A Secret Triad

This blog is here to advocate for the rights of all consenting adults to be together how they mutually agree. Included in that is supporting ethical or consensual nonmonogamy. Unfortunately, because of lingering laws and prejudices about consanguinamory, many people can't be open about their attractions and experiences; cheating, which we do not advocate, can happen in such a negative environment as people do not feel free to discuss things openly and honestly with their partners, or anyone else for that matter. Again, we don't advocate cheating, but we recognize that some consanguineous sex does happen in the context of cheating. Still, there are things we can learn about relationships in general and consanguineous relationships especially by interviewing people who have had such experiences.

The woman interviewed below is engaged to a man and having a secret affair with her brother and mother.

In much of the world, including all but a couple of US states, she, her mother, and her brother could be criminally prosecuted for this, not for the cheating, but for having sex with each other.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say. You may think her relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic; you might find the cheating to be unacceptable. But whatever your reaction, should this be a crime? If her fiancé was agreeable, shouldn't they be able to be open about their relationship and even marry? Also, notice that aspects of the relationship are common to consanguineous relationships that don't involve cheating, too. We don't condone cheating, but even a relationship that involves cheating can help give an understanding of the dynamic of consanguineous relationships, as this is happening everywhere.


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FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

J: I’m a 9-1-1 Dispatcher in [the Midwest USA]. I’m engaged and have been for over a year. I’ll be getting  married in the fall of 2022. I’m a 23 year-old white blonde. I wear glasses, I’m curvy lady, which took a while for me to accept and embrace. 5’5”. I finished high school and went to college, where is where I met my fiancé.

I’m a huge Disney dork. I love true crime, big fan of Criminal Minds, and Marvel movies as well. I like to  read, both regular stories and erotic. I’d like to do more travelling, maybe would have before the pandemic. I like my sports. I’m a big fan of [our NFL team]. I don’t game but my fiancé does, so have played with him.

I don’t have any children, yet, but it is something I want. I have one brother. My father passed away several years ago. I live a few blocks away from my mom and brother, who still live in the same house I grew up in. I live with my fiancé and it’s just us. We’ve been together seven years. 

FME: How would you describe your gender? How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation?

I’m female and bisexual. With who I sleep with: polyamorous.

FME: You are in a sexual relationship with your brother? He’s your biological brother, with whom you were raised?

Yes, my brother and my mother. Biological for both.

FME: What was your childhood like? What was family life like? Were alternative lifestyles/sex discussed in your family, and if so, how? Can you describe your sexual awakening? When and how did you realize you are bisexual?

My childhood was good. It was me, my mom, brother, and father. My brother’s five years older, so he was always protective over me. We went on vacations together. I watched my brother play sports. We were all really close. 

My mother talked to me about sex; nothing too detailed about lifestyles. She just made sure whatever I was doing I could talk to her about and that I used protection.

The first time I remember getting turned on was from watching television shows or movies with passionate kissing and groping. Some of my friends would be embarrassed to look but I couldn’t look away.

I always found girls attractive but it wasn’t until I went to college that I realised I was bisexual.

FME: How did sexual affection become a part of the relationship with your brother? And with your mother? Was it a sudden event or a gradual process? Did you know ahead of time it was going to turn sexual or was it more spontaneous? Is it clear who made the first move? When did you notice an attraction?

My brother was flirting and giving me inappropriate comments for over a year. I smiled, laughed them off, that sorta thing. It did make me smile and give me confidence, but I didn’t think anything of it really. 

So it was a gradual process. I didn’t think it was going to turn sexual. Later, on I realized he wanted it to from the beginning. My brother made the first real move when he got in the shower with me. That’s when I noticed the attraction.

As for my mother, a year after me and my brother had been together, they sat me down and told me about their relationship.

FME: What did they have to say about their relationship? How long have you and your brother been active? How long has he been active with your mother? Did you get involved with your mother AFTER they sat down with you to tell you about their relationship? And was that in the context of a threesome, or has it ever been, or do you keep things one at a time?

I have been with my brother two years, my mom a year.  

My mother and brother have been together five years. My mom knew all about me and my brother, but I had zero idea about them. looking back, it was obvious, but at the time I just didn’t think.

Yes, I got with her after they told me. I was surprised, but wasn’t really shocked as well, which I know doesn’t make sense. The initial feeling was surprise, but when when I thought about it, it was staring me in the face. 

After they told me and I was told my mom knew about me all along, that was the first night we were together as a family, a threesome. Since then, it’s been a number of one-at-a-time sessions and threesomes, depending on the situation at the time and horniness.

FME: Can you describe your feelings that first time you were with your brother? How about “the day after”? How did that go? How were you feeling? Same as for the first time with your mother. How was that? How was the next day?

Incredible was probably the feeling. I was so lost in the moment, so aroused by it all, it was like being in autopilot. The day after was fine. We had sex again and it was more fun teasing each other, no awkwardness. It was like we were a new couple. It was like a month or so after we first started that I started to think about what I was doing.

