people spending more time home with family members. Perhaps some of them will find this interview an inspiration? Or they can see this for some possibilities.

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The man interviewed below should be free to legally marry his partner, or simply to live together without having to hide, yet they can't. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this man has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Sasha: I'm a software developer by trade and I live in a Midwestern metropolitan area. I'm in my mid-twenties and my sister is in her early twenties. We both live in the same area as our mom, although about an hour and a half away. We're both white, tall and blonde, although it's probably difficult for others to tell that we're siblings.



FME: You currently live with...?

I currently live with my sister in my small apartment, although we try to leave each other lots of space and try our best to keep our independence. 


FME: You are in a sexual/romantic relationship with your full-blood sister?

I'm in a romantic and very sexual relationship with my sister. It's been a roller-coaster ever since we decided to take the plunge and go through with this.


FME: What was your childhood like?

My childhood was very normal. We grew up in a somewhat strict household with very clear lines on what's right or wrong, lines that I still follow. We were never entirely religious, but not irreligious either. My dad died around five years ago, and since then our mom sold the house in our hometown and got an apartment in the same general area as us.


FME: How did sexual affection become a part of the relationship? 

My sister fell on some pretty hard times in college and had to drop out temporarily due to financial reasons. Because she already lived in my city, it made the most sense that she would crash in my place, as small as it is. I didn't grow up particularly close to my sister but we never really had fights. 

Anyway, it was refreshing to get to know my sister as a woman and a person for the first time ever. We still hold the strict image of each other we grew up with, meaning that we were siblings with expected roles and behaviors towards each other. We grew up Ukrainian Orthodox. 

At the time when she came, she hadn't had a boyfriend in a while, and I was too busy to really look for a girlfriend. She slept on a mattress near my bed, and I guess my desire got triggered from there on. The first sexual encounter happened entirely randomly, with me coming back from the bathroom, fumbling in the dark. I accidentally stumbled and landed with my hand clasping arm. We never really touched each other, and I guess she took that as a signal and held my hand too. 

Needless to say, I was completely shocked because I immediately realized what was going on, but I was at the same time too excited to pull back and lay down next to her. Later, some time after we started, I learned that she had also wanted me but was also too horrified of the consequences of acting on it. She thought I made the first move and was also too excited to pull back. 

That night, after some exploring, we started making out and finally made love.

The next morning was one of the worst times of my life. We both woke up to the realization that we committed something extremely wrong and sinful, totally out of the blue. We didn't talk to each other much that day as we went along our usual days and tried to act as normal as possible. Two days later, I touched her in bed again, and she reached over and kissed me and everything, and the whole cycle of pleasure and guilt started over. 

We kept on like that for around three weeks, leading completely split lives. It was like we were ourselves in the daytime, and purely sexually frustrated beings in the nighttime. Eventually, it became more and more normal for us to do it, and we became comfortable walking around the house naked. From then on, we had our first talk about what happened and touched base on what should be done with us. 


FME: Before this had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together? Any prior experience?

Absolutely not. It all started because we were both sexually frustrated and suddenly around an attractive person of the opposite sex. Everything else followed from there. For me, I always saw myself marrying someone traditionally-minded from back home. Needless to say, this has been a moral twister for both my sister and I. However, we accept it as it is, and feel that it is more right than wrong. I never felt anything like this for other family members. 


FME: How do you describe the lovemaking now? Taboo? Natural? Especially erotic? 

The lovemaking still feels taboo, although not as much as before. In the beginning it was maddeningly excited and we felt we were stealing pleasure from the world with nobody else knowing about it. However, we grew to relax a bit when making love now, and it feels much more passionate and romantic than bestial. Bestial is how the sex in the first weeks would be best described. We had very deep needs, and they exploded so suddenly like this. 


FME: Describe your relationship now. Is this a marriage, a union, girlfriend and boyfriend, what? Are you more like spouses or siblings-with-benefits or something else? How long have you been together? Do you see each other as brother and sister, or lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?

My sister and I are in different life stages and probably on different trajectories. We lead independent lives. She expects to get her own place as soon as the dust settles, and then go on with her former life. That put a spanner in our prospective plans together. That said, we do spend a lot more time hanging out and doing things together, especially now with the virus outbreak. We get no visitors these days and we can't go out to do much, so we stay at home and act exactly like husband and wife. Maybe this will convince us both by the end that we're meant for each other?


FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature of your relationship? What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?

Absolutely no one knows, at least as far as I know. At first, we looked on it as something pragmatic and sexual, a bit like family with benefits. No one needs to know about that. However, I feel things are getting serious now. Our mom would definitely have a mental breakdown if she knew, but she would accept any children we would have together, I think. It's counter-intuitive, but I think we won't tell our mom unless my sister falls pregnant. That possibility is non-zero because of the specific acts we like to do. I think the fact we do those things is a signal that we're both OK with her being pregnant, and therefore with staying together. 


FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? 

The taboo is maddeningly sexual and it's a thrill, but I guess everyone else is hidden during these confinement days, and so we don't really feel especially affected. 


FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other?

I would say that we also think it's wrong, deep down. We grew up a certain way and it's hard to shake that off. However, neither of us preyed on the other and it's very mutual attraction. I read online from other couples that the guilt quiets down eventually. I think the moral thing would be to stick together if we had a child, however. More moral than splitting apart. 


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member, especially a sibling?

Don't hurt your family member. Communication is key. Don't force anyone into anything. If it doesn't feel right and you can't live with the guilt, then take a pause and think about if this lifestyle is truly right for you. Other than that, do what your heart says is right. 


FME: Any plans for the future?

We plan on doing the same thing for the foreseeable future: enjoying our time together as much as possible, without getting in each other's way. If anything changes, I think both of us are mature enough to deal with it. 

*****

Clearly, these lovers are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone, and yet they can't even exercise their basic human right to marry. They are happy and in love, yet they are denied fundamental rights. In many places in the world, they can't even be open about their love without risking prosecution!

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life, around the world, who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, or that of someone you know, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or see here.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you, Sasha, for doing this interview! We wish you both well in your consanguinamorous relationship.