My mom and I was different. It was so loving and sensual. Waking up next to her was amazing. By then, I was very aware of the incest nature we both had. It wasn’t guilt or anything with her; not once.

FME: Before you got with your brother, had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together?

Before I got with him, I’m not saying It was a “No, I’d never be with him.” It was just I’d never ever think about him like that to even give the answer. I didn’t have an opinion about family members, not really. You just don’t think about it you know? Like, it’s all over porn, but it’s just that: porn.

FME: How do you describe the sex or lovemaking with either of them now? Taboo? Natural? Especially erotic? Some people say familial eroticism is inherently kinky, but I have found that for many it doesn't feel kinky. What about for you? Some say it is the best sex they've ever had.

All of the above?

I’d say, it’s sex, lovemaking, and f---ing. Some days it’s one, other days it’s another. 

I’m still quite new in this sort of venture, so to me, yes it’s still very taboo and erotic. It’s very kinky. Maybe that’s because I’m engaged and it’s cheating as well? And the secret of it perhaps. But without question, it feels natural, never has felt wrong or out of place, as weird as that sounds. My brother is the best sex I’ve had, my mother is the best sex I’ve had with a women. I haven’t been with that many but still, she is amazing. And I think a big part of that is who we are to each other. 

I’d like to try a lot more group stuff but my fiancé doesn’t have the sex drive I have. Plus, I don’t think I can really do that with my brother, mother and someone else.

FME: Does your fiancé think he’s in a monogamous relationship? Does he expect a monogamous marriage?

Yes, he thinks I’m faithful. Yes, he thinks he’s in a monogamous relationship and marriage. It sounds awful saying this, but why wouldn’t he?

FME: Describe your relationship with your brother and mother now. Is this a marriage, a union, girlfriends and boyfriend, what? Are you more like spouses or family-with-benefits or something else? Do you see each other as mother and daughter/son, and brother/sister sister, or lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?

Wow, describe it, huh? Hmm, I would say both. My brother and mother are my lovers. I love them, more then I ever could possibly imagine before we started this. I would never want to stop, ever. Once I think you start something like this, it is very difficult to end. I’d say the two roles are inseparable and I hope they always will be.

I wouldn’t say my brother and mother are a married couple, but as close to that as possible. My brother still lives at home with her and they share a bed most nights. I don’t live with them, but if I do stay the night there, yes, I sleep with them in their bed. 

FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature of your relationship with your mother and brother and how did they find out (especially family)? How have they reacted? What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?

No one knows. It’s a big part of why I joined Tumblr, just to express and be open. You know what? It’s actually not that difficult to keep the privacy. We haven’t done a thing different. I think because people would never ever expect this to happen, people would just never picture what goes in behind closed doors. I didn’t know about my brother and mother for years before they told me.

FME: Are there any other disadvantages other than having to keep it closeted? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?

I think maybe the biggest one is that I can’t have a family with the person I want to be with the most. 

I think the connection we have is just different. It can’t be compared unless people have experienced it themselves. The sex has been “OMG” so much better. The chemistry is unmatched.


FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship with your brother or mother, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the others?

I want to say don’t judge something you have no idea about.

I’m sorry you feel that way, but you’re wrong.

FME: If you could get legally married to your mother and/or brother, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you? Or is this a different kind of relationship than that?

I think I would, yes. Might be difficult as there’s three of us and I think we’d all want to be married.


FME: I don’t see why marriage needs to be restricted to two people. What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing romantic or sexual feelings for a relative or family member?

That would be amazing if it wasn’t restricted. 

I’d say, go for it! If all parties are consenting adults, then there is no problem. Try and make sure that feelings are felt by all parties, though.


FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

If people are understanding, genuinely understanding and supportive, then maybe ask them about it. Understand why they feel what they do.

FME: Any plans for the future? Do you plan on keeping this secret from your fiancé/husband forever?

I plan to, yes. If, somehow, a positive outcome with him knowing would be possible, then that would be great, I just can’t see it.


FME: Anything else to add?

It’ll interesting to see what happens when I decide to have children.

*****


Morality aside, one of the problems with cheating is that being discovered by your partner(s) can be disastrous, and when your relationship is still criminalized where you are, an angry, scorned partner might involve law enforcement. If you want to live out a polyamorous life, this might help.

One thing this interview makes clear is that just because someone appears to be (or actually is) in a happy "regular" relationship, even engagement, doesn't mean they don't have sex with a close relative - or two. It is happening everywhere. It is happening somewhere not too far from where you are right now.

In general, there's no good reason to criminalize or discriminate against consanguinamorous relationships, and removing unjust laws and stigmas will reduce cheating. We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a consanguineous and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you to J for doing this interview! We hope that your consanguinamorous, polyamorous, 
intergenerational relationship doesn't end up hurting your fiancé, who is an apparently innocent bystanders. We wish things were different so that there was no cheating involved and everyone who wants to be together could be so without hiding, but that's not where we are yet and that's not how things were done, but we can still learn from what has happened.

This is J's NOT SAFE FOR WORK Tumblr.